Make It Or Break It
by buymelilies
Summary: AU. Something terrible has happened to Arizona. Will Eliza be able to help her through it and can she pull through herself? Will their love be enough to save their marriage?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hold on tight!  
**

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 _Eliza's POW_

"Why don't you start with the beginning?"

Eliza sighs deeply, pulling her own fingers in her lap. She knows she'll have to speak eventually, she knows it. That's after all why she made this appointment. And it's not that it's hard for Eliza to talk about her wife, the love of her life, not at all. Actually, it comes naturally to her. It's just... she doesn't know the woman in front of. She doesn't know her well enough for her to be discussing her personal life, yet anyway.

"Whenever you're ready, Eliza," she smiles friendly, her tone calm and a bit too kind.

Eliza knows it'll be easier when she first opens up. She knows it. It's what everybody's been telling her. It's what they kept telling her whenever she had doubts about showing up at Dr. Wyatt's practice. She made the appointment because of Arizona. She made it because she felt like she had to. She had to talk to somebody who'd be able to help her through this. Someone who'd be able to make her stronger. Because Arizona will need a stronger wife. She'll need for Eliza to be the strongest she's ever been now. If not for herself then for their marriage. And that's what Eliza keeps telling herself. That's what made her pick up the phone, schedule an appointment and actually walk through the doors of the building. That's why she's sitting in this comfy chair, looking at a woman with a notepad in her lap.

"I'll just be here whenever you deci-"

"I met my wife six years ago in the vegetable section," Eliza cuts Dr. Wyatt off, grasping both armrests.

"I see. Go on," Dr. Wyatt urges kindly.

"I met her while picking out the best bouquet of broccoli," Eliza smiles timidly, her eyes fluttering at the memory. "Our friends always say it's like a scene taken from some silly rom-com."

"It sure sounds like that," the older woman acknowledges. "Was it love at first sight, then?"

"For me it was. Not so much for Arizona," Eliza states, a soft chuckle escaping her throat. "The moment I spotted her in the veggie section, I just knew I had to talk to her, you know? I just knew I had to get to know her. She was standing there, trying to find the best avocado. Touching all of them to learn which one had the best ripeness."

"Did she find it?" Dr. Wyatt asks.

"What? The avocado? Yeah. I watched her pick out four avocados and place them in her cart. And then it happened."

"What happened?"

"Arizona turned around and her elbow kinda nudged the pile of avocados," Eliza reminisces, the ghost of a smile appearing on her face. She remembers the day she met her wife like it was yesterday. It wasn't. It's been six years and Arizona still gives her butterflies in the stomach. Arizona still makes her heart swell, even though it's been a while since she's had the pleasure of feeling her wife's lips upon hers. Even though it feels like forever since Eliza's been close to her wife. And that makes Eliza sad. That makes her sad like she's never known sadness before. It tears at her heartstrings and it makes her miserable. "All the avocados kinda fell to the ground while Arizona tried catching them and placing them back… but visibly failing at it."

"That sounds like quite a show," Dr. Wyatt smiles. "Did you help her with the avocados, Eliza?"

"I did. I slid in quite gentleman-ish, you know. I helped her collect all the _Houdini_ s and went to get my broccoli."

"That's it? You didn't talk to her?"

"I've said what I needed to say. Being the polite and perfect stranger. My game _had_ starter, Dr. Wyatt," Eliza smirks to her won surprise. "I thought if she wanted to talk, she'd approach me again."

"Did it work?" Dr. Wyatt asks intrigued.

"I married her two years ago, didn't I?" Eliza arches her eyebrow.

"You did," Dr. Wyatt nods, smiling. "How did you get that far?"

"I just… I fell in love with her when she fought the avocados," Eliza beams as she remembers the feeling of falling in love with her wife. Those feelings Arizona awoke in her have never disappeared, if anything they've just kept getting stronger and more passionate over the years. Also now, although she's feeling devastated and incapable of helping her wife. She still loves Arizona with all of her being, with all of her heart and soul, and she'll continue to do that for as long as she can. She just hopes she'll get some kind of tool to help herself and her wife considering the awful situation they've somehow ended up in.

"You fell in love with Arizona."

"I did."

"When did she fell in love with you?"

"Hmmm," Eliza purses her lips, trying to remember when her wife fell in love with her. She knows it all too well. Actually, Arizona kept telling her the story over and over again when they got serious. And on the day of their wedding Arizona had included it in her speech. She does know when it happened, when Arizona fell in love with her. Eliza remembers the day very vividly. It just hurts so much. It hurts so much having to speak about it. It's like her heart is being thrown to the ground and someone stumps on it. It's painful, but it's Arizona and she loves Arizona. She can't pretend it didn't happen. Not that she wanted it to never have happened. Not a chance. It just… it's been a while since Eliza talked about her feelings. "When I fell in a banana's peel. That's when."

"That's when Arizona fell in love with you?"

"Yeah. She said she fell in love with me while I fell for a banana," Eliza reveals as her heart pounds hard in her chest. She digs her nails into the armrests, trying to anchor herself to this Earth and not fly off to somewhere where everything is good and perfect and where her wife is safe and healthy. Even though it's tempting as hell.

"That's funny," Dr. Wyatt smiles.

"She _is_ dorky," Eliza grins half-heartedly, taking a deep breath. "She used to be," she whispers, her eyes landing on the shoes of the shrink. They're brown and very worn.

"She's still the woman you fell in love with, Eliza. She's still the woman you love. She's... she's just having some trouble now. And you're allowed to be mad. You're allowed to be sad and frustrated. It's okay, Eliza. It's okay."

"It's not, though," Eliza exclaims, throwing her hands to her head and running her fingers through her hair in frustration. "I can't be mad at her. I can't. What kind of wife would that make me? What kind of wife would be mad at their wife for being ill, for having been in an accident? What kind of wife would be mad because they can't kiss their wife or hold her or take her hand or, or, or even make her breakfast?" Eliza speaks rapidly, her heart pounding so hard she's afraid it'll break through her skin any minute now. But it doesn't matter, anyway. Her heart is broken. It's broken because her wife is in such a bad state, and she can't do a freaking thing about it other than wait. Eliza's tired of waiting, though. She's tired of feeling like an understudy in her own marriage. "What kind of wife would curse and yell and throw things because she cannot do anything? What kind of wife would he mad at her? I can't be mad at her. I can't. I love her. What kind of wife would do that?" Eliza breathes heavily, her breath having caught in her throats during her ramble. "What kind of wife would be… mad at her?" she whimpers, shaking her head in fast jerks.

"You just answered your own question, Eliza," Dr. Wyatt replies calmly.

"What?"

"You just said it yourself. What kind of wife would do and feel all of the things you just expressed? A wife who loves her wife. That's your answer. And it's all about the love, Eliza. The love you hold for your wife. It's supposed to be a healing power."

"I can't be mad at her, Dr. Wyatt, I can't," Eliza sighs, her eyes filling with tears. "I love her. Even though she's not herself. Even though she doesn't..." Eliza's lower lip trembles, her eyes spill. She digs her nails into her palms, sniffling.

"It's okay to cry, Eliza," Dr. Wyatt soothes, handing her the box of tissues. "It doesn't mean that you're weak. It's-"

"I know. I'm not weak," Eliza cuts in, pulling a tissue out of the box and wipes her nose. "I'm not a weak person. I've never been, I think. But this… I've never done this before. I don't know _what_ to do."

"How does it make you feel, Eliza? How does not knowing what to do make you feel?"

"Fucking useless," Eliza snaps, wiping below her eyes with another tissue. She feels the question burn her skin, her mind even. She's freaking useless. Her wife is in pain, and it's a pain Eliza can't take away. But what's even worse, Arizona doesn't know it. She doesn't know what's going on. Every minute of every day Eliza loves her wife. She loves her more than life itself, but she feels so useless and so invisible. It doesn't matter how much Eliza loves Arizona, it doesn't matter how many times she's telling herself that it'll soon be over and everything will go back to normal. It doesn't matter because when the night falls, she's still alone in their marriage and when the morning comes she's still married but without the recognition. Eliza knows she shouldn't be snapping at the shrink, she knows that. Dr. Wyatt is only trying to help her… in some way she's trying to help her. Her and Arizona. That doesn't make the feelings go away, though. If anything, they make them even stronger and even more real.

"And why is that?" Dr. Wyatt asks, squinting her eyes as if she's trying to analyse every move Eliza does, every little movement or sound.

"Because I can't do anything! I'm a sitting duck. I live my life in the shadows, or it feels like that and you know what?" Eliza asks rhetorically, grinding her palms against each other in frustration and powerlessness. "It's not about me… that's the worst part of it. It's not even about me. It's about Arizona. She's the one who's sick and broken. She's the one who should be crying and screaming and sitting in this chair, but instead it's me. It's me who's complaining about a beautiful, beautiful woman who happens to be my wife. What's wrong with me?" Eliza cries, shaking her head in fast jerks. "What's wrong with me?"

"You're hurting," Dr. Wyatt clarifies. "You're hurting, too, Eliza. Maybe not in the same way as Arizona is, but you're hurting."

"My pain doesn't even begin to compare to Arizona's. She's the one… she's the one-"

"She's the one who survived an accident, yes. But you're married to her, Eliza. You experienced the accident as well. Just not physically."

Eliza's tears run in thick trails down her cheeks, even though she tries wiping them away with the back of her hands. It doesn't matter, her eyes just keep flooding. They keep forming tears and spill over. She feels how the pricking feeling reappears in her chest, how the air in her lungs cease to exist, and she gets terrified. Again. Pressing her hand firmly against her chest, over her heart, she bites down on her lip. "It hurts."

"I can see that," the older woman acknowledges, calmly. "Breathe, come breathe with me. Breathe, one, two, three. Breathe, one, two, three."

It doesn't help, the feeling won't subside. She's hyperventilating because the feeling continues to hit her. It appears out of nowhere and strikes. Eliza doesn't know what causes the feeling to appear. All she knows it that it's so painful, she's afraid it will kill her.

Dr. Wyatt hands her a paper bag which Eliza accepts. Blowing into the bag, she tries to let the calmness reach and find her. If this'll help the feeling to subside or disappear for the time being, she'll do anything the shrink tells her to. Continuing to breathe into the bag, she feels how her heartrate slows down. How her tears keep running, but her breathing settles back into normal speed.

"It just hurts so much," Eliza whispers, removing the paper bag and placing it in her lap.

"I know. It hurts to miss someone who's just in front of you," Dr. Wyatt nods reassuringly, sending a small, sad smile in Eliza's direction. Eliza's eyes lock onto the grey ones of her shrink, trying to gauge where she got the result of Eliza's pain from. How she so easily could determine her pain as caused by Eliza missing her wife. Was it really that simple? Did the pricking feeling come from her missing Arizona? It wouldn't be a shock, really. Because Eliza does in fact miss her wife. She misses her so much… that it hurts. And that's maybe what has caused her hyperventilating all these times? Who knows? Maybe Dr. Wyatt does?! Because she's right, Dr. Wyatt, that is. She's right about this. Eliza misses Arizona all the time, even though she sees her every day. Even though she makes sure to visit her every day and talk to her. She's conflicted, though. Eliza. Because every time she goes to see her wife, she's hit by so many feelings she's got trouble differentiating and controlling. She's torn between all the love she holds for her beautiful, blonde and perky wife, and all the heartache that said love causes every time she looks at her; every time Arizona's face appears when Eliza steps into her room. She's torn between crying due to pain and crying due to happiness and relief. And she's scared. Eliza's scared all the time. The fear of never getting Arizona back haunts her every night, every night she goes to sleep in their bed… alone.

Sensing Eliza being long gone, Dr. Wyatt places a gentle hand on her knee. "I think it's enough for today, Eliza," she smiles, giving Eliza's knee a quick squeeze. "You've done a good job today."

"But," Eliza goes to object, furrowing her brows. "I haven't done anything."

"You have. You've talked… and that's a start."

"I don't feel any better, though," Eliza reveals, suddenly feeling foolish.

"Unfortunately, it isn't that easy," Dr. Wyatt shakes her head no, her voice calm and friendly. "I'll see you Thursday, yes?"

"I guess so," Eliza stands and stretches out her hand. "But… what am I supposed to do until then?"

"You could tell Arizona about the avocados?" Dr. Wyatt suggest, nodding her head encouraging and shaking Eliza's hand professionally.

"She does love that story," Eliza sniffles as she remembers how her wife always came back to that story. How Arizona always made a big deal out of their meet in the green aisle between avocados and bouquets of broccoli. It's silly, really, but it made the blonde radiate. Their shared love used to make her wife beam with joy…

"Wouldn't it be a nice way to end your day then?"

Eliza gives her shrink a firm handshake before existing the room. When the brisk Seattle wind hits her face, she's overwhelmed by the last hour's hard work. Her body starts shaking as the tears reappear. She lets the tears fall as she walks the street, as she walks the road leading her to where her wife is currently living. Remembering the words of her shrink, she doesn't stop the crying… she is allowed to be sad. She's allowed to cry… because she almost lost everything that night. She almost lost the love of her life. Although it actually feels like she _has_ lost Arizona, she knows she's still breathing and that she's alive and able to talk… some days she's even able to go for a walk. Eliza knows she should be thankful, and she is. She really is. It's just… she can't help but feel that she lost her wife that day. That she lost Arizona. She's breathing and talking, and she looks like her beautiful self. And that's it. That's all Eliza's got right now. It's not enough, though. It's not. And now the pricking feeling appears again, poking Eliza's heart as she approaches the hospital step by step.

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 **AN2: Okay, brace yourself and have hope. All we need is love… and hope.**

 **I hope you got intrigued to know what goes on next and what happened before… Please, let me know. Thank you for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you for the great support for this new fic. It is awesome. Here goes next chapter.  
**

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 _Arizona's POV_

The sun is about to set behind the building in front of Arizona's window. Even though she hasn't been outside for a couple of days now, she really enjoys the warmth of the sun as it hits her skin through the window. It is almost like the real thing; being outside. Her legs are beginning to get full motion back, so one of these days she will be outside on her own two feet and not in a wheelchair. She remembers how much she enjoys the sun. Arizona hates when people not living in Seattle say that the weather sucks. Clearly they don't know Seattle at all. It rains a lot, sure. But when the sun appears, it's amazing. She's missed the sun, that much she knows. She's missed talking… to Tim, to April. She's missed waking up and going to work. She's missed jogging and even grocery shopping, too. She's missed a lot…and everything. That what she keeps telling herself, that is. To be honest, Arizona's head is playing with her. She knows that because all the doctors keep telling her so. All the doctors, all the nurses and even her brother, Tim. They've explained to her more than once that she's been in an accident. At first she didn't understand. At first she thought it to be some kind of sick joke. Because she felt fine, awesome even. She didn't feel like she'd been in an accident, except from the pounding pain in her head and the spinning in her legs. The doctors told her that she'd been in a coma for month, that her legs just needed to regain their strength and then they'd be functioning well enough for her to start walking. The pounding in her head was a whole different thing. It's what's frightening Arizona the most at this point. Her head.

They say her head and also her memory got damaged when she hit the ground which means… Arizona is now suffering a case of amnesia, sort of. Although she doesn't feel like her memory is injured. Sure, she felt sore and all migraine-ish when she woke from the coma, but she remembered all the faces looking at her. Or at least all the faces that wasn't doctors and nurses. She remembered her brother and she remembered her best friend. She remembered them perfectly, and she was so happy about being alive, although a little bewildered. That's why she's trouble believing that her memory is damaged. She remembered the familiar faces, their voices and their relations. She remembered that completely fine while trying to get back to her own self again. She goes through PT recovery every day, she's doing some silly brain training as well, to trig her memory back into its former self. It takes time, but the doctor and the hospital's shrink says it's going well. Sure, sometimes it feels like her head is going to explode from all the thinking she's doing, and sometimes she also wants to scream because she feels like something is missing. Something important is missing. And it's not something physical, it's more like there's something emotional inside of Arizona that's missing. What?... she can't define. And no one tells her anything, either. They're too busy tending to all her physical needs and recovery, trying not to push her memory too much. Arizona just knows that something important is missing.

Today's been a good day, though. She thinks. Tim's dropped by with her favourite cookies and they've talked about their childhood. Seems like it's all people wants to do these days… talk about her past and reminisce with her, offering her all of her favourite foods and things. Yesterday April brought her a box of trivia cards, actually. Arizona couldn't tell her that she in fact hated trivia and that she only had gone to all of those trivia night games in the past to pick up women… more precisely; to find a woman to love. Clearly, it hadn't worked out. After all, Arizona is still alone. Alone, loveless and broken in so many ways but one. April somehow thought bringing entertainment would help her mood rise a bit and maybe even get her memory back in the saddle, as you'd say. Truth is, Arizona couldn't care less about the trivia questions. Arizona wants to get out of this bed, and she wants to have her life back again. It's making her even more sick to be glued to this bed, this room, this hospital. It only reminds her of when she lost her parents… because yeah, she remembers that very, very vividly. So they can stick their memory loss way up their professional doctor asses.

Arizona wants an out. She wants to go back to her apartment and back to her job. The only good thing about her having to stay here is the doctor that keeps checking on her, even though she's not addressed to her case. Arizona _thinks_ she remembers the doctor being at her side the day the accident happened, and that's probably why the doctor can't let go. It's common knowledge that some doctors tend to get a little too emotionally involved in cases. Arizona knows. She's been watching a lot of hospital dramas on television, even before she got admitted to one herself. Speaking of the doctor, the very pretty doctor, that said doctor appears in Arizona's door. Arizona can't help the smile that creeps onto her face. It's undeniable how beautiful that woman is. Arizona can hardly make coherent sentences when she's around, and it isn't because of her head injury. Nope. Arizona knows this feeling. And it comes rarely, she knows that, too.

"Hi," Arizona perks up, smiling at the cautious woman entering her room.

"Hi, Arizona," the woman shoots her a smile, a smile that makes Arizona's stomach flutter. She knows she shouldn't be feeling like this, she knows. She can't be crushing on her doctor, although she isn't her doctor, per say. But it's wrong, it's inappropriate. Arizona doesn't even know if the woman… what's her name? Why can't she remember her name? She knows she's told her. Arizona knows that she should be familiar with the name of _that_ doctor. They've talked so many times, every day, actually. She should know it. She really should.

The woman comes to stand by Arizona's bed, looking at her sincerely. Almost like she's telling Arizona something with her eyes that her words can't express. To be honest, it is a bit strange. But it doesn't have to be bad, does it? That strangeness. It doesn't have to be a bad thing. Arizona desperately tries to pull the woman's name from her memory, but it hurts. It hurts a lot. Slightly squinting her eyes, Arizona lets out a frustrated sigh.

"You don't remember my name, do you?" the woman says, her voice holding so much sadness it makes Arizona's heart ache that much more.

"I'm so sorry. I'm trying, I'm really trying. I know, I know it. It's just… it seems like I've got trouble keeping the fresh memories in there," Arizona chuckles nervously, gesturing towards her head with a finger. "I'm so sorry."

"Hey," the woman places a hand upon Arizona's causing the beat of Arizona's heart to speed up, blue eyes meeting bluer…or are they grey? They match the grey shirt she's wearing, that much Arizona knows. And they're pretty, they're really pretty. Arizona hasn't seen such pretty eyes ever since… something plays in the back of her mind, something trying to tell her that she's in fact seen such pretty eyes before, but where and on who? It makes Arizona's head hurt even more, so she casts the thought aside for the time being. "It's okay, Arizona. I know," the woman assures Arizona, stroking her knuckles with her thumb. It feels nice, very nice. But just as sudden as the stroking appeared, it's gone… the woman pulling her hand back, almost like if Arizona's skin was burning her. A wave of sadness washes over Arizona, and the other woman as well. "Sorry…"

"For what?" Arizona asks confused, her arms resting in her lap as she sits in the bed.

"Just… never mind," the woman shakes her head. "Can I sit?" she asks, her voice picking up some recharged happy energy from God knows where.

"Only if you tell me your name," Arizona shrugs playfully. She wants the good feelings to return. She needs them to. "I'm not the kind of woman who just lets strangers into her bedroom," Arizona smirks at the dark haired beauty who's rounding the bed and places herself into the chair next to it.

Arizona can't make out what the look on the woman's face means. She can't define whether it's a hint of devastation or hope. "Eliza," the name fills the room like blood running through veins. Eliza, of course. Arizona remembers. Eliza… how could she forget a beautiful name like that? It makes her angry. It makes Arizona so annoyed and infuriated at herself and her stupid brain.

"Eliza," Arizona smiles, letting the name roll off of her tongue. "It suits you," she states, nodding.

"And why is that?" Eliza scoffs.

"It's pretty."

"Meaning…?"

So, Arizona is flirting. She's flirting while suffering memory loss. It is so not okay, but she can't help it. Eliza makes her want to flirt, she calls for flirting. And Eliza's a big girl, she can call it off if she doesn't like it, Arizona is sure. Arching her brow, Arizona doesn't say anything. She wants Eliza to figure it out herself. Arizona watches as Eliza's face turns into shock when she finally realizes what Arizona had just implied. Did she come on too strong? Maybe she did. Who would want to start something with a woman with a half functioning brain and wobbly legs?! Arizona feels the feeling hit her again, the familiar feeling. The pricking feeling of once again missing something she couldn't for the life of her put a finger on.

"Um, um, thank you," Eliza smiles timidly, fidgeting with something in her hand. Arizona locks her eyes on Eliza's hands, and then the realization hits her square in the face. She did come on too strong… she flirted with another person's woman. That is not okay. Eliza's fingers are playing with a silver band, a silver band telling Arizona to pull her antennas right back in where they should've stayed to begin with. "How, how are you feeling today anyway?" Eliza diverts the conversation which Arizona is very pleased about, to be honest.

"I'm feeling better, thank you," Arizona replies suddenly feeling the need to be very polite and official. "My brother came to see me, actually," her voice perking up by the mention of her beloved brother.

"Tim stopped by?" Eliza smiles happily. "That sure sounds nice."

"You, you know my brother?" Arizona asks, confusion covering her every feature and voice. Why would Eliza know who Tim is? How could she even know his name? Have they talked about him before, have they even met all three of them? Arizona isn't the right person to answer those questions. Her head hurts, again. If only she could go back to where she hadn't been in that stupid accident. Then she wouldn't be here. Then she wouldn't suffer. Then she wouldn't have fallen for the pretty doctor. Arizona can feel how the need for crying comes closer, how it pinches just behind her eyelids. But she won't let Eliza see it. She won't fall apart in front of Eliza. She can't do that.

"Um, um, yeah, I do, sort of," Eliza mutters, once again running the silver band around her finger. Her eyes wander Arizona; they try not to land upon her but they still do. Arizona feels it, she feels them. She feels how the eyes of the woman whose presence she's come to depend on wander her body, her face… even her soul. It's strange but it feels amazing. It feels terrifying. She can't take her eyes off of Eliza, though. She can't, even though she's about to cry. "I've met him a couple of times, you know, in the hall and at the vending machine."

Arizona doesn't buy it. There's more to the story than that. She's sure of it. How come Eliza's lying to her? Arizona can't handle the truth right now, though. Desperately wanting to speak of something else, she searches Eliza for… anything, really. The band. The silver band. The wedding ring. It will break her, she knows, but it's the only thing she can come up with at the moment.

"Are you married?"

The question takes Eliza by surprise, clearly. Her fingers stop their fidgeting, her eyes freeze. Arizona feels her heart pound as she drums her fingers onto the duvet covering her body. She tries smiling, she tries like hell to be cool about the question she's just asked. The answer will most certainly break her… but she can't explain why. She doesn't even know Eliza that well. She doesn't even know her last name. All she knows is that she's beautiful, kind and very, very caring. She's funny and pretty, anything else is a mystery, really. Arizona knows the answer already; no one wears a wedding ring without being married. But something in the back of her mind had her ask the question anyway. Something told her to be completely sure.

"I, I am. I am," Eliza sighs, her demeanour changing from surprised to complete miserable. What just happened is beyond Arizona's mind. Being married surely means being happy, right? But right now nothing about Eliza looks happy.

"That's a good thing, right?" Arizona squints her eyes a little, sending off a small smile. "Isn't it?"

"It is," Eliza states.

"Then how come you don't look happy?"

"Why so curious all of a sudden?" Eliza replies with her own question, taking Arizona a little a back.

Widening her eyes for a second, Arizona smirks. "I don't know. I'm bored, I guess. And something tells me I should get to know you. And since you've been playing with that ring the whole time you've been here, I thought it would be a good place to start," Arizona smiles which causes the dark haired woman to smile herself, although sad… again.

"Okay, then," Eliza nods. "What do you want to know?"

"How did you meet him?"

"Him?"

"Your husband, silly," Arizona rolls her eyes.

"I don't have a husband," Eliza states, pulling both of her legs up in the chair as she rests her chin atop her knee caps.

"I don't follow…"

"I'm, um… I'm married to a woman."

Arizona tries to hide her shock. Though it isn't a horrified kind of shock. She just hadn't seen it coming, the lesbian relationship, that is. Of course, she'd hoped Eliza being into woman… considering that Eliza's been visiting and all that ever since Arizona came out of the coma. But when realizing Eliza being married, she just assumed it to be with a man. Why? Arizona can't explain it, she just assumed. Go figure. It doesn't change the fact that Eliza is unavailable, unfortunately.

"That's amazing," Arizona responds, figuring she needed to give Eliza some kind of acknowledge. "I get that."

"I bet you do," Eliza smirks which catches Arizona completely off guard.

"So, tell me… how did you meet her? Your wife, how did you meet her?" Arizona asks politely, a bit of excitement in her voice… this being way better than the hospital dramas shown on TV. Though, it also makes her heart cry. She pushes it back. She pushes it way back to where the pricking feeling had gone for now.

"Well," Eliza starts, her eyes flickering. Arizona can't help but think that it's the most beautiful thing she's ever seen, and that Eliza's wife is the luckiest woman on this planet. Waking up to _that_ , sleeping next to _that_ … that has got to be the best thing ever. "I met her when she accidentally made a pile of avocados drop to the floor in the grocery store," Eliza sighs contently as she reminisces, Arizona is sure of it. Eliza loves her wife, it's very obvious.

"Really?" Arizona chuckles. "That's so very movie like of you," she rolls her eyes playfully.

"That's what our friends keep telling us, yeah," Eliza smiles, running a hand through her hair as she situates her back against the back of the chair, legs still bent.

"I bet you talked about it in your wedding speech, didn't you?" Arizona smiles, nodding. Because if she was the one to have met her wife like that, she would've written it into her speech. No doubt in mind.

" _She_ did, actually," Eliza sighs, her eyes searching Arizona as the ghost of an affectionate smile washes over her face.

"I knew it! Hold on to that one. She's a keeper," Arizona states matter-of-factly, pointing her finger at the woman in the chair.

Eliza's lower lip starts trembling which causes Arizona to wish she hadn't just said that. Something is clearly wrong in Eliza's marriage. Something is clearly not how it should be, otherwise she wouldn't look so unhappy, so devastated. From that moment on, Arizona decides to be Eliza's new friend, her confidant, her go-to, her rock even. Because that's what Eliza's been this whole time for her. It's only polite to give it back, even though Arizona's heart will continue to break in the process.

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 **AN2: Thank you for reading. Please review to let me know you want this to continue.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: The reviews have been awesome. Thank you, you guys.  
**

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 _Eliza's POV_

"Did you tell Arizona about the avocados?" Dr. Wyatt tries to get Eliza to talk, encouraging her with a friendly nod.

It always seems like Eliza's got trouble with starting the conversation with her shrink. She doesn't know how to start when she comes in and places herself in the chair in front of Dr. Wyatt. It's awkward. It's awkward being the one who needs to talk to a stranger about her disturbing life. A stranger that doesn't even know her or her wife. It's weird, and it's something Eliza didn't think she'd ever have to do. Nothing of what her life is throwing at her at the moment is something Eliza thought about ever experiencing. She knows awful things happen all the time. She does watch the news and read the paper, after all. It just never occurred to her that she'd be one of the people from the papers. One of the relatives who's desperately holding on to hope and what's left of the life they used to know. Eliza didn't think she'd ever be in this kind of situation. She never thought she'd feel so much pain because of her wife. She never thought Arizona would cause her agony like this. And it isn't even Arizona's fault, that's the worst part of it. Arizona doesn't even know that Eliza is hurting. She might have caught on to it last week what with the quick removal of the hand, but she doesn't know that she's in fact the reason why Eliza is heartbroken. And Eliza can't tell her, either. Even if she was allowed to, Eliza doesn't think she'd be able to tell her. Who wants to know that the reason their loved one is hurting is because of you? No one, that's who. Eliza knows that Arizona would never intentionally hurt her. She knows Arizona would give her own life if that meant Eliza would live, she knows that. Eliza's never doubted her wife's love for her, never. It's just that now… now Arizona doesn't know that she loves Eliza. She doesn't know that she is the one who proposed to Eliza during their four days stay in a cottage in the woods. She doesn't know that. Arizona hasn't got a clue that Eliza is her wife, just as she doesn't know that the woman Eliza told her about last week is in fact her.

Eliza keeps thinking that her heart's not able to break anymore. That it can't possibly be broken into more pieces but then she looks at Arizona. Then she visits her, talks to her, answers her questions… and she breaks all over and into even more teeny tiny pieces.

"You're crying," Dr. Wyatt states. "What are you thinking about, Eliza?"

Eliza didn't even notice that her tears had started running down her cheeks. It's like she can't control anything anymore. Not even her own tears, not even her freaking emotions. It's draining her, and it's making Eliza want to scream. It makes her want to run to the woods and never come back. She can't, though. Running doesn't make her wife come back, actually it's the quite opposite. And that's why Eliza hasn't ran yet. That's why she's stayed put. That's why she keeps visiting Arizona, even though Arizona doesn't know the real reason behind her visits. Her love for Arizona keeps her in place. It keeps her where she needs to be, even though it's painful.

"She doesn't even know who I am," Eliza cries. "She doesn't. She just… she thinks I'm some kind of doctor who hasn't got anything better to do than hang around her room," she sobs, waving her hands in front of her face. "You know what she asked me last week?" Eliza hisses, although sobbing.

"What did she ask you, Eliza?" Dr. Wyatt repeats the question, offhandedly shoving the box of tissues and a new brown paper bag across the table.

"How I met her. She asked _me_ how we met. She asked _me!_ She's the one who always, _always_ tells people the story of how we met."

"That must've been hard for you."

"No, it wasn't," Eliza cries, pulling a bunch of tissues out of the box.

"It wasn't?" Dr. Wyatt asks surprised.

"It wasn't hard, Dr. Wyatt. It was devastating. It was horrible. It shattered me. I could actually _feel_ my heart break. Is that even possible?" Eliza blows her nose, wiping below it afterwards and balling the tissue inside of her hand.

"It is, actually."

"Really?" Eliza snorts, pressing the hand to her heart. "Is it really possible to feel your own heart breaking?"

"You tell me, Eliza. You tell me."

"What do you mean? I'm no shrink. You're supposed to tell me how I feel and how I should approach the emotions and all that crap," Eliza screws up her face. "I pay you to tell me what I'm supposed to do here."

"That's not true, Eliza. And you know it," Dr. Wyatt rebukes calmly. "I'm here to help _you_ figure out what _you_ are feeling, I'm not telling you _how_ to feel. You feel and I help, _that_ 's what you pay for."

"Then help me, please!" Eliza sighs hopelessly, grinding her hands against her jean clad thighs. "Help me. I don't know what to do. I love her. I love her so much but…"

"But what, Eliza? What do you feel?"

"I feel like I've lost her."

"And why is that?"

"She doesn't know who I am," Eliza cries, repeating the only words flowing around her mind. "And I don't know how much more I'm able to just sit there and talk about avocados and the weather while watching her, you know? She's my wife. She looks like my wife, she talks like my wife, she even teases me like my wife. But she's not my wife, you know? She's just some shell of my wife. And _that_ tears me up. It rips me apart."

"When do you experience those emotions, Eliza? The feeling of falling apart?"

"It's…" Eliza trails off, suddenly feeling shy and very little. She feels like falling apart all of the time, really. But it's especially when Arizona laughs. It's when Arizona laughs or chuckles, when her dimples pop. It's when Eliza normally would've thrown herself at her wife, kissing her because she just couldn't help herself. Eliza falls apart every time their life before the accident hits her; like last week when she touched Arizona's hand. It's what she would've done, the fondling and the stroking… it's what she would've done before the accident. But she can't now… she can't, because Arizona doesn't know that they've spent the last six years doing just that. She doesn't know that Eliza hates onions or that Eliza mastered the skill of swimming by being thrown into the water as a child. Arizona doesn't know that Eliza sleeps in the right side of their bed because she always has to pee in the middle of the night. She doesn't know any of that. And that is what making Eliza fall apart… _every day_. "Ugh, I don't know," Eliza puffs, wiping her eyes with another tissue and balling it only to drop it on the table in front of her.

"I think you do, though."

"I fall apart all the time. I can't pick just one specific moment, Dr. Wyatt. I can't. I fall apart every minute of every day because my own wife doesn't recognize me. Because I can't kiss her or hug her, because I can't tell her who the fuck I am."

"Then let's start there," Dr. Wyatt suggests while scribbling something in her notepad.

"Where?"

"Let's start with you not being able to tell Arizona who you are."

"There's nothing more to it. I just can't. They've told me not to."

"What have they told you, Eliza?"

"I can't tell her who I am yet because it'll just make her confused and it might even injure her memory even more. I don't quite get it myself, either. But they say I can't tell her just yet. She remembers her brother and her best friend, she even remembers her parents' deaths and her childhood. She knows she works at the local authority of Seattle where she's tutoring teenage moms. She knows all that but-" Eliza starts crying again, swallowing a large lump that's suddenly appeared in her throat. Eliza should be happy about the fact that her wife remembers all of those things. She should be proud and relieved that it isn't the entirety of Arizona's memory that's been damaged. But Eliza can't help the nagging anger rising inside of her which only adds to her guilty conscience. It hurts so much that Arizona isn't able to remember her. That Arizona can't remember their relationship, their marriage… but most of all, it pains Eliza that Arizona is incapable of attaching memories to her face. It aches to know that Arizona can't remember anything about her or them. But that's not something you say out loud. That's not something you are allowed to say or even think… because people judge.

"But she still doesn't know who _you_ are," Dr. Wyatt finishes Eliza's sentence. Eliza looks at her shrink, her own eyes blurry with tears while Dr. Wyatt looks at her with such an understanding and knowing stare, it makes Eliza shiver. "It's understandable, Eliza… the way you're feeling. Everyone would feel like you're feeling now. No one is able to stand tall when their partner doesn't recognize them. It's inhumanly to think that someone would be able to. It would break even the strongest."

Eliza doesn't know what to say. Right now she just wants to go home and curl up in front of the fireplace. The therapy session is suddenly interrupted by Eliza's phone piercing through the air. She used to always have her phone on mute and vibrate, but ever since the night of the accident Eliza's got the phone on every noise and sound possible. She doesn't want to miss any information. She doesn't want to miss out on any minor or major situation where Arizona is concerned. Eliza's eyes go wide in horror… what if something has happened to Arizona... _again?_ What if… what if she died? What if she went back into a coma? Eliza's heart pounds furiously in her chest while her pulse throbs in her ears, the fear of having lost her wife for good sinking into every fibre of her body.

"Go on, Eliza. Answer your phone," Dr. Wyatt suggests, gesturing towards Eliza's purse resting against the side of the chair. "It's probably just a routine call."

Squinting her eyes, Eliza shakes her head and inhales sharply. How that woman is able to easily read her mind like that is freaking Eliza out. Roaming through her purse, she finally finds the ringing object. Looking at the screen, her heart drops to her stomach. It's the hospital. It's the number of the ward Arizona is currently staying at. Letting out a deep breath, Eliza looks at Dr. Wyatt, worry covering her every feature.

"Go on, Eliza."

Eliza inhales deeply, making a quick nod. Pressing the green handle, she situates the device to her left ear. "Eliza speaking," she clears her throat, trying to get the crying out of her voice.

"You're speaking with Dr. Owen Hunt. You need to come to the hospital, Mrs. Minnick," a booming male voice informs Eliza, officially but kindly.

"Minnick-Robbins, sir," Eliza corrects the doctor who's clearly unaware of the formalities of his patient's significant other.

"Sorry, ma'am. But you need to get to the hospital."

"Has something happened to Arizona?" Eliza exclaims while holding her breath. She's not ready. She's not ready to lose her. She can't lose Arizona. She can't lose her wife. There's just so many things they haven't experienced together, there's so many milestones they haven't gotten to. Eliza haven't told Arizona how much she wants to start a family with her, how much she wants little Arizonas running around in Heelys and braids or baseball caps. She hasn't even gotten to that part of their life yet because she thought they had time. She thought time was all they've got. They're only 31 years old, for crying out loud. They've only just begun. But now her wife doesn't know she's even married to her. That's definitely not the right time to start talking about expanding your family. If Eliza's even got any family left. If Arizona has died, that's it. Eliza's done for. She's alone. Arizona's all she's got, and she can't lose her. She just can't.

"You need to come to the hospital, ma'am."

"Has something happened?" Eliza growls into the phone, her jaw fixed. "I need you to tell me if my wife's dead, sir. I need you to tell me now… over the phone. I swear, if I get there and you didn't tell me-"

"She isn't dead, Mrs. Minnick-Robbins. You're just needed here," the man informs as Eliza's heart falls back into place again. Arizona isn't dead. Eliza's not left to be alone… _yet._

"I'm coming," Eliza states, ending the call with a sigh. "I'm sorry, I need to-"

"Of course," Dr. Wyatt smiles. "I think we were done here anyway."

* * *

Eliza steps onto the ward that changed her life three months ago. She doesn't like being here… it just takes her back to the night of the accident where she pressed herself so hard against Arizona's body as she could. It reminds her of Arizona lying motionless in the hospital bed, tubes all over. It reminds her of the scar that's now covered by blonde hair. It reminds Eliza about all the hours she spent leaning across Arizona's body without any sign of life except from the machine hooked to her wife. It reminds her of all the ache in her back from wanting to be as close to Arizona as possible, of all the _what ifs_ running through her mind, of all the things she hadn't gotten to tell her wife. Yeah, Eliza doesn't like this ward one bit.

Turning the corner, Eliza knocks on the half-opened door leading into the office where the doctors on the ward reside. "Excuse me," Eliza coughs softly.

"Yeah," a woman turns around and looks at Eliza, a big smile on her face and an alarmingly high brown ponytail.

"I was called here."

"Really?" the woman responds surprised.

"Yeah. Dr. Owen Hunt called me and asked me to come," Eliza states while trying not to be annoyed. But it frustrates her, to be honest. Clearly it couldn't be an emergency she was called here for.

"I'm sorry, it's my first day here," the woman whose ID-card tells Eliza that her name is Josephine Wilson informs. "I don't really know the names of all the staff yet."

"I'm Eliza Minnick-Robbins," Eliza informs the newbie, rolling on her heels.

"Ahhh," Dr. Wilson smiles. "You're with 4002."

Eliza hates when they speak in numbers. It just feels so impersonal. She's not with 4002. She's with Arizona. Or at least everyone here knows that except Arizona herself. "Mmh."

"Then you need to talk to me," Dr. Wilson smiles, gesturing towards the chair in front of the table she's sitting at. "Sit."

"Um…" Eliza is confused. Shouldn't she be talking to Dr. Hunt? Shouldn't she be with Arizona? "Forgive me, but…" 

"I'll just have a few things to run by you, then you can go visit-"

"My wife," Eliza cuts the young woman off, suddenly feeling the need to make sure the woman knows who she's talking to.

"Your wife," Dr. Wilson smiles, nodding. Eliza places herself in the offered chair, hands resting in her lap as she waits the young doctor's questions. "Okay. The reason we called you," she starts.

"Yeah?"

"Arizona has questions. She's beginning to ask questions we can't answer."

"Like what?" Eliza asks confused, picking at her cuticles.

"She's curious to know who you are… why you keep visiting her… what kind of doctor you are," Dr. Wilson informs Eliza, making sure to have Eliza's full attention.

"You keep telling me I can't tell her. You keep telling me that she needs to remember it herself. I can't force her to remember me, it'll only make it worse. You've all been telling me that for two months now," Eliza exclaims, sighing.

"I know. I've read her chart," Dr. Wilson gestures towards Arizona's chart on the table. "But I'm telling you that your wife is doing better."

"She still doesn't know who I am, how is that better?"

"Her brain is better, Mrs. Minnick-Robbins. The place that got damaged in the accident is looking better judging by the new scans made earlier today."

"I don't know what that means," Eliza sucks her lower lip into her mouth. She's no doctor, even though Arizona seems to think she is. She doesn't have a clue about medicine. The only medicine she knows is the one from the medical shows her and Arizona used to watch together.

"It means that she's healing."

"That's good, right?" Eliza can't help the hope in her voice. "She'll know who I am? Can I tell her then?" There's really nothing more Eliza could want right now. All she wants is to tell her wife that she loves her, that she's so relieved that Arizona didn't die, and that they'll get through this together because they both love each other unconditionally. Eliza feels how the pricking feeling inside of her gets company by one of hope. Today's the day where she's finally allowed to tell Arizona that they're in love, that they are married and living in the dream house Arizona chose for them three years ago.

"I'm sorry, no. Not quite yet. We have to give her more time," Dr. Wilson pulls Eliza out of her joyful thoughts causing Eliza's hope to disappear completely, the feeling being taken over by the pricking one. "She asked for you, though. She wanted to ask you something," she gives Eliza a sad smile, although Eliza doesn't acknowledge it. She's far too gone to accept smiles from anyone but her wife at this point. "She's waiting for you."

"She is?"

"Yes, she's-"

"I know which room she is in, thank you," Eliza snaps, although she knows it's not called for. "I'm sorry, I'm…"

"It's okay, Eliza," Dr. Wilson uses her first name, standing and stretching out her hand. Eliza stands, too. Accepting the handshake, she gives the kind woman a smile after all. It isn't Dr. Wilsons fault Arizona got into an accident. It isn't anybody's fault, really. "I'm Jo, by the way," she adds. "If you ever need anything, you just come find me, okay?" Eliza nods politely, ending the handshake and goes to exit the office but is stopped by Jo's voice. "She's not in her room…"

"What, why?" Eliza can't begin to understand why Arizona wouldn't be in her room.

"Try the balcony," Jo shrugs, smiling.

"Thanks," Eliza nods, finally exiting the office.

Eliza's got to find her wife. She needs to know what Arizona wants to talk about, what she needs to ask her. Eliza can't even begin to make out what it could possibly be. The news of Arizona getting better warms Eliza to the core, it makes her extremely happy to say the least. It keeps hurting, though. The pain of not being allowed to tell Arizona about her life… about their life, about their love. It's something Eliza wouldn't wish for her worst enemy. Simply put, it's horrifying and heart wrenching. Not that there's anything simple about this. Not that there's anything simple about Arizona and her feelings regarding Arizona. If only she was able to tell Arizona that she loves her. If only she could kiss her… just her cheek, even. Anything. If only she could just touch her, hold her in her arms. Eliza needs Arizona. She needs her so much it makes her stay awake too many hours of the night. It's not just the lack of being able to touch her wife, it's also… Eliza needs holding, too. She needs her wife's arms around her, telling her it'll all be okay in the end, telling her that everything will work about because they have got each other. There's just the minor little fact that Arizona still hasn't got a clue that Eliza sleeps alone in their bed, that Eliza wakes up every morning making pancakes on the special pan Arizona _really_ needed back when they first moved in together. Arizona doesn't know that Eliza cries when she looks at the picture of them on her night stand. The one where both of their noses touch and the sun goes down behind them. She doesn't know it makes Eliza cry because the picture reminds her of their honeymoon. Eliza needs Arizona… she needs Arizona's arms and hands and heartbeat and laughter and dimples and soft skin and smooth hair and just… everything, really.

The pricking feeling tugs at Eliza's insides again as she approaches the balcony right beside Arizona's room. The door is slid to the side, a brisk wind cutting through the metaphorical hospital barrier. Eliza peeks around the door frame and her heart almost pops out of the chest at the vision meeting her eyes. Her wife is standing, grasping the rail of the balcony while basking in the sun, face turned towards the sky. She is breathtaking. She's just so, _so_ beautiful. Arizona's loose hair dances in the wind, her eyes are closed. Eliza wants to remember this moment forever. How peaceful and absolute lovely Arizona looks now. She can't get herself to make her presence known, although she can't just stand there. All she wants to do is wrap her arms around Arizona's waist and hug her close, nuzzling her nose into the crook of her neck and just breathing in everything that is Arizona. She can't, though, which makes Eliza's heart break… _again_. She feels another lump appear in her throat. Needing it to disappear, quickly, she discreetly tries to clear her throat. It doesn't go unnoticed, though. Arizona's eyes find Eliza's instantly, the sun hitting Arizona like a halo. Eliza can't breathe, it's just too much to cope with.

"Eliza," Arizona smiles, making her dimples display themselves. Eliza's frozen… did she just remember her name? Does she know who she is? That can't be, can it? Dr. Wilson just said it was way too soon… but what if Arizona suddenly remembered? What if Arizona unexpectedly regained all her memory? It happens, right? _Miracles_. Miracles do happen. "Yeah, I know," Arizona chuckles. "Awesome, right?"

"You remember?" Eliza chances not wanting to sound too excited, she's after all just _the new friend_ visiting.

"I do… or well, some things, I guess. I think I've got you covered now, though," Arizona grins proudly. "And look…" she gestures towards her legs. "I managed getting out here all by myself."

"That's amazing, Arizona!" Eliza exclaims, trying to blink away the tears that's collected in the corners of her eyes. Coming to stand next to her wife, Eliza can't help but breathe in the scent that is purely Arizona. That is purely love… her love. The love Eliza lives on. She can't help it. She needs it to survive. Covering up her sniff, she lets out a deep sigh as to feign contentment. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you," Arizona beams, carefully turning around and resting her back against the railing. She's about to stumble but Eliza catches her elbow before it happens. Their eyes lock intensely, causing Eliza's heart to break and heal all at the same time. "Also thank you…" Arizona chuckles, a blush covering her beautiful face. "…for saving me."

Eliza doesn't know how to reply to that. How does she even begin to explain to Arizona that she's the one being thankful, that she's the one constantly thanking the Gods above for letting Arizona live? She can't… if she first starts, she won't be able to stop again. She'll slip. She'll tell Arizona all the things she's thought of the past three months. And it would damage Arizona's progress, so the doctors keep saying. So, she can't do it. She'll have to come up with something else to say…

"You wanted to ask me something?" Eliza diverts the conversation… _again_ … trying not to let her emotions get the better of her… _again_.

"That's right," Arizona stabilizes herself against the railing, Eliza's hand ghosting the length of her wife's arm before resting atop the railing behind Arizona. "I hope they didn't pull you out of some important surgery or anything," Arizona rushes, her facial expression turning concerned. And then it hits Eliza… again. Arizona still doesn't know who she really is. She still thinks she's some kind of doctor here. It couldn't be further from the truth, though. The devastation washes all over Eliza, although she should be thrilled about the fact that Arizona remembered her name. Small wins, right? One step at a time. Eliza knows she should be excited. She really does know that. It's just that she can't help the disappointment, though. Does that make her a bad person? Does it make her a bad wife? She sure feels like one at the moment. "I just wanted to ask, if I could… if I could maybe… have your number? You know, if it's okay with your wife and all… it's just, last night I wanted to ask you something but I didn't know how to reach you," Arizona rambles.

Eliza's heart beats… it beats like crazy. Never in her wildest fantasy had she imagined being asked for her number by Arizona… again. _What_ is she supposed to answer? _How_ is she supposed to answer? Arizona is being so thoughtful regarding Eliza's relationship, the relationship Arizona's actually a part of without having any idea. How is she supposed to do the right thing? Eliza feels like she's constantly lying to her wife, and she doesn't like it. Not one bit.

* * *

 **AN2: Hit review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: You guys are heartbroken, just like Eliza and Arizona, I know… but stay strong. Small wins, remember. Thank you for your awesome reviews, they make my day!  
**

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

Something has changed. Something has changed between her and Eliza. Arizona is positive. In some way Arizona's felt a strong connection to the doctor ever since waking up from the coma, but if someone asked her to explain it, she couldn't for the life of her. There's just something there. Something special. Something she's never experienced before. Though Arizona's heart continues to break every day because of Eliza being married, she can't leave her alone. She can't ask Eliza to stop visiting because not seeing Eliza would destroy her completely. Arizona would rather walk around with a broken heart beating for an unavailable woman than to never see said woman ever again. She'll push through the heartache just as she pushes through her physical training and all the memory exercises the neuro doctors make her do. And she's doing a really good job at that, awesome even. And it's not just with her legs and Arizona being able to transport herself wherever she wants to go now, or Arizona's brain beginning to store recent memories. It's not just that. It's not what makes Arizona feel truly awesome. It adds to the feeling of being indestructible, sure, but when Arizona easily could put the correct name to a face from her present, it blew her away. It made her so, so proud… because it wasn't just any face. It was _the_ face. The prettiest face Arizona has ever laid eyes on. The most beautiful facial expressions Arizona has ever seen is resting on _that_ face. _The face of Eliza_.

Something has changed, though. It happened when Arizona asked for Eliza's phone number a couple of hours ago. Something changed on Eliza's face, in her demeanour. _Why?_ Arizona can't put a finger on it. She _did_ ask nicely. She even made the comment about the wife. She did all the right things, really. Somehow Eliza ended up changing. Arizona couldn't ask, though… she couldn't ask anymore. She had just asked for her phone number, she couldn't also ask Eliza why she all of a sudden got a little withdrawn. It's not like Arizona would hit on Eliza. Not intentionally, anyway. It's not like Arizona would message Eliza in the middle of the night asking her to come over and hang or do any inappropriate things requiring being naked. It's not like that, not at all. Even though Arizona had thought about it many, _many_ times. Anyway, the reason Arizona wanted Eliza's number; it's simple, really. She feels like she needs it. She needs that extra connection. Arizona needs to have it all where Eliza is concerned. Well, everything she's allowed to have in this situation, anyhow.

Even though something changed between them, Eliza still gave Arizona her number. Although a little hesitant. And now Arizona is battling herself on whether to use the number or wait around for a real reason to pop up. Spinning her phone between her fingers, Arizona doesn't know if this would be counted as overstepping. Arizona knows Eliza's got a wife at home, and it's very clear how much Eliza loves her, even though something isn't as it should be. Every couple go through bad things, so it's not that strange, really. Maybe that's why Eliza's been dropping by frequently… to get away from home, to allow herself a little air. Even though Arizona should be reserved towards being the go-to in this kind of situation what with her crushing hard on the beautiful married brunette, she isn't. She feels honoured, really. Honoured to be Eliza's go-to, her safe place, her sought out space. It feels good to be needed. Because even though Eliza hasn't expressed it, Arizona knows Eliza needs her, too. In some way, Eliza needs Arizona just as much as Arizona needs Eliza which makes Arizona happy. So _indescribably_ happy. She knows it's wrong. She knows her feelings are in no way returned the same way, but she can't help it. It's her heart. Her heart has spoken. Her heart is telling her stupid brain to get it together. But what for? Even if she was to be perfectly healed tomorrow, what then? Arizona couldn't just spill her heart out and tell Eliza that she wants to take her out on a date. She couldn't possibly do that. Eliza's married, for crying out loud. Just as happy as Eliza makes her feel, the despair and misery are there, too. And very much so.

She can't deal with that now, though. Arizona tries to hold on to the good things these days. That's after all what keeps her on her feet, literally speaking. The good things… her legs' functioning, her brain's cooperation and healing, and Eliza. Eliza and everything about her, although Arizona doesn't know that much. She knows her looks and facial expressions, obviously, and her age, that she lives in Seattle as well because her wife loves this city. Arizona knows that Eliza doesn't drink coffee because she feels like the caffeine is clouding her real energy. Also, she knows that Eliza prefers sitting in chairs with her knees to her chest. It's something Arizona finds endearing. But other than that, Arizona doesn't really know anything about Eliza… it's always like Eliza tries to turn the conversation around and talk about something lighter or Arizona herself. Almost like Eliza tries to hide herself, and that scares Arizona a bit, to be honest. Like earlier today when Arizona had finally gotten the pretty doctor's number, she went about typing it into her contacts but when she asked for Eliza's last name, the brunette kind of froze… _again_. It's normal to ask for your new friend's last name, isn't it? Arizona got it, though. Minnick. _Eliza Minnick_. It's a good name. It's strong but still cute. Arizona shakes her head in disbelief, feeling like a school girl all over again. Once again, Arizona can't help it. She can't control her feelings. She can't. Her heart's spoken. It's breaking but it's beating, telling her that it wants to get to know Eliza.

Is that even possible, the breaking and the beating part? Every time she thinks of Eliza her heart breaks and beats all at the same time, like rhythmically. It's stupid but it's the truth, nonetheless. She desperately wants to know everything about Eliza, because truth is… she hasn't felt this alive before. Not even before the accident, she thinks. And she needs this. She needs to feel alive, to be alive, even if it means that she'd die internally doing just that. She'd willingly pay that price, if Eliza's friendship were to be gained in the process. Even though Eliza seems to hide something from her, something very, very important and deep.

Exhaling sharply, Arizona presses the message app on her phone. This is it. It's only been a couple hours since Eliza left, but Arizona finds herself wanting to be in touch with her again. She knows she shouldn't, but again it's not something she's able to control. Tapping away on the screen, she lets her heart speak through her fingers.

 ** _A: Hi Eliza,  
_** ** _It was nice seeing you today.  
_** ** _Thank you for supporting me through this, considering you don't have to, anyway.  
_** ** _You got home alright?  
_** ** _\- Arizona_**

Arizona knows she overstepped, again. She knows it. Would she like if someone texted her wife like that? Probably not. It's perfectly chum and buddy-like, though. If you decide to read it like that. Despite her better judgement, she sends the message. She can always blame her not functioning brain, if anyone would question her actions. Dumping the phone in her lap, she scoots herself higher up in the bed, resting her back against the headboard, thinking… _hard_. Why is it that Eliza keeps reeling in? What is it she's holding back? Arizona feels her heart ache again… but not because she isn't able to be with Eliza, to have her. Sure, that too, but right now it's not what the heartache is about. It's the hiding thing. It's the battle Eliza seems to have with herself every time they talk, joke or laugh. It's the fight Arizona sees in Eliza's eyes every time she unintentionally touches her. The stolen glances, the forbidden strokes to the hand, the elbow, the hair. That is what's making Arizona hurt now. That's what's wounding her heart. Her heart and her soul.

The vibration in her lab causes Arizona to flinch. Quickly turning the device screen up, Eliza's name is lit on the display.

 ** _E: Hey Arizona,  
_** ** _You, too. You are awesome, by the way. Walking tall and all.  
_** ** _I got home just fine. What are you up to?  
_** ** _\- E_**

Okay, that went well. Arizona's handling this. It's just a friendly correspondence, that's all. She's feeling braver, though.

 ** _A: Well, you helped me with the walking tall and all part. Thank you :)  
_** ** _You mean besides flicking through channels while eating raspberry Jell-Os? Not much. You?_**

Arizona is perfectly aware of the possible flirting one would read into the first sentence, but it's sent and she can't take it back. Eliza's the one being married. If she doesn't want Arizona around or if she finds her texts to be too inappropriate, she'll just have to say it. Eliza's a grown woman. And God, does Arizona wish she was _her_ grown woman.

 ** _E: I'm sure you would've done it just fine without me, though.  
_** ** _Ha, ha. Anything good on? Maybe we can watch it together… apart?_**

Watch TV with Eliza is possibly the best offer she's had all day. Though it might be apart, it's still the best thing Arizona could think of now. She knows she shouldn't read too much into Eliza's words but she can't help analysing Eliza's last sentence. Why would she want to watch TV with her when she's home with her wife? How come she suggested them watching it together… apart? The apart thing had Arizona's heart throbbing harder than she'd ever experienced before. It's painful and it's not something she likes to feel.

She knows what comes next… the pain always has a companion. The companion being the pricking feeling inside of her. That pricking feeling tearing at her every organ. _And there it is_ … the horrendous companion. Arizona's tears start running. They keep running, silently, down her cheeks and landing on the duvet that's hugged around her body. Small dark blue circles form on the fabric while the pricking feeling takes over Arizona. It's the familiar feeling of lacking something… of missing something she doesn't know what is. If someone would just tell her what the hell she's missing. Because she knows, she knows that no one is telling her the truth. She knows they know something. Everyone knows it. Tim, April, the doctors and the nurses. Even the new neuro attending knows it. They know something but they don't say it. Arizona feels betrayed, mostly because she hates being left in the dark. She hates being lied to, and she hates being treated like a freaking toddler. She hates it. What hurts Arizona the most at this point, though, is that Eliza's in on it, too. Eliza knows something about her, something she won't tell Arizona. It can't be that bad, can it? But considering the fact that no one's got the guts to tell her, it must be.

 ** _A: We don't have to be apart._**

Arizona knows that text is definitely to be classified as overstepping. She knows she's being a bitch to Eliza's wife. Truth is, she's way too deep in now to just quit. She can't. And she needs Eliza to talk to her. To really speak to her, and tell her the truth no one seems to want to tell her. She needs the truth, now. She needs it before the ignorance eats what's left of her brain and her heart.

 ** _E: Arizona…_**

Eliza knows it, too. She knows I've overstepped. She's just too nice to say it.

 ** _E: I can't. We can't._**

Arizona reads Eliza's text over and over again. It's excruciating. Arizona feels the hesitation, the disappointment and the sorrow ooze from those two texts. Maybe she _does_ read too much into Eliza's words, but… they're just so palpable. All the emotions Arizona is feeling… they're radiating from off her screen where Eliza's words are displayed. Arizona's tears land on the screen. She can't take it anymore. She needs to know what's going on.

 ** _A: You need to tell me something. And I need for you to be honest with me, please._**

Here goes nothing. Arizona needs answers, and she needs them now. If she's lucky, Eliza will help her out.

 ** _E: What do you need, Arizona?_**

 ** _A: Can I call you?_**

Arizona knows she once again has overstepped. She doesn't care, though. Not anymore. She's done doing the right thing. She needs answers. She needs to know what the hell happened to her that no one is capable of telling her. Something tells Arizona that Eliza wouldn't keep her in the dark, but still… she's there. She doesn't want to be there anymore. It ends here. Now. Going about finding Eliza's number, she doesn't get much further when her phone starts ringing… _Eliza._

"Hey," Arizona's voice is heavy from all the crying. She sniffles softly while trying to clear her throat.

"You're crying," Eliza states, her voice gentle but shocked.

"No," Arizona deadpans, sniffling.

"You are, Arizona."

"How do you even know?" she cries.

"Because I _know_ you," Eliza blurts out, a small gasp reaching Arizona's ears. What does that even mean? How does Eliza know her? She doesn't… she doesn't know her that much. _Does she?_ "I mean… I could hear it in your voice. You know, the sniffling."

"Sure," Arizona draws suspiciously and not quite buying Eliza's attempt on covering up her words.

"You needed to tell me something?"

"No, _you_ need to tell _me_ something," Arizona starts. She knows she shouldn't do this. She knows she cannot expect Eliza to comply. Eliza's not her girlfriend, she's not her family, she's not even her friend. She's just a random woman who's been hanging around lately because her marriage sucks. Except that she isn't. Eliza isn't just some random woman. Arizona knows that, her heart knows that and her brain knows that.

"What do I need to tell you, Arizona?" Eliza sighs into the phone, and Arizona is positive she heard a thickness to her voice. Something pulling at Eliza's vocal chord. Something very, very sad.

"You need to tell me what people aren't telling me. You need to tell me why I feel like there's something I don't know. Something I don't know but everyone else seems to know it. Including you. You need to tell me, Eliza… please," Arizona takes sharp inhales, trying to stabilize her breathing although it's no use. She's already crying her eyes out while her heart's breaking… _again_. It shouldn't be possible. It shouldn't be possible for a heart to keep breaking. When it's broke, it should just stay that way. It would spare her all the recurrent heartbreak.

"I can't, Arizona. I can't tell you," Eliza whispers. And now Arizona knows. That's all the confirmation that she needs. There is in fact something she doesn't know. Something everyone is hiding from her. The pricking feeling tears at her heartstrings, it penetrates all of her broken heart chambers, violently so.

"You've _got_ to tell me, Eliza. No one else will."

"I can't. I'm… I'm not allowed to, Arizona. I can't… even though I _really_ want to, I just can't."

This is stupid. This is crazy. This is just plain right outrageous and enraging. Arizona feels betrayed and neglected. It's stops now, though. She needs for Eliza to tell her the truth, if she's the friend she says she is. If Eliza's really as true and sincere as she lets Arizona know. If she's who she says she is… then Arizona needs her to enlighten her. But who is she, anyway? Who is Eliza? Why does she visit her? Nothing makes sense. _Nothing_.

"Who are you?" Arizona spits out, the tears spilling even more. "Who are you, Eliza? Why do you keep turning up? Why do you even speak to me, what's in it for you? You're married, for crying out loud. I don't know what's wrong with your marriage, but I can't help you, clearly. I'm just some random woman with amnesia you enjoy spending your time with, aren't I? It's just… I don't get it. Why do you spend time on me? Why don't you just talk to your wife or whatever. I can't… I need you to tell me the truth because I thought we had something, you know, and it's wrong, I know it. But I thought you coming to visit me meant something… And if you're just looking for something or someone to kill your time, it's not me, okay? I can't, I just…" Arizona can't stop her words, her tears or the furious pounding in her chest. She's aching all over. She's voiced the words she didn't want to in the first place. Truth is, she doesn't want Eliza to stop seeing her. She doesn't want that at all. But she can't look at her anymore, knowing that Eliza knows something about her and won't or can't tell her. She just can't. She won't be able to survive. It doesn't matter if her legs are good again. It doesn't matter that her memory is almost as good as before, because there's clearly something she doesn't remember. Something everyone but her knows and remembers. "Who are you?" Arizona sobs into the phone. "How come you keep showing up…"

"I…" Eliza stops, the silence killing Arizona as each second passes. "I…"

"You _what?_ " Arizona snaps in frustration.

"I love you."

Arizona's heart stops. Her heart literally stops. Arizona's eyes are wide in shock as Eliza's words hits her full force. _What?  
_

* * *

 **AN2: You know what to do. Do it!**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: The response to last chapter has been massive and awesome. You are truly amazing. Thank you for putting on your brave vests and hanging on to hope. Let's see how Arizona takes the** _I love you_ **.  
**

* * *

Eliza has just done the one thing she couldn't. She did the only thing she wasn't allowed to do. Eliza might not have told Arizona that she's in fact her wife, but she expressed her feelings towards her. She's just told her wife that she loves her... over the _freaking_ phone. Eliza just couldn't pretend anymore. She couldn't hold it back. Not after all the harsh words Arizona just threw at her. Eliza couldn't hold it back because her wife was hurting. She was hurting so much it made Eliza's own heart hurt. Seems like it's all it is capable of these days. And it drives Eliza insane. She loves her wife. Why should she hide it? Why should she deny her feelings? She loves Arizona so undeniably so, and it just slipped right out of her mouth. The words. The emotions. The only thing the hospital staff had asked her not to do, and she just did it anyway. They allowed Eliza to visit disguised as a stranger. They allowed her to be close to her wife, even though Arizona wouldn't know why. The only thing they forbid Eliza was telling her wife about their relationship. They strongly forbid it. Eliza couldn't tell Arizona anything about herself nor them. Not until Arizona was ready to hear it. Not until Arizona's mind could handle it. Not until Arizona was stable enough to get the information of her status, her love life. But Eliza couldn't do it anymore. Eliza couldn't just listen while her wife crumbled over the phone. She couldn't handle hearing how frustrated and broken Arizona sounded. Not when she really didn't have to feel like that. Not when Eliza could ease those feelings. Not when Eliza's love is so powerful. It slipped. And it's out. It's done. But right now… Arizona doesn't say anything.

The silence scares Eliza painfully so. It terrifies her because... what if Arizona didn't want to hear what Eliza had just said? What if Arizona doesn't want to be married to her? What if the silence in the other end of the phone is first step into Eliza's marriage being over, being done for, being crucified? What if Arizona hates her?

"Arizona?" Eliza asks cautiously, desperate to hear her wife's voice. Desperate to know if her future just vanished because she couldn't keep her mouth shut. Desperate to know if her love for Arizona just made the whole situation that much worse.

Eliza can hear Arizona's sharp breaths through the phone. And she can hear the sobs. The sobs that always, _always_ make Eliza's heart shatter. It's actually one big cliché… feeling pain whenever the one you love feels pain... but clichés are called clichés for a reason. _They exist_. They are phrased because so many people experience them on a daily basis. And Eliza feels the pain, she feels Arizona's pain. She feels how her wife struggles with the new information, but this thing... _this_ , Eliza can't do anything about. She can't ease _that_ kind of pain. Even though it's really all she wants in the world right now. She wants to drop the stupid phone, run to the hospital and take Arizona in her arms. She wants to make Arizona feel loved and treasured. But it's not an option.

"Arizona, please. Talk to-" is all Eliza gets out before the line goes dead.

Eliza falls to her knees, dropping the phone on the floor. Arizona hung up on her. She hung up after Eliza had just told her she loves her. All the hope Eliza has been holding onto the past months just got crushed. Because even though she wasn't allowed to tell Arizona about her feelings, about their _mutual_ feelings, it's always been the hope that's made Eliza pull through. It's always been _the hope_. Eliza had hoped that when she got cleared to tell Arizona about them it would be perfect. It would mend the both of them. It would make Arizona so relieved and happy that nothing else would matter. Eliza had held onto that hope because that's really all she's got left. But now... now she's told Arizona about her feelings towards her and it might have ruined them. It might have been the last nail in the coffin containing their marriage. Eliza's love for Arizona might have just killed her.

* * *

 _5 days later_

"Tell me what happened, Eliza," Dr. Wyatt encourages as Eliza's tears stream. "Tell me what's making you feel like this."

"It, it doesn't matter. Anymore. It d-doesn't matter. _N-n-nothing_ matters any-anymore," Eliza cries uncontrolled, her cheeks burning hot as her chest heaves unevenly. "She won't t-t-talk to me. She won't even let me near her, her. She, she, she asked the doctors to make me stay a-away. She won't-" Eliza cuts herself off, the air in her lungs gone.

Dr. Wyatt hands her the familiar brown paper bag, gesturing for Eliza to once again breathe into it. Eliza doesn't have any more strength to resists, taking the bag she places her mouth atop it and blows.

"Slow, deep breaths, Eliza. Slow, deep breaths."

"I am!" Eliza cries, irritatingly.

"No. You're blowing. You need to breathe," Dr. Wyatt states calmly, stroking slow circles between Eliza's shoulder blades.

"I can't, okay," Eliza exclaims, removing the bag from her mouth and throwing it to the ground. "I can't breathe. That's it. I. Can't. Breeeeaaathe. Anymore," Eliza cries, emphasizing her every word.

"Why is that? Try explaining it to me."

"My wife won't see me. She won't talk to me. She banned me from her room. She doesn't accept any of my calls or replies to my messages. The only way I know that how she's doing is by calling the doctors."

"And what do they say?"

"That she's doing fine. Her legs are as good as ever and, and her brain is healed. She's almost cleared to go ho-ome," Eliza sobs, the back of her hand running over her forehead.

"That's good, right?"

"No! It isn't. It isn't."

"Arizona is cleared to go home, surely that's a good thing, Eliza. She's recovered, mostly. Why do you feel like it isn't a good thing?"

"Because they say she wanna go home to her brother," Eliza informs her shrink. "But that's not her home. Her home..."

"Her home is with you," Dr. Wyatt finishes Eliza's sentence, still stroking the back of her patient. Eliza's head falls to rest in her hands, her arms propped on her knees. She can't do this. It tears her apart knowing that Arizona refuses to go home to her real home. That she won't even let Eliza talk. Arizona shouldn't live anywhere else than with her. Eliza is Arizona's home. And Arizona is her home. The tears stream down her cheeks and arms, dripping onto her thighs. Eliza feels so homeless right now. It's all a nightmare she can't seem to wake from. A nightmare where Arizona is abruptly taken from her. "Has Arizona expressed anything to the hospital staff regarding your love confession?" Dr. Wyatt tries to get Eliza out of her sobbing.

"Yes," Eliza clears her throat, face still covered by her hands.

"What has she said?"

"She's angry. She's pissed no one told her about her being married. To me. She blew up at her brother, he told me so. She went on and on about how disrespectful they've been to her. Even though they keep telling her it was for her own good, you know," Eliza lifts her head, her eyes swollen. "She still blew up. She's so upset, and I'm not there to see it. I'm not there to help her. To tell her why I went along with it in the first place."

"And that is what's hurting you the most now, isn't it?"

"Yeah. If she would just hear me out. If she would just... if she would just let me explain," Eliza sighs, a heavy breath leaving her throat as she leans back in the chair. How did her life become this messed up? How did she end up here... with her wife admitted to the hospital due to memory loss? How did their life get this fucked up? Eliza's heart burns. It burns because of all the questions she can't get an answer to. It burns because of all the answers she's got. But the one person she desperately needs to give the answers to refuses to talk to her. Arizona doesn't want anything to do with her.

"You have to give her time, Eliza. You have to give her time to process this," Dr. Wyatt suggests, her voice soothing as she places herself back in the chair opposite Eliza's. "Try putting yourself in her shoes." Eliza screws up her face. "Humour me for a moment, okay?" Eliza nods unimpressed. "Try picturing yourself waking up from being in a coma for weeks. Your legs and your brain hurt, and then you're told that you've been in a serious accident where your memory has been injured. You don't feel different, though. You don't feel like your memory is damaged, because you remember everything."

"But she doesn't!" Eliza cuts in, frustration covering her voice and her face.

"She thinks she does," Dr. Wyatt states. "Picture that you think you're fine. It's just some bruises here and there, and then you'll be out again, living your life, getting back to your job... which you also remember. Nothing seems to be forgotten. And then you meet a person, a woman you feel drawn to without knowing why. A stranger that comes and stays with you every day. You start to feel a certain connection. You start feeling like maybe this isn't just _any_ stranger. You then find out that stranger is in fact married," Dr. Wyatt continues, her eyes locking with Eliza's.

"She... she..."

"You get sad, you might even get frustrated because the stranger... the stranger _isn't_ a stranger to you anymore. You can't explain it. Because you don't even know the answers yourself. You just feel it… deep inside of you, you feel it."

"But... I don't get it," Eliza sniffles. "Shouldn't she be happy then? When I told her I loved her? Shouldn't she be happy?"

"Try picturing you having been through months of physical training, Eliza. Months of exercises with your brain and legs, and while all that happened... you got drawn to a person you just met. That person helps you through without even asking questions or demanding the roles to be reversed. You can't begin to understand why but you just go along with it, because-"

"Because she loves me, too. Because Arizona feels our relationship connection without knowing it," Eliza's eyes water, again. Her heart pounds so hard in her chest… because Arizona _does_ love her. She just doesn't know it. She just doesn't recognize it. How could she? After all she's been through. But why won't she talk to her then? Why won't Arizona let Eliza explain it to her?

"And when you ask to be let in on something everyone around you seems to know... when you ask for that stranger to be honest with you because you feel like she owes you that much... You didn't expect what you got. You didn't imagine the reason why you feel this strongly about a woman, a woman you've just met a couple months ago, is really because you're in love. Married, even," Dr. Wyatt's voice is impressively calm and understanding, really trying to make Eliza aware of what's happening to her wife right now. "It's not you that Arizona is angry with, Eliza. Not entirely. It's the situation. It's the-"

"It's the situation," Eliza repeats Dr. Wyatt's words to herself. "It's not me? It's not me..."

"Arizona's world has just turned upside down. The life she thought she knew, also the one before the accident, it's completely different from what she thought. She's married, she's got a wife and a home. She's in love. And she didn't know it. Not until you sprung it on her. Not until the staff and her brother confirmed it. It's quite a lot to take in, Eliza. You need to give her time. Even though it'll be tough. You need to give it to her. She'll come around. When she's processed the news, she'll come around."

"It's my fault. It is. It's my fault. I should've told her sooner. I _should've_ told her," Eliza's words all but a whisper.

 _She knew it_. She shouldn't have listened to those damn doctors in the first place. She shouldn't have made them walk all over her and their marriage. She shouldn't have followed their instructions to erase everything about her from Arizona's phone, from Arizona's life. They made her delete pictures, messages and even her contact on her wife's phone so that Arizona wouldn't get a shock or overstrain her brain. Eliza had wept deleting the pictures. The pictures from their honeymoon, their first dates, the time they backpacked through Europe. She had deleted the pictures from when they re-did the bathroom and Eliza had painting all over her face caused by Arizona herself. And Eliza's heart had shattered completely deleting their wedding pictures. But the picture that made her draw blood from her lips was her favourite one. Arizona's screensaver. April had been the one taking it when they'd been on one of the group's monthly field trips. Arizona's back is tugged safely into Eliza's front as Eliza's arms are hugging her wife from behind. Eliza's face is turned so that she's looking at Arizona as the blonde is laughing wholeheartedly. The sun is casting a beautiful light to the moment as they're sitting on the grass, savouring the early evening and each other. The picture was taking a couple of weeks before their wedding, Eliza recalls it as if it were yesterday. Eliza remember what she felt like in that exact moment. She remembers the feelings perfectly. The feelings… the feelings of being so in love that nothing could ever bring you down.

"It's not your fault, Eliza," Dr. Wyatt soothes. "The doctors told you not to because they had Arizona's health in mind..."

"I know!" Eliza snaps.

"But you told her because you had Arizona's heart in mind. Right?"

"I guess so."

"When you love someone it's hard not to show it. It's even harder when you're told you cannot act on it. I can't imagine how hard it must've been for you to keep quiet, how hard it's been for you to not take Arizona in your arms when she's been right in front of you this whole time..."

"I had to do it," Eliza sighs, her eyes wandering the room. "I just had to."

"Why? Why did you have to do it, Eliza?"

"They told me it would help her. They told me she would get better. They told me... that it was im-important to ease her mem-memory into, into remembering… me," Eliza feels another round of tears on its way. The pricking feeling once again attacking her from every side. The feeling of missing Arizona. The feeling nothing besides Arizona can make go away. "They told me I had to be a stranger at first. They told me that me being around would help her mind remembering me. Our interactions would trig something inside of her, they would awake… Ugh, I don't know," Eliza sighs defeated.

"You being around your wife, Eliza," Dr. Wyatt gives her a smile. "It's helping Arizona. It's helping her to eventually remembering you. Maybe not everything all at once, but small steps. Remember when you told me she remembered you name? And then she had made that comment about you always pulling your legs up into the chair? _That's_ her brain working. It's Arizona's brain wanting to make you a part of her memory. Don't forget that. Something inside of her wants to remember you," Dr. Wyatt nods slowly. "You need to remember that, Eliza."

"But I told her I love her! And they told me I couldn't," Eliza whines, biting the inside of her cheek. Eliza feels a wave of anger hit her, a wave of anger towards... everything, everyone.

Dr. Wyatt narrows her eyes. "What are you thinking about, Eliza? _Right now_ , what are you thinking about?"

"They made me pull off her wedding ring!" Eliza states, her jaw fixed. "It's not enough I had to erase myself and our marriage completely from her phone, I also had to pull off the ring I slipped onto her finger two years ago while promising I'd never leave her, that I'd never-" Eliza cuts herself off, the tears getting in the way. _Again_.

"How did it make you feel, Eliza?"

"Mad. Mad beyond belief!"

"Who helped you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Who held you after you'd taken off the ring?"

"No one," Eliza states, offhandedly. "Well, not exactly no one. I guess Tim helped me."

"How is that? How did Tim help you?"

"I cried. I cried a lot. And he hugged me. He told me all kinds of soothing words, but... I didn't listen to them. I couldn't. I had just taken Arizona's ring. I was devastated. But he hugged me. And he spoke to the staff."

"That's nice. It's good to have somebody. Anybody, really."

"I don't need somebody. I just, I need her. Just… _her_ ," Eliza deadpans. All her tears are gone. She's empty. She's incapable of crying anymore. She's exhausted, she's mad and she's empty. She just wants to go home. Home to the empty and loveless house.

"I know you do. Give it time. Give _her_ time, Eliza."

"But what if she won't come around. What if she can't ever forgive me for what I've done? What if my marriage _is_ already over?" Eliza stares at her shrink. Those questions finally being voiced. They've nagged her the entirety of the session. They've pricked her heart and they've slaughtered her hopes and dreams.

"You don't know the answer to any of those questions yet, Eliza. We'll deal with those scenarios, should they become relevant, okay? For now… just give it time," Dr. Wyatt sends Eliza a sad but kind smile, nodding slowly. "Can you do that?" Eliza nods in agreement, though she's not completely sure if Dr. Wyatt is right anymore.

* * *

Eliza is curled up in front of the fireplace. The fireplace that was the first thing they agreed on when buying the house. They needed the house because of the fireplace. And Eliza can't seem to stay away from said place. She's drawn to it, now more than ever. Somehow she feels more connected to Arizona when she's staring into the fire. It's the closest thing she's got to being connected to Arizona these days, anyway.

It's been ten days since Eliza accidentally told her wife that she loves her. _Ten days_. Ten days with Arizona not wanting to speak to her or even look at her. To say Eliza's heart is broken would be the understatement of the century. Even the broken pieces of her heart are broken into unrecognizability.

She misses Arizona so unbelievably much. So much she hasn't been eating or sleeping. She's just existing. _Nothing else_. She knows Arizona has been discharged from the hospital. She's been to a meeting with the staff and Tim two days ago. Arizona is doing well considering her circumstances. Body and mind works perfectly now, if only she keeps the training going. As for Arizona's marriage status, there's nothing new. She won't accept it. She's doing the silent treatment when the topic falls upon Eliza and their relationship. Tim's enlightened Eliza whatsoever. To sum up; Arizona is staying at Tim's for the time being as she adjusts to being out of the hospital. Eliza didn't think they'd ever spend a night apart unless they _absolutely_ had to. So having Arizona living at Tim's and not in her own home, where she should be, makes Eliza even more sad.

How do you get your wife to love you again? How do you even get reach her when she doesn't want to look at you or listen to you? The powerlessness Eliza is feeling is destructing her ever so slowly.

Rounding the coffee table, Eliza collects her phone. She's got a couple of texts waiting for her to reply on. One from her mom back in Poland, one from her co-worker asking when she'll be returning, and one from Tim. The latter gets Eliza's mind spinning. What does he want? Has something happened to Arizona? Eliza can't... she just can't. But she's got to. _She's got to_. Opening the text from her brother-in-law, Eliza holds her breath.

 ** _T: Hi E. Can you stop by, say 5-ish? - Tim_**

What does that even mean? Why would Tim want her to stop by? Arizona doesn't want to see her. She's made that very clear. But what if she's changed her mind? What if she _does_ want to talk? Eliza isn't brave enough to keep her hopes high, though. Maybe Arizona just wants to end it once and for all? Maybe she's got the divorce papers and wants Eliza to sign them? Maybe she's not even there? Maybe Tim's the one who wants to talk to her?

* * *

 **AN2: Thank you for reading. I appreciate each and every one of you; both the ones expressing their thoughts but also the silent ones. Thank you!**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Once again, I appreciate all of your awesome reviews. Keep them coming!  
** **And oh, to the guest who commented on this story not being accurate. You're entitled to have your opinion but since it's my story, I'll write it this way.**

 **** **Now, on with the show.**

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

"Why did you do that, Tim? Why did you… seriously, I can't _believe_ you just did that," Arizona exclaims, throwing her hands in the air as she's rounding the dining table at her brother's house. The house she's been living in for the past two days. Because she doesn't know where home is. Arizona doesn't have her apartment to go home to. Apparently, she hasn't had that for three years. Apparently she's living in a house in the other end of the city. Not alone, no. Apparently with her wife. Which she by the way didn't know she had. And which nobody didn't care to tell her about. She's married. Arizona's married, and she's been for the past two years. She doesn't understand it, any of it. How could she not remember being married? How could she not remember falling in love and getting married? It's making Arizona even madder thinking about all the unanswered questions, which is why she's been resisting talking about it. Although, a lot of people have wanted to talk about it. Arizona just isn't ready. She isn't ready to talk. Not to people, not to Eliza. Not to anyone.

"Because you need to talk to her, Arizona," Tim tries, his voice firm. "She doesn't understand why-"

"Well, I don't understand either, so I guess we should just marry each other then," Arizona spits. "Oh wait… too late, I'm already married. To her. _What a surprise!_ " she laughs arrogantly, crossing her arms in front of her.

"Don't do that," Tim shakes his head disappointingly, looking his sister straight in the eyes. "Don't do that."

"Do what, Tim? What it is I'm doing?"

"Joking about it."

"We're not there yet, are we?" Arizona arches her brow, shrugging. She's tired. She's tired of people telling her what to do. She's tired of people constantly wanting her to be nice and cooperative and crap. She doesn't want to do any of that anymore. She's done being the good girl. It doesn't matter anymore. The people Arizona's trusted the most have lied to her. Authority has even lied to her. Doctors, for God's sake. Arizona's done playing nice, especially since no one else plays nicely.

"Stop doing that," Tim scoffs as he shakes his head, scratching his beard. "It doesn't suit you."

"I don't care," Arizona deadpans aiming for the stairs. "I'm done."

"Where are you going?" Tim calls after his sister.

"To my room," Arizona snaps, spinning on the stairs. "Like some pissed off teenager, apparently."

"Why are you pissed?"

"Because you freaking texted her. You texted her to come here when I specifically have asked you not to. I don't wanna see her. I don't wanna talk to her. And I _definitely_ do not want her here."

"She's got a name, you know," Tim sighs. "Your wife's got a name."

"Don't call her that!" Arizona exclaims, stumping her foot to the step while running a hand through her hair. "She's _not_ my wife."

"But she is, Arizona. She is!" Tim rushes to his sister, placing both of his hands on Arizona's shoulders. "It may not feel like it right now, but she is. Eliza _is_ your wife."

"You can't just say that," Arizona speaks through her teeth while suddenly feeling her walls crumbling. "She isn't… she lied… you lied, you all lied… she can't, she can't be my wife. I don't, I don't remember. Any of it. It's just, it's impossible."

"It's not, though. Arizona, listen to me…" Tim suggests calmly, carefully guiding his sister back to the couch. Arizona follows, although a little hesitant.

Arizona doesn't know if she's ready to hear her brother out. She doesn't know if she's even ready to hear the beginning of what he's got to say. Something tells her that it'll just make her even more confused and frustrated. Something deep inside of her tells her that it can't get much worse, though. That she's not able to feel worse than she already does. Her whole world has turned upside down. The things she thought, she knew… turned out she didn't, after all. All the things she thought she finally had down what with her memory finally being good again, they weren't right. Arizona thought she was to stay a couple of days with her brother to fully get used to being out of the hospital, and then she'd be able to go back to her apartment and start her life again. Get back to tutoring the young moms, read books, jog in the park, drink too sweet drinks at the bar on Friday nights. All that stuff. But she can't. That life doesn't exist anymore, apparently. Because Arizona's apartment hasn't been hers in three years. And why? Because Arizona's suddenly become a house owner. Nothing makes sense. She doesn't understand why she hasn't been able to remember all of that? How come she couldn't remember Eliza when she saw her after coming out from the coma? How is that even possible? How can one just forget their wife? It shouldn't be something one could be able to do when being in love, should it? Arizona's head hurts. It hurts so freakishly much. But that's not the worst part, though. Because even though she denies it, even though she keeps telling herself and Tim and April and all the others… even though she keeps blocking Eliza from her mind, she can't. Eliza keeps popping up, no matter what Arizona seems to do. Eliza's everywhere which frankly makes Arizona's heart hurt even more than her head.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Yeah, yup, sorry," Arizona shakes her head, jumping out of her own thoughts as she pulls her knees to her chin on the couch. She drapes her arms around her shins while looking at her brother. He looks sad, heartbroken even. Arizona can't even begin to figure out why he is looking like that, it's just… it's too much. And Eliza is apparently on her way over right now. It's just too freaking much to handle. She has suffered amnesia, for crying out loud, why don't he use _his_ brain when making rash decisions? Arizona is just fumingly mad.

"She loves you," Tim states. "There's really no question about that."

"How do you even know that?" Arizona sighs deeply. She's calmed down, though. Her heartbeat coming back to normal as the anger disappears. That's what Tim always does. That's what Tim does so perfectly. He always makes her so damn furious but he also always gets her back to her own self again. She doesn't know how, but he just does.

"I can't speak on Eliza's behalf, but what I can say is this… Arizona, I've never seen a woman so much in love with you as she is. Do you know what she did while you were in the coma, when you lied lifeless and hooked up to machines?"

"No," Arizona whispers. The pricking feeling appears inside of her again. It swirls around, making Arizona confused and on the verge to being nauseous. "No, I don't."

"She sat by your side. Every day, she just sat there. She wouldn't let anyone take over. I had to physically drag her out of your room and make her eat. She wouldn't, though. She's as stubborn as you are," Tim rolls his eyes playfully, earning a soft scoff from the blonde. "She wouldn't eat… she would just be where you were."

"You should've just gotten her jelly worms," Arizona smiles. "She loves jelly worms. The yellow ones, though. She loves everything yellow."

Tim's eyes widen at his sister's words. "Did you know what you just said?"

"What?" Arizona asks bewildered.

"The jelly worms. Where did that come from?"

"I, I don't know," Arizona lifts her head from her knee caps, surprised to where that statement came from. "How come… how come I said that?"

"You tell me, sis. You tell me," he smiles, squeezing Arizona's knee.

"But why do I know that, Tim? Why did I say it? Is it true? Does she really like jelly worms?"

Tim is about to answer when the doorbell cuts his words off. Arizona's eyes lock upon her brother's, fear written all over her face. What is she supposed to say to Eliza? What is she supposed to say to her wife? Her wife that ten days ago declared her love for her which she hasn't acknowledged yet. What is Arizona supposed to do in this situation? What is her heart supposed to do? She doesn't know Eliza. Even though they're married on paper, Arizona can't for the life of her remember it ever happening. That's one of the reasons Arizona has been blocking out Eliza. She doesn't know what she's supposed to say… to a woman who loves her without Arizona knowing anything about that love. It just makes her _almost_ healed head want to go into coma again. _Almost._

"Don't worry, sis. There's nothing to be scared of. Eliza wouldn't intentionally hurt you. I know it, I know her," Tim soothes, running the palm of his hand over his sister's cheek. "Just… hear her out. She needs this, Arizona. And frankly," Tim sighs. "You need it, too."

Tim goes to round the couch but Arizona catches his wrist, her eyes searching for some kind of help. For some kind of reassurance. "I can't."

"Yes, you can," he states, nodding. "You grew up with the name Arizona… you can do _anything!_ "

"But… but what if she… what if she hates me? What if she finds out I'm a totally different person than the one she married? Then what, Tim? Then what?"

"Then we'll deal with it, okay?"

"Tim…"

"Arizona…" he gives his little sister a sad smile. "You can do this. You can. It's Eliza, you know."

"Huh?"

"It's Eliza… the one you've been talking about every day for the last two months. You know, the one you've been playing _Battleship_ with so much you know all the good spots to place your ships. The one who brought you your favourite Cappuccino from the place near the library. It's Eliza… it's-"

"It's the one thing I haven't been able to get out of my mind," Arizona states when it finally hits her. Maybe the reason she couldn't get the brunette out of her head is because she's supposed to be there? Maybe Eliza's been in her head all this time because she was meant to be there, and because she had been there before the accident?

"Now you're getting there," Tim smiles. "I'll go get the door and then I'll be upstairs while you guys talk."

"But…"

"No buts. Just, talk. You like to chat. You're… chatty."

"Shut up!" Arizona snorts earning a raw chuckle from her brother as he approaches the door.

Arizona's heart is pounding so hard in her chest that she's unsure of how to breathe. She's so nervous. But why? She's so freaking nervous about meeting her… _wife_. That's just all kinds of weird. One shouldn't be nervous meeting their wife. It's just too crazy. But so is everything in Arizona's life right now. The front door opens and Arizona hears the muffled voices of Tim and Eliza. Her heart beats in her ears, her palms sweat and she's having trouble knowing how to sit in the couch, where to put her hands. Arizona fidgets with her fingers, pulling at them just a little, while turning on the couch so that her back is resting against the back of the couch, feet on the floor. She's not ready. She's not. She can't do this.

"I'll just be upstairs," she hears Tim inform Eliza as he takes the stairs with heavy bouncing to his feet. God, this means Eliza is on her way in here.

Arizona just stares at the wall in front of her, uncontrollably fidgeting with her fingers in her lab. She doesn't do this. This fidgeting with her fingers. She's never done that, Arizona _knows_. She's never been a nervous person. But now she's almost pulling off her fingers because she's so nervous being face to face with the woman who's been invading and occupying her head the last couple of months, and apparently more. Arizona's right hand pulls at the ring finger on her left hand which causes Arizona to stop. There's a slightly difference to that specific finger than the others. Ghosting her right thumb and forefinger around the left ring finger, Arizona's heart beats faster inside of her. Her eyes are still fixed on the wall opposite the couch as she feels the smoothness of the skin her fingers are exploring. Something has surely been around her finger.

"H-hey," a voice behind Arizona speaks, destroying the silence that had landed upon the living room of Tim's house. It makes Arizona flinch a little, even though she knows who the voice belongs to. She'd recognize _that_ voice anywhere, any day. Eliza rounds the couch which gets her into the view of the corner of Arizona's eye. "Um, umm… can I? Are you? Do you?" Eliza mumbles, trying to find the right words. The sadness in her voice is killing Arizona. It's making her feel like she's the bad guy in this… but she isn't, is she?

Arizona can't look at Eliza just yet. Holding her own hand, Arizona inhales deeply. "Sure," she nods. Arizona feels the cushion beside her dip while a warmth spreads between them and right into Arizona's soul. She can't help the deep inhale she takes. This time it isn't because of nerves, this time it's because she's missed being around Eliza so much these past ten days, that she takes all that she can get of her now. Filling her lungs with the air containing Eliza, she lets out a soft breath. Eliza mirrors Arizona, although the breath she lets go off is punctured. Arizona _knows_ what that means. It's always the same when Eliza's crying. Her breath somehow sounds punctured and broken. "Hey," Arizona cuts through the silence. "Don't do that, please," she whispers.

"S-sorry," Eliza stutters, grasping the edge of the couch and digging her nails into the cushion. "I didn't mean to, to make you upset."

"It's not that," Arizona breathes. "I hate when you're crying. It makes me want to cry, too." Arizona knows what she's just said. She knows that for her to say those words, she'd have to have been in a situation like this before. A situation with Eliza crying. And she knows deep inside of her heart that she in fact has been. The emotions she's feeling right now is too strong for her to just imagining them.

"I…"

"You…"

"I'm sorry," Eliza apologizes, again.

"You've already said that," Arizona sighs, her eyes trying not to blink. If she blinks the tears will surely be streaming down her cheeks.

"No. I'm sorry… for everything, Arizona. I'm just so deeply sorry."

"Yeah, I got your texts," Arizona accidentally lets a short chuckle escape her throat.

"Oh, you did, did you?" Eliza matches Arizona's chuckle. "Didn't know since you didn't reply, is all."

Arizona finally moves her eyes onto the woman next to her. What greets Arizona when she sees Eliza isn't what she expected. She didn't expect to be feeling this way. She didn't _want_ to feel this way. She's been so angry, she's been so pissed… and not just on the doctors, nurses, Tim and April, and herself, but especially at Eliza. She's been so infuriated because Eliza had lied to her, because Eliza had kept something very, very important from her. That's why she didn't expect to feel like this when finally seeing her again. Arizona is awed by this woman's beauty. Eliza's hair is completely straight, framing her face like a human canvas. Her dark green blouse makes Eliza's eyes green as well. The trail of tears visible on both of Eliza's cheeks forms a need inside Arizona. She desperately needs to touch her, to touch Eliza's cheek. She doesn't know if she can, though.

Eliza turns her head to look at Arizona which makes Arizona's breath catch in her throat. "I don't know how to do this," Arizona whispers all the while keeping her eyes locked with Eliza's. "I don't know how or where to start…"

"Let me then," Eliza smiles sadly, a hint of shyness covering her facial features. Arizona nods, giving Eliza the permission that she needs. Without further ado, Eliza shifts in the couch and pulls her legs up to her chin. As she always does, Arizona states internally. It makes her so happy that some of the things she remembers are, in fact, true and real. Arizona pulls herself into an Indian-style position, carefully helping her legs slide into the preferred seating position. "I've got so many answers, Arizona. So many. I just, I just need you to ask the questions. And I'll answer each and every one. You must have got so many questions. I know, I would've."

"I do," Arizona nods slowly, still not taking her eyes off of the beautiful brunette opposite her. Her fingers resume their work at her left ring finger, somehow finding it settling to her nerves. "I'm just... I'm so mad. I'm just so mad, and frustrated and-"

"I know."

"And I can't seem to remember I married you. I can't even remember us, you and me, from before the accident, anyway. It's just… it's killing me not knowing. And it makes me so incredibly angry no one told me. That _you_ didn't tell me," Arizona finally lets go of herself, figuring this would be as good a time as any. The pricking feeling inside of her rears its painful head again, making Arizona want to scream because she still doesn't know what the hell it wants to tell her. She doesn't know what it is that she's missing. "And I'm just _so_ mad, and so sad all at the same time. It makes my head hurt like you wouldn't believe it."

"I'm so, so sorry, Arizona. I never wanted to hurt you."

"Then why did you?" Arizona knows it's uncalled for. She knows she just played dirty.

"They told me to, Arizona. They told me I couldn't tell you…"

"Why couldn't you tell me?" Arizona presses her eyes shut, trying to block out the impending tears. "Why couldn't you just have told me… why couldn't you just have told me I was the one you're married to? Why?" Arizona's breaths are heavy, opening her eyes she finds Eliza's gaze penetrating her. The doctors have already told her why. She just needs Eliza to say it. She needs to hear Eliza explain why…

Without any warning, Eliza grasps Arizona's hand in her lap. It sends a shock down Arizona's spine, making her flinch just the slightest but she doesn't pull back. Arizona doesn't pull her hand out of Eliza's.

"You didn't remember me, Arizona," Eliza starts to explain, the thumb of the brunette stroking Arizona's knuckles. It feels good, it feels safe, it feels… _natural_. Arizona's heart pounds, hard. And now her eyes can't hold back anymore. Now the flood is coming. Now her cheeks just got the company of her streaming tears. "You didn't remember me when you came out of the coma. You, you didn't know who I was," Eliza sighs, her voice on the verge to breaking point. "You remembered Tim and April. You remembered your own name, age and which city you were living in and, yeah. You know the rest. You just, you didn't remember… _me_."

Arizona sees how Eliza struggles with telling Arizona what happened. She sees the pain and the heartache. She sees it… and she recognizes it. She's been there herself. Actually, Arizona's still there. But still, she can't even begin to understand how it would be if the roles had been reversed. How incredibly heartbroken Arizona would've been if her wife couldn't recognize her. It must've been so awful.

"Eliza," Arizona sighs. It's the first time in what feels like forever she's said that name out loud. It's just been too painful to pronounce it. Saying Eliza's name out loud just made it real, just made it personal, you know. And Arizona couldn't do personal. She had to keep a distance. But now, now Eliza's here. Now Eliza's holding her hand… and she's not freaking out. Not much, anyway. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't, Arizona," one of Eliza's tears is running down her cheek. "Don't you ever apologize for what happened to you. It's not your fault."

Without even knowing it, Arizona's hand cups Eliza's cheek and wipe away the single tear that just ran the softness of Eliza's skin. The sudden action surprises both women. Feeling Eliza's skin against her palm makes Arizona's heart explode. It makes her stomach twist and her eyes flutter just a little bit. Eliza leans into her touch, letting out a deep sigh. Suddenly feeling like she's overstepped, Arizona pulls her hand back. "I'm, I'm sorry. I didn't know… I don't know why I did that."

"Don't," Eliza smiles timidly. "Don't ever apologize for that either."

"For what?"

Eliza looks like she's contemplating whether to speak the truth or lie. Arizona really hopes that the lying has stopped, though. "For touching me," Eliza finally breathes, a sad smile on her face. " _Never_ apologize for that." Arizona doesn't say anything as a soft blush washes over her face, Eliza's eyes on her the whole time. "Anyway," Eliza starts again. "They told me I couldn't tell you who I was or why I kept coming by. They told me to pretend I was a stranger so that you'd be able to remember me in small bits, you know, like I'd somehow trig something inside of your memory little by little, and hopefully… hopefully you'd get to remember me. And not just me the stranger, but me… your wife."

"My wife…" Arizona lets the words roll off her tongue, like she's tasting them.

"Yeah. Your brain was badly injured and somehow you weren't able to remember me, you weren't able to remember anything from your newest past, or something like that," Eliza chuckles nervously. "They used a lot of fancy medical words, but I don't understand them."

"I take that you're not a doctor then, huh?" Arizona quizzes.

"Unfortunately, no," Eliza replies sheepishly. "If I had been one, I'd tried saving you myself, you know."

"That's good enough for me, I guess," Arizona smiles, shrugging. Her eyes land on their hands between them, finally needing to ask Eliza something. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"How come, um, I don't wear a wedding ring… like you?"

Eliza looks down at their hands, finding Arizona's left ring finger empty. Arizona watches as a wave of sadness washes over Eliza's face as the brunette's shoulders slump. "They made me take it off."

"What?"

"They made me do a lot of things against my will, actually," Eliza breathes, her eyes still fixed on their hands as she continues to stroke Arizona over the knuckles.

"Like what?"

"Like disinfecting myself from your life."

"What do you mean? You can't disinfect someone from someone's life."

"You can, and I did," Eliza takes in a sharp breath causing Arizona to go against everything she'd sworn she wouldn't do these last few days. Shifting her hand in Eliza's, she intertwines their fingers, somehow sensing Eliza to need the deeper connection. And frankly, Arizona needs it too. It's not like it's unfamiliar… this feeling of needing to be close to Eliza. She's after all felt the desire to be close to the brunette ever since she woke from the coma. To believe she's actually entitled to be goes beyond Arizona's mind right now. Eliza's head snaps up, looking at Arizona in surprise. Arizona gives Eliza a soft smile, trying not to make this awkward in any way. She just wants to be like this… like _this_ a little while longer. Eliza releases a deep breath, finally relaxing. "Um, so… um, I… they had me delete every picture of us on your phone. And they told me to take your ring so that you wouldn't get shocked discovering a wedding ring to adorn your finger. It would just cause your brain to stress out and that would destroy your recovery."

"Can I ask you something else?" Arizona squints her eyes as the new information sinks into her mind. It's quite a lot to take in, actually. But she needs it. Just like Tim said. She needs to hear it.

"Of course," Eliza nods.

"Can you tell me about, um… about, us, maybe?"

"Us?"

"Yeah… I wanna know, us. You know? But just… small steps, I guess. My brain still tries to catch up with the whole marriage and disinfecting thing," Arizona uses her free hand to run through her hair.

"We've been married for two years now."

"So we got married when I was 29. It's good, it's okay. It's a good age to be married in."

Eliza smiles at Arizona. "I guess it is," the brunette chuckles. "We've been together for six years, going on seven. And oh," Eliza stops herself, grinning.

"What?"

"We have a fireplace!"

"We have?" Arizona's eyes widen at the new information. She's always loved fireplaces, ever since she was a little kid she's dreamt about having one when she grew up and had her own house. This doesn't feel strange… not awkwardly strange, anyway. It's just like talking to Eliza before Arizona found out about their relationship. It's easy and fun, it's soothing and it's very, very wonderful. Only thing different now is that their fingers are laced and Arizona knows they're in a committed relationship. _With each other_. It takes getting used to, for sure. But she isn't going to back away from this. Not now. She needs to now her life. She needs to know her… wife, as well.

"We do!" Eliza states proudly, squeezing Arizona's hand which sends a round of butterflies basking through Arizona's stomach. "And we ride our bikes every Sunday."

"Why do we do that?" Arizona laughs.

"Because we always eat with your brother on Sundays."

"Ooh, that sounds nice," Arizona nods contently.

"Sure it is," Eliza continues. "And we don't celebrate you birthday because-"

"I hate birthdays."

"Yeah, that's-"

"Except yours. We celebrate yours, don't we?" Arizona asks cautiously, feeling her brain work hundredth miles an hour. "I like your birthday, right? I do. I _think_ I remember that I most certainly do like your birthday."

"You do, honey, you do," Eliza confirms softly, unaware of the term of endearment she just let slip. Arizona's very much aware of what just happened, though. She just doesn't know what to say because it took her completely off guard. Of course, they use those kind of nicknames for each other. They're married, after all. It just surprised her, that's all. "You like it because I make you celebrate your own birthday on that day as well. It's all really just an act, you know. The whole _I don't like my birthday_ ," Eliza chuckles. "You _so_ like your birthday."

"It's easy for you to say, I don't know, do I now?" Arizona shrugs, playfully rolling her eyes.

"I'll help you, you know," Eliza suddenly sounding serious. "I'll always help you, if you'll let me. I'll help you."

"Let's not go there yet, okay?" Arizona shakes her head no, scooting herself a little closer to Eliza. Eliza sighs, nodding while reaching out for Arizona's other hand. When she finds it, she laces her hand with it, mirroring their other hands interactions. "Eliza?"

"Yes?"

"What do we do for my birthday then?"

"We're just at home," Eliza smiles. "We eat in and just kick back. Nothing fancy. Just, us, you know."

"Home…" Arizona drags the word while her head starts spinning again. Home. _Home_ … her home with Eliza. That sounds all kinds of crazy. But they _do_ have a home, and for what she's learned, they've been living together for three years now. Her home is with Eliza, not here with her brother, not at her own apartment. Her home is the house with the fireplace she's bought with Eliza. She can't go back there, though. Not yet. She just can't. "I, I…"

"I'm sorry, Arizona, I shouldn't have brought that up. Not yet, anyway," Eliza adds, defeat covering her every word. "I'm just… I'm sorry."

"Ssssh," Arizona presses their joined hands together between them. "Just… can we stay like this a little while longer, please? Just… being here, together. While my head tries processing what you just told me."

"Of course, Arizona. Of course," Eliza breathes out. Arizona is relieved by Eliza's cooperation. She's thankful Eliza's willing to give her what she needs of her. And right now, it's just this. Being together as Eliza and Arizona. Not as wives or anything like that. Arizona enjoys the comfortable silence that's suddenly spread out and Eliza's fingers laced with her own. It's simple and it's just what she needs right now. Everything else can come later. "But… where do we go from here?" Eliza whispers. Both pairs of eyes glued to their laced fingers, no one daring to speak. No one knowing what in fact comes next. Arizona's heart is torn.

* * *

 **AN2: Thank you for reading, you guys. Reviews are appreciated, greatly. Thanks.**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Your kind words are what's keeping me motivated, thank you!  
**

* * *

 _Eliza's POV_

She just did it again. Eliza just came on too strong. _Again_ , she came on too strong. This isn't what Dr. Wyatt has been telling her these past few weeks. It's definitely not. Eliza needs to give Arizona time. Time to process. Time to get used the idea of being married, of being married to her. And instead she went and did _this_. Sometimes she's really asking to be slapped in the face. And quite possibly her heart as well, in this particular situation. Arizona may still have her fingers laced with Eliza's, but that could very much be because Eliza won't and can't let go of her wife.

The silence is killing Eliza. She's afraid to look up, she's afraid she'll see on Arizona's face what she already knows. She's scared of seeing her wife's gorgeous face screwed up in panic. Why can't she for once just keep her stupid mouth shut? Why does she always, _always_ put her foot in the spinach? Why can't she just let time pass and Arizona come around? _Why?_ Eliza knows why, though. In fact, she knows it all too well. She misses Arizona. She misses her so much. And she's not sure she'll be able to go another day without her wife. Eliza's not sure she can take Arizona staying at Tim's for that much longer. Arizona's home is where Eliza lives. It's where the fireplace is. Where the special pancake pan is. Where the walls are beige with a touch of yellow. Arizona's home is where she sleeps closest to the bedroom window because she loves looking at the Seattle sky going to sleep and waking in the morning. Arizona's home isn't here, in the other end of the city, no. Arizona's home is on the street with the old oak gracefully draping its branches across the roof of their garage. Arizona's home isn't with her brother. It's with her wife, it's with Eliza. But Eliza might have just ruined the possibility of Arizona returning home any time soon. Eliza, her big, stupid mouth and her fragile heart may have frightened Arizona. _Again_.

"Eliza," Arizona sighs heavily. "I-"

"I'm so sorry, Arizona," Eliza rushes, squeezing their hands tight as she scoots herself as close to her wife as their folded legs allow. "It seems like I'm pretty good at this," Eliza sighs, devastation covering her voice. Why does she always have to mess all things up? Why can't she just shut up and be? "I'm so sorry."

"I don't know what you're talking about but it seems like you're pretty good at apologizing, too," Arizona breathes, pulling one of her hands out of Eliza's grasp. It causes Eliza's heart du flinch and her eyes to water. She knew it. She _did_ blow it. "You don't need to do that all the time, Eliza," Arizona clarifies, lifting Eliza's chin with a finger.

When their eyes lock, Eliza sees Arizona's blue eyes sparkle. They don't look sad. They don't look petrified, either. They just look… pretty. Like the prettiest eyes she's ever laid eyes on herself. Arizona gives Eliza a sad smile, causing one dimple to pop which then causes Eliza's heart to twist in her chest. Arizona's dimples always do that to her. They _always_ make her dizzy… dizzy with love.

"I do, though. I'm so completely sor-"

"Stop!" Arizona states, putting a finger to Eliza's lips. It shakes Eliza to the core. The feeling of Arizona's finger to her lips make the hairs on arms stand on end. She doesn't purse her lips, even though it's the one thing she really wants to do. She doesn't. She controls herself, finally. "Can I say something without you apologizing?" Arizona quizzes, arching one of her brows. Eliza just nods, running her thumb across the side of Arizona's hand. "Honestly, I don't know where we're going from here. I don't even know where I live…"

"You live with m-" Eliza tries to speak around Arizona's finger pressed to her lips, but it only makes Arizona press her finger harder onto her mouth as she squints her eyes.

"I don't know where I live, Eliza. I don't even know how our bedroom looks like. I don't know your favourite movie or what dress you wore on our first date," Arizona starts. "I don't know when I fell in love with you and I don't know why you fell in love with me. I don't even know where we met…"

Eliza watches as Arizona drops her hand to her lap as something washes all over her face. Something Eliza can't quite differentiate. She doesn't say anything, though. She lets Arizona feel whatever it is that she's suddenly feeling… or remembering.

"Oh my God," Arizona whispers, her eyes wide as she looks at Eliza. "I know."

"What do you know?" Eliza asks a little confused. Needing all the connection to her wife without coming off to greedy or needy, she places her hand on Arizona's knee.

"You told me!" Arizona exclaims. "I remember me asking you about your wife… and you told me about the… the avocados. It was me, wasn't it? It was me you told me about… it was _our_ first meet, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, it was."

"And then I said something about putting it into your wedding speech, and you told me that your wife actually _did_ talk about it in _her_ speech."

"Yes," Eliza confirms, ghosting her fingertips atop Arizona's knee cap. She doesn't seem to mind, Arizona. She's way too occupied with trying to figure out what exactly happened the day they met each other.

" _I_ made a speech."

"You did," Eliza smiles as she reminisces about the amazing speech Arizona made for her on their wedding day. They had decided not to do the whole speech thing considering the reception was only small and very down to Earth, but Arizona had once again surprised Eliza. "And it was the best speech I've ever been giving."

"You don't just say that because you might be biased?" Arizona scoffs amused as she pulls out of Eliza's hands completely. Once again Eliza feels the desolation wash over her as the pricking feeling rears its ugly head again. The feeling of being so impossibly close to Arizona but she can't do what she desperately wants and needs. She can't just take her in her arms, kiss her and tell her how much she loves her. Last time she did something remotely like that it ended up causing Eliza ten days of intolerable silence and a violent kind of heartache. She can't do that again. So, she stays put, even though that makes her heart throb in pain as well. But she'd take this kind of pain over the pain of not seeing her wife or knowing what's going on with her any day. No doubt in her mind.

"Maybe," Eliza shrugs.

"What's with the short answers?" Arizona puffs while suddenly fidgeting with the threads of Eliza's jeans, the knees showing through big holes.

"I'm sor-" Eliza cuts herself off when Arizona clears her throat, sending her a smug smile. "I just wanna do this right, you know?" Eliza suddenly feels herself becoming nervous and shy around Arizona. Which is unnecessary, really. It's just Arizona. It's her wife. Except that now Eliza feels like she's somehow got to win Arizona all over again. Like she's got to… then it hits Eliza. Then the puzzle pieces fall into place. Eliza knows what she's got to do. It's really simple. She's got to make her wife fall in love with her all over again. She needs to make Arizona see why she fell for Eliza six years ago. All Eliza's got to do is just be herself, really. And she'll do it as best as she can. Because when Arizona is the main goal, there's really nothing Eliza won't do. This is where they should start. This is where they should go from here.

"What?" Arizona asks, her eyes searching Eliza's. "Why are you, um, smiling?"

Eliza can't help it. She feels like she's just come up with the brightest idea the world has ever seen. "I know where we go from here…"

Arizona stills her hands on both of Eliza's knees. "Eliza, I can't… I can't move back in… I can't move into a house I don't even know where is. I can't sleep in a bed I-"

"I know. That's not what I'm saying here, Arizona."

"Then what _are_ you saying?"

"Just… um, do you wanna grab a drink with me some time?"

"W-what?" Arizona chuckles. "A drink?"

"Yeah, a drink, you know. Just a drink," Eliza shrugs nonchalantly. "I'm offering you a drink here, woman."

"A drink, huh?" Arizona squints her eyes playfully. Eliza feels the urge of throwing herself at Arizona because she makes her so incredibly happy. So much it's taking over her entire body. Eliza feels so undeniably happy and relieved that Arizona is sitting in front of her, smiling and playing along. Eliza feels her heart pound harder than it's done in forever… because this time; this time it pounds due to love, due to the powerful connection they've got, even though Arizona can't remember those feelings… yet. But they are there, nonetheless. They are there and Eliza will make sure Arizona will be able to recognize them, if that's the last thing she'll ever do.

"Just… a drink, and maybe… _maybe_ a walk home, if you're up for it."

"Eliza Minnick, are you asking me out on a date?" Arizona grins. Eliza doesn't feel her nerves anymore. They've gone. They disappeared the moment she decided to make Arizona fall in love with her again. She can't be nervous while doing that. She needs to bring her A-game. And besides, it's Arizona. It's her wife. Speaking to Arizona has always been the easiest thing in the world for Eliza. Both before and after the accident. Eliza tries to hide the fact that Arizona just calling her by her maiden name hurt. It might be her name from before they got married, but Arizona doesn't know that. Arizona doesn't know that they decided on sharing last names. It's not the time to say anything, though. Arizona's got so many news today, and Eliza can't make herself pull another one over her wife's head. "What's wrong?" Arizona asks all of a sudden when Eliza doesn't reply to her question. The grin she sported just before replaced by a worried look and a soft crease to her forehead. Eliza loves that look. It makes her wife look so wise.

"Um, nothing," Eliza replies confused. Why would Arizona ask her what's wrong? "Nothing's wrong, Arizona."

"Then why do you look like someone just punched you in the face? I might have issues with my memory but my eyes work just fine."

"Um… ummm."

"Please, Eliza. Talk to me. No more lies, please," Arizona begs, her eyes so full of love, Eliza's sure. Arizona's eyes have always, _always_ held so much love for for. It's been this undeniable thing everybody always commented on. And even with Arizona's state of mind now, her eyes still hold love. Not just any love, though. They hold love for Eliza, even though Arizona doesn't know it or are willing to define it or explore it just yet. But it's there. The love.

"You, it's just. You said…"

"It was something _I_ said?"

"Yeah, sort of."

Realization suddenly hitting her wife, the crease in Arizona's forehead getting deeper. "Oh," Arizona's mouth forms an o-shape, her hands instantly fidget as she pulls at her fingers in her lap. "It's not your name, is it?"

"Not entirely, no," Eliza sighs, gently biting down on her lower lip.

"So when we married, you changed your name?"

"We both did, actually. We just threw in a hyphen, is all," Eliza tells her wife, her voice soft.

"So… Minnick-Robbins or Robbins-Minnick?"

"Minnick-Robbins."

"Because M is before R in the alphabet, right?" Arizona quizzes sheepishly. Again, Eliza feels the urgent need to kiss her wife. She wants so desperately to kiss Arizona. Not just because she hasn't in so long the withdrawal is brutally killing her, but also because Arizona remembers things. Whenever Arizona remembers one tiny detail, Eliza just want to praise her with hugs and kisses and fireworks. She can't, though. She can't do any of that because it might push the blonde even further away.

"That's exactly how you advocated your suggestion," Eliza settles on replying, giving Arizona a big smile. Inside Eliza's on the verge to break down, though. Inside Eliza feels how her heart is aching because she can't touch Arizona. Sure, they've actually just taken the step of handholding and even fondling at the knees and that, but Eliza needs more. She really, really needs Arizona's mouth, her lips and all that comes with them.

"I figured," Arizona smirks. "Okay, okay, um. Rewind. Ask me again," Arizona smiles timidly. "Please."

Eliza can't quite follow where Arizona is going, both she'll do whatever Arizona wants right now. She'll do everything by the book now. "Mmh… o-kay? Would you like to grab a drink some time?"

"Eliza Minnick-Robbins," Arizona grins, squinting her eyes playfully. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

"I guess, I am," Eliza chuckles. It's back. Arizona's dorkiness is back. Not that she thought it had gone. The dorkiness. Arizona's been dorky all since waking up and they rekindled and got to know each other again. It's just something inside of her that's always there, Eliza suppose. But now it's back, for real. Now Arizona's being all dorky towards her, just like she would've been before… Arizona's acting like Eliza's wife again. It might be a very small thing… but to Eliza, it's a huge thing.

"Then my answer is yes. Yes, to drinks… and maybe a walk," Arizona smiles.

Eliza's heart soars. It soars so high, Eliza's got trouble coming down again. The light coming from Arizona's eyes is keeping her heaved from the ground. And when Arizona's hands find Eliza's again and lace them, a whole new round of good vibes shoots through Eliza. Arizona squeezes their joined hands, letting out a content sigh. Eliza watches as a membrane of tiredness washes all over her wife's face, how her shoulders slump and her breath becomes deeper. It's the tell tail of Arizona needing sleep.

"Hey," Eliza softly asks for Arizona's attention. When the blonde locks her eyes onto Eliza's, the butterflies once again bask in the pit of Eliza's stomach. "You're tired. I'll just… I'll just go home. And I'll see you, um, tomorrow?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just so… I'm just so tired, and my head kinda hurts," Arizona apologizes sadly.

"Hey, don't be. I get it. A lot has happened tonight. I get it, okay?"

"You do? You're not… mad?"

"Why would I be mad?"

"Because I need to sleep…" Arizona trails off, her eyes dropping to their hands as she strokes the back of Eliza's with her thumb. "And because I can't go home with you…"

"I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't want that… but I know you can't. I'll just… I'll go home and then we'll see each other again, okay?"

It takes everything inside of Eliza not to cry again. It takes everything last ounce of strength for Eliza not to break down because she can't take Arizona home with her. That she cannot hold her as she goes to sleep, stroke her hair just the way Arizona loves it. It takes everything Eliza's got not to fall to her knees and ask Arizona to please come home with her. The pricking feeling hitting her full force as Arizona looks at her, sadness covering her every feature. Eliza's heart shouldn't be breaking because they're actually going somewhere. Forward. Arizona and her are doing this, and they're doing it the right way. That's why her heart shouldn't be breaking now. She's got her wife back… it's just a matter of time when she'll be _back-back_. Though, her heart isn't with her on that particular part. Eliza's heart just wants Arizona. And it wants all of her now.

"Okay," Arizona nods gently. "Can I… um, can I, maybe… text you before going to sleep?"

"You don't ever have to ask that question, Arizona."

Arizona's eyes find Eliza's, a shy smile ghosting the lips Eliza craves so much. She can't help when her eyes land upon them. It's just too much. She has got to leave now. Before she does something that might ruin them. Eliza's got to wrist herself away from her wife, go home and go to sleep.

* * *

"So, you're taking Arizona out on a date," Dr. Wyatt states happily. "When?"

"Tomorrow night, just... for drinks, you know," Eliza replies, digging her nails into the armrests of her chair. "We're, um… taking it slow."

"That's good, Eliza. I'm so proud of you. You're doing such a good job."

"I'm not, though," Eliza whines. "I'm _really_ not."

"What makes you feel like you aren't doing a good job?"

"I think about her _all the time_ ," Eliza reveals, her voice coated in sadness. "I think about _touching_ her. _Kissing_ her. I think about _throwing_ myself at her. That's _not_ taking it slow. I'm _not_ doing a good job."

"Eliza, it's only normal to want to be intimate with your wife. Especially when you've been hiding your feelings and your marriage status for so long. It's only normal to want that extra connection and contact."

"But," Eliza stops herself, folding her hands in her lap, chewing on her lower lip. "I can't do that, Dr. Wyatt. I can't. She'll run. She'll run and then I'll _never_ get her back."

"Having those thoughts and acting on them are two very different things, Eliza," Dr. Wyatt states kindly. "You wanting and needing to be closer to Arizona, it's only normal. It's what to be expected, really. You not acting on them is you putting Arizona's feelings before your own. It's you wanting to do the right thing. It's not something everyone can do. And that's why you're doing a good job, Eliza. You're giving Arizona the time she needs. You are giving her time to remember why she loves you, why she fell for you and why she married you."

"But… I'm seriously going out of my mind," Eliza exclaims, roughly running a hand through her hair only to rest it at the back of her neck. "I'm _really_ trying to take it slow. To give her time. To be the good wife, you know. But all I want to do is grab her and shake her, tell her that I desperately need for her to touch me so that I can touch _her_. But I can't do that," Eliza feels the tears knock on the insides of her eyelids along with a heaviness to her voice. "I can't do that."

"That doesn't mean you can't feel the way you do. As we talked about a couple of weeks ago, it's hard being around the person you love without getting to show them how you truly feel."

"I hate it. I _really_ hate it. Does that make me a bad person?" Eliza breathes out, a single tear escaping down the bridge of her nose.

"No, it doesn't. If anything, it makes you human, Eliza. And it's good you've got those feelings. It really is."

"Why can that possibly be good?"

"It means that you still want Arizona. It means that you're still attracted to her. It means that considering everything that's happened, you still long for her."

"I love her."

"I know you do, Eliza. But that's not always enough, you know. Sometimes the damage is too severe to mend with just love. Though a relationship isn't built on love and attractions alone, they're both very important factors in keeping a relationship from falling apart."

"The accident didn't change how I see my wife. If anything it's taught me how much I really love her, how much I need her in my life," Eliza states, pulling out a tissue from the box and wiping her cheeks. She didn't want to cry today. She didn't want to. Not when things were actually going so great between Arizona and her. But it's just those stupid feelings. Eliza's stupid emotions she can't control even if her life depended on her to.

"And that's an important thing as well, Eliza. It's a very important fact to include."

"Why?"

"Because it reminds you of why you shouldn't give up. Not on Arizona. Not on your marriage. And not on yourself. You deserve to be happy, Eliza. You deserve to get your happy ending."

"But I don't know how I get it," Eliza breathes a sigh of defeat.

"By doing what you're already doing. By continuing to show Arizona that you love her, that you want her to get getter... and that-"

"That I won't give up on us, on her."

"Precisely!" Dr. Wyatt smiles proudly, nodding.

The silence hits the room as Eliza screws up her face. What now? What is she supposed to do now? She desperately wants for Arizona to start remembering them... as a couple. She desperately needs for Arizona to start remembering the feelings between them. The feelings that will allow Eliza to finally take her wife into her arms and kiss her.

"What, um... what am I supposed to do to get her to remember me?" Eliza asks timidly, playing a game of thumb war with herself in her lap.

"Did the neurologists give you any advice?"

"Well, um. They said that scents and music could be a place to start. Or flavours."

"That sounds good. You got any plans then? Where are you taking Arizona tomorrow?" Dr. Wyatt smiles.

"Um, I thought about taking her to one of the bars we used to go to. You think that'll be okay? It won't spook Arizona or strain her brain or something?"

"I think she'll be just fine, Eliza," Dr. Wyatt smiles calmly. "She's with you, so I think she'll be just fine."

Ending the session, Eliza picks up some Chinese on her way home. When she finally gets home and shrugs out of her clothes, she pulls on one of Arizona's old hoodies and curl up in front of the TV. She's done this way too much the last couple of weeks. Way more than she really wants to, really. It's nights like these where she really misses Arizona the most. Like inhumanly much. Like painfully missing her. It's nights like these all she wants to do is bawl her eyes out. Weeping until she's completely empty. Empty... like the space next to Eliza in their bed. Empty like the other end of the couch. Empty like the bottle of wine on the table. Empty like the place in the fridge where Arizona's kiwi yoghurt used to be. Empty... just empty.

Chunking on a fried shrimp, Eliza's phone buzzes on the coffee table. Catching the device, Eliza watches as her wife's name lights up her screen. The emptiness Eliza felt just before gets a little lighter when knowing Arizona just thought of her. Opening the message, Eliza tries to hold back her tears.

 ** _A: I don't know if I'm allowed to say this. I don't even know if it's fair to text you. But... I miss you. I think. No, I know. I do. I miss you. And I can't wait to get a drink with you tomorrow._**

Eliza's having trouble reading the message as her eyes fill with unshed tears. The pricking feeling of missing her wife takes over all of Eliza. It clouds her vision, her mood and her heart. Pushing the Chinese box across the table, Eliza drops the phone to the couch while grabbing a pillow to place atop her thighs. Then the tears spill. Then the heartache breaks through... all over again. Eliza launches her face into the pillow and screams. The tears get caught in her throat but she doesn't care. Screaming from the top of her lungs, Eliza cries the slaughtering emotions out into the silence of her home. Of their home. Jerking her body back and forth in sharp movements, Eliza bawls and screams. Like she's trying to get everything out. Like she's trying to make more room for what's to come. But right now... right now all she wants to do is give up. Give up and never get out of this house again. It's just too much. Arizona misses her. She does. She's just told her that she does. But why can't she just get home then? Why can't Arizona just get home and start remembering things here... where she should be? Why can't she just come back? Why can't everything just be the way it used to be... before the accident? Eliza's throat hurts from all the screaming and crying but it's nothing compared to how her heart is feeling now.

* * *

 **AN2: Again, thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate it very, very much.**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: I appreciate all of your thoughts, really. They keep me motivated. That's why I wanna know what you're thinking. Don't be silent. Catch me on Twitter as well. My handle is** _arizonasbedhair_ **. Thank you for reading!  
**

* * *

I've looked forward to this evening ever since the thought of Eliza asking me out for drinks settled in me. At first I was shocked. I was shocked and actually going to decline her friendly offer because, well... it _wasn't_ a friendly offer. It was anything but. Eliza had asked her out on a date. The thing Arizona had dreamt of happening since she woke from the coma and locked eyes with the brunette. She didn't know she was allowed to look at Eliza then. She didn't even know that Eliza had been looking at her while she's been in the coma. All she knew was that she needed to get to know the stranger with the prettiest eyes and the most beautiful hair she'd ever seen. She just knew. Learning that Eliza was married had broken her heart more times that Arizona would care to admit. Really, it had her cringe and sniffle whenever she had been alone. And now... now she was having a drink with the same stranger. Except that Eliza wasn't a stranger. Far from it actually. Eliza was her wife, even though Arizona didn't remember her being so. When Arizona learned about their marriage and Eliza having explained and answered some of Arizona's questions, she'd asked to be shown the papers. The papers that showed her that she in fact had gotten married… to Eliza. She had asked to be given back her wallet with all her credit cards, healthcare card and so on. They all told her what everyone had surely been telling her all along. She _is_ in fact married to Eliza, and they share the same last name. Minnick-Robbins. _Arizona Minnick-Robbins_. It isn't a bad name, not at all. She just needs to get used to it... like all the other things in her life now.

Eliza finally got back with two drinks in her hands, smiling and with a sparkle in her one eye. Arizona really likes that. The sparkle. The confident sparkle that only shows itself on rare occasions. It's a shame, really. Because Arizona really thinks that it suits Eliza being this confident.

"Phew... I didn't know so many people liked to celebrate Thursday evenings," Eliza chuckles, placing a very green drink in front of Arizona and a yellow one in front of herself. The yellow colour immediately reminds Arizona about the jelly worms conversation she had with her brother a couple days ago.

"Who doesn't like to celebrate that Friday is coming?" Arizona shrugs, smiling. Eliza shoots a smile back herself. It hits Arizona right in the chest causing her breath to hitch a little. "Um, can I ask you something personal?" Arizona chances as Eliza places herself in the chair opposite her. Eliza had clearly opted for the seat next to Arizona but something made her change her mind. It makes Arizona sad in some way she can't explain. Something inside of her wants Eliza to want to sit next to her but something also tells her that they need to take it slow. Very slow. Arizona wants her head to follow along every step of the way. Arizona's heart may want more than she's able of giving and receiving at this point, though.

"Sure," Eliza nods, taking a sip of her drink.

"Do you like jelly worms?"

Eliza's eyes widen as the drink gets caught in her throat. Placing the glass back on the table and coughing into her arm, Eliza grins. "What? That's your take on a personal question?"

"Well..." Arizona shrugs.

"Cute," Eliza winks. Sooo... the drinks surely help on Eliza's confidence. And Eliza's confidence surely helps on making Arizona's insides spin along with her head. Is it possible to still feel lightheaded when you've woken from a coma almost three months ago? Arizona doesn't know. All she knows is that there's something about Eliza she can't get enough. _That_ something might have just been the reason why she fell in love with her six years ago. Arizona desperately needs for her brain to work perfectly so that she can start connecting all the dots floating around. "Well, yeah. I like jelly worms. A lot actually."

It warms Arizona. It even makes her proud. She remembered something. She _actually_ remembered something. Something about Eliza. Something no one had told her.

"What?" Eliza blushes. "Why are you looking at me like that? I know it's childish. But I really do like them," the brunette chuckles, the blush spreading all over her face and somehow also in her eyes.

"Just... I knew that already," Arizona states, taking a sip of the very green drink Eliza got her. She's a bit apprehensive towards this alarmingly looking drink, but she won't make Eliza sad by asking for a glass of wine instead. The green drink hits Arizona's taste buds, the taste shooting through Arizona's body like some kind of crazy rollercoaster. It tastes amazing. It tastes like... like something Arizona really, _really_ loves. Her favourite fruit, actually. But the best thing regarding the taste is that it reminds Arizona about vacation. Of white sandy beaches, turquoise water and lots of days of vacation.

"You knew that?" Eliza looks surprised but very, very pleased.

"Yeah. I think I just remembered it. Actually, I remembered it a few days ago, I just... I wasn't sure. You like the yellow ones the best, though, right?" Arizona really hopes her memory isn't playing any games with her. She really needs for it to help her here. Because even though Arizona had blocked Eliza from her life after finding out about them, she really wants to get to know the pretty brunette. Like _really_ wants to.

"I do," Eliza smiles brighter than Arizona has ever seen. "I love all thinks yellow, really," she states, taking another sip of her sunny drink.

"I see," Arizona smirks, gesturing towards Eliza's drink while stirring the straw around in her new, green friend as well. "Can I try it?"

Eliza nods, a little hesitant, as she carefully pushes the drink across the table for Arizona to take a sip. When the stem of the glass connects with Arizona's fingers, Eliza's fingers accidentally touches her. She doesn't pull back, the innocent contact somehow settling Arizona's wildly beating heart. Eliza doesn't pull her hand away, either. She just remains leaned across the table, waiting for Arizona to try out her yellow drink. When Arizona takes the straw between her lips and sucks on it, she watches as Eliza's eyes become a darker shade of blue. It takes everything Arizona's got not to pull Eliza's lips upon hers. _Every. Thing_. Because she can't. She can't do that. Even though she's thought about it absurdly much. She's essentially allowed to what with them actually being married, but still... Arizona can't do it. It's too soon. She doesn't even know how loving Eliza feels like. She doesn't even know if she's capable of finding the love she had for Eliza before she got into the accident. So she can't. She can't kiss her. Not yet, anyway. Settling on tasting the drink, the liquid runs down her throat. Suddenly feeling Eliza's fingers ghost hers, it just makes the experience of what's just happening way better. Because the drink... it's awful. Like _dreadfully_ awful.

Screwing up her face in disgust, Arizona's almost choking due to the horrible taste Eliza just let her pour down her throat. "Oh my God, it's... it's disgusting!" Arizona exclaims, quickly grabbing her own drink. Taking a big swig of the green cocktail, Arizona chews on her straw. A soft laughter is heard from across the table as Arizona looks up. Catching sight of Eliza trying to stifle her laughter, Arizona scrunches up her nose. "You knew it, didn't you?"

"Mmmmaybe," Eliza admits, not hiding her laughter anymore. Even though Arizona's a bit annoyed by the fact that Eliza knew she wouldn't like it, Arizona can't be mad. Not one bit. Because that sound... the sound of Eliza laughing. It might be one of the best sounds she's ever heard.

"You're mean! How come you didn't tell me?"

"Because I can't tell you what you used to like or dislike, you need to figure it out yourself..." Eliza states, grinning. The grin reaches her eyes, though Arizona can see how she really tries to control something inside of her. Something deeper, something more serious.

"Still, mean. It's horrendous that thing. I mean, _yikes!_ " Arizona puffs, letting her green drink run down her throat, enjoying the fresh and sweet taste.

"It's delicious. It tastes just like vacation!" Eliza states amused.

"It does not! Not a vacation I'll book a ticket to, anyways. _This_ , on the other hand..." Arizona gestures towards her drink, the ice cubes clinking in the glass. "This is vacation in liquid form. You wanna try?"

"Oh, no thank you," Eliza holds up a hand. "I'll pass on your vacation. I don't like kiwi, that's entirely yours."

Arizona smiles at the mentioning of her favourite fruit and the fact that Eliza knew it. "You knew I'd love this, didn't you?"

"Let's just say I guessed it. Hoped it," Eliza smiles, shrugging. "Um, you've got... wait up."

Arizona freezes as Eliza rounds the small table and her hands gently stroke her cheek and ear. She feels how Eliza's hands work at her earring which apparently has gotten caught in her loose hair. Arizona's heart pounds so hard in her chest she's afraid she'll tumble down the stool anytime soon. With Eliza being so close to her, she's having some serious trouble acting like she's not affected by the simplest touch of the brunette. Grabbing her glass impossibly tight, Arizona doesn't know where to place her eyes. She's drawn to the woman beside her as her body is just an inch away. Eliza's perfect body with womanly forms all the right places. It's just… everything is just so very much right now. Arizona's eyes try not to roam all over Eliza. She's not doing a very good job, though.

"You've just got... there," Eliza states softly, pulling the stray lock of hair out of the lock of Arizona's earring. "Pretty," she states, smiling down at the blonde.

"Thank-k, thank you," Arizona stutters as a wave of shyness hits her. Again. Eliza lets her hand softly stroke down the length of Arizona's hair and land on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze only to resume her stool. Arizona felt it. She felt the cool band against her bare shoulder. She felt the ring on Eliza's finger. She's watched it so many times, wondering who had the pleasure of being the one having placed that ring onto Eliza's finger. She's thought so hard, wishing she had had the chance. And now she's learned that it was in fact herself who placed the wedding ring to Eliza's left hand. It's just so surreal. And frankly, it makes Arizona's chest contract. She really wants to remember it. She really wants to remember Eliza. It makes her so incredibly sad, inconsolable even. Also, it makes her furious. At herself. One shouldn't be able to just forget their wife or their wedding day or the days and years leading towards that day! One shouldn't be able to just fall out of love. It shouldn't be legal. Arizona's so heartbroken. But not just because she feels sorry for herself. Her heartbreak is mostly caused by Eliza and what Eliza's going through. Eliza's wife doesn't remember her. _That_ must hurt like nothing in this world. _That_ has got to be the worst thing two people in love will ever have to deal with.

"What are you thinking about?" Eliza asks curiously, pulling Arizona from her thoughts. "Care to share?" she smiles, finishing her drink with a confident nod.

"Yeah. I want to. Um... can I?" Arizona points at Eliza's hand a little unsure of herself.

"What?"

"Your hand..."

"What's with my hand?"

"Can I, um, can I look at… can I look at you ring?" Arizona finally asks. She really needs to see it. She really needs to feel it. She really needs for her memory to rally and help her out.

"Of course," Eliza replies without hesitation. Once again standing, Eliza rounds the table and places herself at Arizona's side. Again. Stretching out her hand with the shining ring adorned to her finger, Arizona softly runs her fingers across the smooth surface. It's beautiful. It's simple but very, very beautiful. Just one small stone, not in the middle though. It's placed a little to the right, not because the ring's crooked on Eliza's finger, no. But because it's supposed to. Bringing her eyes closer to the ring, Arizona places her own hand below Eliza's. The contact of their palms shoots waves of joy through Arizona. When getting a better view of the ring, Arizona notices that it's not a stone per say. It's actually a teeny tiny leaf engraved into the band. It's beautiful, and it's really, really magnificent and sophisticated.

"It's very beautiful," Arizona breathes out, her eyes still appreciating the ring.

"It is, thank you," Eliza whispers. Arizona hears it clearly, though. When she takes her eyes off of the ring, she looks up into darkened eyes. Arizona needs to anchor herself to something before she's falling off of the stool due to Eliza's beauty. Eliza's hand on the table being the closest thing, she grips it tightly which causes Eliza to let out a soft gasp. "You, you wanna see the inscription?" Eliza asks cautiously, her eyes wandering all over Arizona's face. Although Arizona notices how they make a pit stop at her lips.

"Really?"

"Of course. It's kinda your ring, too."

Disconnecting their joined hands, Eliza slips off the ring with small resistance. Then she places the slim and shiny golden object in the palm of Arizona's hand. It's strange, to be honest. Arizona's brain is working full force now just as her heart is trying to follow. Taking the ring between her fingers, Arizona inspects it closely while holding it up in the light and trying to make out the inscription inside of the ring.

 _09.19.14 - Arizona_

"Oh God," Arizona breathes out as barely a whisper, placing a hand in front of her mouth.

"What's, what's wrong?" Eliza rushes, taking the offered ring from Arizona's hand and pulls it back on her finger. "What happened?"

The worry in Eliza's eyes makes Arizona torn. Torn between wanting to kiss her and run for the hills. Away. Far away. The inscription told Arizona that she wasn't dreaming. That it did happen. The accident. The ring with an engraved date and her name just confirmed that she _had_ married Eliza. Almost three years ago. It confirmed Arizona's memory loss. It confirmed what Arizona had so desperately hoped just to be a nightmare. It wasn't, though. Not one bit. Arizona's amnesia is a fact and she can't remember anything about her wife. All of a sudden her lungs begin contracting again.

"Honey, what happened?"

The nickname once again slipping from Eliza's beautiful mouth only fuels to Arizona's internal fight. "It's real," she croaks out, shocked.

"What's real?" Eliza's voice is soft but so full of panic which makes it pretty damn hard for Arizona to stay calm and focused. Focused on the good evening they were actually having.

"Us. This. Me... _not_ remembering anything," Arizona's voice is laced with sorrow, quickly standing she pulls the strap of her purse over her head. "I'm sorry... Eliza. I'm so... I can't. I can't do this. I'm so, so sorry."

"Arizona... wait!" Eliza catches Arizona's wrist as she's on her way away from their table. "Please..."

"Eliza, I just. I can't. It's just... it's too much," Arizona tears up, her voice thick. "I'll, I'll call you. Okay?"

"No, Arizona, no, please, I-"

Arizona doesn't catch more of Eliza's words as she's wrenching herself out of Eliza's grasp and storming out of the bar. The late Seattle night hits her in the face as Arizona walks the pavement without any particular destination in mind. She just needed to get out. She needed to get away. Away from all that. From all the emotions and memories. Especially the memories she can't remember. Arizona knows she might have just broken Eliza's heart. And that makes her own heart break all over. Because she really doesn't want to cause Eliza anymore pain than she's already done. But it just got too much. The drinks, the touches, the ring, the inscription. It got too much for Arizona to handle. And now she just left Eliza alone in some random bar without any explanation. _Wow, she's a horrible, horrible person_. Who does that? Who just ups and leaves? Who just abandons someone like that? Who leaves their apparent wife to herself without further details? Arizona, that's who. She's so ashamed of herself right now. So ashamed and so out of breath.

Arizona's steps are quick and uncontrolled. Her feet just walk. They walk, directing Arizona further into the night. Hugging her jacket closer around her body, Arizona lets go of all her emotions boiling inside. The tears stream down her cheeks as she whimpers, her loose hair violently dancing in the wind that's taken to the windy side now. She sobs into the night, cursing at herself and her stupid brain.

Street after street is making Arizona's steps heavier and her soul conflicted. She misses Eliza already. She did the minute she rushed off. She misses the mere feeling of breathing in the same air as the brunette. But she couldn't do it anymore. It got too real too fast. Rounding a corner, she slows down, watching as small lights in the houses illuminates the street. Arizona needs to calm herself… but she doesn't even know what makes her calm these days. She doesn't know herself at all anymore. The only thing which has caused her to relax these days is Eliza. But she's also the cause of her conflicting feelings. And there it is again. The contraction of her lungs, the heartache and the pricking feeling.

Shaking her head, Arizona tries calming herself by looking into the yards of the homes of the street. Front porches with flowers, swinging benches and small coffee tables. One's even got a minor tent and a rocking chair. Arizona passes big bushes with artistic cut flowers and leaves, big streets lamps and parked cars at the curb. When she gets closer to the blind end of the road, a big tree catches her eyes in the light cast by one of the streets lamps. The branches are sprawled over the roof of a garage, almost like the oak is leaning against the side. Arizona stops in her tracks. The oak really does look like it's hugging the garage. Something about this feels familiar to Arizona. Something inside of her stirs. Something deep inside of her awakes. Approaching the house, Arizona's able to catch yet another swinging bench hanging from the roof of the front porch and a small light coming from a small table beside it. It looks like a candle or a lantern. She can't be sure. But she knows the bench is moving, she knows the screeching sound spreading through the air as she comes closer to the house. Standing at the path leading towards the yellow house, Arizona definitely feels like something is stirring inside of her.

The night is silent and the house in front of her is darkened. Expect from the small candle and the screeching noise. And the quite sobs. Arizona's heart immediately stops as she inhales sharply. She _knows_ that sound.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: I'm sounding like a broken record, but thank you for your massive support. It's awesome.  
**

* * *

 _Eliza's POV_

Eliza doesn't know where Arizona went when she disappeared. She doesn't know where her wife just bolted to or why she did it to begin with. The date had been exceedingly amazing. Eliza had really pulled on her brave face and pushed the nagging feelings of heartache, confusion and despair to the back of her mind. She needed this. She needed a night out with Arizona. And it had been so wonderful. The familiar banter, the light touches and the staring. Definitely the staring. Eliza had fully noticed how Arizona had looked at her... countless of times. She had definitely wanted Eliza in one way or another. But then something had happened. Something Eliza still isn't able to figure out. Something had suddenly made her wife upset and gotten her to storm out of the bar without any explanation. Eliza had tried reaching Arizona but when she had gotten out of the bar, Arizona was long gone. Eliza knows from earlier events that when the blonde bolts, it's done. Eliza can't catch up with her wife when that happens because Arizona always seem to run-walk when she gets like that. _Always_. That doesn't mean it hurts any less, though. Quite frankly it's the complete opposite.

Eliza had taken the shortcut home, not caring about the dark road with no street lamps. She just needed to get home and cry. She just needed to get home and never get out of the house ever again. She can't do this anymore. She's not strong enough. It pulls at her heartstrings every time something like this happens. All seems to be fine, perfect even... everything going smoothly with the two of them getting to know each other all over again. But then something makes Arizona worried or spooked or scared or whatever, and Eliza finds herself feeling like a mess. A lonely, lonely mess. Eliza hasn't got any clue to what's going on because Arizona doesn't or won't tell her. She just storms off and lets Eliza be. Alone. But not entirely alone, though. She's got her heartache, after all. And that's taken up quite the space inside of her the last couple of months. Unfortunately so.

Laid on her back on the swinging bench Arizona gave her as a housewarming gift, Eliza sobs. The street is silent and almost entirely dark. It's perfect when all Eliza wants to do is become empty. She wants to cry out the pricking feeling of missing Arizona. She can't hold it inside of her anymore. It's unbearable. It's ruining her. It's defiling her head, her heart and her soul. If only she didn't feel anything. If only Eliza had lost all her feelings regarding Arizona when she got in the accident, then she wouldn't be in this place. Then her heart wouldn't feel this broken and damaged. Then her mind wouldn't be filled with the desire of pulling both of them through this awfulness or the desire to wreck her home and everything reminding Eliza of her wife. If only Eliza didn't love Arizona. If only Eliza had never met Arizona… then she wouldn't have been in this situation. Then her heart would be perfectly healthy. Then she would be living a life full of joy and laughter.

The thought sinking into Eliza's brain only makes her sob even harder. Because the thought of never having met her wife terrifies her even more than how she's feeling right now. The pain of living a life without Arizona, it's just not a pain Eliza is willing to take on. If feeling this way is the price Eliza has to pay for still having Arizona in her life, then it's what she's going to pay. Although she's feeling defeated right now, lying on this screeching bench, sobbing like never before and wishing everything to be different, Eliza won't change ever having met Arizona. _Never_.

Sobbing into her hands that's pressed to her face, a soft breeze hits Eliza's skin causing her to shiver. Her knees are bended for her to better fit onto the bench while the screeching noise is lulling her into some kind of trance. When the need to breathe becomes inevitable, Eliza removes her hands and stare up in the roof of the front porch. How did she end up here? How did her life become this messed up? And why hadn't she just been with Arizona that day? It pains Eliza beyond belief to think about the accident which is why she hasn't opened up for that specific topic at her therapy sessions. She just can't. Not yet, anyway. She's not ready. All the memories and thoughts of their life before the accident run like a movie behind Eliza's eyelids. Squinting her eyes tighter, Eliza holds her breath. She doesn't want to breathe right now. She doesn't want to come back to the real world… to this world where her wife doesn't know who she is.

Eliza desperately holds onto every memory of Arizona hugging her from behind and nuzzling her nose into the crook of Eliza's neck. Of Arizona coming home from work and greeting her with a kiss to her awaiting lips. Of Arizona cooking her Saturday brunch with piles of pancakes and all the kinds of fruit Eliza could possibly want. Eliza holds onto the memory of picking Arizona up from work and driving to the dock where they would drink cool rosé and talk about everything and nothing. She's clawing to every memory of Arizona's sounds when she comes undone, when she screams her name in pure ecstasy and when her jaw fixes, leaving Arizona's mouth to drop open due to an orgasm hitting her full force. All the memories running through Eliza's head are hurting her painfully so, but she can't help it. She needs them, nonetheless. She needs all the good things Arizona has made her feel and experience. She needs them so badly now because if Eliza hadn't got any of them, she would've already given up. On everything. The good memories and the unconditional love are what's gotten Eliza this far. And that's why… that's why Eliza can't let go of the breath she's holding. Because when she does… the movie will end. The show behind her eyelids will wear off and cause Eliza even more agony. She can't let go of her breath just yet, she won't. Her lungs begin to struggle, though. The contractions in her chest causing Eliza to shake.

"Breathe."

Eliza lets go of her breath with a shock, resulting in the air getting caught in her throat. Sitting up she coughs roughly and uncontrolled. The shock of finding out that she was not alone and the familiar voice she didn't expect to hear… it all shot shockwaves down Eliza's spine. Feeling the bench swing a little, Eliza reacts to the intruder taking the seat next to her. Her heart pounds uncontrolled and not just because she got scared just before. Arizona is here. Arizona, her wife. Her wife who doesn't know where they live or even how their house looks like. Her wife that _just_ stormed out of the bar leaving Eliza to go through another meltdown. Arizona is really here.

"Sorry," Arizona whispers. "I, I just…"

"What are you… how did you… I mean, h-h-how?" Eliza looks at Arizona who's currently looking at her, too. The pain in Arizona's eyes is just as palpable as the one Eliza is feeling. Grabbing the edge of the bench next to her thighs, Eliza drags her nails below the wood.

"You mean…" Arizona starts, sighing. "…how did I know you were here? How did I know the way home?"

Eliza would be lying if she said that it didn't make her happy to hear Arizona refer to this house as her home. "Y-yeah."

"I don't know."

"Then, um… how?"

"I just… I just walked," Arizona lets out a deep breath, looking at Eliza as her fingers pull at each other. Again. Eliza's been noticing the tell-tale of Arizona's nervousness by this kind of fidgeting, a new habit her wife's adapted after the accident. "I had to get away… and I ended up here. Of all places."

"Y-you, you found home?" Eliza quizzes more to herself than anybody, really. How could she? No one has told Arizona where they live or how to get here. No one, because Arizona hasn't been ready to come back. But now she's actually here, at the front porch… and she got here all by herself. "You found home without even knowing it?" Eliza can see the unshed tears in Arizona's eyes which might possibly be mirroring her own eyes now. Eliza's sobbing may have stopped, but the tears don't seem to dry off.

"Apparently," Arizona breathes out, leaning back in her seat. Eliza watches as Arizona looks into the night as another breeze washes over them. It causes Arizona's loose hair to dance in the wind. Arizona tucks the stray locks behind her ear which causes said ear to display itself perfectly for Eliza's eyes. The lobe Eliza has worshipped so many times. The three earsticks adorning the spongy skin. The helix Eliza has swirled her tongue beneath and against more times than she can count. All the emotions gathering in Eliza's chest are threatening to explode. "I don't know, Eliza."

"W-what? What don't you know?" Eliza chances, removing her eyes from her wife and fixing them on one of the trees up the street. She can't look. She can't look at Arizona. Not now. Not when all her emotions are raging inside of her.

"I don't know how I got here. I don't know why I… why I left. Well, I do, but I don't. I know it doesn't make any sense, it's just… I'm so incredibly confused. All the time," Arizona sighs. "And I hurt you. Which I really don't want to."

Eliza isn't ready to talk about Arizona hurting her, but she needs to know why she bolted. Taking a deep breath, Eliza braces herself for what's to come and clasps her hands in her lap. "Why did you? Why did you leave?"

"I… it got too much."

"What did?"

Arizona drags her eyes off of the road and turns her head, looking at Eliza with eyes overwhelmed by emotions. "This," Arizona gestures between them with a finger. "Us. The ring. The marriage. The accident. _Us_."

"Oh," Eliza doesn't want to come off disappointed but that's exactly what her sigh makes her do. The discomfort of Arizona feeling them being too much nails itself into every hope Eliza has got.

"Don't get me wrong, Eliza," Arizona rushes, grabbing Eliza's hand. It causes Eliza's eyes to shoot down to her lap and back up to Arizona's eyes in a heartbeat. What is she saying? What does this mean? Eliza's stomach twists. "You're… it's not you. It's… Ugh, I'm so sorry. It's me. I'm a complete mess. I'm just… You are so amazing and you're trying and you're taking all of this so impeccably. You're not rushing me or demanding anything from me. You're, you're just very, _very_ good. And I'm, I'm not. I'm an absolute fiasco. A fiasco who can't even remember where she lives or how her kitchen looks like or which date her wife is born on," Arizona rants, her voice getting thicker and thicker, even though she's trying like hell to hold back the tears in her eyes. Eliza can see them form, readying themselves to run down any minute now.

"I'm not good," Eliza whispers, her eyes finding the front porch railing interesting. "I'm not."

"You are!"

"No, Arizona. No. You wouldn't say that if you knew what I was thinking just before you got here."

"Tell me then. I'm sure you're wrong."

"I'm not."

"Tell me!" Arizona demands rather firmly causing Eliza to look sideways at Arizona. "Please?"

"Only if you promise not to leave…"

"Okay."

Eliza looks out into the night, not able to look at Arizona when enlightening her of her thoughts. She really doesn't have to. She could just lie. The fact, though, is that Eliza's never been able to lie to her wife. _Never_. It wasn't until the doctors made her speak around the truth. She didn't like it, though. And there was a reason to her covering up the truth. That's what Eliza's been telling herself to go to sleep at night, though. But this time… this time she won't lie. This time she needs for Arizona to know that she's not alone in the department of feeling like a complete mess and a fiasco. Because she's not. Eliza's been there ever since her wife ended up in a coma.

"I thought of you… and I thought of how my life would have been if I hadn't met you," Eliza breathes out hoarsely. "See… I'm not good, Arizona. I'm horrible."

"No, you're not," Arizona replies. The words surprising Eliza to say the least. It wasn't the reaction she was expecting. "I can't blame you, to be honest."

"What, what do you mean?"

Arizona lets a sigh escape her throat as she shifts in her seat, resting her back against the side of the swinging bench as her knees come to her chest. The weight becoming uneven, Eliza mirrors Arizona's position. The bench is wide enough, leaving only their feet to touch. The small candle goes out, although it doesn't change anything. Their eyes have gotten used to the dark by now.

"You're married to a woman who doesn't remember it happening," Arizona starts, a sad smile on her lips. "It must be awful, Eliza. And I can't even begin to imagine how you're able to deal with it…" 

"Um, I'm not dealing so well as you can see," Eliza scoffs.

Arizona waves Eliza's comment off. "As I said. It must be awful, really. And it's not like I don't want to remember you… or us… I just, I can't. It's completely blank up there," she whimpers. Eliza catches the thickness in her wife's voice and the slight trembling to her lower lip.

"I know, Arizona. I know. It's not your fault," Eliza soothes. All she wants to do is pull Arizona into her arms. All she really wants to do is hold her close and soothe all of Arizona's worries while at the same time having Arizona soothe her own.

"I don't blame you, though. I don't blame you for wanting to have never met me."

"Arizona… don't say that. Please."

"You said it yourself. Your life would have been so different if you hadn't met me."

"That doesn't mean I want another life," Eliza adds quickly, instantly shooting forward and grasping Arizona's knees. "I don't. I don't. I-"

"Eliza."

"No, listen to me. I don't want another life. Because when I thought of not having met you… it only made me sure of how much I would have missed out on. I wouldn't have been able to see the Dutch tulips bloom or get to the top of the Eiffel tower. I wouldn't have been able to buy a house with a hugging oak or drink from a mug with the name Arizona written on it. I wouldn't have been able to tell my mother about how my girlfriend proposed to me while I was on the toilet or about how I accidentally killed said girlfriend's gold fish because I was afraid I'd forget to feed it," Eliza reveals, taking a deep breath while Arizona's eyes let go of the tears. "But most importantly… I wouldn't have been able to know, um _… love_."

Eliza knows that she might have just said too much. That she might have just spooked the blonde in front of her even more by dumping all of these memories in her lap. Arizona got spooked in the bar after having touched her wedding ring, so this will most definitely spook her for good.

"You could've done all these things… without me," Arizona sniffles.

"Probably," Eliza shrugs. "But I wouldn't want it any other way."

"Can I say some-something?" Arizona tries stifling her sniffles, leaning closer to Eliza who's still launched forward.

"S-sure," Eliza whispers when Arizona's breath hits her. Closing her eyes for a second, she lets the feeling of having her wife this close rest inside of her.

"You weren't exactly _on_ the toilet," Arizona squints her eyes. "Were you?"

"What do you mean?"

"When I proposed? You weren't _on_ the toilet per say."

"You can't just change my story, Arizona," Eliza feels the heaviness of their previous conversation lift a little as she lets out a small chuckle. "It's not polite."

"I can if you're telling it wrong, can't I?" Arizona arches her brow. "Because I really _think_ you are. Telling the story wrong, that is."

"Um… okay?" Eliza chuckles, furrowing her brows. She knows that she wasn't exactly _on_ the toilet when Arizona proposed, but she was _in_ it. It was the day they had re-done the bathroom and Eliza had gotten paint all over herself caused by Arizona's teasing. It was the day Arizona had popped the question. Eliza covered in paint and Arizona on her knees wearing a bandanna around her head. It had completely taken Eliza by surprise but she didn't have any trouble in answering Arizona's question. Being with Arizona forever had always been Eliza's destination and purpose ever since meeting her in the vegetable section.

"I don't know why or if it's even correct, but I _think_ I _remember_ something," Arizona closes her eyes as she thinks. Eliza silently watches as Arizona's forehead creases just the slightest and the hands of her wife come to rest atop her own. Something inside of Eliza both stops and begins. Something deep inside of her pounds. Something strong and powerful. Something called undying love. _Eliza is sure of it_. "…something about you painting… a wall, or something like that."

When Arizona opens her eyes, she smiles which causes Eliza to shoot a content smile right back. One of Arizona's dimples is popping, electing all the butterflies in Eliza's stomach to resume their job at basking around. "Arizona…" Eliza breathes out, amazed by her wife's memory and the beauty that never ceases to make the love for Arizona grow stronger.

"But something tells me… no, wait!" Arizona cuts herself of, pointing a finger up in the air while Eliza laces her one hand with Arizona's free one. "You were covered in some kind of paint… and I… did I propose while… did I propose to you in the toilet while you painted?" Arizona asks, pursing her lips while thinking. "Did I-"

Arizona's words are cut off. Not by Arizona herself. Not by a car driving by. Not by a clasp of thunder. Not by a ringing phone. And not by a sudden thought. Not Arizona's sudden thought, that is. Because Eliza hadn't been able to control herself any longer. The spontaneity of her actions haven gotten the best of her sanity. And now she had her lips pressed onto Arizona's. Arizona's soft lips were pressed against Eliza's. The feeling of finally having Arizona this close shadowed every reasonable thought. It clouded Eliza's better judgement. The sensation of finally touching Arizona with more than just her hands… it spun Eliza's world upside down. Eliza's eyes are closed as she enjoys the overpowering awareness of finally kissing Arizona. Of kissing her wife, at last.

Eliza's pulse is throbbing in her ears while her heart is beating out of her chest. The kiss is overwhelming but wonderful. It feels like resurrection. It feels like reuniting. It feels like… coming home, at last. The kiss feels like the second chance Eliza's been waiting for. It feels like everything Eliza's been dreaming about, that is until Arizona pulls back. The shock displayed on Arizona's face instantly makes Eliza's warm and fussy feelings freeze. _She just did it again_. Eliza and her uncontrolled feelings might have just killed her once again.

* * *

 **AN2: Thank you for reading, following and reviewing. Greatly appreciated!**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: It's quite interesting to read all your thoughts and your take on what's to happen. I love making you play out different scenarios in your head. It's awesome. And because of that, you get next chapter. Enjoy…  
**

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

She didn't expect this to happened. She didn't expect any of this to happen. The storm off, the finding her way home without even knowing the way and… the kiss. She didn't expect any of those things to happen. She's confused and surprised. Shocked and overwhelmed. Arizona feels so much right now, so much she doesn't know where to start sorting out those feelings. But having Eliza kissing her made her feel something she hadn't felt in a long time. In a _very_ long time. She just got so taken back by Eliza's sudden action, it made her pull back. She didn't want to. Not one part of Arizona wanted to pull back. She would still be kissing Eliza now if it hadn't been for the confusion making her brain muddy and pounding harshly.

The look of horror on Eliza's face makes Arizona wish she hadn't pulled back. It tears at her every heartstring. She shouldn't think. She shouldn't think this much, though. But Arizona can't help the thoughts spinning around inside of her. But she _can't_ cause Eliza any more pain. Not now. Not when she could actually be causing Eliza joy. Not when Arizona could actually be feeling those soft, soft lips on hers. Surprising as it was, it was also amazing. So before Eliza can even begin to comprehend another angst filled thought, Arizona cups Eliza's cheek and pulls her closer towards her. Her lips crashing onto Eliza's again makes her head dizzy. But not from thinking. The dizziness is caused by solemnly feeling.

"Mmmh," a muffled sound escapes Arizona's mouth as she lets herself get carried away with kissing Eliza. The brunette scoots herself closer by spreading Arizona's knees and gliding in between. When Arizona feels Eliza's legs on both sides of her along with Eliza's hands on her thigh and forearm, it makes Arizona bolder. Tilting her head to the other side, her tongue runs over Eliza's lips. When Eliza opens her mouth to let a soft moan out, Arizona takes the opportunity and lets her tongue slip into the heat. Eliza immediately tightens her grip on Arizona's thigh as Arizona's tongue swirls around Eliza's. It isn't frenzied, it's soft and tender. It's slow and so full of emotions that it's almost making Arizona keel over. Stroking Eliza's cheek with her thumb, Arizona's other hand is holding onto the fabric of Eliza's jacket behind her back.

When she can't feel her lungs anymore, she sadly pulls back as oxygen becomes an issue. Staring right into Eliza's beautiful eyes, Arizona suddenly feels shy. She just kissed Eliza. She just kissed the woman she's spent the past months thinking about kissing. She's just kissed... _her wife_. For the first time. And it felt... amazing. It _feels_ amazing.

"Um..." a blush forms on Arizona's face. "That was..."

"...amazing!" Eliza breathes as a blush too erupts on her face. Arizona can't deny it… the kiss, the feeling. It was amazing. It _is_ amazing.

She's not quite able to form any coherent words which only leaves Arizona's dimples to appear. Her heart pounds so furiously hard beneath her skin while the grasp she's got on Eliza's sides tightens. She doesn't know what to do or say next. What do one say just after having kissed their wife for the first time in forever? How do said person feel after having experienced the rollercoaster ride of their life? Does she have to say anything? Can't they just stay like this... kissing? Arizona doesn't know. All she knows is that this is definitely not the last time she lets herself go.

Eliza continues to smile, a hazy look covering her eyes. She's pretty, though. So undeniably pretty. "I'm..."

"Can we just…" Arizona trails off. "I don't know... just sit here? Without saying anything just yet?" It's a risk, she knows, asking Eliza to be quiet after what just happened. The truth is, Arizona isn't ready to pop the bubble and return to the world where her brain got damaged and she lost her wife... well, the memory of her anyway. Arizona isn't ready to go back to that reality. Right now she needs this reality of having kissed Eliza for the first time and actually remembering it.

"Sure," Eliza smiles reassuringly. "Whatever you need, Arizona."

Arizona feels Eliza's lips carefully press themselves to her cheek while a hand toys with the end of her hair. It makes her shiver. It makes her shiver in delight. Is this how love is supposed to feel like? Is this how she used to feel _before?_ Before when she was fine and on-damaged and... in love? Is _this_ how it feels?

Eliza shifts uncomfortably in her seat looking like she's battling something inside her head. "What um, are you okay here?" Arizona asks unsure, her fingertips ghosting the back of the brunette. The action soothes Arizona just as much as she imagines it does Eliza.

"Yeah," Eliza smiles. "I'm more than okay. I just... I _really_ need to pee," she screws up her face causing Arizona to chuckle.

"Then why don't you go and do that?"

"I..."

"I'm not gonna leave, Eliza. Really, I'm not."

"You sure?"

"I am. I'm just gonna sit here and wait for you," Arizona shoots the woman in front of her an assuring smile. "Promise."

Eliza nods and then goes to stand but before she reaches the door, she turns around and looks at Arizona. Arizona's eyes have automatically been following the brunette and now they're locking with the flickering eyes before her. "What?" Arizona asks softly.

"Um... it's cold out. You wanna, you wanna come, um, inside?"

Arizona didn't expect Eliza to ask that specific question. Possibly because Arizona doesn't know what to answer. She knew it would come... the opportunity, the possibility, the chance. The real question, though, is whether she's bold enough to take the leap of faith. Is she even brave enough to follow Eliza? Can she really step over the threshold of the house she's apparently owning and living in? Arizona doesn't know.

Her heart speeds up by the foreseeable future if she accepts Eliza's offer. But what has she got to lose? _Nothing_. It's not like her memory would become worse or anything. Arizona hasn't got anything to lose besides her steady breathing and her sanity. She can at least try, right? She can at least give Eliza this, can't she? Eliza's been through so much... the least Arizona can do is come inside, right? She did find her way back here, after all.

"You don't have to... never mind," Eliza breathes out, a deep sigh escaping her throat while a sad smile adorns her face. "I'll just be a minute..."

"No, wait," Arizona rushes, standing up causing Eliza to still the hand there's trying to unlock the door. "I do."

"You do?"

"Yeah, just... you know, for a little while. Can't hurt, I guess," Arizona shrugs timidly. "Maybe I'll even remember something..."

"Yeah?" Eliza's smile reaches her eyes, causing a sparkle to shine in them. A radiant light that makes Arizona's heart flutter. It's a good feeling, it really is. And it's a feeling Arizona wants more of and frankly, she needs to feel it more as well. It's soothing her insides and somehow it makes her want to stay. Like the kind of stay that makes you never want to leave. The kind of stay you need when something is truly amazing and life-changing.

"Yeah."

"Then... come on inside," Eliza suggests softly, opening the door for Arizona to enter.

It's now. It's now she's got to show Eliza that she can do this. That she's not bailing. That she's not bolting. And why? Because deep down in heart she really wants to feel like she's fitting in, like she's belonging somewhere. And that somewhere should be with her wife, right? The place Arizona should feel like she belonged to should be with Eliza, should be in this house and wherever Eliza is concerned, really. Arizona wants this. She wants it so bad it actually scares her. But she can't let that cloud her actions now. She needs this to be okay. She needs for her brain to cooperate with her here. And she needs Eliza to help her through. It's clearer now than ever before. Arizona needs Eliza to help her. She needs her to get her back to where she was before. And stepping inside of this house could be the first step towards maybe one day moving back in.

Eliza carefully holds the door with her hand as Arizona steps inside. Even though the house is pitch dark, it's got a warm feeling to it. Arizona can't quite describe it, but there's something moving deep inside of her. Eliza closes the door behind them and flicks on a small lamp. It lights up the small, open hallway which leads into the open space kitchen and living room. Flicking on another lamp, Eliza moves around Arizona and heads for the kitchen island, leaning her side against it.

"You can... well sit here, wait for me, I'll be just out. Just, um... I don't know. Make yourself-"

"At home?" Arizona cuts in, crinkling her nose in amusement. "Really?" she lets out a soft chuckle. "That's what you went with?"

"Ugh, sorryyyy," Eliza exclaims while a blush appears on her beautiful face. "You just... you make me nervous," she finally reveals, running a hand over her forehead and through her hair.

" _I_ make you nervous?" Arizona exclaims, rolling on her heels and fidgeting with her fingers. She can't help but feel like this is insane. How can Eliza feel nervous? She's the one remembering everything and she's the one living here. She's the one that just asked Arizona inside. She's the one that just-

"You do! Very much, actually."

"Why?"

Eliza's eyes roam Arizona's face, her body and quite possibly also her soul. It looks like she's thinking hard, pulling her beautiful dark her up into a tight ponytail. "I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back, okay? Just. Sit down, please," Eliza begs, a shy smile spreading onto her lips before she disappears up the stairs that's placed in the middle of the room.

She doesn't get to answer. Eliza's gone and she's now left to herself downstairs. Tiptoeing her way around, she goes further into the house and finds herself in the living room. It's cozy and there's a soft Earth stone to the walls. There's paintings and pictures on the walls, and green plants in the windowsills. There's a small TV above the fireplace, a chaise-long couch in one of the corners and a big bookcase with books coordinated by colours. Approaching the fireplace shelf, Arizona braces herself for what may meet her eyes. She can do this. She's come this far. She's standing in her own house. She can look at some freaking pictures. She can do this. She can and she will.

There's four pictures framed on top of the fireplace. One of Eliza as she licks an ice-cream cone. She's got some on her crinkling nose which makes her look adorable. It's a day of summer, Arizona states to herself. Eliza looks stunning and so incredibly happy. The next one is of the two of them sitting on some grass, Arizona's back pressed into Eliza's front as Eliza looks at her from the side. It makes Arizona's heart pound. It makes it pound out of her chest because something inside of her is so devastated that she's not able to remember this day. The scene looks so joyful and so full of love. A love Arizona so desperately wants to be able to remember. Also, it makes her heart pound due to the way Eliza looks at her. The way Eliza's eyes look green in this photo because her top is green. The way Eliza's arms are holding her and the smile adorned to her own face, just makes Arizona's heart swell. The third picture is of Arizona. Her hair is braided atop her head while she's leaning across a railing of some small, white bridge. She's looking directly into the camera, smiling so bright that her dimples are showing on full display. Behind her is a row of small houses in different colours and houseboats in the water beneath the bridge. It's clear that Arizona's happy to the amount of explosion. Going on to the last photo, Arizona's got to clip her breath. The photo is tearing at her every emotion, her every ability to breathe. The picture isn't just any picture. It's _the_ picture, Arizona supposes. It's the wedding picture. It's a close-up photo of them gazing at each other affectionately. It's showing off one of Arizona's dimples and Eliza's perfect cheekbone. Eliza's hair slightly curled while Arizona's up in a sophisticated bun with white flowers here and there. The ocean is featured in the background, creating a beautiful contrast to their white dresses.

"Oh gosh," Arizona breathes out as a whisper and taking the picture from the shelf. Something tells her they had trouble getting the picture taken. Something tells Arizona-

"You couldn't stop giggling," Eliza cuts through Arizona's thoughts with a small chuckle. "You just… couldn't stop."

Looking at Eliza, Arizona grins. "Really? Why?"

"Some drunk dude kept shouting stupid and random comments."

"I can imagine that would've made me laugh."

"It did," Eliza smirks approaching Arizona in front of the fireplace. "Every time you got yourself together, he would shout something new and we'd be right back to where we started. You really tore on the photographer's patience," Eliza smiles.

"Well... I don't even think I was sorry about that," Arizona smirks, gesturing towards the picture. "I look very pleased with myself."

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you," Arizona replies softly. "So do you."

Eliza just smiles at Arizona while taking the picture and placing it back onto the shelf. "I just noticed that it's gotten real late. Maybe... and you can totally shoot it down, but it's late and I don't like you walking the streets at this hour and I'm not able to drive you home because of the drinks and well... I thought you'd maybe like to stay here for the night. I know it's a lot, and I can walk you to Tim's but I really don't want to. You should just, try sleeping in your own bed."

Arizona can't quite keep up with all the words that's spilling from Eliza's mouth. She's suggesting so many things at once, Arizona's got trouble with figuring out what to do. She wants to but on the other hand she doesn't.

"Umm, I don't know..."

"I'll take the guest room, don't worry. I won't, I mean, you'll get the bed to yourself," Eliza takes Arizona's hand. "I won't push you to stay in the same bed as me just yet. Just, you know, you could try sleeping in our bed... if it's too much, I'll walk you home or call a cap or have Tim come pick you up. Just..."

"Eliza," Arizona tries.

"Just, maybe it'll help you. You know. Being in familiar surroundings. Maybe it'll help you in the long run. All your stuff is here anyway and-"

This time it's Arizona's turn to shut Eliza up, a finger to the lips. "Calm down," she smiles sweetly.

"I can't," Eliza speaks around Arizona's finger. "You make me..."

"…nervous, yeah, yeah, you said that already," Arizona smirks. "I'll try and stay, okay? I'll just... I'll try."

Did she actually just go along with Eliza's offer? Did she just accept the suggestion of staying the night with Eliza... in their house? Did she _just_ make her head all kinds of confused and happy? _Yeah._ Pretty much so. She can't take it back. She can't. Not when the smile spreading onto Eliza's face is so big and wholehearted. Not when the fussy feelings are simmering in the pit of her stomach. Arizona can't take it back. She can't.

Removing her finger from Eliza's lips, Arizona bets big. Cupping one of Eliza's cheeks, she leans in and brushes her lips gently against the brunette's. Feeling Eliza reciprocate the kiss and her hands on her hips, she leans into Eliza's touch and deepens the kiss. If she's doing this, she'll damn well do it right. She'll do it properly. And she'll try not to break Eliza's heart while doing that.

* * *

She's been awake for over an hour, tossing and turning. It's not because the bed is uncomfortable or the sheets are too soft or too stiff. There's just something about this that makes Arizona feel off. Something doesn't feel right. Having said their goodnights, Eliza had kindly kissed her cheek and run a finger along her jawline only to lift Arizona's chin up. The angle causing Arizona's lips to ghost against Eliza's. It had blown Arizona's mind out of proportions. Such a minor act had had her react in the biggest way possible. And the feeling still ran through her. The feeling... of Eliza. The sensation. And now she can't sleep. Now she can't lie still. Now she's anything but calm. The bedroom with the light blue paint and the white seashell on the night stands are just causing Arizona to feel that pricking feeling again. The stars shining through the opened window doesn't help her, either. She needs something. She needs that special something. But she doesn't know if it's okay to ask for it. She doesn't know if she's even allowed to. The feeling's still there, though. Even though she's feeling this apprehensive towards it.

Once again betting big and not caring about how much her brain can actually take in for today, Arizona climbs out of bed and goes out of the bedroom. Tiptoeing down the hall, she passes some kind of office, a bathroom and the stairs leading down to the first floor. And then she reaches the room where her destination lies. The door is slightly ajar causing a soft light to cut through the dark corridor. Arizona's heart beats vividly in her chest as she comes to stand in front of the guest room. Gently pushing the door open, she pops in her head. The vision meeting her is one of the most beautiful ones she's ever seen. Eliza wearing glasses as she's engrossed in a book in her lap. The door's shrieking makes the brunette's head snap up in shock.

"S-sorry," Arizona whispers.

"Hey," Eliza smiles sleepily, placing the book down in her lap. "I thought you were sleeping."

"I... I can't."

"Are everything okay?"

"Yeah, I think. No, I know. I'm fine, it's just..."

"Yeah?"

"Can I, um... will you stay with me?"

* * *

 **AN2: Let me hear it… come on. Tell me what you think. Thank you for reading.**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: I'm so overwhelmed by your support. Thank you, you're the best.  
**

* * *

 _Eliza's POV_

Eliza's been trying to occupy her mind with reading ever since she said goodnight to Arizona. It hasn't been working, though. She's read the same sentences over and over again. The words just don't seem to reach her mind. Maybe because the only thing stuck on Eliza's mind is Arizona. It's her wife being back in their house again. It's Arizona sleeping in their bedroom. It's all kinds of amazing but at the same time, it's killing her. Eliza had to be sensible, though. She _had_ to. Even though all she wants right now is to crawl into bed next to her wife and nestle into her side. Even though all Eliza truly craves is to be close to Arizona; listening to her soft breath, feeling her soft skin beneath her fingertips and inhaling the pure scent that is Arizona alone. _All that_. All that is what Eliza craves and yearns for. All that, she had to push to the back of her head. Arizona needs more time. Eliza gets it, she really does. It doesn't make it easy, though. So imagine the surprise and the sheer happiness spreading through Eliza's body when suddenly finding her wife standing in the door.

Eliza's heart beats harder while she tries catching her breath. Sleepy PJ-clad Arizona has always been one of her favourite looks on her wife. The tousled hair, the loose top with the slim straps, the long PJ-pants with the strings hanging untied because Arizona is too lazy to tie them. The sleepiness covering the beautiful blue eyes, even though she can't sleep. The softness in Arizona's voice. Everything about Arizona's current look pulls at Eliza's heart, but in the most amazing way.

"Can I, um… will you stay with me?" Arizona asks timidly.

Sliding her glasses up to rest atop head, Eliza smiles at Arizona who's once again fidgeting with her fingers. "Of course," she smiles. "I can, um… You want me to sit with you 'til you fall asleep?" Eliza asks cautiously not wanting to put words into her wife's mouth.

"I don't know," Arizona replies as barely a whisper while looking at the floor. "Maybe. I don't know, I… ugh,"

Eliza decides to help her struggling wife out, patting the space beside her. "Why don't you come here?!"

Arizona's eyes lock themselves with Eliza's, an uncertain smile on her lips. "Really?"

"Yes."

"You don't mind?"

"Mind?" Eliza widens her eyes in confusion. "I couldn't think of a better way to fall asleep."

Eliza knows she might have expressed her feelings too much. _Again_. She knows it could possibly be scaring her wife. But considering the fact that Arizona came to see her, Eliza thought it appropriate and okay to voice her thoughts. It showed that she cared about Arizona. That she thought of her. That she loved her. And there's no shame in that. No. Eliza left out the part with her longing for Arizona so much it continues to kill her every day, and the part of her needing Arizona to be able to live and breathe. She left out those parts because she knows that will most definitely scare her wife off. Arizona isn't ready to hear those words yet.

The smile on Arizona's face makes the butterflies in Eliza's stomach bask. She didn't expect to be sharing a bed with Arizona tonight. She didn't think it even possible. She had planned on taking Arizona out for drinks and then walk her back to Tim's place. She didn't plan on all of this to happen. She didn't plan on Arizona's bolting, her show up at their address, the reciprocated kissing, the tour guide inside the house and the sleepover. She didn't plan on any of this. But it's happened. _It's happening_. Arizona's staying over. She's finally back in her own home. It might not be officially, but she has finally stepped forward. And it makes Eliza so incredibly happy and hopeful for their future, their joint future.

Pulling the sheets to the side, Arizona crawls into the bed next to Eliza. Her head resting on the pillow, arms draped over the covers on either side of her body. She stares up in the ceiling, a crease in her forehead. Eliza can't take her eyes off of Arizona. She's mesmerizing. She's beautiful. And she's actually home. This isn't a dream. They may not be in _their_ bed, but the bed in the guest room is a second close. As long as Arizona is beside her, Eliza's really not picky with the beds or where they sleep.

Eliza removes her glasses and places them atop the book in her lap only to put the items on the nightstand. Turning off the bedside lamp, the room falls dark and instant silence fills the room. Eliza mirrors Arizona's position. When she feels her hand touch Arizona's, she feels her heart skip a beat. It's like she's re-living their firsts touches all over again. It's like it's happening again, although this time she knows Arizona. She knows her sounds and scents, her quirks and habits, her preferences and what makes her at ease. Which gives Eliza the perfect opportunity of giving Arizona a good night's sleep using those advantages. She carefully laces their fingers, squeezing Arizona's hand gently which causes the blonde to let out a soft sigh.

"Are you okay?" Eliza chances.

"I am. Thank you."

"For what?"

"For doing this," Arizona breathes out as she runs her thumb over the back of Eliza's hand. "For you know, helping me. It must be really hard for you."

"Please, Arizona. Please don't say that. You don't have to be thanking me for staying like this with you. You don't have to think about how hard it must be for me. You don't," Eliza replies still looking at the ceiling. "When I married you I promised you for better and for worse, right?"

"I know, but-"

"Right?"

Arizona sighs as she suddenly turns onto her side and facing Eliza. "Right."

"Right," Eliza repeats, once again mirroring Arizona's position and looking her straight into the eyes. They shine. They glisten. And they immediately light up Eliza's souls. "I made a promise, and I'm not one to take promises lightly."

"You really love me, don't you?" Arizona's voice full of honesty and affection.

"I do," Eliza states as she props herself up on her elbow and detaches her hand from Arizona's. Running two fingers over the frame of her wife's face, she makes sure to reach every feature. Eliza needs this connection. She needs it so deeply within. "And I know you don't know that you love me. But I need you to know that I'm all in. I'm all in where you are concerned, Arizona. If I need to play brain games with you or take you to PT, I'm there. If you need to leash out or cry, I'm there. Just-"

Arizona's lips are on Eliza's. The butterflies from before basking frenzied in her stomach. It's affectionate but it's calm. It's soft, although Arizona presses her lips hard against Eliza's. Eliza feels how Arizona's hand holds her hip while the other one snakes around her neck to hold her in place. Pulling back when the kiss ends, Arizona looks at Eliza with a sheepish look on her face.

"Sorry," she smiles. "I just needed you to shut up."

"Mmmh," Eliza smirks. "Why?"

"You said that I don't know that I love you. But that's not true, Eliza. I know _perfectly well_ that I love you. It's very, very clear after having spent the last couple of hours in this house."

"It is?"

"Yeah. You've got to be blind to not notice it from all the pictures and seashells on the nightstands," Arizona chuckles. "I just need more time…"

"The seashells?" Eliza asks, dodging Arizona's last sentence.

"That's gotta be _your_ thing, right?"

"Mmmmaybe," Eliza whispers, shaking her head in amusement. And once again Eliza feels how the easy talk, the soft touches and the affectionate kisses ignite her from within. This is just how it used to be. This is just how they used to talk in the middle of the night. This feels like Arizona's never been in the accident, like she's never been away. Another source of hope plants itself in Eliza's heart, just next to the image of how adorable her wife looks right now.

"Well, I guess it's only fair considering that I picked out the colours of the walls."

"Say that again, please," Eliza replies in shock, needing Arizona to confirm what just happened.

"Did I say something wrong?" Arizona's voice suddenly worried.

"No, honey, no. Just, tell me about the walls again, please."

"Um, okay," Arizona chuckles. "I think, no, you know what, I'm actually pretty sure I'm the one who insisted on the earth stone colours and the light blue in the bedroom."

"You are," Eliza smiles at her wife as she's slowly remembering. It makes Eliza's souls soar. It makes her heart levitate. All the emotions... the pride, the hope and the love. _Definitely the love, yes._ "I got the seashells on the nightstands and you got the light blue. It's all about the compromises," Eliza scoffs playfully

"Thought so," Arizona chuckles. "Can I, um, can I ask you something?"

"Of course!" Eliza replies, scooting herself a little closer to Arizona. Placing her hand on the side of her wife, Eliza looks for any discomfort in Arizona's body language. When it doesn't show, Eliza keeps her hand on Arizona's sheet-covered side while stroking it tenderly.

"Do I, um... do I like, call you something? A nickname or anything?"

"Ummm," Eliza is surprised by Arizona's question, an amused chuckle leaving her throat. "You don't like my name?"

"That's not what I'm saying. And you know that. I love your name. It's as... it's as pretty as you are. It's just... you've called me _honey_ a couple of times, so I just figured if I maybe, call you anything like that. I know, it's stupid, it's just... I want to know everything. Everything about me… everything about me where you are concerned."

"It's not stupid, Arizona. And I'm sorry if it's been making you feel uncomfortable. Honestly, I haven't noticed because yeah, I've always called you _honey_. And lately I've really been trying not to, I guess I didn't do that well, huh?"

"It hasn't. You haven't. It's only normal to call your partner those kind of names, so of course," Arizona assures Eliza, running a finger over Eliza's collarbone.

"You call me _honey_ , too. And sometimes _babe_. But that's mostly when I look hot," Eliza states smugly, crinkling her nose afterwards and laughing.

"So, we're pretty common, huh?" Arizona asks grinning while trying to cover a yarn.

"Pretty much so," Eliza states, letting a deep sigh escape her throat. The feeling of being this close to her wife is pulling at her energy. Both the good and the bad energy. She desperately tries to be in the moment, to savour it and take it all in. But at the same time she can't help thinking about what if this is the last time? What if Arizona will wake up in the morning and decide she doesn't want this after all? What if she decides it's too much and demands a divorce? Eliza feels the need to grip her wife and hold her close to her. As close as they can possibly get, and never let go. Deciding and succeeding on pushing those bad feelings to the back of her mind, she leans in and presses a soft kiss upon Arizona's lips. Running her hand up Arizona's side, she cups her cheek and lets her thumb caress the skin it meets. Arizona's soft moan causes Eliza's head to spin. And it's a wonderful kind of spinning.

"You wanna call it a night?" Eliza whispers when they pull apart.

"Not really, but I'm _so_ tired."

"Me, too."

"Goodnight then," Arizona breathes out hesitantly and goes to climb out of the bed.

Eliza quickly catches Arizona by the shoulder before the blonde gets out. "Where are you going?" Eliza's voice is covered in sadness and confusion. "I thought..."

"I didn't know if I could stay."

"What do you mean?"

"You made such a great speech about taking things slow and then I showed up her… in your room because I couldn't sleep, and then I just assumed I should follow your lead instead and just take things slow and go sleep in our bed because… I really wanna do the right thing. I really wanna get better... so that I can start remembering things. So that I can actually be something... and not just for me but also, um, for you. That's why I thought you would want me to sleep in our bed tonight and not here, with you."

"Are you done?"

"What?" Arizona's sitting up in bed now, looking confused down at Eliza who's still propped on her elbow.

"Are you done with assuming things?"

"I don't know what you mean, Eliza."

"I know I said all of the things you just listed off, but I only said those things because I didn't want to come on too strong. I do all of those things for you. I say and do everything for you to get better and feel better," Eliza reveals, resting her back against the headboard and looking at Arizona who's sending her an intense glare. "Believe me, I'd much rather you move back in and we share a bed and you make me silly pancakes in the morning and I go grocery shopping after work because you used all the broccoli. I'd much rather you were here every time I get off of work. I'd much rather I could kiss you every time you get home and we just kick back, enjoying each other's company. I'd much rather kiss you and touch you and tell you how much I love you every day instead of this... instead of taking things slow. But I can't do that. I can't."

"Why?" is all Arizona says softly, her eyes looking straight ahead now.

"Because if I told you all of that, you wouldn't be sitting here right next to me. You'd be all gone."

"Why are you so sure about that?"

"Because it's a lot. It's a lot to take in. And that's why, Arizona. That's why I haven't told you. But now you know."

"And that's why you want me to sleep in here tonight? Because you want to kiss me and have me make pancakes for you. But it's _also_ why you want to take it slow."

"For a brain having suffered a severe injury that was-"

"Awesome!" Arizona states, shrugging. Turning her head, Arizona searches for Eliza's soul. That's how Eliza feels it, nonetheless. And she finds it. She tugs at it. Arizona pulls at everything inside of Eliza now.

"Stay!" Eliza blurts out. "Please."

"Stay."

"If it feels right, I mean," Eliza breathes out, lacing her fingers with Arizona's. "It can't be bad, right? If this is what you want... sleeping next to me... if you want this and can handle it, it's good, right?"

"It's good," Arizona smiles brightly, scooting further down the bed with Eliza mirroring her movement.

Almost on cue, Arizona scoots herself closer to Eliza, resting her head on Eliza's shoulder. Eliza feels how Arizona breathes her in which causes the butterflies to loop inside of her again. This feels amazing. Having Arizona this close. Having her wife in bed next to her. This wasn't planned at all. Eliza hadn't thought of this happening soon because it would've broken her into tiny pieces, if it hadn't worked out. But now Arizona is actually here. In their home. With her. And she is doing what she always does: inhaling her scent and toying with the ends of Eliza's hair. The tell-tale of Arizona being well on her way into Slumberland. Eliza loves it. All of it. The recognition. The familiarity. The safety. _The love_.

* * *

The sunlight beams trough the small gab between the windowsill and the curtain and lands on Eliza's face. It itches Eliza's sleep-filled skin and state of mind. Crinkling her nose and making a rough snore, Eliza turns onto her side. Suddenly it hits her. Last night. The evening's events. It wasn't a dream. Arizona _had_ found home. She _had_ found her way back to her and she _had_ furthermore stepped inside the house and stayed the night. It wasn't a dream. Eliza knows it. Taking a deep breath, she fills her lungs with the scent of Arizona in the air. Yeah, her wife is most definitely present.

Opening her eyes, Eliza doesn't find what she hoped to find. The space beside her is empty. It's empty and it's cold. Patting the sheets, Eliza finds the empty space mocking her. She finds the empty space laughing at her for having dreamt of Arizona being there. But Eliza isn't stupid. She isn't deluded. She knows that Arizona was here last night. She knows that Arizona fell asleep next to her with her head in the crook of Eliza's neck. She knows it. It wasn't something she made up. It happened. But where is she then? How come she isn't here? Why didn't she wake her up? And then something else hits her.

Eliza shoots up into sitting position, her eyes having trouble adjusting to the light as her head tries to keep up as well. She feels her eyes begin to water, the pricking feeling returning full force. What if Arizona woke up and regretted everything? What if Arizona had woken up, looked at Eliza and finally decided that this was too much? What if that had happened? Eliza takes deep breaths through her nose as she balls up the sheets. What if Eliza had done something in her sleep that maybe had made Arizona feel uncomfortable? What if she had just lost her wife all over again? And that while Eliza had slept the most peaceful she'd slept in months. Eliza's tears stream down her cheeks. It's not even noon and Eliza's heart is already shattered into unrecognition. She doesn't know if she's able to survive this. And frankly, she doesn't even know if there's anything to even survive for anymore. Not when the love of her life just left her. For good.

* * *

 **AN2: Thank you for reading. And for the new follows and favourites, and of course for all the reviews. It means a lot!**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: I got an interesting review on the latest chapter, unfortunately I'm not able to reply to it. So** _guest guest_ **: Your words made me very happy, although you think this story is depressing AF. I know, I know. It's pulling at my own heartstrings writing it as well, but better times are ahead. Just hold on tight. There might not be a happy song in this chapter like you requested, but I'm giving you a glimpse of something you've apparently been longing for. Again, thank you for your awesome and long review. I appreciate you reading my Calzona and Ariliza fics.**

 **AN2: Also a big shout-out to the lot of you. Thank you for continuing to like the story!**

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

"No, Arizona. No. Please. No, no, no, no, no. Please!"

Turning her head towards the stairway, Arizona grips the heavy book closer in her hands. Did she do something she wasn't supposed to? Judging by the horror in Eliza's voice something is definitely wrong. Stumbling steps are coming from upstairs while Arizona is sitting on the floor in front of the bookcase. It's almost 9 am. Arizona had woken up almost an hour ago and couldn't get herself to wake the sleeping beauty beside her. Eliza had looked so amazing, and the feeling of Eliza's arm draped around her waist had taken amazing to a complete new level. Arizona had been struck by a lightening; the lightening being the emotions Eliza continued to awake inside of her. Arizona had turned her head and looked at Eliza, sheer happiness on her face. And that's why... that's why she couldn't wake her. She had looked so peaceful and so beautiful, something Arizona didn't want to ruin. That's why she had gotten downstairs. That's why she had been wanting to make Eliza breakfast, just as she had told her last night that she used to do. But when Arizona had searched the kitchen, a serious problem had occurred. Eliza didn't seem to like grocery shopping, if you analysed the fridge and the cupboards. There is _absolutely_ nothing. So Arizona chose to look around the living room for something to do engross herself with. At some point she had felt a little intrusive but then again, it was after all her things, so she had pushed the thought to the back of her mind. It is _her_ house. She can do what she wants to. Even though it feels rather strange. Especially without Eliza being around.

"No, no, no. Please," Eliza whimpers as she comes bolting down the stairs. "No, this is just... please don't be..."

Arizona is frozen in her spot on the floor, her eyes locked intensely on the baffled and disorientated brunette as she looks into the kitchen. Arizona can't think of anything she could've done. Not anything Eliza could be sad about or even mad about. Not a thing. But the frustration in Eliza's voice and the feverish movements she's doing, makes Arizona uncertain. When Eliza rounds the kitchen island and her face turns towards the open living room, Arizona finds the eyes she's been looking at ever since waking up. The same gorgeous eyes so full of life and love. But looking into them now, they're covered by a membrane of sadness... and some kind of relief, finally.

"You're still here!" Eliza breathes a sigh of relief, her shoulders slumping. She grips the edge of the kitchen counter as she rests her entire weight against the surface.

"I am," Arizona gives her an unsure smile. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No!" Eliza blurts out. "No, no. Definitely not," she sighs, running a hand through her tousled morning hair.

"O-kay," Arizona smiles timidly. "Then why are you all..." she gestures with a finger towards Eliza, circling it around.

"I thought... I thought," she sighs, looking at the counter.

"Hey, look at me," Arizona gently begs. When Eliza does as she requests, Arizona sees that the sadness in Eliza's eyes is all gone. Not they're only showing relief. Relief and shyness. _And love_.

"I thought you had left."

"Why?"

"You weren't in bed with me. I just thought..."

"That I had stormed off again? That it was just too much? That I couldn't stay with you because of-"

" _Me_. Yeah, something like that."

"Eliza," Arizona shoots the brunette a sad smile. "Come here, please."

Eliza closes the distance between them in quick steps, placing herself in front of Arizona on the floor. Taking a deep breath, Eliza laces her hands in her lap. Arizona watches as Eliza's eyes drop to Arizona's lap where the big book is resting, wide open.

"You found the album?" Eliza smiles tenderly.

"I did," Arizona returns the smile, nodding. "Waking up to day, Eliza... it's been different. It's been strange. But it's also been _truly_ amazing. Watching you sleep soundly next to me. It was, it was just... settling. Soothing, I don't know. I just, I didn't wanna let go of that feeling. And, um... _That's_ why I'm still here. _You_ are why I'm still here."

"I, I..."

"I know I've made you unsure of me and my actions before, I know that. But I'm gonna really try. I will. I'll try to be better. Because... because of this," Arizona takes the large book in her hands, pushing it a little closer to Eliza and into her lap. "Because of that!" pointing at a picture in the album of them clinking their champagne flutes, she nods slowly. "I'll try not to run. Even though I will get the need to sometimes, but I'll try not to. Just know that it's not you who makes me want to run. It's not you. It's me. It's me and my stupid brain. It's not you, _never._ "

"Arizona..."

"Eliza," Arizona replies, arching a brow.

"I need to tell you something and I need you to not run, okay?" Eliza takes both of Arizona's hands in her own causing Arizona to immediately intertwine their fingers.

She said it. She just told Eliza what she's been thinking about ever since getting up and looking into their wedding album. She said it, and now Eliza wants to tell her something as well. Mentally bracing herself, Arizona squeezes Eliza's hands who's currently resting on her knee caps. "I'm not gonna run, Eliza. I just told you."

"I love you."

Hearing those words again... sends a shiver down Arizona's spine along with a round of vibration to her heart. It's amazing knowing that you are loved. That someone loves you so much they're willing to help you through a freaking memory loss. It's amazing and it's freaking terrifying. Especially because Arizona knows that she loves Eliza. It's very obvious considering all the things she's been told lately and all the pictures, and quite honestly… how they interact. It's clear to Arizona that their interaction and the small touches are something she's beginning to grow addicted to. It's something she can't get enough of. It's something that makes her feel so incredibly nervous but at the same time so extremely happy and safe. It makes her heart sing. It makes Arizona want to be the best. The best version of herself. The best wife. Because Eliza deserves that. She deserves everything in this world what with her looking after Arizona when she didn't know who Eliza actually was. Eliza deserves everything because she never seems to give up on her. Even though Arizona has more times than not caused a scene that would make any other human being give up. But not Eliza. Not her wife. She's been there through it all, also when Arizona had been in the coma. She stayed. And that's one of the reasons why Arizona hasn't strayed this morning. _Eliza had stayed_. Now Arizona wants to show Eliza that she can do just that, although it will be hard. But does that mean that she loves Eliza? Does she love her wife? Arizona can't figure it out. She knows she wants to. She knows she once did. And she knows that she should be loving her right this instant. It's just so hard to define her feelings. It's so hard getting her brain where she wants it to be. She'll try, though. She'll try the hardest she's ever done.

"I love you and I know you can't say it back now, but it doesn't matter. I just needed to tell you," Eliza shrugs, leaning in. Arizona leans in as well, brushing her lips onto Eliza's in a tender kiss.

Arizona feels her stomach flutter. She feels her heart beat faster with every second the kiss takes place. It's a wonderful feeling. A feeling that keeps Arizona from running. Imagine getting to feel this way every day?! It's something Arizona definitely want.

"I won't leave," Arizona smiles when they end the kiss, their foreheads resting against each other's. "I would've made you those pancakes you were talking about last night, but it seems like we got robbed," Arizona chuckles.

"What?" Eliza pulls back to look at Arizona who rolls her eyes playfully at the brunette.

"There's no food, Eliza. Literally. No. Food."

"I haven't been shopping, I guess."

"Then what have you been eating?"

"Take out and, well..."

"You can't live on jelly worms, you know that, right?" Arizona shakes her head in disbelief, an amused smile on her lips.

"I hate eating by myself, is all."

"Then let's change that. I'll eat with you if..."

"If what?" Eliza chuckles.

"If you'll go grocery shopping with me?"

"Deal," Eliza grins as they untangle their hands and stand.

Arizona takes the photo album, looking at it one more time with a joyful look on her face. Flipping through some pages, she finds the one she's been looking at the most this morning. "I love this one," she states. Eliza comes to stand next to Arizona, a hand on her lower back as she looks into the album as well. "You know why?"

"No," Eliza breathes out contently.

"I look like I've waited my entire life for that moment," Arizona states wholeheartedly as she feels a rush of gratitude take over her body. The picture shows Arizona standing at the end of the aisle looking as Eliza approaches her. It shows Eliza from behind wearing her beautiful wedding dress as she gets closer to Arizona. The look in her own eyes tells Arizona everything she needs to know. It tells her that in that moment, in that _exact_ moment, she felt the happiest she's ever been. She remembers all the feelings of gratitude, hope and love. She remembers how looking at Eliza in that exact moment as she approached her to become her wife made her feel stronger than ever before. It made her feel lucky beyond belief. And it made her so proud that Eliza actually walked towards _her_ to become hers. _Forever_. That picture told Arizona she could find home. It told her that home isn't a place but a feeling. And that feeling is something Arizona remembers... because of Eliza.

"You look absolutely beautiful."

"I think _you've_ got something to do with _that_ ," Arizona replies, looking at Eliza who's penetrating Arizona's soul with her pools of blue-ish grey.

They share a look of affection before Arizona places the album back in the bookcase. Arizona is full of emotions now. So many emotions that she silently tries to differentiate and address them inside of her. But right now they need to get to a store to pick up groceries for their empty cupboards and fridge. Arizona's always been good at shopping, now it'll finally come in handy. And shopping with Eliza will most definitely be one of her favourite pastimes when the day is over. She's sure of it. She'll deal with all the emotions on another time. Maybe at the therapy sessions she'll be starting next week.

* * *

"How did it go, sis?" Tim asks as she shuts down his laptop.

Arizona's just gotten back to Tim's place, having spent the entire day with Eliza. She didn't really want to go. But she knew she had to. It had broken her heart to say the least when having said her goodbye to Eliza. It had literally made her nauseous. But they had talked it over. They had done the reasonable thing. After having spent the night and a whole day in each other's company, they both needed to think. They both needed to process. Truth is, there's a lot to process. Arizona hasn't felt like this in forever, and that shakes her every bone. The joy she feels when she's with Eliza, when she thinks of Eliza and when she texts with her as well, it's making her soar. It's making her walk on clouds. But it also makes her a little conflicted. And that's maybe why she's pulling her fingers now.

Arizona's had the best day, really. After having done the grocery shopping, they'd gotten back and made pancakes and smoothies. Kiwi for Arizona and banana for Eliza. Just as they used to, Eliza had revealed. They had walked around the neighbourhood, hand in hand. They had talked about Eliza soon returning to her job as an attorney. They had talked about Arizona... all the things she could remember. And Eliza had given her titbits of things she knew about her. It had been amazing. After dinner they had shared a bottle of wine outside in the swinging bench while looking at the sky. Everything had been impeccable, really. Everything had been slow but not too slow. Everything had been just… perfect. And that's why she's feeling so torn right now. That's why she would much rather go back to the yellow house with the hugging oak. Back to Eliza. Back to her wife.

"Earth to Arizona," Tim laughs. "Are you with me?"

"I am," Arizona replies, flopping down in the plush chair opposite the desk her brother was sitting at.

"So tell me, how did it go?"

"Good."

"That's all you're giving me? Seriously?" Tim scoffs. "You text me that you will be staying at Eliza's for the night and then you spent the entire day with her as well. And you think _good_ is gonna cover it. I need more, sis!"

"You're not my dad."

"I know. But humour me for a second here, okay?!"

"You wanna know about what happened so badly, Tim? I just spent the last 24 hours with my wife and you know what, I think I love her. Already. I think I love her. And that scares the hell out of me," Arizona breathes out, pulling her legs up into the chair just as Eliza always does. "I couldn't leave her tonight. I couldn't. _I wouldn't_. But I had to. We had to do the right thing. And I really don't wanna push too hard because I don't wanna run again. I can't do that to her. I can't run from Eliza, and I don't want to."

"Then what are you doing here then?" Tim asks gently. "Why aren't you at home?"

"We agreed on staying apart this night... you know, to sort out things. Although," Arizona sighs. "I really don't wanna be here. No offense."

"None taken. If I had a wife I'd wanna be with her, too."

"It's strange, you know," Arizona puffs.

"What is, sis?"

"Having a wife."

"Umm, why?"

"It's like... I wake up and don't know who she is, then I can't stop thinking about her. All of a sudden Eliza has taking up so much space in my mind, I'm internally beating myself because she's married. Then I find out she's married to me. I won't accept her. I won't even see her or talk to. And now... I can't stand being away from her. It's just... it feels strange."

"It's love," Tim deadpans, rounding the desk and approaching his sister. "It's supposed to feel strange. Good strange, though."

"Since when did you get a master degree in love, Timothy Robbins?" Arizona scoffs.

"I've been looking at you and Eliza the last seven years. I've seen enough to get a degree," Tim laughs, tousling Arizona's hair.

"Shut up!" she snaps playfully, gently kicking his leg.

"Anyways. I'm gonna hit the hay now, sis. See you tomorrow," Tim states, kissing the top of his little sister's head.

"Sleep tight," Arizona smiles.

The silence hits Arizona causing her to miss Eliza even more. Her wife. It causes Arizona to miss her wife. Pulling her phone out of the front pocket of her jeans, Arizona unlocks the screen and hits the message app.

 ** _A: I had the most amazing day today. Thank you!  
Kinda wish I wasn't here, though.  
Anyways, just wanted to let you know. And oh, I miss you. A lot_**.

Spinning the phone between her fingers, Arizona contemplates on whether to get to bed or flick through reruns of medical shows on the big screen. It will help her take her mind off of where she rather wants to be. Before Arizona can make up her mind, her phone buzzes.

 ** _E: I'm thinking the exact same thing.  
I'll just use your pillow as mine tonight, then it's almost like you're here with me :)_**

 ** _I miss you, too. Like you wouldn't believe._**

Arizona is sure. She knows it. She knows she loves Eliza. It's not a question anymore. She knows it and she feels it. Deep within. She's just not ready to say it out loud yet. She needs the right time. The right moment. But right now she needs to get to bed. Getting to bed means sleeping and sleeping means waking up tomorrow and waking up tomorrow means that she's able to go see Eliza again. The mere thought makes her giddy.

* * *

 **AN3: There you had it. A little happiness never hurt an angsty fic, right? :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: The last chapter was actually the one with the least reviews… and I even made it the happiest one so far! Go figure. You all want the angst, I know it ;)  
**

* * *

 _Eliza's POV_

"Now I want you to tell me three things that's been making you feel good the last couple of weeks."

Eliza's sitting opposite her shrink again. She's not crying. She's not hyperventilating. She's not digging her nails into the armrests. She's actually doing fine. Eliza's doing very, very fine because Arizona is doing very, very fine as well. Every day Arizona seems to get better. Every day Arizona lets Eliza in a little bit more. And every day Eliza gets to be closer to her wife. It's going slow but the pace is all they need. Arizona takes turns at sleeping home and at Tim's. Although, she's been sleeping home every night the last week or so. And not in the guest room. They've been sleeping in their own bed, surrounded by light blue and seashells. Arizona's been able to fall asleep looking at the stars while Eliza's been able to snuggle into Arizona's warm body. _At last._ Everything is going amazing really. Except, Eliza feels guilty. She feels so incredibly guilty and ashamed of herself.

"Three things?" she repeats Dr. Wyatt's words in scepticism.

"Three things, yes."

Eliza purses her lips while thinking. She can actually come up with more than three things. Many more. Then how does she choose which ones to say?

"Just, you know, three things that's been making you feel better."

"Arizona," Eliza states giving her shrink a confident nod.

"I want you to dig a little deeper, Eliza. Can you specify _why_ Arizona makes you feel better?"

"She's beginning to remember again. Small things. But to me, to us… they're not small."

"Can you give me an example?" Dr. Wyatt smiles.

"Yeah. This morning she made coffee. But she didn't make any for me," Eliza smiles.

"And what does that mean?"

"I don't drink coffee. And she knows it. She remembers it. She didn't make me coffee, but instead she made me a cup of chamomile tea. My favourite," Eliza smiles proudly. "She made me tea because she remembers. And not just because I've told her. She _actually_ remembers."

"That's amazing, Eliza."

"It certainly is," Eliza lets out a deep breath. "My second thing, um… Arizona refers to our home as _her_ home now."

"That must indeed make you feel good," Dr. Wyatt states kindly.

"It does. It really does. It makes me feel like, I don't know… like, like…" Eliza's having trouble finding the right words, the _appropriate_ words. Because truth is, it makes her feel indestructible, everlasting even. But that's not the appropriate words or even feelings in this given situation. It's silly. One can't feel everlasting just because their wife finally refers to a home as hers. It's just silly.

"Like you can do anything?" Dr. Wyatt adds which causes Eliza's eyes to lock with the brown ones in front of her. Again, it's like Dr. Wyatt reads her mind.

"I know it's stupid, but, um… yeah. I truly feel like I can do _anything_."

"It's not stupid, Eliza. It's a powerful feeling. It's a powerful feeling because you feel it so very intense."

Dr. Wyatt has a way of making Eliza feel better than she really should be feeling. Eliza's happy. She's happier than she's been in a long time, but something inside of her is nagging her. It's pulling at her and telling her that she's not a very good person. But Dr. Wyatt doesn't know that.

"What's happening inside of you right now, Eliza? I can see you're struggling."

Eliza can't say it. She can't. If she says it out loud now, she won't be able to take it back. When it's out Dr. Wyatt will judge her. That's one of the reasons why Eliza hasn't been telling it to her wife as well. If she tells Arizona what's on her mind, Arizona will most definitely run. Even though Arizona's been telling Eliza that she won't run anymore. Arizona hasn't stormed off or anything remotely like that since they had the talk… when Eliza thought Arizona had left her the first night Arizona had stayed over. But this would certainly make her run. And that's why Eliza's been clamping up. But it's also what's slowly killing her from the inside out.

She can't talk about it yet, though. Dodging the question, Eliza trails back in on the things that make her feel good. "We sleep next to each other now."

"Yeah?" Dr. Wyatt says. Eliza knows that Dr. Wyatt knows that _that_ wasn't what was on her mind, but somehow she goes along with it. For now, at least.

"Mmh. We actually go to bed together, cuddle and then fall asleep. Just like we did before. It's not, um, awkward or anything. It's just… normal, I guess," Eliza nods.

Eliza doesn't know how Dr. Wyatt does this. Because she somehow got Eliza to speak her thoughts, even though she didn't want to. Because it's right _there_. It's on this specific topic Eliza feels so extremely ashamed and guilty. But she can't say it out loud. She can't tell Dr. Wyatt what haunts her. She just can't. She'll only think Eliza to be a horrible person. And she doesn't want to feel like such. Because besides the shame and guilt, Eliza feels pretty damn great these days. She won't ruin that all because can't control herself.

"And how does Arizona react? Is she feeling the same? Is she initiating touches or-"

"She does!" Eliza blurts out, drumming her fingertips on the armrests. "I mean, she takes my hand when we're out walking. She kisses me here and there, and not just because I've just initiated it myself. The other day I was actually in the middle of doing the laundry, and she just wrapped her arms around my waist and kissed me on the neck," Eliza reminisces, a big smile on her face. That had made Eliza's world spin. It had made her swoon internally because the sensation of Arizona doing what she had just done… it was enough for Eliza to keep on going. The simplest of touch and gesture, really. But it was a big deal to Eliza. Having Arizona act _that_ way… just like she used to, it's making Eliza's hope for their future escalate. And it feels freaking amazing.

"That must have been fantastic, Eliza."

Eliza nods, smiling. "It was. It is. Every time… every time Arizona does something like that, I feel like we are one step closer to where we need to be."

"And where is that?"

"That's it, though. I don't know where that is," Eliza shakes her head in frustration. "I just know that I want Arizona to fully recover."

"What do you mean when you say fully recover?"

"Um… I don't know, um… I want her to… I want Arizona's brain to be able to function just like it used to. Although, she hasn't got any trouble with it anymore. She does all the practice things the doctors say she needs to. And she remembers everything we've done since the accident. And… and she picks up memories from before as well."

"Like the tea."

"Yeah, and the seashells. And where we keep the spare key. And oh, last week she actually remembered us dancing. The radio was on and all of a sudden a song played which made her stop."

"Interesting. What happened then?"

"Arizona rushed to me and asked me about our European trip. She asked me if we had been dancing to that specific song in a bar in Germany."

"And what did you say?" Dr. Wyatt smiles.

"I told her yes. I was so proud of her. And I was so incredibly happy."

"Because Arizona's memories of you _and_ her are beginning to come back… on a daily basis."

"Yes," Eliza grins as she feels the love of her wife rush through her entire body. The love Eliza holds for Arizona is so essential, so vivid and frankly, sometimes is just so overwhelming. "But…"

"Yes?"

"I don't know…"

"Eliza, whatever is on your mind, I'm sure you're able to say it," Dr. Wyatt calmly urges, nodding her head encouragingly.

"I'm not sure."

"I am. You can do everything you want, Eliza."

"But what if I don't want to do this? What if I don't wanna say it?" Eliza growls, even though she knows it isn't Dr. Wyatt's fault she's feeling like this. There's only one person to blame. And it isn't her shrink nor is it her wife. It's Eliza herself. It's all on her shoulders.

"Okay then. If you're not ready, you're not ready," Dr. Wyatt replies kindly, crossing her legs and closing her notepad. "How about you tell me a little about the accident then?"

Okay, this just got way out of control. If talking about her guilt was hard, this just got even harder. Eliza can't speak of the accident. Not a chance. She won't relive that day. She can't. And that's why this feels like picking the lesser of two evils. Grinding her teeth, Eliza inhales sharply and closes her eyes.

"I want to have sex with my wife."

 _There_. She said it. She actually said it out loud. She just told another person what she can't stop thinking about, what she's internally been punishing herself for. She just told her shrink that she wants to have sex with her wife who's just beginning to remember things. Eliza feels so ashamed and so incredibly inappropriate and filthy. She's a mix of constant joy and pain. How's that even possible?

"Okay," Dr. Wyatt responds. "And why do you consider that a bad thing?"

Opening her eyes, Eliza looks into two calm ones. "It is. It is a bad thing," Eliza starts whimpering. "We just started… I, I… we, we just started getting good again, you know. And Arizona kisses me again. She holds me and strokes me and just, you know, makes me feel amazing. And that's why I feel so guilty."

"Why do you feel guilty, Eliza?"

"Because I shouldn't be thinking of having sex with Arizona. It's just… it's wrong."

"I don't think it's wrong."

"You don't?" Eliza's eyes go wide as she sniffles.

"I don't. It's natural to want to be intimate with your partner. We have talked about it before. It's normal, Eliza. The only question is… have you talked about it with Arizona?"

"I haven't."

"Why haven't you?"

"I'm afraid."

"Of what? Of Arizona running again? Eliza, you don't know how she's feeling if you don't ask her. Maybe she wants to take your relationship to the next level as well. Maybe she yearns for you just as much. You don't know because you haven't told her how you're feeling."

"But w-what if, what if," Eliza starts reaching for the box of tissues on the table, pulling a tissue and drying below her eyes. "What if she doesn't want to? What if she g-g-gets offended or appalled or, or…"

"You have to take the risk, Eliza. Otherwise the feelings growing inside of you will eat you. You _have_ to tell Arizona have you feel."

"But," Eliza sighs, a whimper leaving her throat. "She's so happy now. Like really happy."

"Let me ask you something instead then," Dr. Wyatt adjusts her glasses. "Does Arizona flinch when you touch her? Does she come off uncomfortable when you kiss her or initiate any kind of intimacy?"

"Ummmm, no."

"Then I'd say you should talk to her. Tell her what you just told me. Why do you want to have sex with your wife, Eliza?"

"Because I love her. She makes me feel, I don't know how to describe it," Eliza's lower lip trembles while the ghost of a smile adorns her mouth. "She makes me feel undeniably happy and safe. Every time I look at her she gives me these butterflies in my stomach. My heart swells in an undefined way. And when she pops her dimples, I'm… I'm just gone. When she flicks her hair just after having shrugged on her jacket… it leaves me breathless. _Every. Time_. And when she touches me… it doesn't have to be any specific place, just the minor of touches… it makes me shiver."

"That, right there," Dr. Wyatt nods, smiling. "Tell her _that_."

Eliza balls her fists, taking a deep breath while looking out the window. It wasn't so hard after all. It didn't feel bad, actually. But maybe it's because she said it to Dr. Wyatt. The woman that seems to know her even better than she does herself. Maybe that's why she didn't judge her. Maybe it's why she didn't call Eliza a bad person. But Eliza can't help feeling this way. It had probably been way easier if Arizona hadn't looked the way she does. If Eliza hasn't had a wife that made every gay man straight and every straight woman gay, it would've been as easy as peeling a freaking banana. But she doesn't. Her wife is smoking hot, beautiful. She's a picture perfect. They've got enough pictures in their home to prove just that. Arizona makes Eliza's pulse escalate, and that even when she doesn't try to. And that's why Eliza's been feeling the need to be closer to her wife. Now. Now when they've finally got to a good place. She can't stop beating herself up for wanting to have sex. She just can't. But she also can't deny what she's feeling. She's only human, right? But will Arizona even understand what Eliza's going through? What if Arizona doesn't find Eliza attractive anymore? What if Arizona doesn't want to have sex with her because she's actually been falling out of love and not in love with her all this time? No, she can't have, right? It's all in Eliza's head. She's acting out. She's stressing, she's… she's afraid. Eliza just needs to get home and talk to Arizona. How hard can that be? They communicate well. It shouldn't be making Eliza struggle this much. She just needs to tell Arizona that she wants to have sex with her. _God, it sounds terrible_. Eliza's going out of her mind right now. It sounds absolutely selfish.

* * *

"Hi honey," Arizona calls from somewhere in the house. The nickname immediately makes Eliza smile. Arizona quickly picked up on their nicknames without feeling pressured into it. It's been slowly incorporated along with the casual kisses and touches. And it's one of the reasons why Eliza has felt this extra connection to her wife. So maybe she shouldn't blame herself for wanting to make love to her wife? Maybe she should blame Arizona as well. If Arizona could just be horrible and miserable and ugly, then it wouldn't be a problem.

"Hey," Eliza replies. "Where are you?"

"Right. Here," Arizona smiles, taking the stairs in quick steps. "How was today?" she approaches Eliza and snakes her arms around the brunette's waist. Eliza instantly relaxes in her wife's touch, dipping her head to crash her lips on the blonde's.

"Good."

"Anything you wanna talk about?" Arizona asks concerned when they pull apart, a soft smile making her dimples pop just the slightest. Eliza can't help it. It seems like everything about Arizona these days makes her want to rip off her clothes. Settling on just giving her wife another light kiss, she smiles.

"Nah, not now anyway."

"Okay then. I actually got something I wanna show you," Arizona grins, nodding enthusiastically. "You wanna see?"

"Damn right," Eliza chuckles.

Arizona goes to find her phone and handing it to Eliza. The lock-screen makes Eliza's heart flutter. It's not the picture it used to be before the accident. It's a new one. It's one where Eliza grins into the lens but Arizona's got closed eyes due to her laughing so hard. It makes one of Arizona's dimples pop. Eliza loves that picture. It reminds her of one of their walks to the duck. It reminds her of when a seagull had been standing on the edge and then all of a sudden it had jumped into the water. Like actually jumped. Well, it looked so from where they were sitting, anyway. It had looked so hilarious and Eliza had to take a mental note of Arizona's laugh but also a picture. If she could, she would make the sound her ringing tune. It's just everything good in this world. And there it was again. The memory. A new memory… once again going straight to Eliza's heart.

"It wasn't the picture, silly," Arizona smirks, tapping the screen in Eliza's hands who's apparently frozen looking at the picture. "Here. See. Or listen, really."

Adjusting her headphones, Arizona carefully places one in Eliza's ear and the other in her own. Pressing play, soft tunes start playing in their ears. Eliza feels Arizona's eyes on her. It's intense, but she doesn't mind. _Not one bit!_

 _I have never known peace_ _  
Like the damp grass that yields to me  
I have never known hunger  
Like these insects that feast on me_

Eliza lets the words wash all over her, trying to take each one to heart and really understand them. Arizona's one hand is resting at the side furthest away from her while the other one is running its fingers through Eliza's loose hair. It's settling Eliza more than she thought possible.

 _A thousand teeth  
And yours among them, I know  
Our hungers appeased  
Our heartbeats becoming slow_

Arizona places her chin on Eliza's shoulder while her hands snake around her midsection and laces themselves at Eliza's side. The words hit Eliza like a train. They hit her like she's never been hit before. She knows there's a hidden message from Arizona in these words somewhere. She just needs to figure out what it is exactly.

 _We lay here for years or for hours  
Thrown here or found  
To freeze or to thaw  
So long we become the flowers  
Two corpses we were  
Two corpses I saw_

The song is slow, the voices are relaxing and to some point a bit melancholic. But it's okay. It's _very_ okay. Because it's a message from Arizona.

 _And they'd find us in a week_ _  
When the weather gets hot  
After the insects have made their claim  
I'd be home with you  
I'd be home with you_

Then it finally reaches her. Then Eliza finally solves the riddle. After all, she knows her wife. And has done so for almost eight years now. Her heart pounds harder, even though the song should calm her. But it does no such thing. If anything, it makes her want to jump up and down like a child. It's a sad song, but it's a beautiful song nonetheless. Turning her head a bit to look at her wife, Arizona pulls a bit back and smiles. _That_ smile. That heart-melting smile. Some of the words run through Eliza without her registering them because of _that_ smile. It's like she's left this world completely. But then something pulls at her from the inside.

 _We lay here for years or for hours  
Your hand in my hand  
So still and discreet  
So long we become the flowers  
We'd feed well the land  
And worry the sheep_

 _And they'd find us in a week  
When the cattle show fear  
After the insects have made their claim  
After the foxes have known our taste  
I'd be home with you  
I'd be home with you_

Removing the earbuds from both of their ears, Eliza places Arizona's phone on the kitchen island. Her heart still hasn't slowed down. Neither has her libido. She wants nothing more than to take her wife to bed and show her just how much she loves her. How much she worships everything that is her. But Arizona's words beats Eliza's mind.

"I'd like to come."

Eliza's heart is bursting. It is actually exploding. But not like it's been doing lately. It's exploding due to sheer happiness. Arizona wants to come home. She wants to come home for good. No more sleepovers or nights apart. No more texting back and forth at night because they miss each other. No more. Arizona wants to come home. Arizona hasn't been falling out of love with her, surely. She can't have, right? Not when she's just uttered that she wants to come home? Maybe this means Arizona is ready to take another step forward into their relationship? Maybe Eliza isn't wrong on wanting to make love to Arizona. She might be on the exact same page?! But Eliza won't know until she actually asks the question or opens up for the conversation. But how does she do that without terrifying the beautiful blonde in front of her?

"If you want me to, of course," Arizona's smile turns into a frown due to Eliza's unresponsive demeanour. Having been caught in her own thoughts of having Arizona home at last, it's made her unintentionally fall out of the conversation.

"I want you. I want you," Eliza blurts out as her eyes widen when realizing what she just said. The Freudian slip clipping Eliza's breath. Those words can mean so many things, but the blush creeping onto her face can't. It's very evident that she just made a complete fool out of herself. And all the while Arizona's facial expression makes Eliza's stomach curl and her heart stop.

* * *

 **AN2: Thank you for reading. I appreciate each and every one of you.  
** **Also, the song featured in this chapter is "In a week" by Hozier.**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: You continue to be awesome. Thank you!  
**

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

"I want you. I want you," Eliza blurts out. Her eyes are wide, and Arizona knows why. Arizona knows what those word _could_ mean. She also knows what she wants them to mean. But she can't be sure if Eliza meant to say those words with the hidden meaning Arizona just pulled from them.

All Arizona wanted to tell Eliza was that she wants to come home. She wants to move back in, permanently. Even though she's practically been living here the last week. She just wants to make it official. They haven't discussed the living situation and that's why Arizona thought the need to bring it up. She wants to move forward. She wants to develop their relationship, although she hasn't told Eliza that she loves her yet. Arizona hasn't told her wife that she genuinely loves her. And not just because all the pictures and the stories tell her to. No. But because she truly does. Every day she feels their connection grow. With every memory that pops up in Arizona's head, and with every new one they're creating in the present, Arizona grows more and more attached to the brunette. The feelings inside of her make her feel like she's finally found home, and not just literally. Emotionally, too. _Definitely emotionally_. And now Eliza just said that she wanted her when Arizona had asked if she could come home to live. How is she supposed to react to that?

"I'm so, so sorry," Eliza rushes, her voice thick with embarrassment. "I meant, I'd love you to come home. I need you to come home, for good."

"You do?" Arizona smiles brightly, deciding to let the Freudian slip rest for the moment. Because frankly, Arizona doesn't know what to make of it. And she's afraid it might be too much to ask of Eliza.

"More than anything," Eliza breathes out as she takes hold of Arizona's neck to carefully guide her head closer towards her own. When their lips are nanoseconds away from touching, Arizona lets go of a soft whimper. A whimper of complete relief and desire.

"Thank God," Arizona whispers only to have her lips sealed with Eliza's. Her entire body shakes with pleasure as Eliza's tongue seeks entrance to her mouth which Arizona easily gives her. Grasping her wife's hips, Arizona pulls her as close as possible while deepening the kiss as well.

When they end the kiss, Arizona finds herself so out of breath and lightheaded that she needs to brace herself by really holding Eliza's hips. The look on the brunette's face tells Arizona that Eliza is feeling the exact same way which only makes Arizona feel even more breathless. It's an evil circle, to be honest. But this kind of evilness isn't like anything Arizona has ever felt before. It's a beautiful kind of evil.

"Wow," Arizona giggles when finally finding her ability to speak, pecking Eliza on the lips one chaste time.

"Indeed," Eliza grins. "Welcome home, I guess."

"If that's how you greet me every time I come back home I think I'll have to move out occasionally."

"Don't you even dare," Eliza points a finger at Arizona to which Arizona rolls her eyes playfully.

She knows they'll have to have the talk. She knows that. Arizona would be lying if she said she hadn't thought of sex. With Eliza. She's only human, after all. And it's only normal to want to have sex with your wife. It's perfectly natural to want to make love with the person you love. It's just that Arizona hasn't told Eliza that she, in fact, loves her. She hasn't been able to express those intense feelings that's been building up inside of her. _Why?_ Because Arizona is so very much afraid of the outcome. The reality _that_ single statement will cause, will turn Arizona's life upside down. It wouldn't be bad, though. But it will definitely mean Arizona won't be able to turn back. Not that she wants to, either. It's just... those three words aren't something you just say and especially not after having been in a coma and your memory has been damaged. Those three words shouldn't be taken lightly. And that's why Arizona has been holding them close at heart. She can't let Eliza know just yet. She can't. She'll have to find the right time. _Wow_. This feels like proposing all over again. All the planning. All the secrets. The desperate need to tell Eliza but wanting the timing to be right. Arizona is a perfectionist, after all. It isn't the time nor is it the place. But is it time to tell Eliza that she wants to rip her from her clothes and kiss every spot on that perfect body she's been curled around and into the last couple of weeks? Is it too soon? Or is it too late? _One step at a time, one step at a time._ Arizona calms her thoughts by pulling her wife in for another kiss making her soul once again experience the wonder that is the effect Eliza has on her body and soul. And that's a pretty damn good feeling to dwell on for now. It's a beautiful, consuming and awesome feeling.

* * *

Drumming her fingers on her thigh, Arizona eyes her therapist. She doesn't feel sick or emotionally disabled. She doesn't feel like she needs to talk to someone about what she went through or what she's currently going through. She's always figured it out herself. She's always been able to. When her parents died, she went to a grief group for a couple of sessions but then decided she'd had enough. She grew while accepting the faith of her death parents. Just as Tim did. They managed. They had each other. They _have_ each other. And now Arizona's got Eliza, too. But they had _all_ strongly recommended that Arizona go see a therapist to come to terms with everything that's been happening.

So, now she's here. Now she's looking at some middle aged man with a face looking more like a toddler than one of a grown man. He can't be much older than her, maybe he's even younger. How is it even possible for him to help Arizona come to terms with anything when he's just a baby without any life experience? She needs some old dude or some experienced woman with lots and lots of wins and losses. She needs someone who's not the man sitting opposite her, is all. Unfortunately, that's not the case. He's apparently very good at these situations, the amnesia ones. Who'd thought? Not Arizona, that's who. Crinkling her nose, Arizona clears her throat through grinding teeth.

"So, tell me a little about yourself, Arizona," the young man encourages politely, nodding his head. He's not even wearing spectacles or a monocle nor is he having a pocket watch in a chest pocket. This is _not_ happening.

"I was born the 7th of November almost 32 years ago. I live in Seattle with my wife. I work with teen moms within this district and I backpacked through Europe. Oh, yeah, I also suffered a severe memory loss which caused me to forget everything about my wife," Arizona scoffs, a bit of sarcasm dropping from her voice.

"I know. I read your file."

"Then why did you ask?"

"Because I wanted _you_ to tell me about yourself, not the file. But I guess it's the same any way," he shrugs, adjusting his shorts. Because he is wearing freaking knee cut shorts, yeah. What kind of shrink wears shorts in the middle of September? Arizona's not amused by this situation. It's clearly a joke.

"What do you want me to say then?"

"Why are you here?"

"Because Tim and Eliza think I need to work through what happened. And all the doctors, too. And my best friend. And my colleagues. Yeah, nearly everyone thinks it's like _the best_ idea _ever_."

"What about you, Arizona, do you think it's a good idea?"

"Nope."

"And why is that?"

"I'm doing fine. More than fine, actually," Arizona states. "I'm remembering things every day now. I know I love my wife. I can actually _feel_ it again. I've moved back in and it's all working great between us," she nods. "The only reason why I went along with this is so that I can start work again. When I've done a couple of sit-downs with you, I'm allowed to go back."

"So you don't think you've got something worth addressing then?" the young man raises an eyebrow, nodding sceptically at Arizona. "Nothing at all?"

"Ummm, I guess everyone has _something_ worth addressing," Arizona shrugs.

"Then let's start there. You're here, might as well get something out of it, right?"

"I guess so."

"So, what do you want to talk about, Arizona?"

"Eliza, I guess," Arizona arches one eyebrow, sucking her cheek into her mouth.

"Okay," he nods his agreement. "Where do you want to start?"

"Um, she's a year younger than me. Technically not an _entire_ year. On paper it is, anyway. She's born in July. So it's not a whole year, it's more like…" Arizona starts but gets cut off by the man's not so subtle cough. "Yeah, not really important," she grins well knowingly. _But a girl's gotta try, right?_ "She's beautiful," Arizona tries again, a wave of joy rushing through her entire body as the memory of her wife lights up in her mind. "She's tall, dark haired and ooh, she speaks Polish because, well, yeah, she's half Polish. And her mom still lives in Poland which means we don't get to see her that often, but we did visit her on our European trip."

"Your wife's a mix of two cultures, I see. Has that ever caused any problems?"

"Um, no!" Arizona deadpans, furrowing her brows. "Why would it?"

"Just, checking," the man states as he scribbles something on a piece of paper.

"Anyway… she's an attorney, takes tea over coffee and is oblivious to the fact that I know she watches me sleep. But something tells me you don't care about _any_ of that," Arizona shakes her head as a confused laughter rolls from her throat.

The man just stares at Arizona, a thoughtful look plastered to his face. "Hmm… how long have you been together?"

"Almost eight years, actually. We've been married for three years this Monday," Arizona informs the man, a big smile on her face.

She can't believe it. Three years. They've been together for eight years give or take, and on Monday they've been married for three of them. It's amazing. Because to be honest, Arizona never thought she'd ever find someone who'd make her want to settle down. She never really wanted to do the marriage and white picket fences kind of thing. It just, it didn't felt like something she could be doing. Mainly because she'd never met anyone who'd made her want to have those stupid fences in the first place. _Never_. It took a bunch of avocados and some broccoli bouquets to change her mind. Not on the spot, though. It took Arizona awhile to actually give Eliza the time of day. Eliza's persistence and constant flirting had Arizona's walls slowly crumbling which finally let to Arizona falling head over heels in love with the brunette. _Just like that_. She might have loved Eliza way before she knew it but it took a banana's peel to finally convince her that she was, in fact, in love. And not like she's ever been before. It took a freaking fruit for Arizona to realize that she had to be with Eliza and not just for a little while, but for the amount of time that counted forever. She knew right there and then that Eliza was the one. _She just knew it_. She knew it as the brunette whined about her wounded knee and quite possibly also her wounded pride. She knew that she needed to be there every time for the sake of Eliza falling; to laugh at her and to get her back up. Something deep within her needed to comfort the woman, to take care of her and to always get her back up. That something being her crazily beating heart.

What just happened? What was that? How did all of these thoughts come to her… here, of all places? Arizona is shocked to say the least. Did she just remember how falling in love with Eliza felt like? Did she just feel it all over again? How is that even possible… when Eliza's not here? Shouldn't she be feeling this when having her wife around and not while some toddler therapist is looking at her funny?

"You're remembering something," he states, his voice calm and encouraging.

"I think so," Arizona bites down on her lower lip. "But… how… what, _what_ did you do?"

"I didn't do anything, Arizona. You did it. All by yourself."

"I'm not so sure," her voice sceptical as the crease in her forehead appears. "You did something… _something hocus pocus-ish._ I haven't been able to remember how I met Eliza, even though I've tried really hard to. I've been told the story many times and frankly, I love it, but I haven't been able to recall the scene nor the feelings. And now you're like pulling it out of my brain like I'm some frigging bunny in a hat. _What's happening_?"

"I didn't do anything, Arizona. I just asked you about your wife."

"People have been asking me about Eliza on a daily basis these days, heck I've even asked myself, but still… I haven't been able to get a clear memory of that specific episode."

This is freaking Arizona out. This is messing with her brain. And she can't have more things messing up her brain now. Not when she desperately needs it to be working fulltime. But something happened. Something made her remember. And not just the scene of where Arizona met Eliza, but also the feelings during their first meet and those that came afterwards. She remembers. She really does. Eliza's eagerness and hard flirting, the banana's peel that made Eliza trip and whine in frustration and humiliation, and Eliza's stubbornness. She's been insisting on them getting drinks, but Arizona had reeled in when things had gotten more serious. Even though, she had been the one approaching Eliza after the trickling avocado incident, but only because Eliza had come off so very polite and sincere. And mysterious. Arizona _had_ to speak with her, again. Although she didn't know what to say. So she talked about broccoli. _Freaking broccoli_. Like some kind of greengrocer. In reality, Arizona knows squat about vegetables. She just likes to eat them, is all. But whenever a beautiful woman is involved Arizona tends to bite off more than she can chew. But Eliza had suddenly become an opportunity. An opportunity Arizona couldn't let slip through her fingers. And that's why they exchanged numbers. She just thought it could be a good flirt, something to keep her warm for a couple of months, sure. She wasn't prepared for what actually happened. If someone had told her she would marry the brunette five years later, she'd probably punched that someone and cackled afterwards. But here she was… married to the woman she met between avocados and broccolis. And she freaking remembers it, too. After only half an hour in Dr. Toddler's care. It's scaring Arizona into insanity. She needs to get out. And she needs to talk to someone who's able to calm her craziness. She needs her go-to.

* * *

"Seriously?"

"Seriously!"

"Have you told Eliza?"

"No."

"Arizona! You have to!"

"She's at work, anyways."

"That's just a bad excuse, and you know it."

"Um, can we just circle back to where Dr. Toddler made some wickedy whack spell and made me remember," Arizona sips at her coffee while leaning back in her chair. "I need you with me. I need you to tell me I'm not crazy. That it _is_ totally scary and unprofessional of him. Okay, Red?"

"Sure. He's _very_ unprofessional and _very_ young and maybe he _is_ even picturing you and Eliza doing it in his head," April squirms in her seat, humouring her best friend. "But he's also good, obviously."

"Why do you say that?" Arizona snorts. "He's _not._ He's scary is what he is. That's not professional to make your client feel scared, actually it's the quite opposite."

"In some way that man got you to remember something no one else has been able to. Deal with it, Arizona. And grow up!"

Widening her eyes in surprise, Arizona places her cup on the table. "You can't talk to me like that, April. I just got out of a coma."

"I can. I'm your best friend and I'm supposed to tell you when you're acting like a baby. And that's now. Can't you just accept it and tell Eliza what happened? She'll be thrilled, Arizona. She'll be so excited and so happy and-"

"And what if my memory still sucks?" Arizona sighs looking at her best friend with a membrane of sadness and fear covering her eyes. "What if the memory I think I've finally found is, in fact… not true? What if my mind has been so messed up it's making its own memories because I need them?"

"Oh, Arizona…"

"I mean it, April. What if… what if I'm never going to fill out all of these blanks? She'll leave me… she will," Arizona feels a round of tears push at the insides of her eyelids.

It's been a while since she's felt the need to cry. Because there hasn't been anything to cry about, really. Everything is just perfect. Eliza's perfect. Their home is perfect. Eliza's back at work which is also perfect. And soon Arizona will be back at work as well. It's going perfectly smooth, really. But the thought of her never getting the amount of memories back she's lost, terrifies her more than she'd care to admit. She just did it, though. She just admitted to April that she's afraid her wife is going to leave her if she doesn't get better. Arizona knows that Eliza loves her. She knows that because she feels Eliza's love every minute of every hour of every day. But what if Eliza all of a sudden stops loving her? What if her patience runs out and she gets tired of waiting for Arizona to catch up? The thoughts make Arizona cringe and her heart pound uncomfortably hard in her chest. She can't lose Eliza. She just can't. Not when she's finally found her, _again_. Not when she's finally learned that she loves her.

"Arizona," April takes Arizona's hand and squeezes it, her voice gentle. "Eliza loves you. She's _not_ going _anywhere._ "

"You don't know that," Arizona whines, sniffling.

"I do, in fact."

"How?"

"I have my connections," April smiles then looks up into the sky.

" _Really?_ You drag God into all of this?" Arizona scoffs, shaking her head in disbelief and a little bit amusement.

"It can't hurt, can it?"

"Shut up!"

"I will… if you talk to Eliza."

"You can't make up rules just like that…"

"I can and I did," April shrugs, leaning back into her chair while taking a big swig of her milkshake. "And oh, you also need to tell Eliza that you wanna have sex with her."

"Seriously?! You _just_ summoned God and now you wanna talk about sex? April, _no._ Just, no."

"He doesn't judge. And besides, you're already married, so…"

Arizona does love her best friend. She's done so ever since they started working at the local authority of Seattle. But sometimes April is just a smidge too much. It doesn't make Arizona love April any less. In all honesty, it makes her love her even more. But Arizona can't talk about sex with Eliza. Not with anyone. And _definitely_ not with Eliza. What if Eliza doesn't want to be touched by her… because Arizona haven't been able to tell her that she loves her again? What if Arizona's insecure heart is the one thing getting in the way of the human drift? _What if, what if what if…_ Arizona's got so many what ifs she's losing her mind. And that's just not going to work for her. She needs her mind, and she needs it very aware and present. All she's got to do is talk to Eliza. She's going to talk to her and tell her all about her new memory. Or, well, the new _old_ memory, and then they'll just take it from there. _Yup, yup. That's what she's going to do_. And just like April said, Eliza will be thrilled. She'll even love Arizona more for having remembered their meet. Maybe it'll keep Eliza from leaving her in the coming future. At least, for a little while.

* * *

"Honey, I'm hom- oh," Arizona calls through the house when entering the main door, but gets cut off by Eliza standing right in front of her.

"You don't say," Eliza smirks, leaving a lingering kiss on Arizona's lips while snaking an arm around her back and pulling her close to her body. "I missed you."

"I, I, um, I missed you, too," Arizona stutters completely taken aback by Eliza's abrupt appearance. She wasn't ready, after all. She's not ready to talk. Arizona's head hurts. And it tears her up from the inside.

"Ummm, you okay?" Eliza pulls back and fixes her eyes intensely at Arizona. "How was therapy?"

"G-good," Arizona deadpans, pulling out of Eliza's arm to shrug out of her jacket.

"Just, good?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm… something smells, I don't know, fishy. You wanna talk about it?" Eliza asks surprised.

"Nope," Arizona states, rounding the kitchen island and opening one of the cupboards to get a glass. Filling it with water from the tap, Arizona feels Eliza's eyes on her. For the first time since waking from the coma, Arizona feels uncomfortable with Eliza's stare. "You never want to talk about _your_ sessions, so why should I?" Arizona snaps, turning around.

She didn't mean to, she really didn't. She's just afraid and she's heartbroken, and she just took it out on her wife. The mortified and hurt look spreading across her wife's face makes Arizona's heart break even more. She didn't want to hurt Eliza. She _never_ wants to hurt her. But somehow she just did. _Again_. And all because of her stupid fear.

"O-kay," Eliza responds with a sharp nod only to turn around and walk up the stairs, leaving Arizona alone to deal with thoughts. Something that could be very, _very_ dangerous.

Standing in her kitchen all alone and with her heart continuing to break, Arizona starts crying. Silent tears stream down her cheeks, landing on her blue shirt causing small dots to appear on her chest. A loud smack pierces through the air as Eliza slams a door upstairs. The slam punches Arizona in the stomach, making her want to vomit. This is their first fight. This is the first fight as a married couple… the first one Arizona remembers and feels, that is. And Arizona feels it all too vividly. She doesn't want to be fighting. She can already say that fighting with Eliza is probably the worst thing she's ever experienced. And with a damaged brain that doesn't say a little. She can't be here. She just can't. She can't be in this house when Eliza's upstairs slamming doors and quite possibly crying because of something Arizona just said. She can't. Also, she can't go up there. She can't watch as Eliza cries. She knows that she _should_ go upstairs and make things good again, but how can she? How can she make anything good again when she just keeps ruining things? Arizona can't do anything good right now. It doesn't matter if she remembered how she met Eliza. It doesn't matter if she loves her. Because obviously, she's not able to treat her wife with the respect that she deserves.

Throwing the glass into the sink, it breaks. The sound penetrating the silence along with Arizona's hollow breathing. Reaching the main door in quick steps, Arizona grabs her jacket and pulls open the door. Stepping out into the cool Seattle afternoon, Arizona's tears get cold on her cheeks. Shivering, Arizona pulls the door closed behind her. This is just too much.

* * *

 **AN2: Hold on tight!**


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Ohhh, you all love the angst, you know it :) So to those of you who desperately needs the happily ever after, I'll have to disappoint in that apartment. For now. There'll be happy times here and there, of course. But there's still a lot to sort out. So, as I've said so many times before… HOLD. ON. TIGHT. Just, you know, a friendly reminder.  
**

* * *

 _Eliza's POV_

Hearing the front door open and then close, Eliza's knees disappear beneath her. With her back pressed to the door, Eliza forces the heels of her hands into her eyes. The tears just keep coming. The tears won't stop trickling down her cheeks, her nose, her lips, her chin. The tears are everywhere. Eliza's soul is being flooded with pain and sorrow which is why it tries to get it all out via her tear-docks. How could she go from being so incredibly happy to feeling like this? Like a thousand knives has just punctuated her every vein and organ. Eliza's broken, for good this time. She was stupid to believe that she could do this. That she could actually save her marriage with her love. She was stupid to believe that Arizona could possibly fall in love with her again. It is very clear to Eliza now. Maybe Arizona moving back in had made the last doubt in the blonde's mind real. Maybe it had been too much, after all. Maybe Arizona finally realized that she couldn't love Eliza. Not the way she was supposed to, anyway.

And now she had just bolted. _Again_. Arizona had just done the thing she had promised Eliza she wouldn't do anymore. She had stormed off. She had bailed. She had left her. _Again_. She can't keep doing this. She can't keep her hopes up when this happens. She's only human. She's no superhero. Eliza can't make her wife stay if she doesn't want to and she can't make her love her if she doesn't want to, either.

Eliza's arms drop to the floor as her legs stretch out. She's done. There's no more strength left. Her heart is scattered all around their kitchen floor. _Their kitchen floor_. It's no use trying to collect the pieces and put them back together again. It'll only break… _again_. It's just another evil circle. But what's another evil in addition to the others, really? Eliza's going numb from all the evilness taking place in her life at the moment. Or, she wishes she would become numb rather quickly, actually.

She doesn't get why Arizona all of a sudden changed demeanour. How she could go from perkily cute, extremely happy and utterly full of life to this... to a woman Eliza doesn't even recognize. Arizona doesn't snap. She doesn't. Not at her, that is. _She doesn't_. Something must've happened at Arizona's therapy session. Something _has_ _got to_ have happened, something real awful. Something making Arizona into a sneering idiot. _But what?_ Eliza didn't stay long enough to find out. She couldn't. She was so shocked about Arizona's comment, she had to leave. If she hadn't left, she would've fallen apart in front of her wife. And that's the last thing Eliza wanted to happen.

Hitting the door with the back of her head, again and again, Eliza's eyes lock onto the wall opposite her. The light blue wall. The light blue colour which only reminds her of her wife... and said wife's beautiful, mesmerizing eyes. She can't do this anymore. How are they supposed to survive this when they can't even have a normal conversation? Actually, that's a lie. They've always succeeded in communication. But this, _this_ is all new to Eliza.

A buzzing pulls Eliza from her thoughts. Retrieving her phone from her pocket, she can't help the hope rising in her chest. The hope of Arizona texting her. The hope of their marriage not being over and completely destroyed. Eliza swallows the lump in her throat and looks at the screen. The hope disappears along with Eliza's faith in love when finding out the sender of the message.

 ** _T: You need to get out of the house. And you need to grab the ring as well. Now!_**

 _What the hell?_ Eliza's head is going to combust. It's burning so much inside of her. It's pounding like crazy. And all the while Eliza's scattered heart has suddenly regained physical form and hurts like out of this world. Why is Tim meddling? Why is he even texting her? Shouldn't he be trying to fix his damaged little sister? _No. Just, no!_ Eliza immediately feels disgusted with her own thoughts. She's never thought Arizona to be damaged goods or anything remotely like that. _Never._ It's only her pain talking. It's her anger brewing inside of her talking. It's... it's... it's the pricking feeling resurrecting.

 ** _T: Now. Eliza. Now!_**

 ** _E: What are you talking about, Tim?_**

 ** _T: Just do what I said. Trust me. You need to. You want to. You have to! It's time, believe me._**

Eliza hasn't got anything to lose, really. Everything she's ever truly wanted has left the building. Has left her, _again_. Slowly getting into standing position, Eliza takes a deep breath. Shaking her shoulders and cracking her neck, she reaches for the small drawer in her nightstand and pulls at the tiny handle. Finding her desired item, Eliza shoves it back shut and heads for the door.

One step at a time, slowly reaching her destination, Eliza tries calming her fears by chewing at her thumb nail. It doesn't help matters, though. She's still feeling the devastation whirls around inside of her, punching her organs and blocking every vein. Wiping the back of her hand below her eyes, Eliza whimpers roughly. This is stupid. Why is she even listening to Tim? Why is she even letting him tell her what to do? Why is she even doing this? The answer is simple, though. She loves his sister. She loves his sister so much she's willing to deal with her own emotions later. She's getting out of the house when asked to. _That_ is how much she loves Arizona.

Finally reaching the front door, Eliza opens it carefully. She doesn't know why. There's just something about this early evening that has Eliza walking on eggshells. That something being her wife, she supposes. The brisk air hits Eliza's skin like a magnet. It pulls at Eliza and all her emotions as she looks around the front yard. _Nothing_. Turning to her left, she finds the swinging bench empty. And the wicker chair on the right side of the porch is empty, too. Why try fooling herself? Eliza knew Arizona had bolted. This is just rubbing salt in the obscenely big flesh wound that is her soul. Tim was wrong, whatever he implied in between the lines. There's no need for Eliza to be out here. With the ring. No absolute need whatsoever. Letting go of a long sigh, Eliza turns to grab the door handle and get back inside to crumble but something catches her attention in the corner of her right eye.

Blonde hair. Blue shirt. Dark jeans. Black boots. There's no mistaken. The person standing in front of the garage is, in fact, her wife. She's staring at the back of Arizona who's currently staring at the roof of the garage. An unpleasant shiver runs down Eliza's spine when realizing which spot Arizona has chosen to take. Shaking her head to block out the memory, Eliza takes the few steps down the porch and approaches her wife cautiously, trying not to interrupt whatever it is that she's doing.

When standing only a few inches behind Arizona, Eliza sticks her hands in the pockets of her striped trousers and rolls on her heels.

"I know you're there."

"Oh…"

"I heard you."

"Yeah, the door could, um... it needs new screws or something," Eliza nervously tries, internally punching herself for the lame attempt on conversing with her wife.

"Grease works, too."

"Really? I'll try that tom-tomorrow then."

"Fine."

"What, what are you doing, um, out here?"

" _Not_ running."

Okay, that wasn't what she thought Arizona to reply. Actually it was the last thing Eliza thought she'd ever hear from Arizona's mouth ever again.

"You're _not_ running," Eliza repeats with the breath of a whisper.

"Yup. I'm really trying, Eliza. I am. I'm _really_ trying _not_ to run here."

"Okay," Eliza breathes out. If she could just take Arizona into her arms. If she could just hold her. If she could just tell Arizona what the hell goes on inside of her head right now. Then it wouldn't feel this bad. Then she wouldn't be feeling like a ship on its way to become some kind of wreck in the ocean. "So, you are just standing. Here. Looking at..."

"... the hugging oak."

Eliza can't see Arizona's face. She can't see her expression but Eliza knows that Arizona is smiling. A sad smile, sure, but she's smiling, nonetheless. She can hear it in Arizona's voice. And because she knows Arizona's always had a special bond with the mighty oak. It's always made Eliza adore her wife even more but ever since the accident, she hasn't been able to think about _that_ without having painful shocks running through her system.

"Why?"

"Because I remember it now," Arizona states still talking to the garage or the tree, Eliza can't be sure.

"What, Arizona, what do you remember?"

"This. The tree. The garage. Our... wedding."

Eliza's breath gets caught in her throat causing her to cough roughly. It makes the blonde snap around and look at her in surprise. Quickly coming to her aid, Arizona uses a flat hand to pound on Eliza's back while the other hand holds her elbow for balance.

"Are you okay?" Arizona asks concerned.

"S-surrre," Eliza drags as she finishes her coughing and comes into a straight position again. Arizona doesn't remove her hands from Eliza which makes Eliza regain a smidge of hope. _But only a very teeny tiny smidge._ "You remember our wedding?"

"Yeah," the ghost of a smile falls from Arizona's lips as she speaks, turning her face towards the oak again. "We stood there," she points at the trunk of the tree. "And then we promised to love each other in good times and in bad times."

"And this time-"

"I love you," Arizona breathes out, cutting Eliza's sentence off.

Eliza freezes. What just happened? All Eliza's sanity blows away with the Seattle wind. All Eliza's fear just got blown away. For now, at least. Because Arizona just said that she loves her. She actually said it. Out loud. Arizona loves her. Her wife has just admitted that she, in fact, loves her. Eliza can't say anything. She's just... frozen.

Finally turning her face back towards Eliza, Arizona's eyes covered in tears come into view. She's crying, silently. Arizona is crying while Eliza hasn't felt this kind of hope since… it feels like forever.

"I love you. Eliza, I love you. I do."

"You love me?"

"I love you," Arizona finally smiles, repeating her words again as the tears still escape her eyes.

"And not just because you know you've done it in the past?" Eliza quizzes… because honestly, she needs to know. She needs to be sure. She needs the confirmation to not go out of her mind again.

"Not just because I know I've done so in my past, no. I love you with every fibre of my body. I love you so much I've been afraid to say it out loud. To admit it to myself and to you," Arizona reveals, her eyes never leaving the ones of Eliza.

"W-why?"

"What if you didn't love me the way you used to? What if you couldn't?"

"Arizona, I love you. _So_ much. You know that," Eliza squints her eyes at her wife, pulling her in by her waist.

"But I'm not the same woman you married three years ago. So much have happened... I wouldn't blame you for-"

"Don't. Don't say any more, please," Eliza brushes a finger across Arizona's lips. "Honey, I love you. More and more with every day passing by."

"But..."

"No buts."

" _But_ I snapped at you," Arizona frowns ashamed as Eliza removes her finger from her wife's lips.

"Yeah," Eliza screws up her face. "That hurt."

"I'm sorry. I'm so, _so_ sorry, honey. I don't know what went through me..."

"It's okay," Eliza shrugs nonchalantly, trying to brush off the hurt Arizona caused earlier in the kitchen as if it was nothing.

"It's not, though, and you are lying," Arizona crinkles her nose, shaking her head while getting hold on Eliza's hips as well. "Nothing about what just happened is okay. And I'm so sorry."

"Me, too. Me, too."

"I love-"

Crashing her lips onto Arizona's, Eliza cups her wife's cheeks and pulls her closer. Taking turns on shifting left and right, the kiss gets deeper and more passionate. Feeling a moan run into her mouth, Eliza swallows Arizona's sounds and pushes her harder against her lips. She desperately needs the connection. Eliza desperately needs to feel everything Arizona has got to offer, everything Arizona wants to give her. Everything being the love she just confessed to.

Suddenly remembering what she was asked to do, Eliza pulls away and stares at a breathless and confused blonde. The beauty before her is striking. It's undeniably. And it's hers. It's Eliza's. Especially after doing this. Untangling herself from Arizona's grasping, Eliza pulls the golden band from her pocket. The light in Arizona's eyes shine brighter than the moon that's starting to show upon the sky.

"Eliza..."

"It's yours. It's _always_ been yours, Arizona. And it always will be."

Sliding the ring back onto Arizona's finger, it goes into place like it's never been off. Just as it should've never been. Eliza's heart beats so hard it's almost impossible to make out what Arizona's saying.

"That's why we had the leaves decorate our rings, isn't it?" Arizona smiles, looking from her ring to Eliza's face. "That's the reason behind the crooked leaf, isn't it?"

"You're absolutely right, love."

Eliza loves Arizona so much it makes her leave her own body at times. The love is so powerful it sometimes makes her forget how to breathe or even move. But it's okay. It's more than okay. It's just as it should be. Because Arizona loves her, too.

Sharing a heartfelt hug, Eliza tightens her hold on Arizona. She just can't let go yet. Half an hour ago she was positive she had just lost the love of her life. And now said love just confessed her feelings towards her. This could be more than Eliza could possibly take… it's not, though. Eliza can do anything now. Just like Dr. Wyatt told her she could.

"Oh my god," Arizona breaks the silence and the hug, pulling back to look at Eliza. "I haven't told you what happened today. I went to my first session, but you already know that. But guess what? He made me remember. He made me remember something I haven't been able to. Something no one hasn't been able to make me remember. Not even you, Eliza. And that's why I acted the way I did. I know it's no excuse for how I reacted, but it scared me. And it made me confused and..."

"… that's why you stood out here... staring at the tree?"

"No. The tree memory only just appeared," Arizona nods slowly. "But I remember, Eliza. I remember you. Or more like, I remember falling in love with you. And I remember you falling in a banana's peel. I remember our first meet in the grocery store. And not just because you've told me about it. I actually remember it."

"You do?" Eliza's completely shocked to say the least. She's shocked, surprised and amazed all at once. The loud pounding in her heart turns into tears of joy running down her cheeks. "You remember me?"

"I remember the feeling of falling in love with you. And that's why I know... that's why I know that I love you, Eliza. Because what I'm feeling right now... what I've been feeling lately. That's the exact same feelings I recalled from my newly picked up memories."

"Kiss me."

" _You_ kiss _me_ ," Arizona smirks.

She doesn't have to be told twice. Crashing her lips upon Arizona's again, she savours the sensations Arizona causes deep within. As Eliza snakes her arms around her wife's neck, Arizona's hands get handsy on Eliza's butt. Feeling Arizona squeezing her butt cheeks in a firm grip alongside the pushing Eliza's body harder against her own, Eliza is on the verge of melting into a pool of lust. She can't hold it back anymore. It's just too painful. She needs Arizona. And she needs her _now_. The question is if Arizona's really ready to go all the way? There's only one way to find out. So for now, Eliza will just make the hugging oak be along with the constant reminder of when things got so very, _very_ bad. Now, all she truly needs is for Arizona follow her lead.

* * *

 **AN2: So, anyone curious to what has actually happened to Arizona? Gimme your thoughts and reviews. You know you want to!**


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Thanks for your continuing interest in this story. Notice the change between point of views in this chapter. Now, enjoy.  
** **Also,** _spoiler alert_ **, heads up to those of you who isn't so keen on the whole smut thing.**

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

 __Arizona finds herself stumbling across grass and crossing the porch. She finds herself being pushed through the door, Eliza's arms guiding her all the while she feels her heart burst with sheer love, happiness and desire. She wants Eliza so much. She needs Eliza so much she can hardly stand on her feet. Experiencing the intense feelings of loving Eliza and finally knowing how loving her wife feels like… it's all just settled inside of her. It's kick-started this urge inside of her. Arizona knows what she wants. She knows what she needs. _Eliza_. It's been Eliza all along. She's needed and yearned for Eliza all this time… while she's practically been right in front of her. It's hilarious, actually, if you think about it. No, it's really just tragi-comical. Arizona can't think of that right now, though. Her pulse is throbbing, her heart is pounding and her mind is going crazy from all the things Eliza is doing to her. All the astonishing things her body is experiencing now because of Eliza's touch.

Bumping through the house like some kind of drunken teenagers, Arizona follows Eliza up the stairs and down the hall. They _never_ lose contact. Hands roaming bodies, lips worshipping lips. Eliza's moans fall from her throat like music to Arizona's ears which makes Arizona even more turned on. To think that she was so afraid of letting Eliza know that she actually wanted and needed to have sex with her, it all just feels stupid now. The warm feelings in the pit of her stomach and the loud pounding of her heart tell Arizona that this is just right. That what they are finally doing is absolutely right. She's been longing for Eliza's touch for so long now and judging by Eliza's grabby hands and frenzy kisses, Arizona's wife has been longing, too.

Reaching their bedroom, Arizona pushes Eliza inside only to grab her wife and hold her steady before her. Pulling back to look directly into Eliza's eyes, Arizona finds nothing but love and happiness. _And lust_. Eliza's eyes ooze lust. They're darkened and they're squinted so very sexy. Something Arizona finds herself loving instantly.

"What?" Eliza squints her eyes even more, a sultry smirk on her lips. It pulls at Arizona's insides… in a very pleasant way.

"I love you," Arizona breathes out before latching her lips onto Eliza's again.

A heaviness has lifted from Arizona's shoulders. The immensity and reassurance those three words hold, has Arizona flying higher than ever before. It's such a relief finally knowing and feeling on her own skin that she actually loves Eliza. And not just because she _has_ to or because she's done it in her past. No. Arizona really loves Eliza… with everything she's got. Remembering the love for Eliza makes Arizona feel like she can do anything. Like every memory she's lost will return at some point. _She can do it_. She can make them appear again. She can do that because she loves Eliza. And now she really needs to show Eliza just how much she loves her.

Discarding Eliza from her blouse, Arizona drops it to the floor next to the shirt Eliza just pulled off of her own body. The warmth from Eliza's skin reaches Arizona which causes Arizona to moan out loud as their bra-clad breasts touch. The lacy fabric creating a pleasurable feeling spreading to Arizona's core. Eliza snakes an arm around her midsection only to snap open Arizona's bra, causing Arizona to let another moan escape her throat. It doesn't feel awkward or new… _it just feels right._ Arizona can't explain it. And she doesn't want to right now, anyway. Pausing her mind, she acts purely on instincts now as she tugs at the waistband of Eliza's trousers. When Arizona's bra drops from her chest, she pulls it off herself and throws it to the side.

"God…" Eliza whispers, pulling Arizona closer to her own body. When their stomachs touch and Arizona's breasts press hard against Eliza's retrained ones, Eliza pulls back just an inch to look Arizona into her eyes. "You okay?" Eliza's breathing is laboured, her voice clearly thick with desire. It only spurs Arizona on even more. Eliza just took a second out of their making out to ask if she was okay with what happened?! _It's no wonder Arizona loves her_. It's no wonder she's been dreaming about this moment ever since she woke from the coma.

"More than okay," she smiles, reaching for the front clasp of Eliza's bra. Squinting her eyes just a smidge, she silently asks permission to pop open the lacy underwear hiding two of Arizona's desired items. When Eliza gives a short nod, Arizona handles the clasp like a pro. Eliza's breasts comes into view in a matter of seconds causing Arizona's breath to clip. "Wow, just… you're _so_ beautiful."

" _You_ are beautiful, honey," Eliza's smile reaches her eyes as she pulls at Arizona's pants. "Off."

Before Arizona can even do something about Eliza's request, Eliza's helping her out of her pants and kissing up her shin, her knee, her thigh, her stomach and between her breasts. Arizona can't do anything. She's frozen. She has now lost her ability to actually move. _And it feels freaking wonderful_. Having her wife touching her and kissing her like this… it's powerful and oh so amazing. When Eliza's lips finally reach those of her own, Arizona pushes her tongue inside Eliza's mouth as her arms roam the soft skin of the brunette. She needs them to take this to the bed, though. As much as Arizona loves this, she needs Eliza on her back. In the bed. So she can show her just how powerful and wonderful Eliza's making her feel.

"E-Eliz-za," Arizona pants as their tongues battle and Eliza's hands grab her butt. "I-I…"

Pulling back, Eliza's eyes show compassionate concern while her hands stop their actions. "Sorry, I, I'm so… you're not ready, I'm, just. It's okay, honey, I'm. Sorry. You don't want-"

"Stop!" Arizona rushes. "I want to. _Believe_ me."

"Then why…?" Eliza's facial expression is one of confusion. "I don't understand…"

"I just need you, ummm, I… need you in… um," Arizona feels a slight blush creep onto her face. The teenage demeanour hitting her full force. "In bed," she breathes out, trying to look away. Without succeeding, though, because Eliza's eyes are holding her in place. She can't ever look away from those eyes. _Never._ Not that she wants to, anyway.

"Oh," Eliza's mouth forms an o shape only to turn into a huge smile.

"Please," Arizona grins, her arms still around Eliza's body. She can't wait anymore. She needs Eliza… _now_.

Eliza bends and drags off her trousers and panties as well, leaving Arizona breathless. The sight before her is absolutely stunning. Eliza's soft, tanned skin and the long, dark hair falling down to rest above two perfectly shaped breasts. The toned stomach, the muscular thighs and hips. The strong shoulders and the alluring valley between Eliza's breasts. It all just struck Arizona. Like a lightning bolt. Like a meteor storm. For the first time in what feels like forever, Arizona feels like she's been dealt the right hand. And not just because she's got a wife that looks out of this world beautiful and sexy, but also because she feels like she can do anything. She doesn't feel lost anymore. She doesn't feel like the rug beneath her is soon going to be pulled from under her. Arizona feels like she can do whatever will be thrown at her because she feels safe, secure, grounded and loved. And that isn't something to take lightly these days, Arizona's learned that much by now.

Eliza scoots up the bed and rests her head on one of the pillows, seductively wagging one of her fingers for Arizona to join her. Smirking, Arizona quickly pulls off her own panties and throws them to the pile of clothes on the floor along with her shyness and nervousness. This isn't the time. She can be nervous or shy or insecure another time, but not now. Now she needs to be the best she's ever been. And she wants Eliza to feel just the same. Scooting up the length of her wife, Arizona makes sure to let one of her hands ghost the side of Eliza's body. Softly stroking the swell of Eliza's breast, Arizona feels how strongly her wife reacts to the small gesture. And it turns Arizona on like never before. Grabbing said breast, Arizona squeezes affectionately while pressing her lips onto Eliza's. Situating herself on Eliza's one thigh, Arizona starts a slow grinding which causes Eliza to grab both of Arizona's hips.

"Fuck," Eliza growls into Arizona's mouth.

"Mmmh." 

"You, you… feel so good."

Arizona pinches Eliza's nipple causing the brunette to yelp in surprise and pleasure. It's turning Arizona's world upside down. Eliza's sounds and scent mixed with her owns… it's just… very, very pleasurable and dizzying. Arizona feels how her arousal drips onto her wife's thigh which makes her grinding smoother, although her arm is about to give in from keeping her body upright. It's been so long since Arizona has had sex that this won't take long, she's sure of it. She can only imagine Eliza is experiencing the same at this point. Deciding she doesn't want to prolong it anymore, Arizona falls to her elbow while still kissing the life out of her wife. Pulling her other hand off of Eliza's breast, she snakes it down the brunette's body and between her thighs. Eliza immediately spreads her legs a little more, granting Arizona the space she needs. Arizona's fingers find Eliza's arousal, and the amount they find is making Arizona's pulse throb even harder. Coating two fingers in Eliza's juices, Arizona runs her fingers lazily up the length of her wife's sex while Eliza uncontrollably bucks.

"Ari-Arizzzooohna," Eliza hisses in frustration. "P-please."

Running her tongue up Eliza's neck, Arizona finds her wife's earlobe. When biting down on the fleshy bud, Arizona fills her wife with two strong fingers. The moan it causes shivers Arizona to the bone, almost making her spine snap. It's mesmerizing. It's life-changing. It's pure bliss. The wet sounds Arizona's fingers are creating bolt through her body with such force it almost makes Arizona cum herself. Pounding into Eliza with an even rhythm, Eliza tries mirroring Arizona's movements.

"God, yes."

"You're. So. Amazing," Arizona emphasizes every word with a pound to Eliza's opening, hitting deeper with every thrust. "I love you. So much."

"I-I- I love you. Too," Eliza pants as Arizona latches her lips onto her wife's again. Eliza's hands are all over Arizona's butt and hips, taking turns to circle Arizona's sex down onto her thigh and pull her harder down against her. It sends shocks of pleasure through Arizona's body every time her clit feels the pressure Eliza is causing. That mixed with the feeling of finally being inside of her wife is enough to make her impending orgasm present.

Curling her fingers, Arizona makes sure to put all her love into the ministrations which causes Eliza to moan out loud, her voice rolling off of the walls of their bedroom like music to Arizona's heart. Eliza's orgasm takes Arizona over the cliff as she goes stiff. The sensation running through her body is causing Arizona to drop her jaw while locking eyes with the beautiful ones beneath her. The love showing in Eliza's eyes makes Arizona drop to her wife's chest with a hollow thud. Eliza's arms instantly hold Arizona as they both come down from their heights.

"Oh my… that was…" Arizona clears her throat, nuzzling into the crook of Eliza's neck.

"I know," Eliza replies, a smile in her voice. "I've missed you."

"Oh, believe me. Me, too," Arizona chuckles hoarsely. "And I'm not done showing… just how much… I missed you."

"Is that right?"

"You betcha."

The hoarse chuckle that falls from Eliza's throat is causing another round of joy and arousal to gather in the pit of Arizona's stomach. To think that she's able to have this, to do this… every day, with Eliza, with her wife. It's just… it makes her so indescribably happy. It makes her feel like, yeah… like she can handle whatever is being launched her way. _Bring it on_. She finally feels ready to take on the world.

* * *

"So, Arizona. It's Monday."

"My calendar agrees with yours it seems," Arizona scoffs.

"The last time you were here, you told me that it was your anniversary this Monday," Dr. Toddler tells Arizona with a small smile. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," Arizona replies with a polite smile. "But something tells me you won't have me talking about my marriage or anniversary, correct me if I'm wrong here…"

"You're not wrong. I was actually hoping you would tell me about the accident."

"What about the accident?"

"What happened?"

"I hit my head and I ended up in a coma," Arizona screws up her face. What kind of therapist is he anyway? He surely hasn't been reading her file that well if he can't remember or don't know what happened to her. She's just went through a severe amnesia… she can't be the one to tell people how to remember things or keep track of them as well.

"I know, Arizona. But how did you injure you head? What happened?"

Arizona looks at the young man in front of her, his eyes are blank but in some way they're still polite, almost like they're searching for something deep inside of her. What is she supposed to answer? She's tried so hard to forget what actually happened. She knows what happened. She's read it in her chart when she was hospitalized. She's been told so many times. She's even had Tim telling her every detail even though he wasn't the one present at the scene. She's been trying so hard to forget the thing she actually does remember… which is really just anti-climax to some point.

She's been feeling so good lately. The memories of her wedding day, the feelings of loving Eliza coming back to her with such force, she hasn't been able to stay away from her wife's side ever since discovering it. They've had sex… more than once, more than twice… they've made love and re-discovered each other's bodies like they were newlyweds. And Arizona's enjoyed every second, every orgasm, every sensation, every euphoric journey Eliza has taken her upon. But now Dr. Shorty Pants is asking her about the accident that took her wife away from her. The accident that took love away from her. And Arizona won't talk about that. She can't. She isn't ready to go down _that_ road. Not when everything about Eliza feels so incredibly good and stabile, so safe and just… home. She's not ready to embark that particular subject. Not when she's finally found Eliza. Not when she's found love, at last.

* * *

 _Eliza's POV_

"So, how are you today, Eliza?" Dr. Wyatt asks, a warm smile on her face.

"I've been married for three years today," Eliza beams. "So, I'm pretty good, thanks."

"You finally talked to Arizona, didn't you?"

"Actually, no. We didn't talk. We just, I don't... we just, um, went with the flow or something?!" Eliza chuckles nervously.

"And that felt great, right?"

"No, it felt amazing. Really, _really_ amazing!"

"See? Arizona has the exact same feelings you have, Eliza. Trust your instincts and go with them. It almost always pays off."

"She told me she loves me!" Eliza blurts out, a giant smile on her face. "And it's not because she feels obligated to 'cause we're married or 'cause she won't let me down. She loves me. She actually does. And she remembers..."

"Yeah? What does Arizona remember?" Dr. Wyatt smiles, adjusting her glasses atop her head as she leans back in her seat and crossing her legs.

"She remembers our wedding day. She remembers the ceremony."

"At your house. Beneath the oak."

"Yeah," Eliza breathes out with a smile. But just as fast as the breath has left her body, the feeling of pain returns to her by the vivid memory, she's been trying to block out for so long now.

"What's happening, Eliza? What are you feeling? Try describing it for me. Please."

She can't. She won't. Eliza hates when Dr. Wyatt goes all pedagogical on her. She's not a freaking toddler. She's no kid who needs addressing. She's an adult woman with a wife who lost her memory in their front garden. That's not something to address pedagogically. It's freaking scary and it's pricking on Eliza's skin. On her skin and in her heart. The pricking feeling. It's not the exact same pricking feeling she experiences each time she misses Arizona, no. This is way more disturbing. It's even more destructing. It's eating her and it's done so ever since the day Arizona got in the accident. She hasn't been talking to anyone about it, though. Because each time someone has been mentioning it, Eliza has been clamping up or leaving without further explanation. Arizona remembering their wedding and the hugging oak has made the feeling erupt again. It's awakened the pricking pain.

"Eliza?"

"I can't."

"What? What is it that you feel like you can't do, Eliza?"

"Talk about it."

"I think you need to, Eliza. Otherwise it'll just ruin the good place you're in now."

"I won't. I won't talk about it. I'm not ready."

The silence feels the room in an unpleasant way. Eliza wants to disappear. She wants to leave and never come back. She wants to go and just… find Arizona. She wants to drag Arizona out of her therapy session. But she can't, she knows that. She's finally gotten her wife to talk to a professional about what happened. Eliza can't haul Arizona out of the session just because she feels uncomfortable with where her own session is going. She can't. Arizona needs this. And maybe, just maybe, Eliza needs it, too. This talk. This talk Dr. Wyatt has been nagging her about these last few months. Or well, she hasn't exactly been nagging her, but she's implied Eliza need talking about it. But again, Eliza hasn't been ready. Although, when does anyone ever get ready to talk about the accident they caused their own wife to be in? The accident that made said wife lose the memory of you? Never, she supposes. Eliza will never be ready, even though she really should. Even though the accident won't go away. It'll be there forever. The incident where Arizona climbed the oak to get to the roof. It happened. And it's all Eliza's fault. The guilt is eating Eliza up… and on her anniversary, of all days. This is just very, very, very bad timing. It's cruel, is what it is.

"What happened at the oak, Eliza?" Dr. Wyatt asks out of nowhere.

How did she know? Who's told her? How come she knows about the oak…and the accident? Eliza feels her lungs contract and her heart swell with sorrow and pain. Dr. Wyatt hands Eliza the familiar brown paper bag which she pulls from her shrink's hand in one swift motion. Taking the bag to her mouth, Eliza breathes into it. Hard and uncontrolled. Hard and painful. Eliza's lungs resist the calmness. They won't cooperate. "Breathe, Eliza. 1, 2, 3, breathe. 1, 2-"

"I am!" Eliza growls.

"No, you're not. You're suffocating."

"True!"

There's no tears. Eliza's tear ducts are completely dry. But she's fully soaked inside. Her soul's punctuated and all the love she holds for Arizona is running through her veins, through her every fibre. But it's not enough. It's not enough, though. The love Eliza feels for her wife is not enough to take away the pain she's feeling so intensely now. The guilt is suffocating Eliza, wrenching her lungs from air as Eliza tries blocking the image of her wife on the asphalt in front of the garage covered in ambulance gear and surrounded by paramedics. 1, 2, 3, breathe. 1, 2, 3, bre-, _screw it!_ Eliza doesn't care. About anything. The only thing she truly cares about is Arizona. And she almost lost her… because she acted so stupid. She can't suppress her guilt anymore. She needs to open the lid. She needs to tell Dr. Wyatt what happened.

* * *

 **AN2: Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it.**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Thank you for your support. Here's next chapter.  
Once again, look out for the change in point of views. There's more of those in this chapter to really get inside of both of their heads as they experience the accident again.  
**

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

"I'd rather speak of Eliza, then."

"Can you explain why?" Dr. Toddler asks Arizona as he clears his throat. Something tells Arizona he's not backing down. Something tells her that her therapist wants to wreck down her walls. That something also tells her that she's used up a lot of her strength these last few months and that she might crumble very, very soon.

"I love her."

"That's good."

"Good?" Arizona snorts causing the young man to raise an eyebrow while placing both hands on his naked knees. "It's uniquely important and life-changing, I'd say, but you're the shrink, so..."

"Love is good. Your love for your wife is good. What you're feeling now is good. So I'd say all in all, it's good."

"So," Arizona draws. "I'm done here then? Great. Then I can go back to work!"

"Not quite, no. I'd like to address the accident. That's after all why you're here."

"But I can't talk about that," Arizona sighs, narrowing her eyes.

"That's why I'm here," the young man smiles shortly, nodding. "To help you talk about it."

Arizona's not sure what to make of the young man's smile. And his eagerness to help her talk about the accident. Well, it's his job, sure. But she's doing so great. She's in love, she's remembering things every day, she's making new memories with her wife. She's having sex again and she's feeling like she's finally getting back to herself. The only thing missing is her finally going back to work. And she can only get that by being here. With the shorts wearing man with no spectacles. And he wants to talk about the accident. It's a mean circle, is what it is. Arizona doesn't want to talk to him about it. She'd rather talk to Tim or April about it. Or Eliza. Yes, she'd much rather speak to her wife about the incident than with the kid with a master in feelings. And that's saying a lot.

Arizona's heart is pounding hard in her chest at the memory of the accident. Or the incident she'd been told over and over again to better understand what's been happening. It hurts. It aches. It stings and itches. Scratching at the tender spot on scalp, Arizona crinkles her nose. It's almost like she can feel her pulse while scratching her head, her nails adding a pleasurable pain to her scalp.

"Arizona... let's start with how you hit your head. You remember why you hit it?"

"I don't remember," she sighs annoyed. "But they've told me." The young man nods for Arizona to continue. "It was raining. _A lot_. Some kind of big storm. Something about it wrecking the entire city."

Arizona starts explaining what she herself had been told. The scene playing on the inside of her eyelids as she closes her eyes. She doesn't remember the feelings, the words, even the reasons why. _That_ they _haven't_ told her. She just knows that she went to the roof to get something done with some branches. And when she woke up, the sun shone and the calendar had shown the month of April instead of February. Arizona clasps her hands in her lap as she tries recalling the visuals they've told her. It's just really hard picturing Eliza there. Eliza, her wife. Her beautiful, sweet and amazing wife. Her love. Arizona's soul is shaking as she drags in a deep breath while all of her walls discomposes.

* * *

 _Eliza's POV_

"I made her climb to the roof!" Eliza blurts out, removing the brown paper bag from her mouth. "I made her climb up there. It's my fault. I caused it. The accident, it's my fault."

"Try guiding me through what happened, Eliza. Let's find out if you're really the one to blame."

" _I am_. It's me," Eliza whimpers as her tears find way down her cheeks. Just when she thought she couldn't cry because she is in such a happy place with Arizona and because it's their three years' anniversary. But here she is. Crying. Like a freaking child. Because she made Arizona climb that stupid tree to get to the roof. "I made her go up there. And then she..."

"Why did she go up there?"

"It's been raining. Hard. It, it... the storm, it was, um..." Eliza's having trouble finding the words, the hiccups leaving her throat like gunshots. She's pretty sure she's soon going to be reduced to a pool of tears and pain. The fear of losing Arizona for good is hovering Eliza's mind and soul only because it gets real when she speaks of it. Out loud. To someone. The fear of speaking about the incident that made Arizona go into a coma... it's making Eliza's lungs contract and her heart ache. She's been blocking the memory and the guilt this entire time with the guilt of wanting to have sex with her wife. It's been the easier pain to deal with, not that it's been easy. Not one bit. But the thought of being the reason why Arizona had landed on the pavement in front of their garage had just been too cruel to process and re-live. And that's why she hasn't talked about it. That's why Eliza's been trying like hell to fix her marriage and get Arizona to fall in love with her again. That's why she desperately wanted for Arizona to realize that she loved her. Because when the inevitable arrived she'd have Arizona's love and that could possibly be enough to help Eliza through. _Hopefully_. And now the inevitable has arrived. Now it's time for Eliza to talk about it, she supposes. But can she? Can she talk about her role in all of this? Can she talk about how she's responsible?

"I remember," Dr. Wyatt responds, kindly trying to buy Eliza time. "It was a horrible weather. My children's treehouse literally got blown out of the tree and landed on the lawn, scattered in so many pieces."

"Mmmh," Eliza nods nervously. "I... she..."

"You what?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"I know. It was so loud out. Branches were hitting our windows and the garden furniture were all over the place," Dr. Wyatt gasps as she reminisces.

"I made her... I made her go… outside," Eliza breathes out as barely a whisper. "I made her go outside in the pouring rain and raging storm. Who makes their wife do that? I'm... I'm just, I'm _awful_ ," the last word dragged in repulsion.

"Eliza," Dr. Wyatt sighs sadly. "Let's not use those kinds of adjectives. Try telling me why you asked Arizona to go outside?"

She knows she's got to get it off of her chest. She knows that. It's just that Eliza is about to get swallowed by the guilt that's risen, and she doesn't know if she can get out of it. She needs to, that much Eliza does know. She needs to. Because of Arizona but also because of herself. Taking a deep breath, Eliza's tears stream down her cheeks and dwell between her lips like a salty lip balm.

"I've always had trouble sleeping. In stormy weathers. I just, I hate it," Eliza breathes out, shrugging while digging her nails into the armrests as she's done so many times before. She feels her heart beating in her chest, the great amount of guilt and sorrow pounding in synch with her blood. "And Arizona knows that, um… knew that, I guess."

"Go on…" 

"As you said, bran-branches were all o-ver the place. One giant branch k-k-kept hitting one of our, our bed-room windowsss which… It annoyed me and I was feeling sick."

"You were ill?"

Inhaling, Eliza lets go of another deep breath as she clears the tears from her throat. "Yeah, I had been feeling poorly for a couple of days, so I, um, I really needed to sleep. I had a big custody case the next day, so…" 

"You made Arizona go outside?" Dr. Wyatt asks encouragingly, nodding a little too understanding for Eliza's liking.

"I kinda asked her to, um…" Eliza's heart is currently being penetrated by sticks of pain and remorse which only leaves little room for the amount of love she holds for Arizona. The love Eliza feels regarding her wife is all-embracing, it's universal but right now there's just not enough room inside of her to feel those kind of poignant feelings. "I, um… I appealed to her compassionate side, her love for me…"

"And Arizona didn't hesitate or question you…"

"Never. She never does that," Eliza speaks through clenched teeth as she tries holding back another round of tears. " _Never_."

"Tell me what happened, Eliza. Please."

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

"I climbed the oak," Arizona starts as she looks anywhere but at her therapist. She feels his eyes on her, though. The bright, icy-blue eyes as they dig themselves into her skin. It's making her shiver unpleasantly.

"Why did you climb the tree?"

"Well, the storm had broken the ladder in four pieces, so… I climbed the tree to get to the roof of the garage, so that I could get to the branch that kept hitting the window."

"You went to the roof to what? Cut off the branch or?"

"Honestly? I don't know," Arizona sighs frustratingly. "I really don't know. But that's what they've been telling me. I went to the roof to stop the branch hitting the window so it wouldn't disturb us anymore. It was still raining but I did it anyway. I'm stubborn like that," Arizona scoffs, shaking her head. She is stubborn, she knows that. And it really does sound like something she would've done. But Arizona's reasonable as well. She wouldn't just go out in such weather without a very good reason why. Which is why she can't believe no one stopped her. No, actually, she can't figure out why Eliza didn't stop her. She'd been home, Arizona's been told. They had both been home because it had been Eliza who found her and called the ambulance. "So, I climbed the oak, crawled upon the roof of the garage to get to the intruding branch and then… nothing."

"Nothing?" Dr. Shorty Pants asks confused. "Nothing as in…?"

"As in… I somehow ended up on the pavement instead of being up on the roof. They told me I slipped and hit my head pretty severe on the edge of the roof where drainpipe and hardwood meet which, yeah, which knocked me out completely. Then I fell down onto the hood of our car that hadn't been driven into the garage. Luckily, my back didn't get hurt, only my legs. They had somehow snapped or whatever when I landed. They hurt like nothing I've ever felt when I woke, that's for sure," Arizona chuckles hoarsely as she tries to remove the pain inside of her. Using defence mechanism helps on many, many things… a tool Arizona's picked as one of her go-to's during her rehabilitation.

"You climbed, you slipped, you hurt your head and you fell and got more injured, is that correct?"

"I'm pretty sure it's all in my file, though," Arizona deadpans, pointing to the folder on the table in front of them.

"Sure," the young man shrugs, adjusting himself in his chair. "And you can't remember any of it? Not why you got up there in the first place? Not what went through your head when being up there or the seconds before hitting your head?"

"It's all a blank, unfortunately," Arizona sighs. She can't for the life of her remember, and to be honest… she doesn't want to, either. The main thing here is that she rallied, right? That she lived and that she's regained almost the entirety of her memories. She's in love and she remembers it. She's being loved by her wife who she also remembers, finally. Arizona's finally feeling like she's found home, and now a very young therapist wants her to dive into what happened the night she lost all of the things she's finally found. It doesn't make any sense. Why does she have to go down that road? She's got Eliza. That's really all that matters. Eliza and their love, their marriage, their future. That's all Arizona really wants to focus on. Not some stupid accident. She's tired of thinking about that part of her past, especially since she doesn't remember it.

Glancing at the clock above the window, Arizona reads the digests. Eliza's session is soon up which means she'll soon be here to pick up Arizona, and then they can get home and celebrate their three years' anniversary. No muss, no fuss. Just the two of them, dinner, blankets, fireplace and well, just them. Being together. Arizona can't wait to get out of here. She just needs to get the overwith.

* * *

 _Eliza's POV_

"She cuddle me, kissed me and then went downstairs to find her rainproof clothes and then I, I, I heard the door slam shut."

"Arizona didn't complain about you wanting her to go outside?"

"No," Eliza closes her eyes as the guilt keeps nagging at her conscience. "I never had to actually ask her… she just did it. You know? She knew what I wanted before I even had to ask her… she just… she tugged me in and told me she loved me, kissed my forehead and then she went out… in the horrible weather. Because of _me!_ Because of me and my stupid, _stupid_ egomaniacal way of thinking. I should've told her to stay. I should've begged her not to go outside… but I didn't do that. I was too annoyed by the fact that I couldn't sleep. And Arizona…"

"She went out to make sure you could sleep, so you could feel better," Dr. Wyatt lets a sad smile graze her mouth, her elderly eyes looking at Eliza with so much understanding and compassion it's making Eliza feel a little uncomfortable. But only just a little.

"Yes."

"You know what, Eliza?"

"What?"

"Try reversing the roles."

"What do you mean?"

"Try putting yourself in Arizona's shoes."

"Not this again," Eliza sighs, pulling one leg up under the other in the chair. "It's just, it's rather silly, isn't it?"

"I don't think so," Dr. Wyatt states. "I'll ask you something instead then… had you gone out in the rain if something had bothered Arizona?"

"I guess," Eliza crinkles her nose in confusion. "No, definitely yes. I would have."

"See…"

"See what?"

"You would've gone to the roof and cut the branch yourself, if the roles had been reversed."

"But… I wouldn't have worn rubber boots!" Eliza exclaims, digging her nails into her knees.

Eliza wouldn't have worn something that could slip from beneath her. And Arizona wouldn't have worn those stupid boots, either. She knows better. She does. She's always been the careful one. _Always_. She's always been the sensible one of them. But not that night. That night Arizona had pulled on a pair of rubber boots with a rubber sole. She had climbed a freaking tree in a rainy storm while wearing rubber boots, and she had furthermore walked on a roof. The guilt coursing through Eliza is enough to almost stop her heart completely. _She needs Arizona now!_ She needs her more than she's ever needed her before. She needs Arizona to take away her pain, her guilt… and she needs Arizona to forgive her. Eliza needs her wife to tell her everything is going to be fine, even though Eliza's the cause of Arizona's accident. But how does she even begin a conversation like that? They are finally at a place where they're happy and in love. They've finally found each other… body, heart and soul. Eliza can't ruin that. She's not ready to be sad again… not out in the open, that is. What if Arizona runs when she finds out Eliza's the one to blame for the accident? Eliza knows Arizona's said she won't run anymore. And not now when finally having realized that she's in love, not when she's remembered them, lastly. Not now when they've finally found home in every meaning of the word. Eliza doesn't feel any doubt whatsoever regarding Arizona's love for her… but something deep inside of her is petrified to find out if the love Arizona holds for her isn't actually enough to help Arizona through the realization of the incident. Eliza couldn't live with Arizona leaving her… not like this. _Not ever_. But she can't live with knowing something Arizona doesn't. She's kept plenty of things from her wife where the accident is concerned. Eliza can't lie. Eliza cannot not tell Arizona what she knows, even though it'll tear her apart. She loves Arizona so much she's got to do it, though. There's no more keeping Arizona in the dark. Look where it took them the last time. Eliza can't do that anymore. She won't.

"What are you thinking about, Eliza?"

"I need to talk to Arizona."

"Why is that?"

"I need to tell her… _everything_."

"What haven't you told her, Eliza?" 

"That I'm to blame."

"There's no one to blame, Eliza. It was an accident. You can't take it solely upon your shoulders. There's a lot of what if's to be addressed here…"

"I need to tell her what I know. Even if… even if it br-breaks my, my heart," Eliza whimpers, her eyes filling with those frigging tears again. "I need to. I love her. I can't lie… not again, not any-anymore."

Eliza's phone buzzes in the front pocket of her jeans. She doesn't need to look to know who's responsible for the buzzing. It's her wife. It's Arizona letting her know that her session is done and that she's waiting to be picked up. This anniversary is turning out completely different from what she thought it would. A year ago Eliza had figured they would've embarked the baby-discussion road at this time, but no. And this morning Eliza had thought about buying Arizona a large bouquet of peonies and making her a nice dinner where they could talk about good and joyful things, not this. Not this, not this. This anniversary just turned out to be the day where Eliza's heart might break for good, if Arizona decides the truth to be too much to get over, to forgive.

* * *

 **AN2: Thank you for your patience with this story. I've started school again, that's why I can't update as frequently as I've done before. I hope you'll continue to read and follow, maybe even review. Once again, thank you.**


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: So, I'll like to comment on the anon guest review. I'm sorry you need a break from this fic because of the depression, especially now… when the good times are ahead. I hope you'll come back.**

 **Thank you for your support. Here's next installment.**

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

It's silent. The entire house is silent, except from the low background music Arizona put on while they've cooked dinner. It's too silent for Arizona's liking, though. Something isn't right. Something is clearly wrong with Eliza. She doesn't usually be this quiet. And Arizona's picked up on the tell-tale of her wife's internal struggle by now. Something is bothering Eliza, and Arizona needs to know what. Communication is key, after all, she's learned that. And it's even more important now when they're still learning new things because of the accident.

Arizona needs her wife to open up about what happened at her therapy session. Arizona knows that's what has Eliza all silent and zoomed out. She won't let their three years' anniversary be silent and distant. Nope, it's not happening. It's not like Eliza's been rude or anything. She had picked Arizona up as planned, they had kissed and everything seemed just fine. The silence came when entering their home. And Arizona needs it to stop now while she also needs Eliza to start talking.

Placing her hand atop her wife's on the dining table, Arizona smiles when Eliza gets startled. "You okay?" she asks carefully, tugging a stray lock of Eliza's hair behind the brunette's ear.

"Yeah, sure."

"Liar," Arizona crinkles her nose playfully. "Please, tell me."

Eliza eyes Arizona sceptically only to let a deep sigh escape her throat. "You're right."

"Usually, yeah, I am."

"And humble, too," Eliza chuckles which makes Arizona's heart swoon. "I need to tell you, um, I need to tell you some... something."

"Yeah?" Arizona smiles, lacing her fingers with Eliza's on the table. "What happened at therapy?" Eliza's eyes narrow, a hint of surprise in the grey orbs. "Yeah, I kinda know you by now…" Arizona smirks, guiding their joint hands to her mouth and kissing Eliza's knuckles. "So speak, love."

"Can, can we, can we maybe take it to the living room?"

"Of course, if you want to."

Standing, they both let dinner be dinner and approach the couch in the corner of their living room. Arizona's the first one to sit, her back against the armrest and her legs bended into an Indian position. Eliza follows suit, placing herself in the other end of the couch with her knees to her chin, like always. Arizona raises her eyebrows, confused to why her wife would place herself at the far end of the large couch. _Okay, something is about to get serious, that's very clear now_. Arizona tries not to worry. They're in a good place, an awesome place even. They're in love and they've been married for three years today. She may not remember everything yet, but she's getting there. It's good. It's really good. So Arizona tries shaking off the bad thoughts that's been circling around her head since they came home from their individual sessions. Eliza's distance is making it very hard not to worry, though.

"You need to talk to me, Eliza," Arizona begs quietly as she fidgets with her fingers in her lap. Pulling at her wedding band, she looks at Eliza who's currently struggling with where to fix her eyes. "And I need you to look at me, too, please."

"I'm sorry," Eliza replies, the grey eyes locking with the blue ones.

"Don't apologize, just... look at me," Arizona smiles. "So..."

"So... I kinda need to tell you something," Eliza starts as she links her arms around her shins. "I love you. _So much_ , Arizona... which is why I need to tell you this."

"I love you, too."

"I know," Eliza lets a bright smile creep onto her face… a sad one but a bright one, nonetheless. "That's why I can't keep this... this from you anymore."

What is it Eliza so desperately needs to tell her? Arizona can't for the life of her figure out why her wife's suddenly gone from happy to worrisome. _What_ happened at Eliza's therapy session?

"What happened today?"

"Arizona, please... let me talk. Okay?"

"Yeah, sorry, okay."

"I feel like, I, umm... I talked about the accident with Dr. Wyatt today and... I need to tell you something."

Arizona takes a deep breath, trying to prepare herself for whatever Eliza is throwing her way. She's both intrigued to know what happened at Eliza's session but also very, very anxious. What if Eliza's decided she can't do this anyone? No, that can't be it. They're fine. They're more than fine. They've finally found each other. That's got to mean something.

Arizona needs to be closer to her wife, though. She needs to feel Eliza close to her. Her heart needs to be as close to the object of her affections as possible. _Now_. Scooting further down the couch, she comes to sit just in front of Eliza who looks at her in a very adorable way right now.

"What?" Arizona drags in a low voice which causes Eliza to laugh.

"Nothing, just... you're _very_ cute."

"Anyway," Arizona smiles, gently grasping Eliza's ankles to caress the naked skin she finds. "What did you need to tell me?"

"Look, honey, I really need you to listen and not-"

"Eliza, I'm _not_ running. I'm not going _anywhere_."

"I know, you've said that but-"

"Nope. Just, stop, okay?" Arizona holds up a hand, shaking her head no. "I'm done running. I'm here. I love you. I'm in love with you. I'm home. Eliza, I'm where I'm supposed to be. I know that now. So just, stop tweaking about me running."

"Arizona," Eliza sighs, the ghost of a smile on her lips.

"Just, don't. Okay?"

"Okay," Eliza leans closer to Arizona, a movement Arizona gladly meets. When Arizona's lips brush Eliza's, she feels a shiver run down her spine. It's not a bad shiver, no. It's one of those shivers that makes your entire skeleton shake with the sensation of sheer joy and love. Something Arizona never ever wants to give up on. She needs this shiver. She lives for this shiver. No matter what Eliza's got on her mind now. No matter what Eliza needs to tell her. Arizona lives to be feeling like this. This universal kind of life coursing through her blood and bones. _This is it_.

When Eliza pulls back, Arizona catches the few tears hiding in the corner of the brunette's eyes. "Hey," Arizona whispers. "Just, tell me. Okay?"

Eliza nods, letting a long sigh escape her throat. "It rained and stormed and..."

Arizona knows all of this. She knows what happened because she's been told so many times. She's tried picturing it in her head countless of times, too. But that doesn't matter now. Eliza clearly needs to start from the beginning to get to what she needs to tell Arizona. Nodding here and there, Arizona listens to her wife as she tells her what happened the day she lost her memory. It's actually a bit weird hearing Eliza talk about it. Not that Eliza is telling it in a strange way or something, it's just that they've never talked about the accident. Arizona has just always just assumed it's been too hard for Eliza to talk about, after all she was the one experiencing it and not Arizona herself. She got into a coma but Eliza didn't. Eliza lived through every day after the accident not knowing if she would become a widow. The thoughts alone are making Arizona's heart break for her wife and what she went through while she was asleep.

"... and you went outside because I felt, I felt... I didn't feel well and I had a big case the next day, and you, you knew," Eliza explains, both hands fondling with Arizona's atop the brunette's knees. "So you just... you went outside to fix whatever made the nerve-racking sound on the window, and you..."

"I never came back in," Arizona finishes her wife's sentence in a whisper. "I'm so sorry..."

"Why are you apologizing, Arizona? It's not your fault. It's… it's _my_ fault."

So many things are wrong here. So many things need to be sorted out. Pulling her wife closer by the ankles, Arizona's now sat with Eliza's legs on either side of her body. Crashing her lips onto Eliza's, Arizona desperately needs to wash away the guilt Eliza's feeling. There's really no one to blame. It was an accident. And there's not always one person who's particular to be hold responsible. Sure, Arizona's thought about why Eliza hadn't saved her or kept her from going outside, but to be honest… it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter anymore. Arizona can't keep trying to figure out why things happened the way they did in her past. It only makes her brain hurt. She's done with that kind of pain now. She doesn't want to feel that kind of pain anymore. All she needs to feel is love. Eliza's love. She's got to let Eliza know that she doesn't blame her for anything. If anything, Arizona's grateful Eliza stuck around when things got bad. But how does she even begin to explain how thankful and relieved she is when Eliza's currently taking everything upon her own shoulders?

Cupping Eliza's cheek, Arizona makes sure to deepen the kiss and put all her love into it. She needs for Eliza to understand that whatever happened that night isn't making her run. _Not again. Not ever_. Arizona is staying put. Because this is where she is supposed to be. Eliza is who she's supposed to be with.

When air becomes an issue, they rest their foreheads against each other's as a comfortable silence fills the living room.

"It's not your fault, Eliza."

"The branch annoyed _me_ , Arizona. _Me_. Not you."

"But **I** climbed the tree. **I** slipped. **I** wasn't being careful," Arizona replies as she pulls back to look her wife into her eyes. With both hands holding Eliza's face, Arizona leans in once again to peck the soft lips before her. "It's no one's fault, honey. It was just an-"

"An accident, I know," Eliza blinks away her tears. "But-"

"Eliza," Arizona draws, raising an eyebrow.

"Arizona," Eliza replies with a sad smile.

Rolling her eyes, Arizona shakes her head slowly. "It happened. I'm okay. Now. You're okay. And I'm not mad at you."

"You're not?" Eliza takes Arizona's hands in her own in between their bodies. "You're not mad I made you go out?"

"Hold on. You didn't make me do _anything_. I'm a grown woman, Eliza. I could've just said no. But I wanted you to feel better… to sleep, so I went outside to, well... to get the enervating noise to stop."

Realizing what she's just said, Arizona feels another puzzle piece fall into place _. Where did the piece come from?_ But all of a sudden Arizona remembers it perfectly clear. How she felt that night. How Eliza was feeling. And how she had felt so sorry for her sick wife. It's all coming back to her now, and it's making Arizona inappropriately happy. Eliza's looking so sad what with her teary eyes and her flushed cheeks, all the while Arizona is feeling so very happy. So happy that she can't stop a smile from spreading across her face.

"Why are you smiling?" Eliza asks while narrowing her eyes. The brunette's fingers are playing with Arizona's wedding band which makes Arizona relax due to the feeling of settling.

"I remember, Eliza," Arizona smiles. "The night. How I felt. You were sick. I remember."

"You do?"

"Yeah. I remember how I made sure you were covered by the duvet. I remember how I kissed you and then went outside. I remember cursing the broken ladder and then climbing the oak and the roof. I, I remember."

"I kinda wish you didn't, though," Eliza puffs, dropping her eyes to their laced hands.

"And I kinda wish I hadn't worn those stupid rubber boots," Arizona screws up her face.

"Me, too!" Eliza agrees as she lets a whimpering sigh leave her throat.

"Um… can I ask you something?"

"Anything," Eliza shoots her eyes back up, locking with the blue ones. " _Anything_. I'm done hiding anything from you."

"When, um, how long... I mean, when did you find me? How long did it, did it take for you to, um, to realize I had fallen from the roof?"

"Not that long... honey, I promise you. When you didn't come back in, I got worried because, well, yeah. I can't sleep without you. And you had been gone a little too long for my liking, so I... I went downstairs."

Arizona can only imagine how awful Eliza must've been feeling. How guilt must've hurled her out of bed and downstairs. _And to find what?_ Her wife on the asphalt bleeding from her head. It must've been such a paralyzing shock running through Eliza's system when discovering what had happened. Arizona shivers but this time in pure pain. To think about the feelings that must've run through her wife's head, heart and soul, it's too much for Arizona to handle. She wouldn't be able to keep it cool, that's for sure. She would've wanted to die herself if Eliza had been the one in their driveway lifeless and bleeding.

"Something felt wrong. You wouldn't, you, you... you wouldn't be out there. The storm continued to fluctuate, so you would've been back inside. But you weren't. I called your name but you didn't respond. I figured you just couldn't hear me and..."

"You found me."

"I found you," Eliza whimpers.

"Hey, hey," Arizona says soothingly, a finger under her wife's chin. "No crying. Everything is fine now. See," Arizona smiles and presses her lips softly against Eliza's. "I'm fine. You're fine. We are _very_ fine."

"We are," Eliza smiles, a single tear streaming down her cheek. "God, I love you."

"And I love you, Eliza. I do."

"I... I sometimes wonder..." Eliza pulls Arizona in for a hug, her chin resting on the blonde's shoulder.

"What, baby? What are you wondering?"

"What if I'd lost you? What if you had actually died?" Eliza's voice thick with sadness as she hugs Arizona even tighter. "I cou-couldn't have-"

"Don't," Arizona cuts Eliza off. "I didn't die. I'm right here, okay? I'm. Right. Here."

"Thank God!" Eliza sniffles.

Nuzzling her nose in her wife's soft hair, Arizona inhales the pure scent of Eliza and undying love. She won't think about what could've happened. She won't. Because whenever Arizona thinks about not being with Eliza. Whenever Arizona had thought of her not regaining her memory of her wife. Whenever Arizona finds herself thinking about a life without Eliza in it... she feels empty and hollow, devastated and completely apathetic. She won't think about the _what it's_ of her past. She can't do that anymore. She's finally found her present. And her future. She's not going to waste it on dwelling on what her life would've looked like. Life's just too damn short. Arizona wants to welcome her future and her life with wide open arms. _She's ready_. She's ready to whatever Eliza wants or needs. She'll give her anything, everything. Because she lived. She survived. Arizona will never waste any opportunity of a second chance, and that's a promise.

"Happy anniversary," Arizona whispers happily, placing a kiss on Eliza's hair.

"Happy anniversary, honey," Eliza pulls back and smiles. "I'm just... I'm so grateful you survived."

"We, Eliza. _We_ survived. We survived the storm."

"We survived," Eliza sighs contently, tugging a stray lock of hair behind Arizona's ear. "We survived the storm."

"So, you want you presents now?"

"Presents?" Eliza responds surprised, chuckling.

"Hey. It's our anniversary. It means gifts and lots and lots of love," Arizona smirks which causes Eliza to grin. The look on her wife's face erases all Arizona's dark thoughts of death and sorrow, everything bad in the world ceases to exist because of _that_ grin, that look. That beautiful look. And it makes Arizona fall even more in love with her wife.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: So… you don't have to wait anymore. Chapter 19 is here. Thank you for all your messages regarding this story both here and on Twitter. You're all so very kind. I really love your enthusiasm and support. It keeps me motivated.  
**

* * *

 _Eliza's POV_

The sun creeps onto Eliza's skin through the half closed curtain as she slowly wakes, the warmth spreading throughout her entire body. Somehow the cover's only covering her legs, butt and lower back which makes the goosebumps appear on Eliza's back and shoulders as she's on her stomach. It's definitely both a pleasant and unpleasant feeling coming out of the unawareness and back to reality. Letting a groan escape her throat, Eliza turns her head on the pillow, wanting to catch the glimpse of her sleeping wife. The disappointment makes Eliza let out another groan as she realizes Arizona's not beside her. Stretching her arms and back, a shiver runs down Eliza's spine as her entire skeleton joyfully cracks out loud. Shaking a bit, Eliza climbs out of bed and pulls on a robe to cover her naked body.

Yesterday had been the 19th of September. Yesterday she'd been married to Arizona for three years. And yesterday she finally told her wife everything about the accident and her own part in it. And Arizona _hadn't_ held it against her. Arizona _hadn't_ blamed Eliza for the accident. Arizona _hadn't_ made Eliza the scapegoat… and why? Because Eliza's wife is an incredible human being. _And a grown up._ Eliza is once again so eternally grateful for Arizona and her understanding, just the way the blonde takes everything in to view before making rash decisions or assumptions. Eliza's amazed by Arizona's support regarding that night. The night that almost made Eliza a widow. The night that broke Eliza's heart into billions and billions of pieces. The night that made all Eliza's previous nightmares stupid in comparison. Eliza's so very thankful Arizona chose to look at what happened as she did. That there's really no one to blame, no one to be hold responsible for that night. It was just, well yeah… _an accident_.

And because Arizona doesn't blame her, Eliza really needs to get over her own self-loathing and blaming. There's so many things leading up to Arizona's accident. It could've been prevented, sure. If only Arizona hadn't gone out wearing rubber boots. If only Eliza hadn't implied the branch to be annoying her. If only Arizona hadn't been the caring person that she is. If only it hadn't been raining. If only the storm hadn't broken the ladder. _If only, if only, if only…_ it was just a very, very bad incident which turned into the worst night of Eliza's life. And probably Arizona's, too. But Eliza remembers the night like it was yesterday. The horror, the shock, the guilt and especially the heartache and the fear. She remembers it all too clearly… but it wasn't yesterday. Nope. Yesterday had been their three years' anniversary, and they had celebrated it gloriously after having had the serious talk. They had made love like their lives depended on it, showing each other how much they really loved one another. They had exchanged gifts and talked. They had listened to music and looked at pictures from their wedding and honeymoon. And Arizona had even remembered specific situations and feelings which had made Eliza swoon with love and hope. Hope that her wife's memory would soon become intact. And the things Arizona hadn't been able to remember or the pictures she couldn't quite place had Eliza explained and clarified. It wasn't a big deal, really. Eliza would gladly do it. Eliza would do whatever it takes… for Arizona.

Smiling to herself, Eliza ties her robe and heads out of the bedroom in search of her wife. It's Tuesday and Eliza's taken the day off… mostly because she had to work yesterday and then had the therapy session. So today's just going to be spend on Arizona, on the two of them with no interruptions. And since Arizona's not back to work yet, they've got all day to just be… together. Taking the stairs one step at a time, Eliza's ears are greeted with the soft humming of her wife. It makes Eliza's soul soar while her mouth immediately curls into a big smile. It just keeps striking her how completely lucky she is to have Arizona as her wife. How lucky she is that Arizona finally restored the memory of her. How lucky she is to be sharing her life with this magnificent woman. Chuckling at her own cheesiness, Eliza reaches the ground of their open space first floor.

Arizona is stirring something in a bowl, back turned, as she hums. She's wearing the gift Eliza had given her yesterday, and boy is Eliza happy about that… it suits her wife perfectly. Okay, she can't quite see it but she knows it's there. Eliza knows how gorgeous her wife looks wearing her three years' anniversary gift. Because she had been the one to clasp it around her neck last night. And it had been magical.

"Good morning," Eliza smiles, rounding the kitchen island to get a hold of her wife's side. Kissing Arizona's cheek, she lets her nose stroke afterwards gaining herself a cute giggle in responds.

"I think so, too," Arizona replies, turning her head to catch Eliza's lips with her own. "Sleep okay?"

"You know it," Eliza chuckles, lacing her fingers around the side of Arizona as she watches the blonde prepare a pancake batch. "Mmmh… pancakes?"

"Yeah, you want chocolate chip or plain with-"

"Fruit," Eliza finishes her wife's sentence, tightening her grip around her waist. " _Always_ fruit."

"Thought so," Arizona grins, jerking her head towards the counter. Eliza follows her wife's directions with her eyes and finds a tray with neatly cut fruits of different kinds. "Plain pancakes with fruit it is then. But the kiwi's mine, though," she states warningly, although they both know Eliza wouldn't touch it even if it was the last thing to eat on Earth.

"Of course," Eliza throws her hands in the air. "Can you just… hurry up woman, I'm starving."

Arizona shoots a sideway glance Eliza's way while adding a spoonful of the batch to the heated pan. "You could've just got up and started yourself, you know?" Arizona rolls her eyes playfully.

"I know, but _ho-ney_ … then it wouldn't be _your_ special pancakes now, would it?"

"Smooth one, Eliza," Arizona scoffs, flipping the pancake with a spatula. "Cute."

" _You're_ cute," Eliza wiggles her brows, grabbing her wife's side once again and placing a loud kiss on the blonde's cheek with a pop. "I'll set the table… and can I just say… _beautiful_ necklace you've got there, Miss Minnick-Robbins." Eliza plays with the tiny silver leaf hanging from a chain around Arizona's neck. "Very tasteful."

"You think so?" Arizona grins, although she's focused on the pan as she slides the pancake off and onto a plate. Adding another spoonful to the pan, she turns her head and looks at Eliza. "My wife gave it to me. She's awesome like that," shrugging, Arizona smiles.

"Clearly," Eliza purses her lips, trying to lure Arizona's lips in. The giggle leaving Arizona's throat makes all Eliza's insides roller-coast only to be spun around again when Arizona's lips connect with her own. It's all so wonderful and all so familiar to Eliza. Finally, lastly… they are good, they are here… they are so madly in love with each other, that if she was to die today - _God forbid_ \- she would still die a very happy woman.

Eliza doesn't want to think about death, though. Not when she's finally feeling so very much alive. Not when Arizona's alive and breathing and loving her with all that she's got. It's making Eliza want to live forever… as long as Arizona's there, too. As long as they can continue to celebrate anniversary after anniversary. As long as Arizona is loving Eliza, Eliza will live. Life trumps death, definitely. Especially when Arizona is living.

* * *

It's been a calm day. A calm day filled with love and laughter. Something Eliza can't seem to get enough of. She's actually dreading the day Arizona will be able to go back to work. She knows it's rather selfish but she really likes having Arizona around… all the time. It's almost like they're getting all the time back that they wasted being apart while Arizona laid in coma and when she didn't know they were married. She knows Arizona needs to get back to work, though. She knows that it'll be good for her wife to return to her job, to get back to what she used to do before she lost her memory. Maybe it'll even help Arizona to get all the pieces puzzled back together again, being in familiar surroundings from before. Eliza knows that and she wants Arizona to get her whole identity back as well, she just _really_ loves this… this _all-the-time-in-the-world-being-together-none-stop_ -thing. But she also likes her wife sane. And being on sick leave will most certainly make her wife insane in the end. So yeah, to sum up… Arizona needs to go back to work and Eliza knows that. She'll just savour every moment they have together on days like this.

After having had breakfast and they had tidied up, they had hit the shower… together… and then they had strolled around Seattle, hand in hand. Eliza had tried not to guide, letting Arizona choose every direction and the destination. It had been amazing finally just handing the rails to someone other than herself. Eliza had been so relaxed being taken by the hand without having to make decisions on other's behalf. She had just let her wife take control and it had been wonderful. But now Arizona had led them to the store… _the store!_ Only thing is… Arizona doesn't know about this particular store.

But they're here. Now. They are standing in the store that holds so much for Eliza. It means the world to her, actually. It holds her heart, really. She hasn't been here for quite some time, having chosen to grocery shop at other stores because this one just reminds her of too many things, too many emotions and so many memories. And that had been hard to relive what with Arizona being in coma and all. But now Arizona's guided them to this giant store… because it's time to fill cupboards, freezer and fridge. Arizona's orders. And who is Eliza to deny her wife what she needs or think their kitchen needs!? She just didn't think Arizona would lead them to the other end of the city to shop. They're back at Eliza's old Seattle hood. The place where she lived the majority of her twenties. She loves this side of their town, mainly because of all the good memories… she has just not been here lately. And when she's been here, it's only been because she was needed work vice. Personally, Eliza's been avoiding this area because it all reminds her of her wife and she couldn't be reminded of Arizona. But now they're back, and they are together and everything is quite possibly perfect. Arizona, though, is oblivious to what's going on in Eliza's head as she's dropping item after item into their cart.

"So now… all we need… let's see," Arizona glances at the paper in her hand as Eliza pushes the cart down the aisle. "… chickpeas, avocados, um, asparagus, red lentils, wow…" Arizona laughs, stroking Eliza's back as they slowly pass shelf after shelf. "We could really pass as vegetarians judging by this list."

" _You_ could… I like meat," Eliza chuckles. "You made the list. I'm just your assistant."

"Oh, shut up," Arizona scoffs and rolls her eyes, lightly pinching Eliza's side. "And go get the avocados!"

"You can't talk to your assistant like that, Arizona. I'll have HR on your back," Eliza feigns a shock of horror, shaking her head.

"And _what_ would you tell them, Eliza?"

"That you use bad words and order me around and…"

"Well… last night you didn't seem to mind," Arizona raises an eyebrow, her voice suddenly low with flirtation.

Eliza has to swallow hard, remembering last night… which Arizona clearly enjoys a little too much. "W-will you j-just…" Eliza tries, pushing the cart with a little more force. Arizona's hand caresses up and down Eliza's back only to ghost her coccyx now and then. "Okay. Avocados, Arizona. And you… you come along," she pulls at Arizona's elbow, guiding her towards the vegetable section while Arizona's chuckling is making her heart burst with love… and lust.

Entering the section, the very familiar section, Eliza's a little unsure of what's going to happen. Sure, Arizona knows how they met and she's lately been remembering the entire episode with all the emotions and all, too. But she doesn't know that it was here, right here, that they met so many years ago. Eliza's suddenly feeling nervous… not that she has to. It's all good memories, really. But something about being alone with the memory of this said store, it's just… it makes her a little uneasy. Stopping in front of the crates with fresh asparagus, Eliza starts choosing which ones to get. Out of the corner of her eye, Eliza catches Arizona approaching the avocados and another flood of emotions run through Eliza's body. She feels like she's watching their first meet from outside, like some kind of spy in the sky. She's watching Arizona look for the ripest avocados… again. It's all kinds of disturbing but also so very wonderful, really. Because she actually _got_ Arizona in the end. She did. She got Arizona's attention, she got her devotion and she _finally_ got her love. And she lost it earlier this year, but now she's got it all back. Eliza's heart is pounding furiously in her chest while a smile appears on her lips. She can't help it… the ambivalently feelings she felt just before has all turned into positive ones.

Dropping the asparaguses, Eliza takes the few steps towards her wife and spins the blonde by grasping her hips. When Arizona's eyes meet the ones of Eliza, it almost makes Eliza's heart break. Arizona's looking shocked. And it looks like she's on the verge to cry, too. Squinting her eyes, Eliza sees how Arizona's lower lip starts trembling, how her nose crinkles just the slightest and then… _yup_. Now Arizona's crying. Silent tears start streaming down her wife's cheeks.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Eliza breathes out, holding Arizona by the hips. "Why, why are you crying?"

"It's… it's nothing, really, Eliza. Just…"

"Nah, not gonna cut it. You're upset, clearly it _is_ something…"

Sniffling, Arizona lets out a soft sigh while slowly spinning an avocado in her hand. Before Eliza can work out what's happened, she finds herself in the arms of her wife. Arizona's hugging Eliza tighter than Eliza's been hugged before. Taking part in the hug, Eliza makes sure to give Arizona all she can, all she has got. To let her know without saying any words that she loves her. Something has upset her wife but right now all Arizona needs is for them to hug, so that's what they're going to do. That's what Eliza is going to provide right now.

"Arizona…" Eliza strokes her wife over her hair. She doesn't care that they're standing in the freaking vegetable section of this giant store… with people coming and going. That doesn't matter. Arizona matters. She can't help but worry, though. Why is she crying? They've had the most amazing day. They've dragged their three years' anniversary celebration out to today as well. They're happy. They're in love. Eliza is heartbroken for her wife now, though. Even though she doesn't know why Arizona all of a sudden started crying. Here. Of all places. But when Arizona hurts, Eliza hurts too.

"I'm s-sorry," Arizona groans under her breath, pulling out of the hug. Eliza keeps her arms around her sad wife, though. "It's just… I…"

"Hey, look…" Eliza smiles reassuringly when Arizona's beautiful pools of blue finally meet her own. "Don't apologise, honey. Just… tell me what happened, please."

The look on Arizona's face makes Eliza freeze. It makes her heart stop. And it makes everything Eliza's been wondering about their past and their future come to a hold. She can't breathe. She doesn't dare to breathe.

As on cue, they both widen their eyes, neither of them daring to speak or breathe. Eliza needs Arizona to speak, though. She needs Arizona to tell her what is going on right this instant. If not… she might possibly pass out.

* * *

 **AN2: Thank you so much for reading. You know what to do next…**


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: Thank you for being so patient with me. School is really riding me these days, so it's not because I don't wanna write or because I enjoy keeping you all waiting, I haven't updated. Enough about me, though. I've finally written next chapter… so to those of you who still enjoy reading this story, this update is for you. ENJOY!**

 **Oh, and a small PS.: I hope the anon guest who commented on this story being depressing AF has found their way back because… there's so much light to be cast now.**

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

It all came flooding back. Everything came rushing back to her like she was being hit by a lightning bolt. No, more like she was standing in the middle of a hurricane's eye and everything she once knew twirled above her… and suddenly got punched right back into her head, right back into her injured brain. But as of now... Arizona knows _everything_. Everything there is to know, she knows it. About herself. About her past, her present and quite possibly her future, too. Everything about her that makes her Arizona Minnick-Robbins. Because, yes... she remembers. Arizona remembers her marriage and her wife, and not just that. She remembers Eliza from the very first time she had laid eyes on her. Arizona remembers. And it's making her cry. It's making Arizona so vividly emotional because everything just came back to her... in this store… and she wasn't prepared. She wasn't prepared to accept what she just got. It all just startled her and also, it scared the crap out of her. It's a lot to deal with; years of memories and emotions suddenly fell from the sky... in the middle of their grocery shopping. Arizona needs to enlighten her wife, though. She knows that. Eliza's worried look is all the assurance she needs.

"Arizona... what's," Eliza breathes out as barely a whisper. "...what's going on? Please, honey. Talk to me."

Arizona feels how Eliza is anchoring the both of them to each other by the caring hold she's got on her hips. The green colour of the jacket Eliza's wearing is reflected in her eyes which causes Arizona to relax. The green colour always settles Arizona and especially where her wife is concerned. She can't dwell on that particular thing right now, though.

Using the back of her hand to dry her cheeks, Arizona inhales and then lets her breath out in a shivering sigh. It's a big deal. It's a very, very serious thing. She needs to find the right words for Eliza to really understand what just happened. She also needs to try and guide Eliza towards what she just experienced to really get Eliza on board with what this means. "Eliza..."

"Yes?"

"Ask... ask me something."

"W-what? What do you mean?" Eliza furrows her brow sceptically. "Ask you questions? But… why?"

"Yeah," Arizona smiles, placing both hands on her wife's shoulders. "Ask me something from before the accident..."

"Ummm..."

"C'mon, Eliza. Just... ask... please," Arizona encourages as she makes sure to let her dimples pop.

"But... you're crying, Arizona. W-"

"Just ask, Eliza!"

Eliza's eyes go wide, her hands gripping Arizona's hips a little tighter in shock. "Ummm, okay. What, no... how... _ah!_ Which countries did we visit during our European trip?"

"Germany, Austria, Poland, Italy and Spain... but really, Eliza. It's our honeymoon. Don't go easy on me. Gimme the hard ones."

"Arizona, what are we doing?"

"Honey," Arizona's tears keep running down her cheeks but her mouth is smiling. Her heart is overwhelmed. Her brain is full. But that's exactly why Arizona is crying. "I promise you, I'm okay. Just, ask me something..."

Giving Arizona a questionable look, Eliza closes her eyes afterwards. "Okay," she breathes out and opens her eyes again, the green colour bursting Arizona's heart with infatuation. "What happened when we went to the flea market four years ago?"

She knows this. She really does. Arizona's smile creeps up to her ears as Eliza's slowly mirroring the happy look the blonde sports. "I kinda ended up behind a stand, helping an elderly man selling his things because he needed his nap."

"Yeah," Eliza grins, finally catching up on Arizona's happiness. "You looked kinda cute wearing his money belt."

"I'm always cute, Eliza," Arizona smirks. "One more. Go."

"Okay... you always call me childish when I pick at food containing what?"

"Onions!"

"Which movie did we go watch on our fifth date?"

" _El_ _orfanato_ ," Arizona quickly states as the Spanish words roll off of her tongue and she's bouncing a little in her steps. "Drive-in. I picked that movie especially because you hate scary movies starring children, so... I planned on you hiding in my arms."

"Yeah... which is horrible, by the way."

"What?" Arizona feigns shock. "I protected you from the bad orphanage dwarf lady," she smirks, stroking Eliza's neck with her fingertips.

"Still mean, though. I couldn't sleep for weeks after," Eliza shakes her head and wipes away another line of tears on Arizona's cheeks. "I really don't like this, honey. You're crying..."

"But it's all good. I promise," Arizona smiles, leaning in to softly brush her lips against Eliza's. "H-happy tears."

"Arizona..." Eliza whispers. "Tell me what I _think_ just happened. Please. Tell me so I don't lose my mind here."

"I remember, Eliza. I _really_ remember."

"What? What do you remember?"

" _Everything!_ "

"Arizona..."

This is it. This is now she's going to tell her wife that she remembers everything, every detail of their life, every thought and every trip. Every conversation and every date. Arizona has got her memory back but why and how? She doesn't know. All she knows is that it happened here. Here in this store where she met Eliza seven years ago. It happened while picking up one of the avocados. Almost like a deja vú. Almost like it had happened before... the _picking out the best avocados, the feeling of someone watching her_. And then it had hit her. The hurricane. The flood of memories. _Her life_.

"Seven years ago," Arizona starts, her fingers lacing at the back of Eliza's neck while Eliza's got her arms around her waist, pulling Arizona impossibly close. "I met you... here. _Right_ here."

"Here?" Eliza's eyes glisten, unshed tears threatening to spill at any moment.

"Here."

"I-I, um, I need you to be a little more specific, p-please."

"We met here, Eliza. In this very store. I stood here and you were watching me from over there," Arizona cranes her neck a little to gesture towards the place Eliza had been standing years ago. "And then you helped me pick up the fallen avocados only to disappear afterwards."

"Arizona..." Eliza grins, her tears falling freely now.

"You just, you left me... and I couldn't let you do that. So I-"

"You sought me out again," Eliza grins as she releases a sigh of relief. Pulling Arizona in, their lips clasp together in a sensational kiss. Knowing that they're not at home, they quickly end the kiss and look at each other. Giant smiles are threatening to break both of their faces as tears fall freely.

"And I got you to marry me in the end," Arizona shrugs nonchalantly.

"I got you to date me first, though. Although you weren't that keen on doing that," Eliza scoffs. "You made me look so desperate."

"Well, I had to play hard to get, Eliza… you can't just have whatever you set your mind on having."

"I got you, didn't I?" Eliza raises one eyebrow causing Arizona to shake her head in amusement.

"Yeah, yeah. You're **so** good," Arizona chuckles.

"Arizona, you remember… honey, you remember! That's amazing," Eliza exclaims proudly as Arizona wipes the tears falling from her wife's eyes.

"It is," she exhales contently.

"But h-how?"

"I don't know, it kinda just… happened, you know. All of a sudden it all came rushing back," Arizona puffs, grabbing an avocado. "But I believe this fella has something to do with it…"

Eliza's eyes fixate themselves upon the oval, black fruit in Arizona's hand. To imagine that the tiny piece of food should be the one thing that got Arizona her memory back… it's just crazy, but it is the truth, though. Arizona knows what happened before and after the accident. And she knows what lies beneath every memory and every emotion… _now_. Because of this amazing fruit. Because of her amazing wife. And because of all the amazing support she's been lucky enough to receive during her recovery. Arizona can't express how much she really appreciates everything that's been happening the last couple of months. Sure, she would have liked to not have been in the dark where her marriage status is concerned… but it doesn't help dwelling on those things now, not anymore. It won't change the facts. And it really isn't a big deal anymore. Arizona's got her memory back. She's got her wife back and she's got her life back… just as she remembers it.

All of that combined with the overwhelming emotions she's feeling right now, Arizona really needs to get the hell out of this store and home. Her head is pounding as she's trying to keep up with every memory, every previous action and every possibility of experiencing new things. Arizona needs to pay for all their items in the cart and then she needs for them to get out in the cool air, out on the street that will get them home. Home to the hugging oak and the yellow house. Home to the swinging bench and the fireplace. And she needs Eliza to follow her lead. Because none of this would even matter if Eliza didn't love her. If Arizona didn't have Eliza, nothing would really matter. She's here because of Eliza… because Eliza loves her, and because Eliza showed her how amazing life could be if you shared it with someone special. Eliza had shown Arizona how love was supposed to feel like, how it should be shown and given… and all of that just by being her beautiful, breathtaking self. Eliza had awoken something inside of Arizona, something she didn't even know that she had. That something… being dreams of happily ever after with white picket fences, children running around and Sunday dinners with family. _All of that_ … all of that just came rushing back through Arizona's system, and it was a pleasant surprise to be reminded of.

* * *

It's mid-October and Arizona's therapist is still wearing shorts cut off at the knees. She can't think of why anyone with all senses intact would choose to walk around in shorts at this time of year. But Arizona's given up on trying to figure her shrink out. Dr. Toddler is no one to be analysed, that much she knows. He's the one doing the analysing… and he's doing a pretty good job at that at this exact moment.

"So, Arizona," he clears his throat as he clasps his hands in his lap. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm actually feeling pretty good. Amazing, yeah," she admits, a big smile on her face.

"I can see that."

"You can?"

"Yeah, you're glowing… you've got that glow, you-"

"Imma stop you right there. I'm not pregnant, if that was what you were gonna say," Arizona scoffs. "Pregnant women glow. And new moms, too. Trust me, I work with them on daily basis. Or… I used to."

"I didn't mention anything about pregnancy… that's all on you, Arizona," Dr. Toddler narrows his eyes at her almost like he is trying to read her mind. It makes Arizona cringe. She hates when he does that. She hates how he's able to read her like an open book most of the time. She hates how he's almost never wrong, too. "I just pointed out how happy you look, is all."

"Hmm," she purses her lips and throws him an incredulous look. "Maybe. But you mentioned the glow and only pregnant women glow, so there…"

"All people glow, Arizona," the young man smiles, crossing his legs confidently and leaning back in his chair. "Do you want kids?"

"Excuse me?" Arizona exclaims, snorting. "What's with the this pregnancy small-talk?"

"You're the woman talking about pregnant women, Arizona. So I just thought that maybe… maybe you want kids? Maybe you want-"

"I _just_ got my memory back! I can't have children now."

"I didn't say that, Arizona. I just asked you a question. Yes, or no?"

"Well, I guess my answer is yes, then. I want children. But just, not right now."

"What about your wife?"

"What about her?"

"Does she want kids?"

"We haven't really gotten around to discuss that subject, but yeah, I think. I mean… she'd have pretty babies," Arizona grins as she pictures mini versions of her wife running around their house and their garden.

It is totally something Arizona wants for their future… children, that is. There's just been so much on their plates lately that they haven't gotten around to talk about it. They've been completely occupied by the fact that Arizona's memory is restored, having had doctor's appointments at the hospital and in the lab. Arizona's been monitored and scanned enough for a lifetime, the doctors all needing pictures and results of her brain for further studies.

Eliza's been busy working with case upon case, finally being able to dive fully into her job as an awesome attorney with a healthy wife at home, and not with a sick wife hospitalized. She's the one people seek out when it gets muddy and bloody, when parents can't cooperate or communicate. Eliza's the person people turn to when everything burns and there's no reasoning whatsoever. And Arizona's never been more proud of her wife. She's taking the children's health upon her shoulders and she's advocating. She's working wholeheartedly trying to get justice. Both for the children but also the parents. And these days Eliza's head is buried in a cruel custody case where one parent wants to move the children from their hometown and into a new state. Arizona's wife is consumed with trying to find the right words, the right point of views and the best outcomes for her client… which has the brunette chewing the frame of her glasses when she works from home, Arizona's seen it more than she can count. And it's such a beautiful view and a rather hot look. Yeah, Arizona's got the golden parakeet, that's for sure. She's married to a badass, confident and sexy attorney fighting for justice on daily basis. That is more than the average person can say these days. And that's why neither of them have had the time to sit down and talk about what their future could possibly hold.

Arizona's going back to her own job next week which she's looking forward to… so very, very much. She can't wait to get back to the last thing missing for her life to be just like it was before. Back to working with April and the young moms. Back to the bad office coffee and spongy and creamy Danish at every meeting. Arizona can't wait to be useful again. Her mind has been completely focused on getting up to speed with her own cases and new courses… which is why she's been living in the present and not in the future. No one should really live in the present, she knows that. But it doesn't hurt to know what you want from it. The future, that is. And with Dr. Toddler planting seeds of baby making plans in her head, the future has suddenly gotten a completely different ring to it.

What does she want? Children? Dogs? Chickens? Does she want to travel the world? Does she want to climb Mount Everest or visit a temple in Nepal? Does she want to hike in Kenya or camp out in the jungle of Malaysia? What does she even want? Arizona doesn't really need all of those exotic things or experiences. Nope. All she needs is Eliza and her love. And babies, yeah. She needs to have kids. That much she knows now. Which is strange, really. It seems like Dr. Shorty Pants always knows what she needs or wants before Arizona knows it herself. Again, it is really infuriating at times.

"Arizona?" the young man cuts through Arizona's thoughts. "Where did you?"

"Mount Everest," Arizona snorts, shaking her head at her own thoughts. The man looks confused which is really understandable. "You know what?"

"No. Please tell me."

"I do want to have children. With Eliza. I need to, actually."

"You just realized that now?"

"I don't know… maybe it's always been there. I just didn't know exactly why, until now, I guess."

"That's a start," he smiles. Arizona meets the man's smile with one of her own. She figures it's the least she can do. After all, he keeps doing this _hocus pocus thing_ that makes her want to and succeed in figuring out every piece of herself. Her genuine smile is his reward, she supposes.

* * *

Walking the streets home from her session, Arizona enjoys the autumn wind. It's in her hair, on her skin. It's pulling at her clothes. _It's just perfect_. Leaves are sprawled out on the payment, under the trees… orange, brown and yellow colours are filling every scenery of the day which calms Arizona. She's turning another year in a month which makes her think about having children. _Again._ It's the perfect time to start a family, really. When the right time comes, that is. And when everything is back as it used to… with her being back at work again. They are there. They could be there. _There_ being the state of their lives where a baby could come in and spread even more joy and love. They've been together for seven years and married for three. It could be the time. She just needs to fill Eliza in on her thoughts, is all. Arizona doesn't need a child tomorrow or even in the next few months. She just needs to know if Eliza could be up for expanding their family at some point in the nearer future.

Turning at the corner of the street that holds her home, Arizona takes in the autumn beauty. It never ceases to amaze Arizona just how beautiful this street is. How amazing and absolutely perfect this area is. It makes her so happy that they picked out this exact place when buying their house four years ago. The street has a dead end which makes it perfect for children to play out in front of their house. Not even five minutes from here there's a wooden playground with lots of possibilities to develop motorial and balance skills. There's so many trees and bushes, so much smooth asphalt for skates and skipping. This is just the perfect place. The excitement and joy continues to spread out Arizona's entire being as she approaches her home.

Finally reaching her destination, Arizona locks herself into the house where she's greeted with the aroma of cooking. Curry is definitely in the air, Arizona states internally as she shrugs out of her jacket and boots. Expecting to see her wife in the middle of cooking dinner, Arizona is fairly mistaken when she finds the kitchen empty. The only sign on life is the simmering pan of vegetable and chicken on the stove.

"Eliza?" Arizona calls out, walking further into their home.

"Arizona?" Eliza responds from somewhere upstairs. "You home?"

"Nope. I'm on facetime," Arizona calls back and rolls her eyes at her wife's words.

Eliza finally getting into view at the top of the stairs, Arizona grins. "Ha, ha. Very funny."

"What did you expect, you goof?"

"I don't know…" Eliza screws up her face, taking the stairs down two steps at a time. When finally reaching the first floor, Arizona grabs her wife by the hips and smashes her lips upon Eliza's. "Wow…"

"I missed you," Arizona smiles, pecking Eliza's lips one more time. "Had a good day?"

"N'aawww," Eliza gushes as she grabs Arizona's butt and squeezes. "I missed you, too, honey. Could've used you today, though."

"How come?"

"This case is giving me grey hair," Eliza sighs, crinkling her nose. Kissing Arizona's cheek, she approaches the stove and starts shaking the pan in quick movements.

"That sucks," Arizona sighs as she places herself on the kitchen counter, her heels hitting the lower cupboard now and again.

"Yeah. They're just so mean to each other. You've got no idea how cruel adults can get when children are involved. Yikes!" Eliza grinds her teeth, attending to the pot with brown rice. "Remind me of how much I love you when we have kids of our own and they start turning us against each other, okay?" Eliza turns her head to look at Arizona, a big smile on the brunette's face. "Okay? No playing favourites, okay? Not us, not the kids. No favourites."

Arizona can't help how her heart is pounding in her chest. She's positive it would be visible if she had been naked right now. Her heart is drumming beneath her skin… so hard she's afraid it'll pop out any minute and land in Eliza's hands. Because Eliza just implied that they were to have kids… someday. She just assumed that they would be parents. Arizona didn't think she could become any happier today than she already was. But she was mistaken, again. The amount of happiness just escalated inside of her. She's got freaking joy coming out of her ears now… it's flowing from every pore, every opening of her body. And all of that because of Eliza. Because of Eliza and the possibility of their family expanding in the future. Having lost her memory for a couple of months surely took her out, but now… now she's never been more sure of what to do next. Arizona's going to go back to work next week and she's going to make Eliza the mother of her children. And that is what joy and love is supposed to be like. Arizona is one hundredth percent sure.

* * *

 **AN2: Once again… thank you so much for sticking with this story. You are awesome. Let me know what you think.**


	21. Chapter 21

_Eliza's POV_

It's a slow day at the office but Eliza is going out of her mind. It's too quiet and she feels like she's being watched. _Nope, she knows she's being watched._ Her boss has been eyeing her all day... actually, he's been watching her for the last couple of weeks and it's making Eliza insane. It really isn't comfortable. Arizona's been telling her to just call him out on it, but Eliza has trouble doing just that. It's easy for Arizona to say when she's not the one having to work with him afterwards, but Eliza knows. She knows she's got to point out that his staring is making her feel uncomfortable. So... this might be the time. Especially since he's doing it right now, the staring. Letting out a big sigh, Eliza braces herself and stands. Shooting a sideway glance to the picture frame on her desk, Arizona's pretty face reminds her of how much Eliza's able to do when she sets her mind to it. Her wife's beauty makes Eliza sure. It assures her that everything is in fact possible. Sending her wife a thought, Eliza nods mostly for her own sake. When fixing her eyes on the man behind the glass wall, he suddenly drops his gaze. _It_ _'s time._

Exiting her own glass office, she knocks on her boss' door. When he looks up from his computer screen, he nods for her to enter.

Sticking her head inside, Eliza gives him a small smile. "Can I talk to you for a moment, Sir?"

"Of course, Mrs. Minnick-Robbins. Come in," he replies, resting his clasped hands in front of him on the desk.

Eliza closes the door behind her and places herself in the chair opposite her boss. Taking a deep breath, she once again deems it time.

"What's on your mind?"

"Lately, um... okay, you see, Sir. Lately I've noticed that you've watched me... working. _A lot_ ," Eliza explains, trying to keep the situation and conversation light. "It's just... it's making me, um... it's been making me feel uncomfortable, Sir. So I just wanted to ask you if there's something you... if you're not satisfied with my work or if maybe there's something I can do to improve my work here? Because I'm just, _I'm_ just so very satisfied by working for you, Sir. I really love my job. And I know I got behind when my wife got into the accident but I..." Eliza tries to defend her actions because truth is... she really needs this job. She really loves it. She can't be fired. She's not one to get fired, she's the one who leaves. And she doesn't want to. She wants this job. And she's been wanting it ever since she got here five years ago. "I've been working my a-, I've been working for four people ever since Arizona got better. So please, tell me what's going on, Sir. Please."

Okay. She's said it. She's just told her boss how she's been feeling the last couple of months. Because the staring has been going on for far too long now. She's been working her ass off ever since Arizona got back on track, ever since Arizona finally regained her full memory. Eliza's been working at the office and from home. She's really been putting her all into her work because she's been feeling like she needed to. Now her life is finally good again, it's running smoothly in every department. Her wife has recovered and is now back at work for the second week. And Eliza herself, she's working like a maniac without feeling like she's neglecting anyone while doing so. While Arizona were hospitalized, she felt bad she didn't work but when she finally worked she couldn't help feeling how abandoned Arizona felt by her. Although Arizona didn't know about them being married. But that's why she finally decided to take a leave of absence. But now she's back, though. She's back at work… but she's been feeling watched ever since being so.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Minnick-Robbins."

"Eliza, Sir. Please."

"Eliza..." the man smiles, giving her a soft nod. She needs this to be a little more personal because well, yeah... it is personal. She knows he is her boss, but right now she can't do with the formalities. She just needs answers. "I'm so very sorry that you've been uncomfortable lately. It really hasn't been my intention. I've just been very amazed by your working ethics. You've been extraordinary, Eliza. And I haven't asked you how you've been... which is also something I'd like to apologize for."

"How _I've_ been, Sir?" Eliza asks, furrowing her brow.

"Yes. I've been meaning to ask you how your wife is and how you're managing. But you've been so engrossed in your work. And I know, Mrs. Minnick-Robbins... sorry, Eliza. I know you're good at what you do. That's why I hired you, after all. And... I haven't been able to ask you because well, I can't imagine what you've been going through. But believe me when I say that I'm so very happy for you. And your wife."

"Thank you, Sir," Eliza smiles kindly. He's really a sympathetic man, really. She's been feeling so blessed by the opportunity she was given five years ago. Because being employed by Mr. Webber at his law firm, it's been a dream of hers ever since graduating. "We are both doing fine. And Arizona is back at work so that's really amazing."

"Really? I'm so profoundly pleased to hear that she's doing so well."

Eliza doesn't really know what more to say to the man opposite her. He might have just apologized for a lot of things but it doesn't make the staring any less uncomfortable, though. Okay, she needs to grab the bull at the horns, as one would say. Nodding, she crosses her one leg above the other and laces her fingers in her lap.

"But, Sir. Mr. Webber?"

"Yes?"

"The... the staring. It needs to-"

"Consider it done," he smiles friendly. "I need to ask you one other thing, though. And I wouldn't ask you if I didn't think you would be the woman for the job, just know that."

"Sir?"

"You know I had to let Ms. Murphy go and therefor we've been shorthanded."

"I know," Eliza sighs, narrowing her eyes. Leah Murphy's dismissal has been one of the reasons why she's been working late the last couple of weeks. She knows very well that they're shorthanded these days. "I've had to take over some of her cases."

"Exactly," Mr. Webber clears his throat. "What I need to ask you... you see, I've hired a new pair of hands. And I was wondering if you could be her mentor? You know... get her into how things get done around here and so on?"

"You're asking me to mentor a new attorney?"

"Yes. If you're up for it? Have her on some of your cases, let her follow you in court... I really don't want to push you into anything. You're just, you're my best candidate, Eliza. But I understand if you feel like you can't at the moment what with your wife and all."

"My wife's fine, Sir," Eliza clarifies. Arizona's been very fine for a very long time now. And Arizona's been making it very clear that she doesn't want Eliza to turn down anything work-related anymore... because Arizona feels responsible for all the time off Eliza had been forced to take during the accident and the time afterwards. "I'll do it!"

"Really?"

"Really, Sir. I'd love to. When?"

"Her contract starts first of November."

"It's in _two_ days, Sir?!" Eliza exclaims wide-eyed. "I haven't... I'm just..."

"I know. And I'm also apologizing for just throwing it at you with such short notice. I can find someone else to mentor Ms. Blake, but-"

"No, Sir. I'll do it. Just... I've got that big case with the Thornhill family. It's taking up all of my time."

"Bring her. Use her. Make her see what we do best here," the man raises his eyebrow, giving Eliza a slow nod of confidence. "I believe in you, Mrs. Minnick-Robbins. You've got this."

* * *

Entering her home, Eliza drops her purse to the floor while shrugging out of her winter's coat. It's late October and the autumn is slowly guiding Seattle towards winter time. Kicking off her ankle boots, Eliza lets the heath of her home hit her full force. It makes her shiver in pleasure. And it's good to finally be home. The silence is making her calm while the dim lightning is making her love her wife even more. Arizona knows how much Eliza and her eyes need the dim lighting when coming home this late which is why the blonde has made the small lamps glow.

From the corner of her eye, Eliza can see a plate atop the kitchen counter. Taking the steps towards the kitchen, Eliza smiles at her wife's cuteness. Atop the cling-filmed plate of rice, beans and broccoli is a note with Arizona's swirled letters.

 ** _Welcome home, honey._**

 ** _It_** ** _'s veget_** ** _arian-day. Yay!_**

 ** _Eat your broccoli and come to bed._**

 ** _I love you, A._**

Looking at her watch, the digests tell Eliza that it's a little past midnight. _Wow..._ she's been working way too much today... or tonight, actually. Eliza didn't even know it's gotten past midnight. She's been that engrossed in trying to write the best proceeding speech. She's due in court tomorrow, well today. And she's got to have a good night's sleep. But the thought of suddenly being a mentor has kept her mind spinning all night, too. It's not like she needs it, and it's not like she doesn't want it. Because truth is, Eliza loves teaching and she loves passing on her knowledge. And this is the perfect opportunity to do just that. It's just so sudden and she's so unprepared. _But, but, but._ No time for weeping, she could've just said no. So now she's got her new colleague arriving in two days, and she's got the big speech tomorrow. It's good. She can handle it. She can do it.

But first... she needs the meal Arizona has made for her. _Her vegetarian meal_. Snorting at her wife, Eliza grabs the plate and places it in the microwave. She loves Arizona, she really does. But her veggie meals are just silly sometimes. She can't complain, though. Not when she wasn't home when dinner had been made. So, Eliza will eat her very late dinner as a good wife. Placing herself in the swinging bench on the porch, she hugs herself with a blanket and pulls up her feet. This is amazing. Well, having dinner with Arizona would be the most amazing thing, but that just aren't possible every day. So this... Arizona having made her dinner, the silent night and the shining stars in the sky. This is her night. It's beautiful. And it's just... mesmerizing. Knowing that her wife is sleeping soundly upstairs just makes Eliza even more calm and happy. Her life is pretty damn good at the moment, if someone were to ask her how things were going. Sure, work's stressful but that's just how being an attorney is sometimes. But Eliza thrives. Really, she does. She loves her job, she loves her wife and she loves her life. Everything is finally as it should be… again.

Stuffing a forkful of hot rice and beans into her mouth, Eliza hums in pleasure. She loves a good steak and a juicy chicken breast but sure, this is amazing too. The wind hits her cheek from the left and she shudders a little, hugging her legs with one arm as the plate rests atop her knee caps. It makes it look quite artistic when Eliza slides the fork beneath the mountain of rice as she tries balancing the plate without any help from her hands. When she leans in above the plate to better catch the fork while still keeping the balance, a soft giggle is heard from the right. Eliza doesn't move, afraid of the plate falling from her knees.

"You need some help there?"

"Please!"

"You could've just placed the plate on the table, you know..." Arizona giggles as she approaches Eliza and takes the plate from her knees. "Although, it wouldn't have looked as cute."

"Shush!" Eliza puffs before taking the fork into her mouth. "I thought you were sleeping?"

Arizona kisses the top of the brunette's head and places herself beside her. "I heard you heat the food, so..."

"Ohhh... I'm sorry," Eliza rushes as she takes the plate from her wife's hand, placing it on the nearby table. Leaning in and kissing Arizona's lips, she feels her wife sighing into the lip-lock causing Eliza to smile.

"Don't be. I've missed you, so I just thought I'd go find you," Arizona shrugs, smiling. "Eat, honey."

Eliza does as she's told, taking the plate and stuffing her mouth with the food while a comfortable silence falls upon them. The night is clear as rain and the stars are so very visible; one thing Eliza knows Arizona can't get enough of. The stars have always been Arizona's preferred wonders of nature. It's kind of cute, really. And Arizona is currently watching the stars like she was watching a movie. _It_ _'s a beautiful sight_... Arizona's eyes searching the sky, the constellations and the patterns. Arizona's frame so relaxed, so at ease and so, so overwhelmingly beautiful. Eliza can't get enough of Arizona. She just can't.

"Stop watching me and eat your beans, Eliza," Arizona chuckles without looking at her.

"I prefer watching you, though."

"Cute. Although it doesn't fill your stomach."

"It fills my _heart._ "

"Okay, smooth talker," Arizona replies with a soft chuckle as she turns her head to look at Eliza. " _Eat_ and tell me all about your new title."

"It's not a new title per say," Eliza shrugs, taking another bite of broccoli and rice. "I'm just doing some kind of mentoring thing, is all."

"You'll be rocking it, that's for sure, honey," Arizona grins. "You're awesome."

"Now _you're_ cute. Thanks. Let's just see how it goes."

"Yeah. Did you get the speech done?"

"You know it. I think... well, I hope I've got the all the right angles to get the jury on board," Eliza states a little hesitantly while finishing her meal. "I'll make sure they get all the facts, though. And I really intend on them getting a closer look into the children's reaction patterns."

"They couldn't be in better hands, Eliza," Arizona smiles, cupping her cheek.

"Thank you," Eliza smiles affectionately at her wife, leaning in to press a soft kiss to the blonde's lips. "And the staring thing... it's stopped."

"Really? I'm so proud of you... standing up for yourself," Arizona crinkles her nose in amusement. "What did he say?"

"Ha," Eliza nudges her wife's shoulder. "He offered me the mentor job."

"Then it all turned out to be a good thing, huh?"

"Well, he had been meaning to ask me how you were doing and all that... he just couldn't, I guess... and then he offered me mentoring Blake."

"You can tell him I'm doing perfectly fine and if he wants to give my wife a raise, he's-"

"I can't do that, you moron," Eliza exclaims, puffing.

"Think about it."

"Arizona, I'm not asking for a raise..."

"You've been working like a robot these last few months and I know it's because of me and-"

"Stop, Arizona. Please. It's not your fault."

"If you could stop interrupting me, that would be excellent," Arizona points her finger to Eliza's chest causing the brunette to drop her gaze in embarrassment.

"Sorry."

"Just... think about it, Eliza. You've earned it."

"I will, I promise," Eliza fixes her eyes on her wife's, catching Arizona shooting her a soft smile. "Did I tell you that I love you today?"

"Nah..." Arizona shrugs.

"Come here," Eliza chuckles, grabbing her wife by her shoulders and closing the distance between them. Their lips meet in a warm and passionate kiss, Arizona's hands on Eliza's cheeks as her thumbs strokes the skin they find. Eliza feels how her stomach is twirling, how all the butterflies bask and a round of love courses through her every vein. This is it. _This_. Right here. This is what she's living for. Arizona. This is what makes her wake up every morning and keep on going. This is why she longs to get home every night and crawl into bed. Arizona... it's all Arizona. She makes her want to breathe and live. And she makes her want to be better. She makes her want to do everything. Although it can seem impossible or hard, she knows she's got to at least try... and she knows she can try because she's got the support and the love from Arizona. This is it. Her life. And it's pretty damn amazing. "I love you, Arizona. I love you very much."

" _Thank God_ ," Arizona replies dramatically as she rolls her eyes, looking up at the roof of the porch.

"And thank _you_... for dinner," Eliza pecks Arizona's lips one more time. "Let's go to bed."

* * *

 **AN2: So, I managed to write this chapter today when I had planned on reading for my finals… tomorrow! So… consider yourself lucky ;) And now… reviews are appreciated.**


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: Thank you for all of your good vibes. It sure payed off, so here's your reward. Next chapter… which I actually already had written. So, yeah. ENJOY!  
**

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

Arizona's resting her side against the frame of the window, looking out and into the early afternoon of Seattle. People are walking, strolling and rushing further into the afternoon needing to get somewhere, to fetch someone or pick up some food for dinner. They're all just going about their everyday life and normal business, something that's become something Arizona really appreciates now. Having had her life taken from her, she's feeling so very blessed and grateful to have it back. She's so thankful about how she's been given this extra opportunity, this second chance of living her life with everything she's got and everything she's able to do. Watching as cars drive by and the mass of people passes, she lets a content and relieved sigh leave her throat.

"You doing okay over there?" a voice pulls Arizona out of her internal thanksgiving, a smile spreading on her face. Turning around to watch her co-worker and best friend smiling at her, Arizona rests her back against the wall.

"I'm doing more than okay, April."

"Yeah?" the redhead replies with a comfortable sigh, entering their shared office.

"Yeah. I was just thinking..."

"About what?"

"Life, you know," Arizona shrugs, placing herself in her chair in front of her desk. April takes the chair opposite Arizona's desk and smiles. "And how happy I am to be here. Again."

"We've missed you," April nods, giving the blonde a friendly squint of the eyes.

"And I've missed this. You. Just... everything."

"The girls have missed you, too, you know."

"Don't lie," Arizona scoffs. "They doesn't even know me. It's only Cara and Polly from before..."

"Well, yeah. But _they've_ missed you. And the new group already loves you. Just... it's good to have you back, Arizona."

Arizona can't even start to express how good it is to be back. It's just... the last piece of the puzzle falling back into place, making out the whole picture. The picture being Arizona's life. And it's a damn good one, she states internally. She's a very, _very_ lucky woman, that's for sure.

All of a sudden Arizona's phone buzzes on top of her desk. Grabbing the device Arizona smiles. A big smile. _Eliza..._

"I'll let you be," April says as she stands, approaching her own desk. "Say hi to Eliza from me."

"Sure," Arizona grins at her friend only to fix her eyes back on the screen of her phone.

 ** _E: Hi love,  
Just thought of you because... well, yeah. I always do. But just wanted to let you know that my speech went amazing. Just like you said it would!  
_** ** _Can_** ** _'t wait to see you.  
_** ** _I love you, E._**

The entirety of Arizona's heart is swollen with love and affection for this woman. This masterpiece of a woman she's lucky enough to call her wife. Arizona's got the one. The only one. _Her_ only one. Not many people are able to say they found the one... but she can. She has. And that said one is making her smile painfully much at this very moment, her cheeks threatening to crack any minute now. She just knew Eliza would nail that speech. She just knew it… because she's never doubted her wife's ability as an attorney. _Never._ Eliza both speaks from and works with her heart which almost always pays off. Sure, Eliza's lost cases before but it's not many in comparison to the other attorneys at her office. There's a reason Mr. Webber asked Eliza to mentor that new attorney. The reason being that Arizona's wife is _the best_ attorney working in the _Webber & Avery_ law firm. To say Arizona is extremely proud of her wife would be the understatement of the year.

Quickly replying to Eliza's text, Arizona smiles widely as she taps the screen.

 ** _A: I knew it, honey! You are awesome. Congratulations :)  
I'll have dinner ready for you… when are you home?  
_** ** _I miss you like insanely much. So much April is actually making faces.  
_** ** _Love you, Arizona._**

"Why don't you just call her instead?" April asks, her eyes locked on the screen in front of her as she taps on the keyboard.

"She's working," Arizona states, placing her phone next to her own keyboard.

"As should you," April scoffs, shooting the blonde a sideway glance only to let a smile ghost her lips.

"I am!"

"Sure."

"See," Arizona exclaims. "Check your inbox."

April does as Arizona tells her to, using the curser to click on her newly arrived email. "I must say… you're really getting into this."

"What do you mean, April? Of course, I am. I love my job. I'm good at my job. So, of course I'm getting into it. It's after all why we're here, right? 'Cause we need to get into these young women's minds and teach them how to be good mothers, how to take care of their children and live their lives as good as they can. That's _why_ we're here, April. To help them… live."

"Arizona…" April sighs, smiling. "I didn't mean it like that. I know what you're capable of with these women. I've _seen_ you, I've worked _beside_ you. You are outstanding, really. I was just referring to that," April gestures towards the screen of her computer while Arizona's eyes are on the redhead. "You've done so much in the short amount of time you've been back. Just look at this… you've made out two plans of actions for Sally and baby Joshua, and Freya and her unborn baby. Arizona, you're-"

"Zoë," Arizona interrupts.

"Huh?"

"Freya is naming her daughter Zoë," smiling, Arizona shrugs and goes back to looking at her own screen. "But thank you, April. For saying all of those things. It… it means a lot. Just, thanks."

"It's the truth, though. You are very, _very_ good at what you're doing, Arizona."

Arizona's phone buzzes once again, taking it into her hand another round of love courses through her. Every time. Every _freaking_ time. Eliza does that. It's the mere thought of Eliza… it's making the love and devotion ooze from Arizona's being. It's just… a very addictive kind of feeling.

 ** _E: Oh, I'm so sorry, honey. I won't be home in time for dinner. Again, I know.  
_** ** _I've got another proceeding speech to look over and that mentor thing, too. So I won't be home until around 8pm. I'm so sorry… especially since I'm missing you like crazy too.  
_** ** _Tell April to get over herself and find a boyfriend ;)_**

Arizona feels the pricking feeling stick her in the stomach… and the heart as well. She misses Eliza, and very much so. It feels like forever since it's just been the two of them without any interruptions. She got used to having Eliza at her side every hour of every day while being off of work due to her injury and recovery, so this is slowly killing her. The everyday life coming in the way of just having every hour to talk to, look at and touch her wife. It's not making the love Arizona holds for her wife any less, in fact it just makes her crave Eliza even more… but it's also making her wish for another head injury so that they could stay home and just be. Well, no… not exactly a head injury. Maybe just a cold or something. Or maybe a vacation, yeah. No, they can't afford vacationing now… not when they could someday in the nearer future be on their way of starting a family. Not exactly tomorrow, Arizona knows that… but it doesn't hurt to already start saving money for when that time comes. Anyway, now all Arizona wants is a cuddle with her wife but it doesn't seem like she'll be getting any of that tonight, though. Letting a heavy sigh escape her mouth, Arizona replies her wife.

 ** _A: I'll be waiting for you. Be awesome, honey._**

 ** _E: You save a lot of kisses for me for later, okay?_**

 ** _A: I've got an entire box of kisses waiting for you._**

 ** _E: Is that so? What box? ;)_**

 ** _A: My heart!_**

Arizona knows she's being cheesy, but she also knows that Eliza loves when she's being cheesy. So humouring her wife, Arizona smirks at her own words.

"Okay, you two have _got_ to stop being so loveydovey when I'm-"

"A sad single?" Arizona laughs, cutting off her best friend's sentence.

"Mean!"

"Sorry…"

"No, you're not," April whines.

"He's out there, April… I just know it."

"Says the woman who's been in a coma for months," April snorts, shaking her head.

"Hey!" Arizona exclaims in an octave too high. "I went beyond. I saw things, you know."

"You didn't," April laughs. "Let my sad single life be and get on with work."

Arizona joins her friend's sarcastic laughter while getting right back into her work, making another plan of action for the newest teen mom in the group. Her phone buzzes one more time causing Arizona to glance sideways.

 ** _E: You're too much sometimes. But… I love it! :) See you tonight, love._**

Resuming her work, Arizona enjoys the fact that she's got someone texting her the way Eliza does. That she's got a wife who's so thoughtful and awesome, it's making Arizona soar. Also, it's making Arizona miss her wife even more than she already did. It doesn't matter, though. She'll just have to finish up here, make some light dinner and then patiently wait for Eliza to get home so that she can kiss the life out of her. Okay… she'll impatiently wait and she won't kiss the life out of Eliza, absolutely not. She'll just kiss Eliza… a lot. _A lot, a lot._ And maybe she should just read a book when getting home, just to kill time and all. Yeah, that she can do. And then Eliza will be home before she knows it.

* * *

Arizona's done what she sat her mind on doing when getting home. She's actually done a bit more, vacuuming the entire house just to keep herself busy. It's almost 8pm which means Eliza will soon be home, hopefully. Not that Arizona is counting seconds or anything. She's way to engrossed in her book. She's read it like a hundredth times before. But it just never seems to be enough because it's just so amazingly beautiful and heart-wrenchingly sad. Flipping another page, Arizona sniffles as she watches the picture of a small girl laid on the snow covered pavement below a large window.

"Honey… why are you crying?"

Startled by the intruding voice, Arizona shudders in surprise, looking up from her book and right at her wife standing in the doorway of their bedroom. "I'm just... reading, is all," she sniffles as her lower lip trembles.

"What are you reading, Arizona?" Eliza gives Arizona a questionable smile, quickly rushing to the blonde's side.

"This," Arizona holds the book up for her wife to see, drying off her cheek with the back of her hand. Eliza squints her eyes as she reads the title of the book. Slowly shaking her head, the green-ish eyes catch Arizona's in the dim bedroom.

"Then you're just asking to be kicked in the heart, Arizona."

"I know! It's just... so well written. And it's beautiful and, and, and it's a classic and it's almost Christmas-"

"It isn't your everyday Christmas tale, honey," Eliza cups Arizona's cheek, smiling affectionately. "It's more like a New Years' Eve story."

"It doesn't matter, Eliza. It's a horrible story."

"Then why do you read it?" Eliza chuckles lightly, trying to not completely laugh at Arizona's antics.

"Because it's beautiful!" Arizona replies with a sharp sigh.

"But it's making you cry," Eliza shakes her head again, placing a stray lock of hair behind Arizona's ear. "Why don't you read... let's say-"

"It's making me cry because it's written so masterfully. He's amazing."

"Alright, alright," Eliza throws her hands up in the air to show her surrender, laughing. "I just don't like getting home to find my wife crying."

"Yeah, I'm done reading about tiny girls dying barefoot in the streets for now. So… cuddle me!"

"Bossy much?" Eliza smirks.

"You might be a big ass attorney at work but at home..."

"I'm just the one tending to your every need, huh?"

"Two minds think alike," Arizona perks up, smiling. "Get in," she pats the space beside her while placing the book on the nightstand.

"You're lucky I love you," Eliza scoffs while stripping down to only her panties. Arizona watches in delight as her wife snatches her nightgown from the back of the chair. It's making Arizona's heart swell. In all honesty, Eliza is the most beautiful thing she's ever seen, that's the spoken truth. And she's married to her. Some days she's still got trouble figuring out how she got this lucky? How she finally regained her memory of that fairy-tale woman will always be the best thing ever coming out of the accident. Eliza shoots her a sideway glance, smirking as the gown lands around her hips and hugs her breasts perfectly so, her hair falling freely and framing her face only to tickle her lace-clad nipples. Arizona's breath catches in her throat in awe. To think that she's got that beautiful woman... that she's the one who gets to enjoy _that_ all day every day, that's just something else. It's unreal but it's reality, nonetheless. And Arizona is quite possibly the happiest she's ever been in her life.

"Breathe, Arizona," Eliza smirks, crawling into bed.

When Eliza's lips catches Arizona's in a sweet kiss, Arizona's head spins. It's amazing. It's all kinds of breathtaking. And Arizona loves it. She's so profoundly happy. She's so, so happy. She's so happy she needs this happiness to stay forever. Forever and ever. She can't hold it back anymore. The words have been lined up in her mind for so long now. She needs to let them out. They're begging to be set free. They _need_ to be free.

"Marry me, Eliza," Arizona breathes out softly when they pull out of the kiss. Eliza then rests her body on top of Arizona's while locking her eyes intensely at the blonde.

"What?" she chuckles. "I already have."

"It wasn't what I wanted to say," Arizona blushes, shaking her head in embarrassment. She runs her fingers through Eliza's hair, the dark haired beauty humming in appreciating of her action. "I just, I love you. I love you so much and you're making me so, so happy. But I, I need more. I need more of this happiness. And I was just wondering... a couple of weeks ago you were talking about children. Our children. And I haven't been able to get it off of my mind and now you're looking so absolutely lovely and beautiful and I'm just... I need to know if you want it, too."

"Arizona? Honey?" Eliza replies, searching Arizona's eyes with a calm smile as her fingertips ghost Arizona's collarbone. "Slow down."

"Huh?"

"You're ranting, honey. Try using a little less words..."

"Eliza," Arizona sighs, crinkling her nose as she continues to run her fingers through her wife's soft hair. "Do you wanna be, um... will you have a baby?"

"Are you asking me if I want kids, Arizona?" Eliza smiles.

"I am."

"Honey… I'd _love_ to have a baby," snaking up Arizona's body, Eliza places a smacking kiss on Arizona's lips.

"With me, that is..." Arizona adds just to get all the information out in the open, to straight out every possible thing that could be mistaken. "Yeah, um… So, just to be sure. Do you want to be _my_ baby's mom?"

Eliza's eyes widen just as the big smile on her lips does. It makes Arizona's heart skip a beat and her insides roller coast. "Only if you'll be _my_ baby's mom?"

Arizona feels the happiness inside of her explode. She feels her heart skydive and land in the palms of her wife's hands. And it's the best feelings in the entire world. Eliza wants to have a baby with her. They want to have a baby. Together. They're actually talking baby making plans. That's huge. And it's amazing. And it's all the reason why Arizona needs this more than anything now. This being Eliza and their eternal love. It's what's making her feel. It's what's making Arizona feel everything all the time.

Quickly turning them and rolling atop her wife, Arizona looks down and into pools of unconditionally love. Eliza's hands on the small of her back and her own on either side of her wife's head. Arizona hasn't felt so much alive in forever. Eliza just keeps adding to her constant amount of joy and happiness. It's making her feel so very blessed. She can't even begin to imagine how her life would look like if she hadn't been able to remember her life from before the accident. She won't imagine it, either. It makes her heart hurt painfully much. This is way better. This feels out of this world good. And she needs those feelings... _forever_. She needs the everlasting love... and having a child with Eliza will definitely be the source of everlasting love.

"I'll be the mother of _all_ your babies, Eliza. Forever."

Eliza responds by shifting positions, again. Arizona now beneath the dark haired woman as her jawline gets treated with small kisses all the way up to her ear. "You can't read our baby The Little Match Girl, though," Eliza teases, making Arizona pinch both of her wife's sides.

"Shutttt up, Eliza, and-" Arizona's words are cut off by Eliza's one hand cupping her sex and her teeth tugging her earlobe. " _G-god_!" Arizona moans.

Eliza smirks, grinding her lower body against Arizona's. "You're so beautiful, Arizona," she whispers into the blonde's ear causing Arizona to moan again, bucking her hips.

Anchoring herself to her wife, Arizona roams her hands all over Eliza's back as she's being pushed further and further towards an orgasm. Arizona feels Eliza push her panties aside and a single digest running up her slit. It feels amazing. It feels heavenly. It feels powerful.

"So wet," Eliza hums in appreciation, her lips finding Arizona's in a hungry round of kisses. "Fuck," she gasps when running two fingers through Arizona's folds and easily entering her.

"Y-yesss," Arizona gasps as Eliza starts a rhythmical pounding into her. "Yes, mmmh, so. Good. Please. Yeah. Keep. Keep go-ing."

"I'm not. Planning. To stop. Baby," Eliza emphasizes her every word with a pound to Arizona's sex, the two fingers filling Arizona skilfully and controlled. Eliza's thumb scrapes Arizona's clit now and again which only adds to Arizona's impending orgasm. Frenziedly kissing her wife, Arizona meets every pound she's rewarded with. And with every slam to her drenched center, Eliza hits home time after time, sending Arizona into a spiral of ecstasy.

"Oh. Y-eeess. E-li-za. God. Please. Don't. Don't… sss-stop," Arizona pants, digging her nails into her wife's back as she gets taken with everything Eliza's got. Eliza pulls of off Arizona, straddling her thighs while still keeping her fingers buried inside of the blonde. Opening her eyes, Arizona catches her wife's stare and a smirk forms on the brunette's face. _And Arizona loves that face_. Dragging her fingers down Arizona's walls, Eliza moans. It causes Arizona so much more pleasure she can't keep her eyes open anymore. Balling up the sheets, she braces herself for the goodness Eliza will soon grand her with.

"Mmmh," Eliza hums hoarsely when pulling out of Arizona, sticking both fingers into her mouth. "You taste so good."

"Eliza!" Arizona whimpers. All of a sudden a warmth shoots through Arizona's body, Eliza's tongue finally lapping up all her juices. All the mess Eliza's caused. And it's not a minute too late. "Fuck. You're. You're. Yes. Oh. Oh. Ohhhhh."

Eliza laps up all her arousal, making sure to tease her entrance and clit in the process, too. Arizona feels her wife's hands spreading her legs a little more, giving her more space to work her magic. A vibration runs up Arizona's spine as Eliza hums into her sex and enters her with her tongue. " **OH!** " Arizona moans, Eliza's tongue dipping deeper as her hands keep guiding Arizona's lower body harder down on her tongue. Wiggling the spongy muscle inside of Arizona, Eliza stills her movements afterwards only to clasp her lips around Arizona's aroused bundle of nerves. Arizona feels her clit being sucked hard into the heated mouth of her wife while a single finger once again slides inside of her, pumping furiously.

"I'm. I'm cumming. Don't. Just. I'm. _Ahhh!_ "

"Yes. Cum. Cum for me, Arizona," Eliza growls into Arizona's core while the orgasm rips through the blonde's body like a freight train. With one last soft lick to Arizona's clit, Eliza runs the flat of tongue down the length of her sex only to drag it up again. Arizona shudders and writhes, grasping her own head to keep herself from disappearing from this reality. Her wife just made her feel this good. This heavenly. This happy. And it's not just the intense orgasm and sex she's just gotten. It's also the fact that Eliza wants to have a baby. _With her_. Everything in Arizona's life is feeling so gloriously fantastic, it's almost too hard to believe. _Almost_.

* * *

 **AN2: I hope you enjoyed getting another look into their everyday life. You know what to do… please let me know what you're thinking. Thanks!**


	23. Chapter 23

_Eliza's POV_

The silence is palpable. It's almost too heavy for Eliza to handle. She can't breathe through it. It's strange and she doesn't like it. Eyeing the new attorney she's now got under her wings, Eliza squints her eyes. There's just something about that woman. Something Eliza can't quite pin out. But it's there. It is certainly there. It isn't in particular a bad thing, there's just something about this woman. Maybe it's the way her hair is straight as an arrow. Like really, _really_ straight. Unnaturally straight. And then it's red, too. Not that Eliza's got something against redheaded women or people in general. Arizona's best friend is a redhead, and Eliza loves April. But there's something about Penny Blake that just draws her in. It could be the way she just launched herself at the paperwork, the way she just seems like she'd been working at the firm for ages. She just dove right into Eliza's case like she'd been accustomed with it before and now just got back into working with it. Quite impressive, actually. But... because there _is_ a but. It bugs Eliza. It bugs her to the boarder of complete annoyance. Eliza is always advocating the protocol of following the rules, of being strictly professional when it comes to her clients and co-workers. But this Penny woman... she's just making it very hard to stay impersonal. But what it is? The fact that Eliza can't seem to put a finger on what the exact thing is, is making her grind her teeth in frustration and aggravation.

Looking at Penny tapping away on her keyboard, Eliza crinkles her nose. _Come on_. She's got to collect herself and give Penny a chance. She's clearly a very capable attorney, her curriculum vitae speak for itself. And now _this..._ quick clacking away while the redhead's attention is fully on the file next to her. She doesn't look at the screen. She doesn't even breathe. _Or so it looks._ She's just... working. _Quick_. Eliza could actually use this as an advantage further on. If Penny works proceeding speeches as she does filing cases, this is in fact very promising.

Eliza glances sideways, catching her wife's smiling face. The picture of Arizona just beside her screen, immediately calms Eliza. It's all good. It's all going to turn out just fine. She managed to get her wife back meaning Eliza can do anything. Working with this new woman is just an opportunity for Eliza to evolve as an attorney. To be an even better teacher and mentor. Arizona's words running through Eliza's mind, she smiles. Arizona is _always_ the constant ray of sunshine, _always_ the glass half full kind of person. And that's what Eliza needs. That's one of the things about her wife Eliza had instantly fallen in love with. And it's something Eliza will always need.

"Done!" Penny states, grabbing the stack of files on her desk. She quickly closes the space between the two desks and places the large paper piles atop Eliza's desk. " _Now_ I got it all," she smiles.

"Wow," Eliza replies, a smidge of impression in her voice. "You're like... inhumanly fast."

"I know," Penny shrugs, nodding which causes her alarmingly high ponytail to bounce from side to side. "It's my thing, I guess."

"So it seems," Eliza states kindly, trying to gauge this woman. It still bugs her that she can't figure her out. She's usually very good at reading people but Penny... she's like a mystery. What's her deal? What's her vibe?

"What's next?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... what's next on your agenda? Did you wanna go through your closing speech? You know, I wanna learn..."

"You wanna learn what exactly?" Eliza raises her eyebrows as Penny sits herself in the chair opposite Eliza's desk, bopping one foot.

"How you do it," Penny states matter-of-factly.

"How I do it? My job?" Eliza snorts while Penny nods. "I just... put my mind into it, I guess. And my-"

"Heart," Penny finishes Eliza's sentence with a smile. "I know. I've been following your work for a long time now."

To say Eliza is surprised would definitely be classified as an understatement in the big department. She's very, very surprised to say the least. Eliza knows she's good at what she does. She knows. She's got a statistic there's almost impeccable. Mostly wins, mostly impressive wins. She's _that_ good and she knows it. But now this woman is telling her that she's been following her work. Eliza's never experienced something like that before. Does she like it? Actually, yes, she does. Very much, indeed. It's quite amazing knowing someone looks up to you or admires your work. At least, that's what Eliza's making out from Penny's words.

"You have? That's... very flattering," Eliza smiles, although a slight awkward smile. She's not used to getting complements... not work vice, that is. It's just not something they practice here. Of course, Arizona's praising her each and every day which is all kinds of amazing and confirming, but this kind of acknowledgment she's getting from her new colleague; it's new. And very welcome.

"Well, I admire your work, Mrs. Minnick-Robbins. And I'm here to learn from you."

"Really?"

"When I saw they hired here, I immediately wrote my application. I wanted to work with you, I wanted to learn how you do things... so yeah, really. I wanna make differences, I wanna be able to voice what cannot be voiced and you, _you_ make it happen. You do it. And I wanna do it, too," Penny clarifies, nodding. Her voice is confident and calm which immediately makes Eliza feel like she's being worshipped in some way. It's strange but it's not bad. _Definitely_ not bad. "So please, teach me what you do. Teach me how to... be you."

Eliza can't believe what's happening. It's an unfamiliar situation. It's a situation that makes Eliza a little uncomfortable, if she's got to be honest. "Um, thank you, Ms. Blake. I really, I really don't know what to say. Just... I'll try my best to teach you. I'm not sure I can be as superstar glorious as you just describe me as, but I'll try," giving her new colleague a friendly nod, Eliza saves her document on her computer and powers off the screen. That's it for today. She's got her closing speech written and now she just wants to hurry home and eat with her wife. The wife who's currently looking at her from the picture frame. Eliza feels her heart beat a little faster by the mere thought of finally being able to eat dinner with her wife. She can't wait to get out of her... and to go over everything that's happened today with Arizona. She's sure Arizona's got some good views. Eliza's wife is always one for voicing her opinions, that's for sure. And Eliza wouldn't want it any other way.

"I'm sure you won't disappoint," Penny smiles.

"We'll see about that," Eliza smiles, tidying up her desk. "But let's call it day, shall we? I've emailed my speech, so you're more than welcome to take a look at it and we can discuss it tomorrow before court. That good?"

"Sure!"

"Then... thanks, for today. I hope your first day's been good."

"It sure has," Penny grins, standing and stretching out her hand for Eliza to shake. While doing so, she incidentally nudges the picture frame on Eliza's desk. "I'm so sorry, I'm so-" Penny cuts herself off, quickly grabbing the frame.

"Hey, it's okay," Eliza assures the redhead who's now looking at the picture in her hands.

Penny places the picture back down on Eliza's desk, Arizona's face turning towards the brunette. Eliza's eyes go from Penny to her wife's picture and then back up at Penny.

"I'm sorry, I hope I, I didn't break it," Penny stutters nervously, fidgeting with her hands.

"You didn't."

"Good," Penny breathes out. "Well... thanks for today," she once again tries, going in for the handshake one more time. Eliza feels Penny's sweaty palm which makes her furrow her brow. How did this confident woman who just praised her work turn into a nervous wreck with sweaty palms? Again, it's strange and it bugs Eliza even more now. There's just something about Penny...

"My pleasure," Eliza states, shaking the woman's hand. A soft knock to the glass door makes Penny freeze, the handshake too. Eliza turns her head slightly to her right and once again her heart beats that bit faster. There she is... _the love of her life_. The glass half full. The sunshine. Her everything. The gigantic smile forming on Eliza's face warms her cheeks. Jerking her head for Arizona to enter, Eliza drops Penny's hand.

The glass door coming to an open, Arizona pops in her head. "Am I interrupting?" she smiles, the blue eyes sparkling in the late sunlight casted from the window.

"Never," Eliza beams. "Come on in. We were just packing up for the day. Oh," she turns her attention back to the redhead who's currently drilling holes in the floor with her eyes. "This is Penny Blake, our new attorney," Eliza introduces, Penny's head shooting up, her eyes locking on Arizona. "And this..." Eliza continues as Arizona fully enters the room. Snaking an arm around Arizona's lower back, Eliza once again beams in pride as her smile continues to enlarge. "This is Arizona."

"Nice to meet you," Arizona replies chirpily. "And I'm the wife, by the way."

"Y-yes, wife. Arizona's my wife," Eliza chuckles at her own lack of information. She just got so completely surprised and happy about seeing Arizona it made her go a little off.

"You, you too," Penny smiles, shaking Arizona's hand.

And then it hits her. Then Eliza _finally_ knows. She knows what Penny's all about. She knows her vibe. And now the realization has finally kicked in, Penny _really_ bugs her. Tremendously much. She just needs to focus here. She just needs to follow the protocol. Then everything will be okay. And if Penny could _please_ take her eyes off of her wife it would sure help matters.

* * *

"Eliza, come on," Arizona sighs as she fills the dishwasher after dinner. "She didn't."

"But she did, Arizona. You're just oblivious to the fact that you break hearts on daily basis," Eliza counters, wiping the table with a damp cloth.

"I don't," Arizona laughs. "I don't break hearts. And certainly not Penny's."

"You didn't _see_ her fumble with your picture. You didn't _feel_ her sweaty palm."

"Actually, I did," Arizona smirks, closing the dishwasher. "But come on. That's not because she finds me attractive. She could just be nervous 'cause she's finally got to work with her idol, you know."

"Stop making this about me, Arizona," Eliza rebukes, her voice a little whiny. "She _looked_ at you."

"So?" Arizona chuckles, walking up behind Eliza and pulling her back into her front. Arizona's sweet scent of vanilla hits Eliza's nose, making all of her hair to stand on end. Arizona's lips seek out the skin just behind Eliza's ear as her hands lace against the brunette's stomach. "It doesn't matter if she looks at me. I just want you... to look at me. So just… _chill_ , honey, okay?" Arizona smirks, dropping small kisses all over Eliza's neck.

"I can't chill," Eliza exclaims which causes Arizona to pull her even tighter against her front. "How am I able to teach her anything work related when I _know_ she wants to bang my wife."

"Eliza," Arizona chuckles, spinning Eliza in her arms. "She doesn't wanna _bang_ me. You don't even know if she's gay. Even if she likes women, it wouldn't matter. I'm married, you know."

"How come you take this so lightly?" Eliza screws up her face, snaking her arms around Arizona's neck. "I hate it. It bugs me."

"Clearly," Arizona rolls her eyes playfully.

"Stop it!" Eliza stamps her one foot.

"Whoa... if toddler Eliza would trade places with adult Eliza, that would be kinda great," Arizona raises her eyebrow. "Eliza... listen, you always follow protocol where work's concerned. I'm pretty sure Penny does, too. You lawyers tend to be rather adamant on that department. So, just... chill."

"I almost hate you."

Snorting, Arizona rolls her eyes. "Why?"

"Because you always know what to say."

"Yeah," Arizona shrugs nonchalantly. "It's all routine, really. You know, it comes with the job as daily heartbreaker."

"Shut up," Eliza snaps, although grinning. Leaning in to place her lips upon her wife's, Eliza smiles. It just never stops. _This_. Arizona never stops surprising her. The blonde continues to amaze her every day. So it really shouldn't come as a shock that other people would be into her wife.

And it's not like it's the first time someone has ever looked at Arizona while Eliza's been in the room. _No, definitely not_. Eliza's got one heck of a woman, so of course people are going to stare. It would actually be rude not to, but Penny... she just gets on Eliza's nerves. She doesn't even know if Penny is into women, sure, but something tells Eliza that the redheaded woman is a lady-lover. Something about the way her eyes lingered a little too long. Okay, okay. She's got to get it together. She's a strong, confident woman. And she's got _the_ hottest and most amazing wife. She's not even going to deny the fact that she loves having to drive off men and women coming onto Arizona. Nope. She loves it _very_ _much_ , indeed. She loves rubbing it into people's faces. Because she got the golden ticket. She found the holy grail. Eliza got the treasure chest. She really got all those things people dream about - because she's got Arizona and she's got her unconditional love as well. And she knows very well that even though she trusts Arizona with all her heart, she can't always trust other people's intentions. So, yeah. She'll treat Penny as protocol calls for, work ethics and all... but she'll still have an eye on her where her wife is concerned. Just in case.

* * *

"So, Eliza. It's been a while. How've you been?" Dr. Wyatt asks interested. Eliza can't keep her eyes off of Dr. Wyatt's bangs. They've gotten extremely long, making the older woman look a bit funny. Almost like she tries being hip with the young people but failing badly. It makes the corner of Eliza's mouth pull up just a little, though.

"I've been good," she replies contently, leaning back in her seat while crossing her legs. "I _am_ good. More than good, actually."

"I can see that. It suits you."

"What? What suits me?"

"Being more than good," Dr. Wyatt smiles. "How's Arizona?"

"She's..." Eliza breathes out happily, the image of Arizona popping in her mind. "...amazing."

The smile on the face of her shrink tells Eliza that she's vividly happy on her behalf. And that... makes Eliza profoundly proud. It makes her want to hug the woman in front of her. Just because she's been such a trooper, dealing with all of Eliza's crap for months on ends. Dr. Wyatt really deserves a golden medal for sticking with her through all of the phases Eliza has gone through. It's been helping Eliza on more than one occasion actually, and that's just admirable, really. To think a person who doesn't know you at all is capable of guiding you through your pain and then get you to the place you need to be. It's just... it's unreal and very remarkable.

"How about her memory? It's back to its former function?"

"It is," Eliza nods, the radiant smile on her face broadcasting all of Eliza's feelings. "We've actually been talking about having a baby."

"That's a big step," Dr. Wyatt states, clearing her throat. "That's great, Eliza."

"What do you mean? A big step? What's that supposed to mean? You don't think we're ready? You don't think we're ready to have a baby?"

"I didn't say that, Eliza," the woman defends calmly. "I just stated the facts... having a child is a big step."

"We know!" Eliza replies, straightening her back. "And it's not like we're gonna have one tomorrow. We've just grazed the topic."

"Eliza, it's not my place to judge or even advice you on whether to have a baby or not. That's not my job. My job... it's done, actually."

"I know but it just sounded like- hold up," Eliza shakes her head in confusion. What just happened? What did she just say? What's done? "Your job is done how exactly?"

"The reasons you sought out my expertise have been addressed, Eliza. And you've gotten back on track. You've done it. You're done."

"But..."

"You've come such a long way. You've fought, you've cried, you've fallen and you've gotten back up. You've found reasons you've overcome your pain with. And you've rallied. You've healed. You got your wife back. Arizona got her memory back. And you got your life back, your love back. You're _ready_ , Eliza," Dr. Wyatt smiles, closing her notepad and placing it on the small table between them. "You are ready."

"I'm not ready," Eliza breathes out, suddenly feeling so very small. This woman who's been her constant, her rock for the past seven months, is all of a sudden abandoning her. She's telling her that she's capable of standing on her own two feet without any crutches. Without any advice or new overviews. Without the brown paper bag. Honestly, it makes Eliza terrified. Petrified, even. How is she supposed to get through without Dr. Wyatt's sanity and clarity? Eliza's heart beats rather hardly beneath her rib cage. "I'm not ready, Dr. Wyatt. You can't... you can't leave me alone."

"You are not alone, Eliza," Dr. Wyatt sends Eliza a soft smile, shaking her head no ever so slightly. "You've got your wife."

"I know, but... what if, what if I get sad again? What if I need help?" Eliza feels like a child being left behind. She feels like an unwanted kitten being dropped off at the curb for someone to petty and take home. It's ridiculously, really. She knows that. But... it's just how she feels right now.

"Then I'm sure you'll be able to work through it," the older woman chuckles friendly. "Otherwise you know where I am. Although, I'm hoping I won't see you again."

"Gee, thanks," Eliza furrows her brows.

"You know what I mean, Eliza."

"Yeah, but still..."

"No buts. And you're stalling. Get out of that chair and go home. You're done, you're perfectly ready."

Standing, Eliza shrugs her winter's coat on and turns to face her now _ex_ shrink. "I guess, it's goodbye then."

"It is," Dr. Wyatt gives a sad smile. "You'll be good. I know it, Eliza."

"Thanks..." without giving her action a second thought, Eliza pulls Dr. Wyatt into a hug. A tight, tight hug. "... for everything."

"You did the hard work, Eliza."

"You helped me do it."

"I'm happy you see it that way," Dr. Wyatt smiles, giving Eliza's shoulders a soft squeeze.

Giving the older woman with the funny looking bangs a final look, Eliza exits the familiar room for the last time. _Hopefully_. It's an ambivalent feeling. It's strange but it's okay. She did it. She actually did it. She overcame the most vividly nightmare she's ever had. She pulled through the most horrible thing she's ever experienced. _And she lived_. She's actually very proud of herself and her strength. Also, she's incredibly surprised at how she was able to get here. Where she is now. Her life is finally good. It is so good she doesn't need to go see her shrink anymore. It's crazy but it's real. Her life is back on track. She's being the efficient, wholeheartedly attorney she used to be. She's got her amazing wife at home. And they're talking about expanding their family in the nearer future. Yeah, Eliza's doing absolutely great. If only her new colleague will behave, then there's really nothing to worry about. She doesn't need Dr. Wyatt's safety net anymore. She doesn't need a remedial counsellor anymore. She's free, she's ready. She's on her own... lastly. And that's a pretty powerful feeling. She's not really on her own, though. She'll never have to be alone anymore... because Arizona's there. She's all over. And that's the most powerful feeling of all.

* * *

 **AN2: Thank you for reading, it really means so much to me. I appreciate your thoughts - it makes it so much more fun to keep writing.**


	24. Chapter 24

**AN: Thanks for sticking with this story. For those of you who still follows, enjoy!  
**

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

Arizona feels a pair of lips press kiss upon kiss on the skin of her neck, below her ear and the length of jawline. It makes her stir, and it pulls her out of her sleep and right back into reality. It's not a bad thing waking up like this. Especially not when Arizona feels a pair of hands fondling her up and down her side, too. It's actually heaven. It's too good to be true. Although it isn't. It's so very much happening. Letting a deep breath escape her throat, Arizona's eyes flick open.

"Mornin', gorgeous," Eliza whispers into Arizona's ear. "Happy birthday."

That's right. It's her birthday. Today it's the 7th of November. She's turning another year. She isn't 31 anymore. If someone had told her on the day of her 31st birthday that she would be experiencing a coma, a whole lot of hours with a therapist and the sensation of falling in love with Eliza all over again before her next birthday, she would've laughed. But here she is. Another year older, a scalp decorated with a scar and the memory of having completely lost everything she knew. But she's still standing. She's great again. She's back. And she hasn't been so relieved to be alive ever before. And her wife is currently showering her with light kisses and sweet nothings in her ear. Everything is absolutely amazing. She might have hated her birthday before. Not actually hated _hated_ , but she's just not been into those things. But today? Now? Arizona couldn't be happier about the fact that she got born, that she's still living... and that's entirely because of her wife. The reason is simply put Eliza. Eliza is all the reason Arizona needs to be happy about being born, really.

"Mmmh," Arizona mumbles, a content smile creeping across her face as Eliza nuzzles into her neck.

"I'm happy you were born," Eliza states softly, dropping small kisses just where Arizona's neck meets her shoulder. "So, _so_ happy."

Arizona's heart drums in her chest, creating a beautiful rhythm for the butterflies in her stomach to bask along to. It's just as heavenly as she could have hoped to someday be feeling. On a day like this. Arizona is just so amazingly grateful to be waking up with Eliza, feeling so extremely happy to be alive and breathing. Turning in her wife's arms, Arizona is greeted with the gorgeous face of Eliza. The sight makes Arizona's heart swell and a round of fussy feelings to swirl around her entire being.

"I love you," Arizona breathes out, a sleepy smile on her lips. "So, _so_ much."

Eliza doesn't say anything. She doesn't have to, either. Arizona can see the love oozing from her wife's face; the emotional eyes, the big smile. Arizona is basking in the definition of love just now... on her birthday of all days. And it feels amazing. It feels out of this world. And it's the best feeling she's ever experienced. The softness of Eliza's lips touches Arizona's in a loving kiss, Eliza's one hand pulling Arizona a little closer by the neck. The amount of love running through Arizona's body is earth-shattering and it makes her even more grateful for the fact that she got born 32 years ago. If she hadn't, she wouldn't have met Eliza. She wouldn't be able to be here, right here... on the receiving end of her wife's affection. If that isn't something to be grateful for, Arizona doesn't know what would be.

"And I," Eliza smiles, "love you," she emphasizes each word with a peck to Arizona's lips which causes the blonde to giggle.

Nuzzling into the crook of Eliza's neck, Arizona drapes her arm around the brunette, anchoring herself to life. To this life. To _her_ life. And right now Arizona can't begin to understand why she used to hate her birthday? Why she used to neglect this day? Because it really is the perfect day to be thankful, to be grateful for the life you were given. Even though Arizona's patents aren't around for her to thank them, she knows they know she's finally come around. They know she will never ever speak lightly of her birthday ever again. Not now. Not when it's finally hit her how important it is. Not when the realization of life has hit Arizona, at last. It's not just like any day. It's not just a day like any other days. No, it's a day where you celebrate life. And when Eliza and Arizona get to be parents, Arizona will definitely make sure their child will know all the reasons to why celebrating a birthday is important.

Giving her wife a sincere smile, Arizona wags her eyebrows. "Let's celebrate."

"What?" Eliza snorts, amused.

"Let's celebrate, Eliza."

"You really wanna do that?"

"Yes! Let's celebrate... life."

The smile on Eliza's face is splitting Arizona's heart in two. Two equal pieces of love and adoration. Eliza couldn't be more perfect even if she tried to be. Crashing her lips against Eliza's, Arizona let's a moan echo from deep within. Eliza gladly swallows it, hugging the blonde even tighter as she deepens the kiss. Rolling atop her wife, Arizona makes sure to pour all of her love and affection into Eliza's mouth, into her own hands caressing the body beneath her.

"Can we stay here like forever?" Eliza asks, a sad smile on her face while her voice is cutely morning-hoarse.

"Of course," Arizona replies with another round of kisses to her wife's cheeks and jawlines. "Forever. No need to look sad, honey."

"But..."

"No buts," Arizona continues to place kisses all over the skin she finds, all over the luscious body sprawled out beneath her. Arizona doesn't need anything else. No gifts, no fancy dinner parties or fireworks. All she needs is Eliza and the art that is Eliza's magnificent body. She could easily spend her entire birthday in bed with her wife. Forever. No interruptions, no- _wait a minute_. "Nooo..." Arizona groans when the realization finally kicks in, burying herself in the crook of Eliza's neck.

"That took you long enough," Eliza chuckles, stroking Arizona's naked back.

"Urgh. I don't wanna," Arizona whines as she tries disappearing into the soft skin of her wife. She doesn't want to get up. She doesn't want to do anything other than staying right here with Eliza today. But she can't. They can't. _Stupid, common everyday life._

"Honey," Eliza soothes, "I promise I'll have dinner ready for you. Pinky promise. No working late. No nothing."

"But..."

"No buts," Eliza repeats Arizona's words form just before, rolling her eyes playfully when Arizona finally drags herself away from her wife's neck to look her into the eyes. The smirk on Eliza's face creates a source of love to bursts right out of every pore of Arizona's body. She's never been this happy and annoyed all at the same time. And it's frustrating as hell.

"I don't wanna go to work."

"I know, honey. You have to, though," Eliza smirks, cupping both of Arizona's cheek, leaving a loud kiss upon the blonde's lips. "I'll have all your favourite things waiting for you when you get home, so... up you go, birthday girl."

"Urgh... o-kay. But only 'cause of the promises of my favourite things."

"Of course."

* * *

Arizona loves her job, of course she does. Today isn't any different. It's just that Arizona would rather be with her wife right now. She would rather spend the day - _her birthday_ \- kicking back with Eliza or strolling the streets in the autumn wind. She can't, though. Being an adult means working on your birthday. And it's the first time in her adult life that she really curses _that_ fact. There's nothing she can do about it, though. She just needs to suck it up and she'll be out of here in no time.

Glancing at her watch she's reminded of the fact that there's only four more hours to go. Finishing her cup of coffee and placing the mug in the office's dishwasher, Arizona heads for her next group session with the teen moms. It's nursing day today. It's breastfeeding and nipple lotion. It's methods of sucking and angles of the head. It's bottles and swaddling of blankets. To sum up... it's a good day, really. It's a day of teaching and caring. It's a day full of tiny humans and their moms. So yeah, it's an important day. It doesn't matter if it's her birthday. These young girls and their babies need her.

The hours fly by as the new moms get the hang of breastfeeding and swaddling. The love in this room is so palpable, it's making Arizona feel so powerful. So at ease. So grateful being a witness to this amount of love that develops with every breath the babies take. It's just awestriking, intoxicating even. And she can't wait to be the one experiencing that kind of unconditional love for her own baby. For her and Eliza's baby. She can't wait to start…

A soft knock to the door puts a hold to Arizona's sentence as she's in the middle of explaining and showing the seventeen-year-old Sally how to correctly get her baby to burb. "Come on in," Arizona answers, softly swaying back and forth as she's holding the baby in her arms.

"Excuse me, I was told I could find one Arizona Minnick-Robbins in here?" a young man pops in his head.

"It's me. How can I help you?" Arizona replies as she approaches the door, the baby attached to her chest.

"These are for you," the man states, stretching out his arm. A bouquet of flowers between their bodies, Arizona feels a bit baffled. She didn't expect this today. Not at all. The mighty grin on her own face tells her she appreciates it, though. A lot. She knows Eliza is very thoughtful and she knows she also likes to surprise her. So it really shouldn't come as a surprise, the flowers. But here she is; surprised but _oh_ so happy.

"Thank you," Arizona smiles, accepting the bouquet of long stemmed lilies. Inhaling another intoxicating smell, she lets the feeling reside deep within her. The man nods kindly and leaves all the while Arizona is making sure not to let the flowers too close to the infant. Hurrying towards Sally, she hands the baby back to his mother.

"What's the occasion?"

"Score!"

"Way to go, Arizona."

"Wow! They're gorgeous."

"Who's it from?"

The room is filled with giddy girl squeals and appreciation. And Arizona is immediately so very aware of how lucky she is... to have such a thoughtful partner. Eliza is by far the best spouse one could ever have. Pinching the tiny note off from the top of the flower arrangement, Arizona flips it in her hand. Again, she's exploding due to the utter happiness running through her.

 ** _I know it_** ** _'s your birthday but...  
_** ** _You_** ** _are the greatest gift I could ever get.  
_** ** _Thank you for being born.  
_** ** _I love you,  
_** ** _Eliza_**

The tears well up in her eyes. Arizona suddenly feels so very overwhelmed. So very taken back by this love. Four months ago she didn't know who Eliza were. She didn't know where she lived or why her heart ached every time she laid eyes upon the brunette or thought about her. Arizona didn't know why she felt empty and drawn to Eliza. She didn't even know that she was in love, married and had already found her one true love. She didn't know any of it. She just didn't. The memories of losing her memories make Arizona's lungs contract a bit, it makes her clip her breath just the slightest. What if she had never _fully_ regained her memories? Arizona wouldn't be standing here with a bouquet of white lilies in her hand on her birthday, that's for sure. She needs to do something... she needs to go somewhere. Now. Or well, as soon as she's done here. She needs to call Tim and she needs his help.

* * *

Waving at Tim as he drives away, Arizona braces herself before grabbing the wooden furniture. Putting all her strength into her arms and thighs, she bends a little to get a firm grip. Approaching the front porch, Arizona prays that Eliza won't look out the window. Then this would be ruined. Or not exactly, but some of the surprise would definitely have been blown. And that would really be a shame.

Arizona can hear Eliza shuffle around inside. The soft music playing, Arizona can very vividly imagine how her wife is swaying along to the beat as she's engrossed in her dinner preparations. It makes Arizona's insides twirl around, it makes them skate and fly and roller coast. It's like Arizona's body is being taken over by all sorts of carnivals and activities, and it feels absolutely delightful. Shoving the furniture a little to the left on the porch, Arizona takes a seat on the swinging bench as she looks out the street, catching sight of a couple of kids running around on their tiny scooters, squealing and enjoying themselves. It makes Arizona feel even more content than she's already been feeling. It just assures her of her desire... the desire to start a family with Eliza. And it makes her not want to wait. She wants it now. She wants it all... now. _More love, more anything, more is better._ More is just better... wherever Eliza is concerned. And that's what she's trying to show with this old gift Tim just helped her get from the addict of his house. This is special. This is all kinds of love... in wooden form.

Deciding she can't let her wife's dinner wait any longer and that she can't be without her anymore, either, Arizona locks herself into their home leaving the gift for later. The warmth hitting Arizona straight in the face makes her shiver in delight. Home... _finally_. Home, peace and just love. Just as it should be.

"Hi honey," Arizona calls out as she shrugs out of her coat and boots. "Something smells deli-"

Arizona's sentence is cut off by Eliza's lips pressed to her own. The taste of wine attacking Arizona's taste buds while the scent of Eliza hijacks her every reasonable thought. Eliza's arms hold her close while she feels the soft moan from the brunette spread all through her body. Like a vibration of life running through her veins. Life... it's all about life, really. It is all about living. And Eliza makes Arizona want to keep on living… forever.

"Happy birthday," Eliza smiles affectionately when they break the kiss for much needed air. "I've missed you..."

"So it seems," Arizona plays, kissing the brunette's nose. "And I've missed you, too. And... thank you."

"What for?" Eliza asks confused, sneaking her fingertips beneath Arizona's shirt to ghost the small of her back. It makes goosebumps appear but it feels amazing on Arizona's body... and her soul.

"For the flowers, Eliza," Arizona smiles lovingly. "You didn't have to do that."

"Oh," the brunette grins. "I know but I wanted to. I've got so much wooing to catch up on, you know. Think about how much I had to hold back when you didn't know who I was. So, yeah... prepare yourself for lots and lots of wooing," Eliza smirks, dropping another sweet kiss to Arizona's lips. "Especially now when you've finally realized how amazing _your_ birthday is!"

Arizona knows that Eliza knows that she doesn't really need much. That she doesn't need to be wined and dined, that she doesn't need fancy jewellery or expensive clothes. And it's never been like that either, actually. It's never been too much, the wooing. It's never been too overwhelming. It's just been the right amount because Eliza knows Arizona. She knows when enough is enough and when to push a little more. Arizona wouldn't want it any other way. Besides... she doesn't want to change her wife, either. The sweet and innocent wooing part... it's just a part of Eliza. A part Arizona loves dearly. And Eliza never expects anything in reverse. She just doesn't. It isn't in Eliza's bones to expect getting anything in return. Which is why Arizona loves returning her wife's beautiful descriptions of love. And that's exactly why she went to Tim's addict earlier today.

"I love you. I really, _really_ love you, Eliza. Like you wouldn't believe."

"Oh, but I believe you, though."

"You do?"

"Of course," Eliza grins, running her fingers through the length of Arizona's loose hair. "Because even if you didn't say it or physically showed it, you wouldn't be able to hide it."

"Hmm?" Arizona raises her eyebrow in amusement, curious to know where Eliza is going with this. Stroking her wife's abdomen outside the fabric of her shirt, Arizona bites her lip in anticipation.

"You can't hide how you're feeling, Arizona. It's just not in you... not where the people you love are concerned. You're just too emotional to put a lid on, I mean... it's all up there," Eliza smiles, pointing a finger at each of Arizona's eyes. "They say it all."

"You think you're so smart, don't you?" Arizona huffs.

"I'm right and you know it."

"Mmmmaybe. But if _I'm_ emotional… you are, too."

"I've never denied that, honey. I'm _very_ emotional. Especially when it comes to you. But that's noticeable to even the blind, Arizona," Eliza chuckles. "You hungry?"

"Ha, ha," Arizona snorts. "Did my eyes tell you that I'm starving as well?"

"Yup."

"You're way too full of yourself sometimes," Arizona rolls her eyes, although leaning in to catch her wife's lips one more time.

"You love it," Eliza shrugs. "Anyway… dinner is ready."

Arizona is battling whether to give Eliza her surprise now or to wait a little. It's just very hard not to say anything. Ever since she came up with the idea, she's been wanting to let Eliza in on it. But is it the right time? Is it now? Or should they just enjoy her birthday evening with dinner and whatever Eliza has up her sleeve? Arizona's going out of her mind now, though. She wants everything. She wants both scenarios. It can't happen, though. She knows that. But there's no time like the present, right? Arizona takes a deep breath and holds the view of Eliza's now blue eyes. They match her dark blue shirt, the pools of blue ever so beautiful.

"Just one thing," Arizona adds, a soft smile grazing her lips.

"Mmh?"

"Will you… come with me, please. I wanna show you something," Arizona grabs her wife's hand and guides her through the door, gesturing to her right with her free hand. "Um, I wanted to give you this. I don't know… it just got me thinking. Or, well, earlier I was thinking 'cause you got me flowers and I love you and we've been talking about babies and all that, so… I don't know, I just wanted you to have this. Us, I wanted _us_ to have this," Arizona rambles, her cheeks suddenly hot and her heart pounding away in her chest. "I don't know if you remember me telling you-"

Once again, Eliza's lips cut Arizona's words off, both of the brunette's hands holding her face as their lips dance. Eliza's kissing is frenzied and sloppy, but it doesn't matter. Arizona feels all of Eliza's love. She feels it so very vividly and she knows what this hungry kiss means. She knows it because she knows her wife. Eliza is currently accepting the gift Arizona just got her. Eliza knows what this furniture means to Arizona and she knows what it holds as well. What kind of dreams it holds. Arizona doesn't have to say anything else. Eliza just gets her… and that's all Arizona needs right now. Once again feeling so very thankful to have been born, to be alive and breathing in the presence of Eliza, Arizona anchors herself to her wife. Arizona grabs hold of Eliza's hands and kiss her back with all the love she musters, with every strong emotion. This isn't just any furniture… this is _the_ furniture. This is the chair holding their future.


	25. Chapter 25

_Eliza's POV_

This is huge, Eliza knows that. This might be the greatest gift Arizona has ever gotten her. Besides when she said yes to become her wife, of course. But other than that... this might be the biggest gift Arizona has ever given her. No, it's actually the most important one. Because Eliza knows what this kind of gift means. She knows that this isn't just any chair. This isn't a _chair-_ chair. It's _the_ chair. It's the chair Arizona and Tim both got nursed in as babies. It's a handmade rocking chair made by Arizona's great grandfather which has been carried on through generations of Robbins babies. And now it's on their front porch. Now the rocking chair Arizona's mentioned a couple of times during the time they've known each other is actually here. That can only mean one thing, and Eliza knows that.

"Arizona..." Eliza breathes out, an affectionate smile on her face. "Of course, I remember."

"Really? It's been awhile since I told you about it, but it just popped into my mind earlier today. With us talking about starting a family and all."

"Not just talking about it, honey," Eliza smiles, softly shaking her head. "We're doing it."

"And that's why I wanted you to have this..." Arizona gestures towards the rocking chair. "This is yours. _Ours_ , now. If you want it, of course. But if you think it's too old or ugly or anything, just... tell me. And we can totally find something else."

It's really cute, Arizona's rambling that is. But it has got to stop now. Eliza has always known how much that chair means to Arizona. She's always known the specific tradition and memories it holds. So it's definitely no surprise that Arizona would want to make it their chair, their baby's chair. It's no shock whatsoever that Arizona wants to decorate their future baby's room with the special furniture. And honestly, Eliza wouldn't want it any other way, really. It is adorable and it is kind of antic in a beautiful way. The tiny engraved flowers and the meticulous pattern on the armrest... and the wood has his chestnut-ty colour with a touch of bronze. It really is marvellous. And to think that Arizona would doubt her appreciation of the wooden piece of art, well that's just stupid.

"Arizona, I love it. And I really, _really_ wanna carry on your family's tradition. It would be an hour, honey."

" _God_ , I love you," Arizona lets a deep sigh leave her throat, a relieved smile on her face. "I don't know why I suddenly got nervous about what you'd say, it's just... Eliza, it really means the world to me. Thank you," Arizona sighs contently, that special smile forming on her lips as Eliza can't help her own enormous smile creeping all the way up to her ears.

"You don't need to thank me, Arizona. Actually, it's _me_ who should be thanking you," Eliza grins, running her one hand through her wife's hair only to stroke her up and down the neck.

"How so?"

"For wanting me to help you carry on the tradition."

"Eliza... there's no one else I want. I want you. And I've always wanted you. You're it. If anyone were to be the mother of my child and nurse them in that chair, it's gotta be you. Only you," Arizona nods slowly, stroking Eliza's cheek lovingly while her other hand grabs her neck to pull her in closer. Their lips connect in a sweet kiss, the butterflies in Eliza's stomach bouncing around.

It's Arizona's birthday. She should be the one receiving gifts, not Eliza. It's all just very surprising but so very, very amazing as well. She didn't expect this getting up this morning, that's for sure. Arizona has finally come to terms with her birthday, good terms. She's finally accepted the joy of her own birthday which makes Eliza so completely happy. But this? Arizona giving her the rocking chair as a symbol of their new family... it's just. It's overwhelming but in an unbelievably good way.

"You know I love you, right?" Eliza croaks out, her voice think with tears. Okay, so she's emotional. It's no secret. They've just established the fact that Eliza is very emotional wherever her wife is concerned, but she didn't plan on crying today. But she is. She is crying but due to the powerful feelings Arizona continues to explore and develop deep inside of her.

"I do, honey," Arizona smiles, wiping away Eliza's tears with her thumbs. "Please don't cry."

"I can't," Eliza chuckles through her tears.

"Oh," Arizona smirks. "You're being super emotional because of me right now, aren't you?"

Eliza can't help the laugh erupting from deep within, Arizona quickly joining in. Pulling her wife into a hug, Eliza sniffles as their laughter subsides. "Thank you for the chair. Even though it isn't _my_ birthday. So just… thank you."

Arizona's orbs of cerulean meet Eliza's eyes, the sheer love pulling Eliza further and further into her wife's soul. And it's unquestionably a beautiful place to be, to camp out, to stay forever. "I know but since I've been such a birthday Grinch in the past, I thought it was the perfect time, and you know what they say... New chapter, new chair, right?"

"No one says that," Eliza snorts, rolling her eyes playfully.

"Then they should."

"Definitely," Eliza smiles, placing another kiss to her wife's soft lips. "You ready for dinner now?"

"Absolutely," Arizona agrees with a big smile.

* * *

Eliza's got a new case today. A new case containing a set of parents and a 7-year-old boy. Both parents have gotten a new partner and now they both want their son to play happy family 24/7. It's just not as simple as that, unfortunately. Eliza scratches her neck, letting out a deep sigh. Looking at her screen with all the facts, Eliza tries dividing all the information in groups of relevance. Pros and cons. Yeah, it isn't the most professional kind of working but sometimes it's just necessary. The mother has a full time job at a nursing home and her new husband is a successful architect with his own company. On the other hand, the boy's father is a sought out orthodontist with a specialty in dental braces while his new girlfriend works part time at the local pedicure shop. Both households want the child. And they want him full time because they can't let go of the fact that he's their child and not some object they can use for their own social status. It's horrible, really. But the worst part is not how they pull the boy in two different directions, no. It's how they don't treat him as if he's a person, a human being with feelings and opinions. And that's where Eliza comes into the picture. _Thank God_. She's been hired as the mother's attorney who claims the boy's father to be a complete imbecile. Eliza knows that isn't the case but she's got to speak for her client… with the boy's health and wellbeing at the main priority. She's just got to find the perfect angle, is all.

"What's on today's agenda?" Penny asks Eliza from her opposite desk.

"I've got a meeting with Mrs. Lawson in an hour, then we've got to go over our procedure for the upcoming hearing," Eliza clarifies, clicking her pen furiously.

"Where d-do you, um where do you want m-me?"

The stuttering and the blushing has been going on ever since she introduced Arizona, and frankly... it's annoying Eliza to say the least. Penny Blake has got to gather herself. _Arizona isn't even here_. Letting out a deep sigh, Eliza looks at Penny. She's got to rip off the bandage if they're going to work together... because they are. They're colleagues. And they share a freaking office. They need to be able to co-work without Penny being all nervous or whatever it is she's being. Penny needs to work through whatever her deal is and be professional. Eliza is sure Penny is quite capable of doing that. She's a grown woman for God's sake. Penny might have a crush on her wife but she needs to handle it, though. She needs to put her personal things aside because it's gotten out of control and affecting her work.

"Ms. Blake, can I ask you something?" Eliza clears her throat. Penny's eyes widen as if Eliza had just electrocuted her.

"Um, y-yes, of course."

"I'm going to be very frank because I feel like it's becoming a problem. Or it could become a bigger problem if we don't address it now," Eliza slides her glasses up to rest atop her head while she leans slightly across her desk and clasps her hands in front of her.

"O-kay."

"Do you have a problem with me? With working with me that is? Because I feel like you can't look me in the eye... which is kind of a problem when we need to work long hours and go over case upon case. I need you focused and believe me, you're good. I mean, you're a very competent attorney but there's just something..."

"Can I, can I say something before you continue?" Penny interrupts. "Respectfully, of course."

"Go on," Eliza nods.

"It's not because I won't, you know. Look you in the eyes. I always get like this which is rather silly, I know. But I always get like this when... when I," Penny explains, her eyes wandering the room.

"When you what? You always get like what?"

"I always get nervous whenever I'm around... whenever I'm around someone I, um, someone I like."

"Someone you like?"

"Yeah. It's not that I want to act on it. I didn't come here to... um, I didn't mean to feel this way. Believe me, I didn't seek it."

"Okay, you need to help me out here," Eliza shakes her head in confusion. "What is it exactly you're trying to tell me?"

"I didn't plan to feel this way, Mrs. Minnick-Robbins. I came here to work. I came here because I've always appreciated your work as I've told you before. I didn't expect to develop feelings. And definitely not when I found out about your marriage."

So much is happening inside of Eliza's head right now. It's becoming rather hard to differentiate all her thoughts and the facts she's just been giving. But one thing is perfectly clear to Eliza now. She wasn't wrong when picking up on the gay vibes Penny had been giving when Arizona had entered their office. She's isn't wrong in thinking Penny's got the hots for her wife. It's understandable, sure. But it isn't welcomed, anyway. They can't work together if Penny can't get over her crush and be present, useful and efficient. Good thing it finally came out, though. Then Eliza can make a stop to it and they can move on.

"I see," Eliza clears her throat, giving the framed picture of her wife a sideway glance. "Well, as flattering as you finding my wife attractive may be, I think we need to work through this on a professional level... it's out in the open now, so you can just take it easy. It's okay. I'm not going to hold it against you, Ms. Blake. We don't chose who we want to have feelings for, it's not possible. So, how about we just work now? With eye contact and comprehending sentences?" Eliza suggests with a friendly smile. She's not an evil person. She's not mean or anything remotely like that. Penny can't help how she feels... but she can try to pack them away and just work.

The redhead looks like she's contemplating whether to speak or bolt through the door, leaving a Penny-shaped hole in the glass wall. Eliza tries analysing the redhead's facial expression, but she gives her nothing. Penny lets a deep sigh escape her throat, her shoulders slumping and then she stares right back at Eliza. Okay, something loaded is going to come flying out of the mouth of Eliza's new colleague, that's for sure.

"That's not it."

Surprised, Eliza furrows her brow. It wasn't exactly what she expected Penny to say. "I'm sorry what?"

"That's not it, Eliza..."

They've never been to first name basis except from the time where Eliza introduced herself. So this is rather strange.

"S-sorry. I just... it's not, um... my feelings, I haven't got feelings for your wife."

"Okay, you gotta give me more words, Ms. Blake. Because I don't understand anything anymore."

"My feelings... they're for _you_. And that's why I've got..." Penny finally reveals, her nails scratching the surface of her desk. "That's why I haven't been able to look you in the eye."

"So..." Eliza tries catching up with what she's just been given of information. Surely it can't be true. She's got it all wrong. Penny must've expressed her words wrong.

"So yeah. It's not your wife, it's-"

"Imma stop you for minute," Eliza holds op a hand, cutting off Penny's words.

Okay, so she may have been wrong in her assumption of Penny having feelings towards her wife. But there were feelings involved in all of this. Just... they were aimed at her. Penny's got feelings for... _her_. Eliza can't believe it. It's just so absurd, so unreal to imagine this woman having any sorts of romantic feelings concerning her. Penny hasn't been able to look her in the eye ever since her first day, but Eliza always thought it to be because of the idolizing of her as an attorney. Never in a million miles did Eliza imagine Penny's stuttering and blushing to be caused by the redhead's crush on her. "You have feelings... for me?" Eliza widens her eyes, her heart beating weirdly in her chest.

"Yes."

All this time she's been bugged by something that wasn't even real. All this time Eliza has been tweaking about Penny's intentions regarding Arizona. But it's all been in her head. It's all been imaginative. Truth is, Eliza hasn't been able to see Penny feelings regarding her because she'd been positively sure Penny's nervous actions were caused by Arizona. It all started when Penny accidentally knocked over the framed picture of Arizona on her desk. And then Arizona turned up. And then the sweaty palms... it wasn't caused by Arizona in particular. It's because of her. It's because of her and her being married to Arizona. It's perfectly clear now. How the hell does she get out of this situation without it being awkward? _Damn it._

All Eliza wanted was a stress free and drama free life. She's been through enough drama and emotional rides to last her a lifetime what with Arizona's amnesia and the accident. She can't also deal with this. Nope. And she's about to start a family now, for crying out loud. In this very moment Arizona's picking up a various amount of files of potential donors. Because tonight's the night where they start the process… or some of it, anyway. It's one of topics they want to address and check off before Christmas and New Year's. So Eliza can't handle this right now. She really can't deal with a co-worker crushing on her. Arizona's going to be an emotional wreck when they've finally gotten the seeds planted in her stomach, that's for sure… which is why Eliza can't have Penny becoming an issue. It would just disturb the process and Arizona's mood. This is just surreal. Eliza needs a break. Eliza needs a safe place. She needs to get out. Thankfully she's got the meeting with Mrs. Lawson, and if she's sneaky… she can get out of here without Penny finding out. Eliza knows it's childish, but she can't help it right now. She needs to think and she thinks better when being alone and going over her procedure. It's not teaching. It's not mentoring. But Eliza's quite sure there's no mentioning in any HR-brochure of the mentor speaking to a peer about crushes. So… she'll just flee. Yeah. To some place windy and secluded.

* * *

"Don't be mad!" Eliza rushes immediately when catching sight of her wife on the couch. "Please, just… here me out."

Arizona's eyes are narrowed as she's placed on the couch, a book in her lap. It's a little over 6pm and Eliza had promised Arizona to be home around 4:30 and 5pm. She had texted Arizona, though. She had done the right thing. But Eliza knows that what she's done is far from okay. This afternoon should've been where they chose the donor or at least just looked through the potential candidates. But Eliza had needed air. Not because of Arizona or the baby making plans, definitely not. She had needed space because of Penny. She had needed space to come up with a way to work through this without anyone getting hurt. Especially not Arizona. Having spent an hour or so at the docks with the wind blowing in her face and pulling at her every nerve, Eliza is completely wiped. And she hasn't even come up with a plan. Shrugging out of her coat while balancing with two cups of coffee in her hands, she hurries to the couch and kneels down in front of her wife.

"Arizona… please. I can explain," Eliza urges, trying to gauge what mood her wife's in.

"Go on…"

"Okay, so… first, here you go. I bought you this," Eliza hands Arizona one of the cups, smiling timidly.

"As a bribe or?" Arizona squints her eyes, although accepting the hot beverage.

"More as a peace offering, I guess."

Arizona nods, taking a sip of her offered coffee. She doesn't say anything. Eliza watches as the hot liquid runs down her wife's throat, as the appreciation of the coffee creeps onto Arizona's beautiful face. The blonde's hair is up in a messy bun, some stray locks have fallen out here and there. Her face is makeup free and just a piece of soft art. The light from the roaring flames in the fireplace illuminates the living room and Arizona's face so angelic, it makes Eliza's heart skip a beat. Arizona's just so, so beautiful. And she cannot wait for their children to inherit all of her wife's features. It might even be too much for Eliza to handle at times, the beauty and resemblance that is… but she wouldn't have it any other way.

"So…" Arizona pulls Eliza out of her internal dialogue. "What happened?"

Taking a sip of her own coffee, Eliza nods and places a hand on Arizona's knee. The warmth from the coffee spreading through her entire being, it helps Eliza gather herself and speak. It's Arizona. It's just her wife… she can tell her anything. "Okay, listen… I spoke with Penny today."

"Not this again," Arizona shakes her head in disbelief. "Eliza, this is just silly. You have _got_ to let it go. She isn't interested in me. And even if… it just doesn't matter. Please, honey… just let it go."

"Arizona, I know. I know she isn't interested in you."

"Mmh?"

"I asked her to come clean."

"You didn't?! Eliza," Arizona exclaims almost choking on her coffee. Taking the cup from her wife's hand and placing it on the coffee table nearby, Eliza turns her wife on the couch so that she's kneeling between both of Arizona's legs. "What?" Arizona asks confused when Eliza shoots her a sad smile.

"I had to. It was driving me crazy and she kept stuttering and wouldn't look me in the eyes and so on. So, I just, I called her out on her bullshit and she told me."

"She told you what exactly?"

"That she isn't attracted to you but…" Eliza drags, trying to get her wife on track with where she's going. Giving Arizona a couple of seconds to catch up, Eliza nods slowly as her wife is processing the news.

"You," Arizona states when the realization kicks in. "Really?" she asks, raising her eyebrow.

"Hey…" Eliza exclaims a little offended. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Arizona shrugs.

"Is it that hard to believe that other people would find me attractive?" Eliza scoffs, pulling a little back. "Well, newsflash… they do, Arizona!"

"Come on, that's just not fair," Arizona rebukes as Eliza stands, the blonde catching her wrist. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Really?"

"I'm just surprised, is all. But it makes sense…"

"What makes sense? Please tell me because I really can't figure out how to go about this," Eliza exclaims frustrated as she drops down onto the couch next to Arizona. Arizona quickly crawls into Eliza's lap, legs on either side of the brunette. "I can't handle the drama, Arizona… I just, I can't. I just wanna go to work, be awesome, come home to you and hopefully… in ten months or so, our baby. I just… I can't and won't do anything else," Eliza sighs, throwing her head back against the back of the couch. Arizona's hands caress her shoulder and neck, somehow making Eliza feel so very sensitive and tired all the while also feeling extremely relaxed and protected. But that's just how Arizona is… that's just how she does things; to Eliza's body, mind and soul that is.

"Honey…" Arizona begs softly. "Eliza?"

"What?" Eliza groans, her eyes closed.

Arizona's soft chuckle immediately pulls Eliza out of her misery, although it's a tiny bit annoying and rather mean to laugh in this particular situation. She's in the middle of crumbling here and all Arizona does is laugh. Well, not exactly all… but she's still laughing at her, nonetheless.

"Stop laughing, Arizona!" Eliza whines. "Not nice. Not nice at all."

"But honey…" Arizona chuckles. "You texted me you had to do something. Then you come home with coffee… the good kind from the corner, I know… and then you're telling me the new employee at your office has got the hots for you instead of me. Can't you see it?" Arizona asks a little too amused for Eliza's liking, though.

Opening her eyes, Eliza groans. Grabbing her wife by the ass to get a better hold of their position on the couch, Eliza finally locks eyes with her wife again. Arizona's grinning like a complete fool. A cute fool, sure. But still… "The fun part? Nope, I really can't see it."

"First… Penny's been fangirling you ever since starting at the firm, right? Yeah. Secondly, you just said it yourself, honey, You've been through so much drama the last year."

"Yeah. I have… _we_ have. And then what?"

"Then this shouldn't be something to get you all riled up, Eliza. You're like the master of dealing with drama. This is just a tiny, tiny bump in the road. A bump you're able to smooth out. Because you're awesome and experienced," Arizona smiles, tugging a loose stray of hair that's fallen out of Eliza's ponytail behind her ear.

"You're kinda annoying, you know that right?" Eliza sighs, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, it comes with the age of 32," Arizona shrugs, pecking Eliza's lips. "Just go with it. You know I'm right."

"That's annoying, too."

"What is?"

"That you're right."

"That's just how it is, honey," Arizona smirks. "Gotta get used to it. I'm gonna be the mom who's always right and you're the mom who-"

"I'm the mom who _what_ exactly?" Eliza raises her eyebrows, her hands slowly roaming Arizona's back beneath her shirt.

"Who always know when to get the other mom coffee," Arizona winks. "The _good_ coffee."

"Seriously? _That's_ what you're giving me? Really? Gee, thanks," Eliza snorts. "No wonder I married you." 

"You'll also be the mom who _always_ look amazing. Stunning even."

"Yeah, you can't save it. Don't even try," Eliza shakes her head as she tries pushing Arizona off of her lap. Arizona grabs Eliza's shoulders, holding on for dear life as she's being hurled to her back on the couch. The squeal rolling from Arizona's vocal court and bounces from off of the walls makes Eliza's heart swell… every noise Arizona makes just creates symphonies of the big musical kind. And Eliza isn't mad at her wife. Not at all. She knows Arizona is only joking. Thankfully.

Trapping Arizona beneath her, Eliza leans down to her wife's ear with Arizona's hands firmly clasped around her back. "You'll have to behave yourself, Arizona. Just keep in mind who's gonna rub your back or tie your shoes when time comes…"

"I'm willing to play a little risky if this is how I'm being punished," Arizona breathes out, the hotness of her breath making Eliza shiver in delight. Bucking her hips, Arizona forces Eliza down onto her thigh which causes the brunette to gasp in pleasure.

Pulling back to look her wife in the eyes, Eliza bites down onto her lip. "And me who thought you'd be mad when I got home _. Boy was I wrong_ …"

Arizona shrugs nonchalantly, smiling. "I'm not… just tell me. What did you do when finding out about Penny?"

"Urgh," Eliza growls, burying herself in the crook of Arizona's neck. "I…"

"You what?" Arizona chuckles, roaming her hands up and down Eliza's spine.

"I bolted," Eliza admits in a whisper.

"You _what?_!" Arizona exclaims in a high pitch tone.

"You heard me."

" _You_ … the one who's been telling me for so many months _not_ to bolt, to stay put when things get hard… you just bolted yourself."

"I know," Eliza sighs, dropping small kisses below Arizona's ear.

" **Hypocrite!** "

Giving Arizona's neck a soft bite, Eliza soothes it with a kiss afterwards causing the blonde to moan. "Mmmh…" Eliza responds, tugging at Arizona's earlobe.

"You know what that means, don't ya?"

"What? What do you mean?" Eliza replies as she continues to drop small kisses all over Arizona's collarbone.

"You've got to speak with her tomorrow."

"Nah."

"Yes, Eliza. You need to speak with her. You left that poor girl… heartbroken."

"Would you please stop referring to Penny as poor and heartbroken!?" Eliza counters, pulling back to look at her wife. "She's not…" 

"But she is, honey," Arizona states, cupping Eliza's cheek. "You need to work out some system… or I don't know, you'll have to come up with a plan or make someone else mentor her or whatever."

"Are you _jealous?_ " Eliza smirks, dragging out her sentence.

"I'm not," Arizona screws up her face in horror. "Nope, nuh-uh. Just… for Penny's sake. And yours."

"Sure… for Penny's sake. Of course," Eliza puffs playfully.

"Yup!"

"Yup!"

"So… let's take a look at those fellas," Arizona suggests chirpily, gesturing towards the coffee table where a large pile of folders is situated.

"Let's," Eliza agrees as she shoots her wife a knowing and loving smile.

Sure, Arizona might not admit she's feeling a smidge of jealousy but that's okay. Eliza doesn't need Arizona to say it out loud. She knows how she's feeling because she's been there herself, to be honest. When she thought Penny was interested in Arizona it almost drove her insane, no not almost. It did. So Eliza is very well aware of how Arizona is feeling. And that's why she knows she's got to speak with Penny to figure out where they go from here.

Now she can't think about work and Penny, though. Now it's all about finding the right sperm, the right candidate. Now they're going to pin out the best donor to give them half of what they desperately want and need. Christmas is next week, New Year's following suit and then… then it's a new year. Then it's the year where they expand their family. Then it's the time where two become three. It's the year where Arizona will carry their child, where Eliza will be able to witness the beauty of her wife reach heights she didn't know were even possible. And she cannot wait. Next year at this time there'll hopefully be a new resident in the yellow house with the hugging oak. If everything turns out just right…

* * *

 **AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing. It's appreciated greatly, so please… continue.**


	26. Chapter 26

**AN: Thank you so much for your appreciation of and investment in this story. I take all of your words to heart… also the words expressed in foreign languages where I'm turning to Google as my translator. You are all so very amazing.  
**

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

"Okay, you need to breathe through your anxiety. You need to breathe through it and then tell me what's going on. Can you do that, Arizona? Can you tell me what happened?"

"No!" Arizona croaks out as her sobs continues. "That's w-why why I'm here."

"You're crying, Arizona."

"I know that!" Arizona snaps, looking at the younger man before her. "I came h-h-here 'cause I started cry-crying and I can't s-s-s-seem to, to stop."

All Arizona's insides are hurting. Every organ, every vein, even every thought is hurting her like never before. Her lungs seem to have lost their function; all they do is drag in air and Arizona can't make said air leave her body. It's like she's being blown up from the inside with pain and she'll soon explode. It's aching in every bone, every fibre. It's pricking her skin like needles. And she can't get away. She can't get away from it. Arizona can't get away from the aching and breaking. And the tears running from her eyes like snow cascading down a mountain sure isn't helping the matters. She can't stop crying, either, so it seems. She's been crying nonstop ever since she had lunch with April. Ever since it hit her like a smack in the face. Ever since it came rolling right back into her life. And all that led her here... it led her to Dr. Toddler. And that without being told to. She made the choice all by herself because... frankly, she couldn't think of anybody else who would be able to calm her in a situation like this. Of course, Arizona's got her wife and she's usually the one she turns to but not this time. Arizona can't talk to Eliza. Eliza definitely wouldn't be the one to talk to. _Absolutely not_. And April did the 911 call to Dr. Toddler's office and got her this immediate appointment. Which leaves her here... in the room with her shorts wearing shrink and his non-spectacles wearing animated-blue eyes. It maddens Arizona beyond belief but she needs his guidance. She needs his _hocus pocus_ or whatever it is he's doing. Because she needs this pain to stop. _Just stop_.

The young man gauges Arizona, squinting his eyes in his analysis of her state of mind. "Make fists with your toes."

"What?!"

"Fists. Toes. Do it!"

"You've g-got to be kidding..." Arizona snorts as the pain takes another go-round throughout her entire system.

"You wanna breathe, Arizona?" he arches his eyebrow, his voice impeccably calm and secure. Arizona nods a little hesitantly in reply. "Good. Then do as I say and then you'll be able to tell me what happened. Okay?"

Arizona does what she's being told, although being rather sceptical about it. But she _did_ seek him out to help her, therefor she can't question his methods. _Not now anyway_. Curling her toes in her boots, Arizona focuses on the feeling in her toes and not the pounding pain in all the other parts of her body. And surprisingly enough it lessens the pain in her chest… in her lungs. Her heart is still aching profusely but her lungs slowly starts cooperating. Curling her toes harder, Arizona feels her breathing get back to normal. Slowly inhaling through her nose, she lets the air settle in her lungs only to let it out through her mouth in shaky breaths. It isn't perfect but it sure is better. It feels better. Being able to breathe again feels… absolutely amazing considering the current situation.

It continues to frustrate Arizona how annoyingly good this man is at whatever it is he is doing. Arching her brows, Arizona shakes her head. "H-how did you do that?"

"I didn't do anything, Arizona. You did!" he responds with a small smile. "Now tell me… what happened, Arizona? Why are you here? You weren't scheduled until Friday next week."

"I, I can't do it," Arizona admits, her lower lip trembling.

"What is it you feel like you can't do?"

"I just… I can't d-do it."

"Let me ask you a different question then. Why are you crying?"

"Because I c-can't do it," Arizona sighs, the tears still streaming down her cheeks. She fidgets with her fingers in her lap, once and again pulling at her wedding band. Spinning it around her finger, Arizona takes in sharp breaths. This is just too much. This is horrible. She could fail. She could fail terribly and then she'll break. Then she'll end up alone. Then Eliza would leave her, for sure. If Arizona didn't go through with this… if she shattered their dream, Eliza would definitely not stick around anymore. Arizona wouldn't hold it against her, though. And that's it… Arizona could never blame Eliza for wanting to leave if this failed. If this didn't go the way they planned it to. Arizona would never accuse her wife of abandoning if Eliza chose to leave her should she fail at this. _Never_. Eliza has gotten through so much. She has stayed when Arizona pushed her away. She has continued to love her even when Arizona didn't want it or knew it. This might be the last thing that could break Eliza, though. And Arizona will never ever blame Eliza should she choose to leave. She will be heartbroken, she will be devastated and she will not want to live should Eliza choose to leave her, but she will understand. Arizona will understand and she will never stop loving her wife… not even if they were to get divorced. Arizona will never be able to fall out of love with Eliza. It really isn't possible. Even in her coma, even in her amnesia state of mind… she was still able to feel connected to Eliza. She was still able to love her instinctively. And that's exactly why Arizona will always love Eliza, even if Eliza choses to leave her when she fails. _If she fails_. "I'm scared…"

"What are you afraid of, Arizona?"

"Eliza will leave me."

"What makes you think that?"

"She will… if I fail."

"Arizona," Dr. Toddler sighs contently. "She loves you. Very much, in fact. I think we can both agree on that, don't you?"

"She does, I know," Arizona agrees, pulling at her ring. " _Now_ …"

"Now? Do you care to elaborate, please?"

"She loves me now. She's loved me for seven years. She, she has loved me through good times and…" Arizona sighs, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand. Her heart pounds uncontrollably which makes her shiver in pain. "…through b-bad times. When I lost my memory of her, of us… she loved me still. She helped me, her _love_ helped me through… but now… with _this_ …" Arizona drops her gaze, her eyes fixed on her fingers in her lap and her still flat stomach.

"Your pregnancy?" the man quizzes in a calm voice.

"I'm not, I mean… not yet, anyway. Thursday…"

"What happens on Thursday?"

"I'm… we're… I'm ready, or… my body is ready to…" Arizona can't say it. If she says it out loud then it's real. Then it's really going to happen. She can't think of anything she wants more than to carry their baby. _Not one thing_. She can't come up with a million reasons why she shouldn't do it. She can only come up with one. And that single reason is enough. It's enough to completely destroy her and all the happiness she's been blessed with. _That_ reason is _the_ reason why she's here. And that terrifies Arizona more than she ever thought she could be. She thought the mere thought of losing her wife, of Eliza dying and anything remotely like that would be the highest of dreadful fear she could imagine ever feeling. But this… this might be the highest of highest. Arizona holds Eliza's heart and dreams in her hands alone. She has the power to completely shatter the brunette while she also has the power to fully make those dreams come true. It's a power Arizona didn't think existed. It's a power she hasn't been prepared to take on and use. She doesn't know how to do it. She has never done it before. She can't be the reason Eliza's heart breaks… _not again, not ever_. She can't take that chance. It's too big of a risk. Eliza's heart can't break anymore. It's finally healed. They've healed, lastly. They've found their special love and they continue to develop it with every day passing by. Arizona can't be the one who puts them in a position like this… where their love could be threatened, again. She's been the course of that history before. And she won't do it again. She just won't.

Inhaling, Arizona closes her eyes only to let go of her breath with a deep sigh. Opening her eyes, Arizona fixes her eyes on the man opposite her. "Thursday is the d-day where… where I'm being in-inseminated," Arizona reveals, her voice all of a sudden thick with tears. They explode from out her tear ducts like sprinklers being turned on. The sobs ravage through Arizona's body like a thunder storm which causes the man to rush to her side and kneel in front of her. Placing a hand on Arizona's knee, the younger man silently pleads for Arizona to look at him as he hands her the box of tissues. "T-thanks," Arizona sobs, pulling a tissue from out the box and blowing her nose.

"Tell me something, Arizona," Dr. Toddler suggests as Arizona watches his naked knee. "You want a baby?"

Arizona's eyes shoot up, locking with the man's piercing blue ones. "Yes!" she states shocked. "I do."

"Then why are you crying, Arizona? Why are you in here crying while telling me about your impending pregnancy?" he gives Arizona a kind look as he stands and gets back into his chair. "What is it that made you come here today? What are you afraid of, Arizona?"

"I'm afraid of Eliza leaving me…"

"Other than that. There's something more to it and if you think about it, Arizona, you know so, too. Try thinking harder. Try closing your eyes and tell me what you see. What scares you more than losing your wife?"

Again, Arizona follows the man's orders because she came here to get a clearer view at her pain. She needed someone to tell her what she needs to do other than her best friend. She came her to get guidance and if closing her eyes is what that contains, then she'll do it. She'll do everything to get the pain and heartache to disappear. Arizona will do everything to get over her insecurity regarding this pregnancy.

Holding her breath, Arizona grinds her teeth. She feels how her entire blood system is being flooded with Eliza, with their present and possible outcome of the insemination Thursday. She feels how her entire body is experiencing love. How it's able to thrive alone on that said love… _but!_ She also feels how the love is most likely to be taken away from her. _Again_. It's dark. It's cold. And it runs down her spine like a shiver of pain and fear. It circles her organs. It tugs at her heartstrings. The possibility of losing love because she isn't able to give Eliza what she wants and what she desperately needs. What she wants and needs herself as well. _That_ is what's clouding Arizona's happiness. The happiness of carrying a love child… a love child she could fail in carrying. A love child who could've been developing organs and limbs, needs and desires… and Arizona could fail in giving birth because her body could reject it. Her body could be a poisoned environment. Her body could not be suitable for housing a love child because of her history with brain injury and bad calls in stormy weathers. And Eliza would leave her. Eliza would pack her bags and leave her high and dry because Arizona wouldn't be able to give her what she wanted. Eliza would break and be so disappointed in her because she couldn't do _that_ right, either.

It's just too much to feel. Arizona won't do it. She can't do it. But she wants Eliza and she wants her happiness, their happiness. They've talked about having a baby for months now. And they have already placed the rocking chair in the guest room. Arizona truly wants the expanding of their family. She craves it, actually. She's just so afraid Eliza will hate her if she doesn't succeed in carrying their child. Their love child. A love child Arizona could also end up carrying to term, give birth to and then someday forget all about. What if her amnesia returns? What if her brain falls out again? What if she'll someday go to pick up their child from pre-school and she won't be able to remember who to pick up? Or how to be a mother? What if she wakes up one day having forgotten all about Eliza and their child? What if her memory function is only for rent? What if someday someone up there wants it back? What if Arizona will never ever live pampered in love and joy again? _What if, what if_ -

"Arizona?" Dr. Toddler's calm voice breaks Arizona's internal break down, her eyes shooting open instantly. "Tell me what went through your mind…"

Figuring it's now or never, she might as well come clean instead of burying herself in piles of internal pain, Arizona grinds her palms up and down her thighs. "I'm so unbelievably frightened of Eliza leaving me if I'm not able to carry our child. And I'm so horrendously afraid of forgetting everything, if I'm lucky enough to give birth to our child. I, I want a baby. More than anything, I want a baby. With my wife. I want it. I want it so incredibly much I'm afraid it's ruining me inside because I'm so scared of failing. Like I've done before. Like I've failed-" Arizona cuts off her own sentence, biting her lip as she furiously tries blinking the tears out of her eyes. "Like I've failed her before…"

"Arizona, how have you ever failed your wife?"

"I," she sighs, shaking her head in short jerks. "I dis-disappeared… from, from her life. I… _vanished_."

"That's hardly your fault, Arizona. You've told me yourself, it was an accident. They happen. And no one was to blame where your accident is concerned. You got back. You're here. You're still living. You have _not_ disappeared. You have _not_ vanished. You are _right here_ … and you are loving Eliza so much you want to start a family with her."

"But… I'm terrified."

"It's normal to be terrified when starting a family, Arizona. Everyone gets like that at some point in their life. It's not because of your brain injury and it's not because you're not ready to become a mother. Actually, I think it makes you rather qualified to become a mother," Dr. Toddler smiles, nodding. His icy-blue eyes smile as well, something Arizona hasn't noticed before. Something that also bugs her.

"And how would you know what makes a person qualified to become a parent?" 

"It's you we're talking about, not me, Arizona," he shrugs. "But let's just say that I've been where you are now."

"Which is _where_ exactly?" Arizona groans in frustration which completely rolls off of her shrink. He doesn't seem to take her outbursts or childish noise to heart. Thankfully he's professional, that's always something.

"You're excited. You're afraid. You're impatient. You're worrisome. You're picking out onesies at the store. You've been drinking a lot of wine due to the lack you'll experience the next year. You're amped up. You're silent. You're thoughtful. You're overthinking. You're emotional. You're panicky. You're… experiencing everything tenfold. Am I right?" the younger man raises his eyebrow, a slight smirk on his face. "I'm right!"

"I… I, I don't, I'm…"

"I'm right."

"You're annoying is what you are."

"Maybe, but I'm still right," he shrugs. "So to sum up, Arizona. Why are you here?"

"I am here… because Eliza and I have an appointment at a private clinic on Thursday which we made just before New Year's. I've been… I've been doing all the right things you would expect from a soon-to-be pregnant woman. I've been eating well and sleeping more hours, I've stuffed myself with vitamins and chamomile tea. Herbs, too. I've been… well, yeah. I am here because I got so unbelievably petrified during lunch with my best friend… because we were informed that one of the young girls in our group had dropped out due to her miscarriage," Arizona informs her shrink, slowly reliving the scenario inside her mind again. The news had hit her like a lightning bolt. It had ripped her entire world apart… she had never thought of the possibility of losing the foetus, the child. _Never_. Because it's just not an option. This love child they're having planted in her stomach Thursday is going to be born solely because they want it and need it. But then it had hit her. Then the horror had hit Arizona. The horror being fate. The horror being the uncontrollable thing called life. Then it had all attacked her, leaving a mental breakdown to happen deep within her. And then all the thoughts and bad scenarios had made her lose her mind. "And that's why… I'm here."

"You're here because you got scared of losing a child you're not carrying yet?"

"When you put it like that it sounds insane," Arizona screws up her face.

"It's not insane, Arizona. That's to be expected. With your history and your work. But can I tell you something?"

"That's why I'm here, isn't it?"

"You should talk to your wife about this."

"That's not gonna happen, nope. She'll think I've lost it. I _can't_ tell her. She'll leave me for sure," Arizona snorts. "Okay, no, she won't. She won't exactly leave me, I know that, but she'll think I'm crazy."

"But you'll be able to have her point of views on your fears. She might even be able to calm them. And maybe, you know…" the man shoots Arizona a crooked smile along with a slight nodding. "… she's got a couple of fears running through her head, as well. It's possible you're not alone in feeling like this, Arizona. Have you thought about that?"

"No… I haven't, I really haven't," Arizona sighs as the wheels in her head are churning. She's never thought of Eliza experiencing fear like this. Not because she isn't the one to carry their child, but because Eliza is the strongest person she's ever known. Eliza is her rock, her constant… but they can crumble, too. _Of course_. Arizona just never thought about it. And if they're capable of overcoming the accident and then love each other tremendously so, they can do this too. They can be scared together as well. Arizona just needs to open up for this particular type of conversation with her wife. Question is, how does one do that?

Saying her goodbye to her shrink, she thanks him for his immediate assistance and ways of guidance. As much as Arizona hates to admit it, he is actually doing a very spectacular job. Stepping out of the room where all her thoughts have been flying around, she closes the door behind her and heads for the elevator. Stepping onto the carriage, Arizona sticks her hands in the pockets of her winter's coat, preparing herself for the cold weather outside. Next week it's exactly a year since she climbed the hugging oak and slipped on the roof of their garage. One year ago she lost everything. And now she's going to start another chapter of her life… with Eliza. Now they're hopefully going to become parents… if everything goes the way they need it to. But first, she's got to let Eliza in on her fears. Dr. Toddler might be an annoying, young man with a surprisingly amount of knowledge on women's feelings regarding pregnancy, but he isn't dumb. He's actually rather wise. Infuriatingly wise. But she'll take it. He can be as wise and annoying as he is as long as it helps her in the end. She can handle it.

The ding of the elevator signals the carriage's arrival to the ground floor. Arizona steps out and turns the corner in the direction of the exist. A hand to her wrist makes her stop, though. Turning her face a little, Arizona's eyes immediately battle whether to shine or flood with tears. She didn't expect this, that's for sure.

"What are you doing here?" Arizona asks surprised, her heart beating harder with every second passing.

"That's _my_ question, Arizona. What are you doing here? And why did _April_ tell me?"

"Come with me…" Arizona lets a deep sigh leave her throat, a sad smile on her face.

* * *

 **AN2: I know, this chapter's completely Arizona centric but I felt like I had to address it this way. So, please… tell me what's on your mind. Thank you for reading!**


	27. Chapter 27

_Eliza's POV_

There she is. Arizona… as she is stepping off and out of the elevator. _There she is_ … and she sure looks like she's been crying, her eyes a little swollen and puffy. Eliza can't believe Arizona didn't call her. She doesn't understand why Arizona hasn't contacted her in some way when the anxiety attacked her. It's just strange, is all. They talk. They communicate. And especially when they get edgy or sad or frustrated. They do. They've learned it the hard way ever since the accident. They've learned that communication is key. Love goes hand in hand with communication. So why hasn't Arizona filled Eliza in on her rushed shrink session? And why had April been the one to call her? Eliza is confused to say the least. She's confused and she's a little hurt, to be honest. It makes her own heart ache whenever Arizona is hurting. Whenever Arizona is experiencing some kind of pain. And Arizona has clearly been through something heavy judging by the puffy eyes and the slow motioning of her feet.

Vacating the seat that she's been in for the past fifteen minutes or so while waiting for her wife, Eliza quickly rushes to Arizona's side. It's obvious that Arizona hasn't seen her, the blonde determined to reach the exit of the building. Reaching out, Eliza grabs her wife's wrist to stop her from going any further.

"What are you doing here?" Arizona asks surprised when their eyes meet for the first time since they kissed each other goodbye this morning.

"That's _my_ question, Arizona. What are _you_ doing here? And why did _April_ tell me?" Eliza's voice is frustrated and kind of accusative. She doesn't mean to blame her wife for anything since she doesn't exactly know what's going on or why Arizona had to talk to her shrink. She just knows what April explained to her. But it didn't exactly make a lot of sense, really. That's why Eliza decided to turn up here. That's why she told Penny to fill Mr. Webber in by herself. Because she had to find Arizona. She had to find out what had upset her wife that much Arizona needed her shrink and not her wife. So that's why she's turned up... a little accusative, she knows that. But she got nervous. She worries about her wife, that's only normal. _Right?_

"Come with me…" Arizona lets a deep sigh leave her throat, a sad smile on her face which makes Eliza a little uneasy. Why is she smiling? And where does the blonde want them to go? Why can't she just tell her what's going on?

"Arizona..."

"Just come with me, honey. We got something to talk about," Arizona lets another sad smile graze her lips, intertwining their fingers as she leads them out of the building.

Eliza's confused. She feels completely left out not knowing what has just happened. It's silly, really. She knows that. But she also knows that whenever Arizona is upset it upsets her, too. So, yeah. Eliza really needs to know what's going on. And she needs to know it now otherwise she'll probably go insane. Her heart beats and the wheels in her head are churning with the thought of Arizona seeking out her shrink so acute and without telling her. Is she experiencing any sorts of pain due to her memory loss? Is she doubting about her health? Maybe Arizona is having second thoughts about them starting a family? Maybe Arizona doesn't want a child anymore? Eliza can feel her heart breaking just thinking about that specific scenario. It can't be it. It just can't. They want it. They both want it. They both want the baby they've been talking about for months. And they've already made the appointment for Thursday. They've picked out the perfect donor and Arizona's body is finally ready. Only thing that could possibly go wrong for their appointment Thursday is if Arizona isn't ovulating. But they've tried planning it the best they can and Eliza's got hope. She's got both hope and faith in this. That's why this thing with Arizona frightens her. That's why Eliza can't imagine Arizona backing out of their plan. It can't be it. It just can't be. She knows her wife but she also knows that Arizona's anxiety has caused her to run in the past.

"You need to stop those crazy thoughts and sit down," Arizona breaks Eliza from her thoughts, a hand to the shoulder as she guides Eliza down to sit on a nearby bench outside.

"Huh?" Eliza shakes her head in confusion as she situates herself on the bench, Arizona mirroring her position. The blonde makes sure to keep their fingers intertwined, placing their hands in her lap. Eliza looks at their joint hands then at her wife's beautiful face. It isn't hostile, it isn't insecure. Frankly, it's just pure adoration and reassurance. Arizona is truly the most beautiful woman having ever stepped foot on this earth, that's for sure.

"You can stop whatever's going on in there..." Arizona gestures towards Eliza's head with her free hand. "I'm okay. We... _we_ are okay. I'm not thinking about, about running... so just, hear me out okay?" Arizona smiles softly.

"I wasn't."

"But a little bit you were."

Eliza sighs as she squeezes her wife's hand, dropping her gaze. "I'm sorry," she whispers.

"Don't be... I have done it before, you know. Back when I was healing, Eliza," Arizona states gently, slightly pulling at their hands to get Eliza to look at her. "I am healed now, though. And I'm not running. I just... I got scared."

"You should've called me."

"You can't protect me from everything, Eliza. That's not how it works."

"Maybe not but I can at least try to."

"And that is one of the things I love about you," Arizona smiles, cupping one of Eliza's cheeks. "But I couldn't talk to you about it-"

" _You could!_ " Eliza exclaims, her heart pounding as tears start welling up in her eyes. "Y-you should," she breathes out as a whisper, her eyes never leaving Arizona's. "You, you can always... talk to me."

"I know, honey. I know. But this... I couldn't. Because I didn't even know what happened. I wouldn't know how to talk to you about it when I didn't know myself. And that's why I called Dr. Toddler instead of you, Eliza. Not because I didn't want to talk to you, but because I didn't know what to tell you. I do now, though."

"You do?" Eliza asks gently as she leans into Arizona's touch. The feeling of Arizona's palm against her skin in mesmerizing and makes Eliza's heart rate go back to normal. It's admirable, really. And it's strange. Arizona's touch either makes her heart pound like crazy or slow down. It's just something essential, something greater than anyone will ever be able to define. It's something so powerful it often scares Eliza. Not in a painful or unpleasant way, though.

"Yeah, I do."

"Please..."

"I'm so..." Arizona starts, although a little hesitantly. "Promise me one thing, though. Let me talk, let me explain before you... say anything. Okay? I need you to hear me out, Eliza. _Really_ hear me."

Eliza doesn't know what's about to happen. She doesn't know what has happened. And she sure as hell doesn't know what will happen afterwards. And it all makes her nervous. Not having control of what's coming has always made her uncomfortable. Especially now... especially with her wife sitting beside her and telling her not to interrupt her until she's finished. You don't say that unless you know you're about to tell someone something they won't hear, right? What is she supposed to do? What _can_ she do?

"Promise me, Eliza. Please?"

"I, I promise..." Eliza gives a sharp nod, holding on to every hope she's got for Arizona not to break her heart.

"I got so unbelievably terrified of... me not being enough. For you. For our baby. I got so afraid of not being able to give you what you want, of me not being able to give you a family because of, because of..." Arizona clarifies gently, her eyes wandering Eliza's face. Eliza can see how much pain it's been causing Arizona. She can see how the fear has dug itself into the face of her beautiful wife. And Eliza doesn't get it... Arizona will always, always be enough for her. She'll always be everything Eliza and their future baby will ever need. "...because of my brain injury. It suddenly hit me that everything doesn't always go the way we plan it to. Incidents happen. Accidents happen. And I could... someday maybe... I don't know. I could fall out of my regained memory. I could forget all I've ever truly loved... again. And that, that scared me so, so painfully much. It scares me. What if... what if I forget you again? What if I forget our child? Eliza, it terrifies me. So much. Because I couldn't live like that. But, um... what also hit, hit me..."

Eliza sees how her wife is struggling with getting the words out. How her wife's eyes are glistening with unshed tears. "Hey, hey... look at me. Please, honey," Eliza pleads, cupping her wife's face and stroking her soft cheeks with her thumbs. Arizona's eyes lock with Eliza's, nothing but love pulling both of them in. "I love you. Okay?"

Arizona nods gently, dragging in a breath of air only to continue her explanation. "I could lose it, Eliza! I could lose our child."

"Oh, honey... you won't," Eliza breathes out, softly pressing her lips upon her wife's.

"You don't know that," Arizona shakes her head in sadness. "Everything can go wrong."

"It can. But I don't wanna live our lives like that, Arizona. Thinking everything can go wrong. I just wanna... live."

"But what if, if... what if I get pregnant a-a-and I lose the b-baby? What if I'm n-not able to make you a, a parent, Eliza? What if I'm-" Arizona asks through her now freely falling tears, cut off by Eliza's lips once again.

It just got too much for Eliza. All Arizona's words didn't make sense. Not to her heart anyway. Eliza knows deep down in her heart that even if Arizona weren't to conceive their child, they will become parents. Heck, she'll even carry their child herself if it comes down to that. The main point here, though, is that Arizona doesn't need to be afraid of Eliza ever leaving her side. Because that's what this is all about. Sure, it's about Arizona being terrified of her not carrying their child to term and the fact that she's afraid of losing her memory again, but... in between all the lines and the emotions of those circumstances, Arizona is truly afraid of Eliza leaving her. After all, Eliza is educated in speaking _Arizona_ going on year eight. This rant, this emotional roller coaster ride... it all comes back to this. Arizona's fear of Eliza leaving her because she isn't enough, because she fails somehow and because she… ever since the accident… has been afraid of not being the version of herself that Eliza truly loves from before the head injury. Which is why Eliza needs this to stop. She needs them to work together and then they'll be able to overcome whatever comes their way. Tough pregnancies, hostile ovaries or even adoption. They can do anything simply because they've got each other and their shared love. Eliza just needs to remind her wife of that.

Making sure to pour all her love and devotion in this kiss, Eliza lets her lips tell Arizona all she needs to know. All she truly needs to remember. Arizona's hands are grasping Eliza's sides as she's pulling her closer towards her body. A soft wind blows against their skin, making both of the women shiver. Breaking the kiss, they rest their foreheads against each other's. "Don't say that, honey. We _will_ be parents. If you lose the baby, we'll... try again. And if that doesn't work out, I'll do it," Eliza smiles, pulling back just a little to fully look at her wife. "There's also adoption and surrogacy. Arizona, there's so many options... but, let's not go there yet. Not when we don't have to. I'm perfectly sure you'll do just fine, love."

The corners of Arizona's mouth raise as a soft smile creeps onto her lips. It makes Eliza's soul fly and it's an incredible view. "You are amazing," Arizona sniffles. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Luckily enough you don't have to find out," Eliza grins. "Just... talk to me, okay? When you feel like this, just... talk to me. Please."

"I promise. It's just... you can't..."

"I can't promise you that your brain won't screw you, I know. But I love you and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you're okay. That our child is okay. More than okay. So just, don't feel like you _can't_ talk to me and please, Arizona... please stop thinking I'm gonna leave you. Because I'm not. Not ever."

"What? I wasn't, I'm not," Arizona argues quickly, her hands now on Eliza's thighs as Eliza rubs her hands up and down Arizona's forearms.

"But you were," Eliza shrugs. "And I won't. Ever. Just stop thinking that. I'm right where I'm supposed to be... as you said so yourself half a year ago," she smiles, tugging a lock of blonde hair behind her wife's ear.

"It's just..." Arizona sighs as a slight blush creeps onto her face. "I can't help it. My head is like filled with so many thoughts. And they frighten me and then the young girl at work miscarried and then it hit me that it could be me too and you'd leave because I again disappointed and-"

"Arizona, stop..."

"And I couldn't bear the thought of you thinking like that-"

"I need you to stop."

"Because I-"

"Stop!" Eliza interjects with a finger to the blonde's lips, her voice a little louder to cut through her wife's rambling. Arizona instantly stops her words from falling out of her mouth, her eyes a little wide in surprise due to Eliza's exclamation. "Sometimes you think too much, honey."

"I can't help it," Arizona whispers against Eliza's finger.

"I know. That's why I need you to talk to me," Eliza smiles. "Whenever you get like this. Talk to me, okay? We can handle it. Together."

"I just, I'm... I'm sorry," Arizona sighs a little defeated.

"Don't be. Just kiss me."

The size of Arizona's smile hits Eliza square in the chest. It's such an incredibly beautiful sight. Pulling her wife impossibly close, they close the conversation with a loving and tender kiss. It courses through Eliza's body like a simmer, like a breeze, like a comfortable and constant feeling of pure love. The perfect foundation for having a baby. Arizona might be frightened now and she's frankly very entitled to be so, but that doesn't scare Eliza. Not one bit. She'll stick by her wife's side every step of the way through this pregnancy. Through every pregnancy that may come in the future simply because Eliza loves Arizona and all she's about. Fear, doubt and all. Eliza will gladly take it all as long as she's got Arizona and her undying love. And she'll hold Arizona's hand whenever needed… on Thursday as well. She'll be there. She'll always be there. Also when times get rough. If they get handed the bad news of a failed insemination or pregnancy. She'll be there. Although, Eliza really doesn't think it's going to be a problem. Nope. Eliza believes. She believes that Arizona will do just perfect because she is healthy and so full of love. Every foetus would be lucky to live inside of that woman's uterus for nine months.

Eliza believes… she believes so much that she'll be able to believe for the both of them on days where Arizona might not feel it, the hope. Eliza will believe and hope with every part of her body. They _will_ get their love child, no question about that. And the sperm donation will successfully be planted inside of her wife's stomach on Thursday. Now all they've got to do is wait. Wait and hope. And Eliza is more than confident enough to do so.

* * *

"Ummm… what are you doing?" Eliza asks a little amused when entering their bedroom, a tray with two mugs in hand.

"April said it would help…" Arizona explains, wiggling her toes up in the air.

"I need a little more than that, Arizona," Eliza chuckles, placing the tray atop her nightstand. "I made us some chamomile tea."

"Ooh, great," Arizona chirps as she pats the space next to her on the bed. "Come join me."

"I'm still not quite sure what you're doing."

"I'm making sure my eggs and the sperm are staying put," Arizona states matter-of-factly, rolling her eyes. " _Duh!_ "

"Of course you are," Eliza scoffs. " _Stupid_ me."

"Yeah. But get your stupid but in here and join me," Arizona shoots Eliza a smile upside down, pursing her lips as to lure the brunette in.

Eliza looks at the woman before her. She's an image, alright. Legs aligned with the headboard with the but pressed firmly against it as well. Arizona's on her back, hands on her stomach as she wiggles her naked toes up in the air. Her blonde hair is sprawled out making Arizona look like an angel with a glorified halo. The image, as peculiar as it may look, takes Eliza's breath away. Taking a sip of her tea, Eliza climbs in next to her wife, snuggling into the blonde's side and placing one hand atop Arizona's on her stomach. The seeds are in there. They're planted. They've been sown. Now it's just a matter of time. Now it's up to fate… and faith. Now Eliza just have to wait until her wife's stomach starts extending and creating a little life. A little life they're going to love and cherish for the rest of their lives. She will wait, of course, but she'll do it impatiently so.

Arizona had been so exceptionally good and calm at the clinic earlier today. It had made Eliza so incredibly proud of her. It had made Eliza beam with confidence both on her own behalf but especially on Arizona's as well. Eliza's got no doubt in her mind that Arizona can do whatever she wants to do, whatever she sets her mind up to… even though Arizona's got days where her previous brain injury pulls her around the ring. It doesn't matter, though. Eliza will keep on reassuring her wife of her strength. She'll continue to shower her with love and protection as much as Arizona allows her to… and then some. She'll do that now and forever. She'll do it because Arizona is making her the happiest woman alive. And she just continues to expand that happiness.

Dropping a soft kiss to Arizona's cheek, Eliza hums in contentment. This is just perfect, absolutely perfection. Arizona's thumb strokes Eliza's as their hands are laced upon her stomach. As Arizona's breath makes her stomach move, both pair of eyes are glued onto the specific place. It's surreal. Eliza can't quite understand that there's actually something inside of Arizona that'll eventually become a tiny person. A human being they will get to call their child. A baby they'll get to name, raise and love for the rest of their lives and beyond. It's… freaking scary. Yeah, definitely scary. But it's also remarkably fantastic and amazing and all things tremendously huge. _Also,_ it's so, so scary. Eliza doesn't wanna feel scared now, though. This surely isn't the time nor place. There's enough love in here to make the baby's environment comfortable and outstanding. Dropping another round of small kisses on her wife's cheek and jaw, Eliza nuzzles into the crook of Arizona's neck, sighing as she finally relaxes.

"Tough day, huh, honey?" Arizona asks concerned, squeezing Eliza's hand.

"I guess so, I'm just…" Eliza starts, her voice barely a whisper. "I'm just very, very happy."

"I know. Me too, me too."

"Also, I'm very, very, I don't know…"

"Terrified you're gonna screw up a tiny human's life?" Arizona finishes Eliza's sentence with a snort.

"You, too?"

"Have you met me lately? I'm a walking panic attack, Eliza," Arizona chuckles causing Eliza to smile against her wife's neck. Because it's true… Arizona's been an emotional wreck these few days leading up to her insemination with random and unnecessary thoughts and scenarios hitting her now and again.

"We're gonna do fine, though. I'm sure of it," Eliza assures her wife, snuggling even further into the blonde's side.

"No. We're gonna do awesome," Arizona corrects with a smirk. "And this baby," she moves their joint hands beneath her shirt, resting them against her naked skin. "They're gonna be sick of all our awesomeness. And your pep-talk and my overprotection and our love. They're gonna be sick of it all but they'll love us anyway because…"

"Because we're awesome."

"Exactly."

"Thank you," Eliza props herself up on her elbow, looking down on her wife's face. "Thank you, Arizona."

"What for, honey?" Arizona smiles, her free hand gently stroking the side of Eliza's face.

"For doing this. For coming back to me. For… loving me."

"You don't ever have to thank me, Eliza. Not for carrying our baby, not for coming back to you and certainly not for loving you."

"I know but…"

"You felt like you had to say it out loud, huh?" Arizona smiles, her blue orbs shining in the dim light.

"Yeah, something like that," Eliza shrugs, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her wife's lips. "Just… I love you. And whoever is in there or will be in there," she gently pulls her hand out of Arizona's beneath the shirt to ghost her fingertips up and down the toned muscles of her wife's midsection.

"Eliza Minnick-Robbins," Arizona grins.

"What?"

"Are you having an emotional moment now?"

"Shut up," Eliza rolls her eyes, pinching Arizona at the hipbone.

"Ow!" Arizona exclaims in short pain. "I was just checking."

"Yeah, yeah," Eliza snorts, dipping her head to kiss her wife's lips again.


	28. Chapter 28

**AN: Thank you for your patience and your encouraging words. You are awesome!  
**

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

"It's now, honey. Tick tock."

"In a minute," Arizona replies as she braces herself against the bathroom sink, inhaling deeply.

Arizona's heart is pounding like crazy. In a little while she'll know if the feeling she's had ever since waking up this morning is true. In a little while Arizona will know if she's carrying what will be their love child. Her and Eliza's. In a little while she'll finally know if the insemination worked. But is she ready to find out? Is she ready to get her dreams and expectations shattered if the test turns out to be negative? Can she even tell Eliza and watch her heart break... again? Can she really drag her wife and herself down another rough patch? Can she? Will she be able to overcome it? Will they? This could all be painful but this could also be so very wonderful. Question is... is she ready for whatever outcome the test gives her?

"Arizona!" Eliza calls for what feels like the hundredth time this past minute. Arizona knows that her wife isn't trying to annoy her. Eliza doesn't even know that Arizona is in here awaiting the result of their future. Because Arizona didn't plan to take a test now... right when they were supposed to head out for Tim's Sunday family dinner. She just... she had a feeling. In her gut. She needed to take the test now because something in her told her to. Something she can't explain. So that's why she's here instead of in the car with her wife. That's why she's peed on not one, not two but actually four different types of pregnancy sticks… to be sure. To be absolutely certain. " _Seriously_ , we're gonna be late if you don't hurry up."

This time Arizona ignores her wife's statement due to her phone's timer. It's gone off, meaning it's time to look at the pregnancy stick… all four of them. Giving herself a look over in the mirror, Arizona exhales and shakes her head a little. This is it. This is now. Her pulse is throbbing, and her heart is almost breaking through her skin while her palms are sweaty against the porcelain surface of the sink. She could be pregnant, right this moment... she could actually already be carrying their baby. Her womb could also be empty, though. It could be empty and hollow. Her body could have rejected the insemination and they could be on their way to start all over again. There's no time like the present, though, she's learned that the hard way. Holding her breath and closing her eyes, Arizona takes one of the sticks between her fingers and raises it up in front her face. "Okay, okay," Arizona whispers. "This is it."

Opening her eyes one by one, the stick holds her future in its drawing. It's there. Pink on white. It's right there in front of her… and in fourfold, too. She's got to tell Eliza. Bracing herself against the sink with her free arm, Arizona breathes sharply. How did they get here? How did they reach this point in their life? It still amazes Arizona how Eliza could find the strength to stand by her side through the memory loss. It still surprises Arizona that she actually succeeded in getting all of her memories back - and their love. Especially their love. She wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that love. And now she's got to tell Eliza the outcome of the sticks. She's got to... but how? It's got to be done the right way. Eliza deserves that. Eliza deserves the world and so much more. And right now... Eliza is stamping through their home… kind of pissed at why Arizona isn't answering her calls. Arizona gets it, though. She would've been annoyed herself but the thing is; she doesn't know how to break the news. She doesn't even know which words to use.

Feeling her eyes well up with tears, Arizona blinks to try and make the waterworks disappear. No good, though. Placing the stick on the sink, she goes to wash her hands and wipes them in the guest towel hung on the side of the small bathroom cupboard.

"Okay, so are you hurt in there or?" Eliza draws as she knocks on the door. "You better be otherwise this is just stupid..."

"I'm not hurt," Arizona replies softly.

"Then _what_ are you doing?"

"Eliza..."

"Arizona, this is strange. Come on out and talk to me instead of hiding in the bathroom."

Running a hand through her hair, Arizona shakes her shoulders a bit and turns, heading towards the door. Once opening the door, she's greeted with the confused but beautiful face of her wife. "You know, you could've just opened the door," Arizona scoffs, giving her wife a crooked smile.

"What's going on, Arizona?"

"Nothing, just..." Arizona takes Eliza's hands in her own which causes the brunette to drop her gaze.

"It's not nothing," Eliza rebukes, her eyes on Arizona once again. "What've you been doing? We're gonna be late for Tim's dinner."

"I need to tell you something..."

"Okay, but can you please do that in the car. You know I hate being late, honey. Okay? Come on. Let's go," Eliza urges, pulling Arizona at her wrist to make her follow.

"No, wait..." Arizona starts. She needs to do this now. She needs to tell her wife when they are at home and not on the road. They need their homey environment... to calm them, to soothe them, to guide them. Yeah, Arizona needs to tell Eliza the news now. And right here.

"Arizona," Eliza sighs. "Come _on!_ "

So, judging by the annoyance in Eliza's demeanour, she is clearly ready to pull a tantrum. Arizona doesn't know how to get through to her wife. She's so overwhelmed by emotions herself and to be honest, she hasn't really been able to process or acknowledge the sticks' messages after all. So what is she supposed to do here? She can't just blurt it out. No, Eliza deserves more than that kind of shock. She can't just spring it on her because-

" _For the love of God, woman!_ " Eliza exclaims. "What's _wrong?_ Tell me so that we can get going."

"Jeez. Go look at the sink!" Arizona blurts out in frustration, throwing her hands in the air. This wasn't how she was supposed to tell her. This isn't how it's done. This surely isn't the right way.

"What?" Eliza furrows her brow.

"Just... do it. Please," Arizona sighs, motioning for her wife to approach the bathroom sink.

"I don't really know what's going on with you but if it'll make you happy and get us going, I'll do whatever you want me to," Eliza mumbles as Arizona shoves her wife towards the sink. "You're acting real strange, Arizona, and I don't really-" Eliza speaks but cuts herself off when finally reaching the sink with the familiar objects resting on the porcelain surface. "Arizona..."

Arizona can't hide the emotions in her eyes. And she's almost sure her heart is beating so hard, it's visible through her skin and clothes. Gazing at her wife through the mirror, their eyes lock while Eliza holds one of the pregnancy sticks between her fingers.

"Is this what you've been doing this entire time?" Eliza whispers.

"Yes."

"Um… w-what does it, um, mean?"

"You know what it means, Eliza," Arizona states, approaching her wife from behind and snaking her arms around the brunette's midsection. "So..."

"Arizona. Minnick. Robbins," Eliza emphasizes every word with the widening of a smile.

"Mmmh?" Arizona grins as she rests her chin upon Eliza's shoulder.

"You are amazing!"

"I know," Arizona smirks.

Turning in her arms, Eliza puts down the stick and takes a hold on Arizona's hips. "You did it!" Eliza squeals excitedly. "Honey, I knew you could do it!"

"I guess I don't need to ask if you're happy then?" Arizona plays, pulling Eliza closer.

"I am. So incredibly happy. You... oh my god, Arizona," Eliza rushes her words while shaking her head in excitement only to crash her lips upon Arizona's. "You make me so tremendously happy."

The emotions in the pit of Arizona's stomach... the ones that now share space with a foetus - _their_ foetus - all of those emotions come crashing down. Explosions run through her entire system. She did it. She actually did it. Her body is now housing a tiny human. This is all kinds of incredible and scary. But the smile on Eliza's face tells her that everything is worth it. Everything she'll get to experience be the pain, the nausea, the fear... it's all worth it. Because she gets to see that beautiful smile on Eliza's face every day. She gets to feel their unborn child develop inside of her. She gets to experience something extraordinary. This is what she's supposed to be doing. This. Right here. Even though they have yet to get it confirmed with their doctor, she just knows that it's going to be alright. Because she did it. They did it.

Eliza's hands slide closer to Arizona's stomach only to rest against the flatness, the fingertips circling the space outside Arizona's shirt. It shoots glee throughout Arizona's body like arrows. It sends love coursing through her veins like rivers. And it's a sensational kind of feeling. One Arizona will never ever be without ever again.

"You… you make me tremendously happy, Eliza. You," Arizona smiles as she grasps the back of Eliza's neck. "...and our baby."

At the mention of the baby, Eliza's eyes glow which makes Arizona's heart skydive. It's such a powerful magic... their love. It just makes everything around them seem vague or unnecessary. Because they are all Arizona needs to stay alive. Their love for each other is the most powerful magic she's ever known and now they get a baby… a baby to shower with that powerful magic. It just all makes sense now. "Our baby," Eliza echoes, her voice soft. "I _love_ the sound of that."

"Me, too," Arizona agrees with a wide smile, a couple of tears slowly moving their way down her cheeks. "I love you."

"And I love you," Eliza closes the minor space between them with her lips. The taste of salt reaches Arizona's lips. Whether it's her own tears or Eliza's isn't important, though. The important thing is that they're both so ridiculously happy because they are having a baby. Arizona's head feels dizzy but it doesn't matter. She just made one of her wife's dreams come true... or she made it begin, at least. The rest will soon follow. And it's a pretty damn good thing. Being the one making Eliza feel that way. Being the one making Eliza that special kind of happy. It's just... the definition of true love, Arizona's certain. "You know... you kinda tend to tell me important things in here, don't you?" Eliza smirks when they come up for air, Arizona looking a bit puzzled by her wife's statement. "The proposal and now the pregnancy... what's next?"

Arizona chuckles, pecking her wife's lips once again. "I don't know... maybe I just, um, like to surprise you in bathrooms."

"It's rather weird, Arizona," Eliza laughs, cupping Arizona's cheek.

"Perhaps," Arizona shrugs. "Good weird, though."

"Absolutely, honey. Absolutely."

"So when I asked you to marry me here… in this bathroom," Arizona starts, a big grin on her face. "You said yes."

"Of course I did," Eliza smiles.

"So I kinda feel like I need to ask you one more thing…"

"What's that?" Eliza raises her eyebrow incredulously.

"Um… will you also do me the honour of being the mother of my child?" Arizona asks as her dimples pop, her heart swells and her soul soars. She already knows the answer to that specific question but it doesn't hurt to ask, does it? She knows Eliza's answer; in fact, she wouldn't be here if she didn't… it just… it makes sense. She asked Eliza to be her wife in this very room years ago so why not follow suit and make this room one of the most important rooms in their lives? It's not common but nothing about them is common, anyway. So why do as everyone else? Why go with the flow when the wind can blow you into new directions?

"You are _so_ dorky," Eliza snorts, a big grin on her face. Cupping both of Arizona's cheeks now, Eliza crashes her lips onto Arizona's again. The gentleness of the kiss sending Arizona's mind into overdrive. The love Eliza pours into her making all of Arizona's being radiate. "Of course I will."

"Good. 'Cause you already are. Just making sure, you know," Arizona smirks.

"We're… God, Arizona we're having a _baby!_ " Eliza's eyes suddenly wide.

"I know!"

"No… we are having a baby. A baby… in there," Eliza pokes Arizona's stomach with a finger.

"I know, Eliza," Arizona lets a soft chuckle escape her throat. "It's crazy, isn't it?"

"It is… I know, I know that we have to get you checked out to be sure, you know but… think about it… there's a baby. In there. That's…"

"Unbelievable, I know. I've been there… before when you were, you know, shouting at me…" Arizona rolls her eyes playfully causing Eliza to crinkle her nose.

"Sorry…" Eliza breathes out. "I didn't know…"

"How could you?" Arizona smiles. "So, don't be sorry, just be-"

"Happy!"

"Exactly!" Arizona agrees, pecking Eliza's lips one more time. "Now, let's go."

"Go? Where?" Eliza furrows her brows, grabbing Arizona tighter around her waist.

"Tim. Dinner. We were late. Remember?" Arizona raises her eyebrow. "That's why you went all Queen Annoyance before," she chuckles, pursing her lips.

"Shut up."

Feigning shock, Arizona holds a hand to her chest. "You can't speak like that to the woman carrying your child, Eliza. That's just rude…"

"Will you just… _God_ , woman…" Eliza sighs, grapping Arizona below her butt and lifts her up. Arizona immediately snakes her legs around her wife, lacing her arms around Eliza's neck while grinning like a love-struck teenager. Locking her lips on Eliza's, Arizona makes sure to kiss her wife with all the love and devotion she's got. Her heart is almost bursting with joy but that doesn't matter, she's got Eliza to piece her back together again should that ever happen. She's got Eliza and their baby to complete her now and forever, and that might be the most powerful she's ever been feeling. Arizona's head is spinning, and she actually feels like her life is turning upside down right this instant… it might be caused by Eliza who's currently spinning them around in circles in their bathroom.

"E-liiiza," Arizona squeals. "Beee carrrrefuuul."

"Always," Eliza chuckles, hugging Arizona even tighter as she continues to spin them around in quick movement. "I'll always protect you."

"I know," Arizona states honestly. Because it's true. It couldn't be more true, actually. She's never felt so protected as after she's met Eliza. She's never felt so taken care of and appreciated as Eliza is constantly making her feel. Arizona knows that she couldn't be in better hands even if she wanted to. She'll give Eliza her life without hesitation. She'll place the life of their child in the palms of her wife's hand, forever. Eliza's hands are nothing but loving and caring, honest and respectful. Eliza's hands are the epitome of responsibility and pureness. And that isn't something that just appears, no. It's not just something you go to pick up at a store, no. It's something that has grown deep inside of you for all eternity. It's something you're born with… and that's why Arizona isn't afraid of letting a small life into this world. If she were to fail somehow, she knows that Eliza won't. Arizona knows that Eliza will always be there to guide and protect their child and possibly children. Eliza is the most astounding and perfect human being Arizona has ever met and that's why she's not afraid. That's why she doesn't doubt this anymore. She'll do the best she can because she's got Eliza. She's got Eliza as the other part of their parent-team and that's why this baby will receive the best care a child could ever want. They got Eliza as their mother and that's really how good as it gets. Their baby is hands down the luckiest baby on Earth.

The spinning comes to an end as Eliza suddenly stops, locking her eyes upon Arizona's blue ones. "Thank you, Arizona."

"…and thank _you!_ " Arizona echoes her wife's words of gratitude. "For… everything."

Gently kissing Arizona's lips, Eliza pulls back with a crooked smile adorn to her face. "So… what's next?"

"Dinner at Tim's, I guess," Arizona smiles as Eliza carries her out of the bathroom, down the stairs. To say Eliza's strength is making Arizona want to take her wife right here, right now is the understatement of the year, really. It is undeniably sexy, no question about that. She can't, though. Not now, anyways.

"As you wish," Eliza nods cheekily as they reach the ground floor of their home.

"Maybe you could put me down, you know… I'm not disabled, just pregnant."

"As you wish…" Eliza repeats her words, carefully placing Arizona back down onto her feet. "It's the least I can do consider-"

"Considering what?" Arizona smiles, straightening out her clothes while feeling Eliza's eyes on her. Looking up, the greenish blue orbs pierce through her as light through shadows. She can't hold back another smile… seems like it's all she's able to do now. Smile. Not that it's a bad thing. Not that it's an irritating factor. Quite the opposite, really. It feels extremely good to only be able to smile.

"Considering that you just made my wish come true… in the bathroom… again."

"Eliza…" Arizona smiles softly, her one dimple popping again. "Who's being dorky now, huh?"

* * *

 **AN2: Thank you for reading. I appreciate it a great deal.**


	29. Chapter 29

**AN: Once again, thank you for sticking with this story and your continued reviews. They make me very happy!  
**

* * *

 _Eliza's POV_

She knows she can't be sure just yet. She can't take the four sticks' outcome as the final result. They need real proof. They need true professionalism to tell them what they desperately need to hear. They need a licensed doctor or nurse to pronounce Arizona's pregnancy and not some plastic objects with Arizona's urine on. They need answers and they need them now.

Eliza's on the verge to explode with excitement and nerves. To be honest, she's been like this ever since founding out about Arizona's possible state. Actually ever since they began this journey of family expanding. Eliza's all hyped today… she's filled with bubbling joy but also terrified shivers. She knows that the stick… all four of them, too… told them a positive story about foetus growing inside of Arizona's stomach but she also knows they aren't exactly reliable. And that's why they are here. That's why Arizona is currently squeezing Eliza's hand so hard it could very well fall of any minute now. She can't let it, though. She needs the hand for when their child arrives. Eliza needs her hand to carry and feed their child. She needs it to cradle and swaddle, to stroke and soothe. Eliza can't lose her hand, no, which means she's got to relax her wife in some way. On the contrary, should she lose her hand, Eliza will be more than capable of finding a way around that particular problem. Nothing's too big now. Eliza can do anything. She can do everything thanks to Arizona. But if she can get to keep her hand that's preferable, though.

Feeling her hand starting to fall asleep and prick from the inside, Eliza places a soft kiss on her wife's cheek. Arizona immediately lightens her grip around Eliza's hands.

"Thanks," Eliza whispers, a kind smile adorned to her face when Arizona looks at her. The blueness in Arizona's eyes never ceases to pull Eliza in. It never stops making Eliza's heart skip a beat. Arizona's eyes are portals Eliza can't stop drowning in or get lost in. But it doesn't matter because they are portals of pure love. Now… although filled with love… they also hold a membrane of fear. "Hey, what's wrong?" Eliza asks concerned as she turns a little in her seat to get a better view of her wife.

"What if… what if, if there's no baby? What if the sticks all lied?" Arizona speaks, her words coming out as a whisper. "What if these, these past few days where you've been so incredibly happy about this pregnancy… what if it's all been for nothing, Eliza? What if I'm not pregnant? What if I've never really _been_ pregnant?"

It breaks Eliza's heart hearing those words fall from her wife's lips. They aren't words she would ever want to hear flowing from that precious mouth, ever. She can't blame Arizona for saying them, though. She's had the exact same words jumping inside of her head as well. But Eliza's done with this. She can't think these thoughts anymore. They've been through so much crap and hardship this last year that she's determined to think they won't have to face anymore. Not now anyway. Arizona _is_ pregnant. There _is_ a baby nestling inside of Arizona's stomach. They _are_ going to be parents. That's not a question, it's a true fact. Simple as that.

"Arizona," Eliza tilts her head, her voice gentle. "You're just fine. You're amazing, even. There's nothing to be scared of. I'm sure. I'm positive… just like _all_ the sticks you peed on," she tries lightening the mood, a crooked smile on her lips. It causes Arizona to smile and for her to also let go of a small snort which makes Eliza's insides squeal in delight. So far she succeeded!

"You're incorrigible," Arizona shakes her head in amusement. "But what if-"

"No buts, honey. And definitely no _what if's_. We'll know in a bit… and _then_ we can make a list all of the _what if's_. Deal?"

"Hmm, I guess."

"Good, now…let's just focus on-"

The door leading into the doctor's office opens, cutting Eliza's sentence off abruptly so. Both women fix their gazes upon the slim, young man in the doorframe. Arizona's hand resumes its previous occupation of roughly squeezing Eliza's hand. It doesn't bother her, though. All she feels is the pounding of her heart… her heart that's all of a sudden moved further up her chest and up her throat. Eliza's nervous. She's so nervous she doesn't even know how to move or what to say. It's like she's frozen and clearly Arizona is experiencing the exact same thing this instant. They cannot stay here, though, that much she knows. Action is very much needed now. Action… and bravery.

"Arizona Minnick-Robbins," the man calls out all the while his eyes are on Arizona. His voice is kind but certain. Eliza can almost see the blue in his eyes draw them against him. They are so clear blue it almost makes Arizona's eyes pale in comparison. But just _almost_. "We've got the result. Come on in, please."

All of a sudden, Arizona raises and pulls Eliza up to follow her into the room. It happens in seconds and now they are here… sitting in front of this young man who's sitting behind his desk. His lips are moving, his eyes are saying something too, just as his body language. But Eliza can't hear anything. It's like she's suddenly gone deaf. It's like she's under water and all she can hear is mumbling and echoing of sounds she can't quite differentiate. She tries narrowing her eyes as to really look like she's understanding everything this man is telling them. She really tries but all her nerves have camped out in her ears. It's rather unfortunate, really. She needs those ears now. She needs them to finally get the information they've needed to know for so long now. Arizona pulls at Eliza's hand causing Eliza to turn her attention to her wife and break from the inner turmoil she's experiencing. The facial expression that greets her when looking at Arizona is making Eliza all kinds of emotional. An emotional wreck to be more exact. Eliza doesn't need words to get what's just happened. She doesn't need words or even ears to understand what kind of information they have just been given. Eliza doesn't need the man's words nor does she need the words of her wife to figure out what their future holds. Arizona's eyes say it all. The unshed tears threatening to fall from the ocean blues Eliza loves so much are being very expressive. This is real. This is happening. This is now. And they can't do anything about it… even if they wanted to. This is just how it's going to be.

"Eliza…"

She knows Arizona is trying to get a reaction from her, she knows that. It's just that Eliza's got trouble finding the right words. She's still trying to get her heart into function. It's hard but it's necessary. She owes Arizona a reaction. And she usually isn't this vague in showing expressions, especially not where her wife is concerned. But this… this is all new to Eliza. This is all she's ever wanted but how do one react when finally getting one of their wishes granted?

"Please… say something, honey."

"I'll leave you be," the young man informs gently. "And once again, congratulations."

"Thank you. So much," Arizona replies, her voice clearly laced with gratitude and excitement. The door closing behind them, Arizona places a hand on Eliza's knee. "You gotta say something, Eliza. I don't know what you're thinking and it might not be good thoughts because you haven't said anything like… at all. And now the doctor just told us that I'm actually pregnant but you haven't said a word and that might be because you're thinking about all the _what if's_ but you were just out there telling me not to think of those things and, and, and now you're just silent and I don't know what to do with that. And I'm, I'm just happy like out of my body happy, so please… can you say something, get it off your chest and then, then be… happy, with me? Please? I really need you to be happy with me…"

All of Arizona's words are coming out as a rant caused by panic, impatience and joy she doesn't know where to put. All of these words are words Eliza recognizes and stores in the back of her mind. Those were words and sentences she needed to get the finish of… because as cool and gathered as her wife can be, these crazy rants sometimes appear. And Eliza loves them. She can't let her wife circulate anymore, though. She needs to calm Arizona down. All Eliza needed was one of Arizona's ramblings for her to gather herself and get up to speed with the current moment. Arizona is pregnant and they are going to be parents. It's a new milestone in their life. It's a new reality. A reality Eliza can't wait to get started on.

"I love you," is all Eliza is able to get out of her mouth at this moment. Because it's true, it really is. She loves Arizona so much it cannot be said too often. Eliza loves her wife more than anyone will ever be able to understand and define. It's just not possible. But Eliza can continue to inform her wife of her strong feelings regarding her every day and night for as long as she lives. And now Arizona is actually carrying her child… that is the greatest love confession of all. It is the most precious gift of all, to be honest. Arizona is walking around with a baby inside of her; with Eliza's baby. It's crazy and scary and such an enormous declaration of trust and honour.

"W-what?" Arizona stutters a little surprised, her eyes shining with happiness at Eliza's outburst.

"I love you," Eliza repeats, inching closer to her wife to brush her lips against the ones opposite her. "I love you… _and_ our baby, so much."

"So you _did_ get the news, huh?" Arizona screws up her face only to let a big smile graze her face afterwards. "Thought you'd left me there for moment."

"Never!" Eliza narrows her eyes, cupping Arizona's cheek. "I'm not about to make you a single parent," smirking, Eliza pecks her wife's lips once again.

"Ha, ha."

"I just… I got lost, you know," Eliza starts, leaning a bit back in her seat to better look her wife in the eyes. "All kinds of thoughts blew up, and suddenly I couldn't hear and then he left and you looked so happy and then you started rambling… which is still cute, by the way."

"You mean like you are doing now?" Arizona raises an eyebrow.

"No, no, you do the rambling thing so much better _and_ cuter."

"Anyhow…" Arizona shakes her head in disbelief while chuckling. "Let's sum up."

"Yup. You _are_ pregnant," Eliza states as a ginormous smile breaks her face. Eliza's heart has been on her outsides for half an hour now, and she can't get it back in. She's exposed but it doesn't matter. She's going to be a mother. She's having a baby. Her heart will forever be on her sleeve, outside her chest. Forever. There's just no turning back now. Thankfully.

"We are expecting a baby."

"A December baby."

"A Christmas baby, go figure," Arizona smiles. "It's crazy."

"It really is," Eliza stands and pulls Arizona up with her, both of her hands laced with her wife's. "It's really happening. There's someone… in there," Eliza looks down and fixes her gaze upon Arizona's stomach. "It's… surreal."

"I know," Arizona laughs. "Think about it… there's a tiny human inside of me. One that keeps me from drinking wine."

"Yeah, poor baby," Eliza echoes her wife's laughter while pulling her into a bone crushing hug. "Just to be clear… I wasn't talking about _the_ baby."

"I got that," Arizona puffs, crinkling her nose. "Let's go," she suggests, smiling. "Dr. Toddler's medical twin might need his office back."

"He _does_ have very blue eyes, doesn't he?" Eliza states, nodding as they exit the room, hand in hand.

" _Right?_ I'm sure they're related. No one's got _that_ blue eyes without being genetically related."

"Um, Arizona?" Eliza raises an eyebrow as she presses the button of the elevator.

"Mmh?"

"Have you looked into a mirror lately?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, _have_ you? If anyone's got blue eyes, it's gotta you, and surely you know that already. And as far as I'm informed, you are _not_ related to either Dr. Toddler nor Dr. Avery, are you?"

"That's not what I meant," Arizona counters. "I just meant that… they look so much alike, you know. The only thing confirming that they are in fact two different persons are-"

"The shorts," Eliza adds amused. Arizona's told her so much about her shrink that Eliza knows all about the naked shins and the icy-blue eyes that more times than not has caused her wife annoyance. It's rather hilarious, really.

"The shorts," Arizona nods enthusiastically. "Shorts, Eliza… who with a common sense wears shorts when it's freezing out?"

"People who are warm and has a high body temperature, I guess," Eliza chuckles as the elevator doors open and they both step into the carriage.

"I'm still not convinced," Arizona shakes her head only to rest it against Eliza's shoulders.

"Of course not," Eliza grins to herself as the elevator takes them down and a comfortable silence falls upon them.

Eliza's one hand is laced with Arizona's while the other one is tucked safely into her pocket, readying itself for the frosty February atmosphere they're going to meet in a matter of minutes. It might be freezing out but deep inside her body Eliza's all warm and burning. She's full of so much love and gratitude, so much excitement. It's ignited every wick deep inside of her causing beautiful flames to arise. Eliza's cheeks are burning. Her heart is beating… stronger than it has ever done. And it feels empowering. It feels levitating. It feels mesmerizing. But most of all, it feels out of this world amazing.

* * *

Tapping away on the keys, Eliza is in the middle of doing a research on the Lawson vs. Lawson custody case. Checking up on the father's orthodontist clinic and the new girlfriend as well, Eliza tries not to let her emotions get the better of her. She's always been professional, always sticking to the protocol. It has never been hard. It has never been something she has ever questioned. Eliza has never had any trouble in doing her work, she's always made the child her first priority. But now, now she finds herself having trouble doing just that. Not that she doesn't want to put the boy's needs and health above anything, but she somehow finds herself having these conflicted feelings towards both of the parents. It's strange, really. She has never struggled with researching and pointing out errors, she's never let emotions cloud her way of doing her research or thought about how it could affect the parent she doesn't advocate. Of course, she _has_ thought about it, she's not a cold hearted snake after all, but she's just never _really_ thought about it, you know? But now, with Arizona expecting their child, Eliza's suddenly seeing things in a completely different way. It's like the angle has changed and given her another view to grasp. And frankly, it's making Eliza a little uncomfortable. All those stupid, stupid emotions.

"Um, are you okay?"

Eliza snaps her head up and away from her screen, catching the stare of her fellow from across their shared office. Penny is looking at her rather concerned. "I'm fine. Why, why wouldn't I be?"

"It's just that… um, you're _really_ working that keyboard, you know," the redhead informs Eliza, her tone kind.

Penny has actually behaved ever since Eliza informed her that she had to be professional, otherwise she would have to take it up with Mr. Webber. None of them wanted to include Mr. Webber in Penny's crush on Eliza, and especially not Eliza. So they had agreed on them just co-working and on Penny putting her feelings aside. It's actually been working out quite well. There's only been small slips here and there. Penny doesn't know Eliza knows, though. But Eliza sometimes feels how the redhead looks at her from her desk or when they are in court. Sometimes it's hard for Eliza to shake the glaring off, though. Just as she had asked of Mr. Webber to stop the staring, she somehow got someone new to stare her down. She can't be bothered with it, though. She has made it very obvious to Penny that there won't ever be anything between them. Eliza made it clear that she only wanted professionalism and protocol where Penny is concerned, and the redheaded woman agreed. She gets it, though. Eliza gets that it can be extremely hard to just put aside your feelings… she's been in that particular situation herself a little over a year ago. And yeah, it isn't funny. It's very similar to hell, actually. But that's just how it's going to be. Eliza can't have Penny's crush affecting neither of their work ethics nor cases.

"I am?" Eliza furrows her brow, leaning back in her seat. "Sorry. I guess, I'm just a little… I don't know… affected these days."

"You are? How come?"

"It's… nah, it's nothing," Eliza cut's herself off with a wave. "Just, sorry for bothering you."

"No, really. It's okay. Just, if you ever want to talk to someone, you know… you can, you know, um, talk to me?"

"I don't know," Eliza hesitates. She doesn't want to include Penny in her personal business but on the other hand, she's about to burst. She's got all of this excitement inside of her, something she hasn't yet been able to announce. Arizona and her have decided not telling people before after the three months' appointment. To be absolutely sure. But it's like two months away and Eliza is trying real hard not to spill any beans. Penny asking now has Eliza torn in every way possible… because she really wants to tell Penny or just anyone, really. But she also doesn't want to break the agreement she's made with her wife and furthermore include the woman who's crushing on her in her personal life. She shouldn't tell her, though. She just shouldn't. But it's really freaking hard not to when it's all Eliza's able to think about. Every moment of every day. She just cannot think of anything else. She is going to become a mom, they both are. It's incredible. And she wants to shout it from every roof top imaginable. She wants to share the big, big news with everyone kind enough to listen… and the ones who won't listen, as well. It's just too big of a deal not to tell people. It's after all one of her long time dreams that are coming true. It's beyond everything Eliza's ever dreamed of, really. Her heart beats frenzied, amped up with butterflies and candyfloss and rollercoaster rides… it's all just very, very good. Too good to be kept inside. "Okay… um, so yeah, Arizona's pregnant," Eliza can't keep the giant smile from appearing on her face. It's there to stay… forever, she can't even deny it. She won't, either. "Arizona's pregnant and I think, um, I think that's why I… I'm suddenly seeing things in a whole new way, you know. Like I'm gonna be a parent and I represent parents in court every day, but now it's different, you know?"

"You're having a baby?" Penny asks more to herself than Eliza, her eyes narrowing.

"Yes."

Penny vacates her chair and rounds the corner of Eliza's desk, bending down and putting her arms around her. Everything inside Eliza yells for her to pull out of the hug but she can't. The hold Penny's got on her is too tight to escape, so she just waits for it to pass. Finally, Penny lets go, although the very heavy perfume lingers in the air around Eliza. "Congratulations," the redhead offers, a soft smile on her lips when getting back into standing position. "I'm very happy for you, Eliza."

"Well, um, th-thank, thank you," Eliza fumbles to find her words. "And um, let's get back to being professionals again, yeah?"

"Yeah, sorry, I just… I got carried away, I guess," Penny hurries as she gets back to her desk, resuming her work from earlier. "It won't happen again, I promise."

Eliza's all kinds of speechless. Not because she felt something stir inside of her when Penny hugged her, but mostly because it had been so unexpected and unprofessional. Shaking her head to clear her mind, Eliza picks up her phone from beside her keyboard. Quickly swiping her finger against the screen, Eliza taps the message app and sends off a text to her wife, desperately needing the contact.

 **Hi honey, I know you're working but…  
** **I just wanted to check up on you and the baby? You both good? :)  
** **You on board with take-out in front of the fireplace tonight?  
** **Can't wait to see you, I love you.**

Arizona being only five weeks pregnant doesn't mean that Eliza's only worrying five times a day. No, in fact, it makes Eliza think even more about her wife and their baby. Not only worrying, though, but also just… all kinds of thoughts. Good thoughts, exciting thoughts… and all the while she's thinking those thoughts the need of spending more time with her wife has doubled tenfold these last few weeks. It's disturbing, but it's welcoming. It's amazing, really. Luckily, it's mutual which makes it all that more spectacular and special. Smiling at her screensaver, Eliza's heart escalates like rackets transforming into fireworks. The beautiful face of her magnificent wife along with the knowledge of that said wife carrying their baby, illuminates every ounce of Eliza's body and that is exactly what will help Eliza through the rest of this day.


	30. Chapter 30

**AN: Thank you for still sending me messages and wanting me to continue my stories. Here's next chapter for those of you who still reads. Happy Christmas everyone!  
**

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

Wiping beneath her eyes, Arizona tries not to smear out her mascara. She needs to buy waterproof mascara from now on, that's for sure. Being nearly 14 weeks pregnant and very hormonal are causing Arizona's waterworks to burst out at unexpected places and in unfortunate situations. Also the expected ones, though. And the latter is actually what's going on at this very moment. Arizona is curled up on the couch while watching a movie. She really should know better than to pop in a movie with a sad plot when being alone. Actually, it wouldn't even have helped if her wife had been here anyway. It's just how it has become. Arizona is constantly crying. She can't help it. And it's not like she wants to cry, it just happens. All the time, it seems.

Today she just wanted to laze around and enjoy her Saturday afternoon until Eliza got home, and hopefully without crying. So that's why she's buried herself in blankets and made a pot of tea. But the non-crying plan, yeah… it's not happening.

"This is- it's just stu-pid," Arizona sniffs to no one but the screen, hugging her knees to her chest with one arm while the other one is occupied balancing the mug atop one of her knee caps. "Why do I keep doing this… to myself?"

Sniffling, Arizona shakes her shoulders to brush of the sadness that is Susan Sarandon and how she gets cancer and makes Christmas presents for her children with pictures of their time together. It's almost too much for Arizona to handle. No, it _is_ too much for her to handle. Why does she always do this? Why does she drag herself through these emotional roads? It's ridiculous, really. Eliza keeps telling her so, too. While laughing at her at the same time. It's stupid and she needs to stop watching these movies, although they are so beautiful and sweet, too. It's just… you need to take the good with the bad, right? That's how Arizona has come to think of lately. She has to. And as long as she's able to turn off the movie or switch channels, she's fine. As long as there is a box of tissues in reach and Eliza is near, she'll be absolutely fine. Actually, Eliza has been her rock. As always, but still. Arizona's wife has really taken her role as wife serious these last few months. Not that Arizona didn't feel Eliza being a true wife before her pregnancy, it's just… it's just different, is all. And that's not a bad thing. No. It is amazing. It's like their shared love has taken a step up the ladder. Arizona didn't think it really could go further up on that particular scale, but it really could. Because here they are… showering in this undying affection and safety. If Arizona wasn't already crying, she would so cry because of… _everything_. Of how they got here, how they finally were able to get back to one another and now this… how they are expecting a baby in six months. They've overcome so many things in the last two years, it's unimaginable. But nonetheless they are here. And it's how Arizona has imagined it would be, really. Only thing… she finds herself missing Eliza every minute of every day. When she's working, when Eliza's working. When they go their separate ways due to schedule of doctor's appointment, dental appointments or even jogging. Is it normal to feel so attached to your wife so many years into their relationship? Maybe it's because of how they brutally got torn apart last year or because of Arizona's raging hormones? Arizona doesn't know. All she knows is that she misses her wife and she needs her here, right now.

Glancing at the grandfather clock, Arizona sighs. It's only been a couple of hours since Eliza left home. She had a hairdresser's appointment and then some minor thing at the office. Arizona had told her wife that she was more than capable of spending time on her own, but now she's not that sure anymore. Just look at her… she's crying and swaddled in blankets while drinking tea and watching a movie, and it's the month of May. She should be out walking or just basking in the finally arrived sunlight. Arizona is pulled from her thoughts by her phone. Quickly grabbing it, she places the mug on the table and takes the call without seeing who the caller is.

"Hey!" a cheerful voice greets which only makes Arizona's hope of communicating with her wife drop a notch.

"Oh, hi," she sighs, leaning back against the couch and propping her feet up on the coffee table.

"Is that some way to greet your brother, the uncle of your unborn child?"

"Ha, ha, hey, Tim," Arizona chuckles. "I'm sorry, I just thought you'd be Eliza, is all."

"You're in better luck, sis. It's me," Tim replies goofily. "And I got news for you."

"Really? Spill it," Arizona demands excitedly.

"Are you sure you're ready? I mean, have you paused the sappy movie you're watching?"

"I'm not-"

"You are."

"Shut up." 

"So you don't wanna hear my big news, huh? Um okay, suit yourself, baby sis," Tim plays nonchalant.

"Can it, Timothy, and tell me what's so important you're calling me the day before family dinner?" Arizona laughs.

"You got your tissues ready?"

"Will you stop teasing me otherwise the baby won't have an uncle to visit…"

"Ouch, straight in the heart, A, not cool," Tim says theatrically. "Okay, listen… tomorrow, at the family dinner…"

"Yeah...?" Arizona draws.

"There will be another one joining us around the table."

"WHAT?" Arizona bursts out, surprised by what she's been told. It can't be true, can it? Does her big brother… the man who only dates women for the sake of temporality... want her to meet someone special? It can't be right, she surely must be mistaken. "Are you joking?"

"I'm afraid not, sis."

"This is huge, Tim!" Arizona smiles to herself, feeling how her chest is bursting for her brother. He needs this kind of commitment; and she's always wanted this for him. And now it seems like he's finally found someone with whom it's possible. Arizona is so pleased and happy for her brother that she just can't help it. Now it begins… all over again. The sprinklers that are her tear ducts are set off.

"Arizona, are you crying?" Tim asks gently, although already knowing the answer.

"Nnnno," she replies, sniffling.

"Good, because don't make such a big deal out of it, okay? She's awesome and you're _mostly_ awesome and Eliza is awesome, so yeah, I wanted you all to meet. Okay?"

"O-kay," Arizona croaks out, wiping away the running tears from her one cheek. Suddenly she hears the click of their main door's lock, signalling the arrival of her wife. Arizona's mouth immediately turns up into an even bigger smile.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow at 5. Bye, sis."

"Bye, Tim," Arizona replies and then the line goes dead.

Squeezing the device in her hand, Arizona feels her heart skip a beat. It seems like both of the Robbins kids are finally getting their happy ending. Arizona knows she hasn't even met the woman yet but she knows this is special. She knows this is something else. Tim has never wanted her to meet one of his conquests before, never. And Arizona knows how much he craves that special and remarkable bond of love; the love that she herself has been lucky enough to find with Eliza. And now Tim wants to introduce someone. This can only mean one thing… and Arizona sure as hell hopes that it's worth all her brother's heartache and disbelief in the past. Feeling a hand squeeze her shoulder from behind and then a pair of soft lips upon her cheek, Arizona instantly lets go. It all just flows right out of her. Tears of joy and tears of pain. All rivers are streaming right out of her and she can't stop it. She doesn't even know what's going on.

"Whoa, honey…" Eliza rounds the couch and hurries to Arizona's side, curling her one arm around her shoulder and pulls the blonde into her arms. "What's going on? What happened?" Arizona can't form any words. Even if she could, she's not sure she's able to make out each and every emotion. It's all just a mess inside of her head. "Please, honey, tell me what's going on…" Eliza pleads softly, stroking Arizona by the hair.

"It's, it's not-nothing," Arizona croaks out. "Hormones, I, I, I guess."

"Well, it seemed like something. What did Tim want?" Eliza continues her soothing as Arizona buries her head deeper into the crook of the brunette's neck. Arizona feels at home; the significant smell of her wife, the calming touch and the soothing voice. Yeah, Arizona is most definitely home.

Sniffling, Arizona pulls a little back to look at her wife. The beauty before her immediately hits her square in the chest. It's not that Eliza was ugly or bad looking before but this… this new haircut makes her radiant. And it's not like it's that big of a change from the one she had before, really. It might even just be the ends that have been cut a smidge but everything just feels radiant right now. Every feeling gets more emotional with every day passing during this pregnancy. It makes Arizona dizzy but it's how it is. She feels everything so extreme and intense and this… Eliza's new haircut and Tim's desire to introduce someone… it's all kinds of crazy and emotional.

"You're so beautiful," Arizona finally speaks, cupping Eliza's cheek and shooting her a crooked smile. " **So** beautiful."

"Thank you, honey," Eliza smiles gently as she leans into Arizona's touch. "What's with all the crying? Are you okay? Are Tim?"

"Everything is fine, I think, um, maybe," Arizona replies as she gathers herself. Eliza's eyes go wide as the words leave Arizona's mouth. She should have known better than to voice her thoughts like _that_ when she's got a wife who's worried like twenty-four-seven these days. "No, Eliza. The baby is fine, I promise," she quickly adds, placing a soft kiss to the brunette's lips. Eliza raises one eyebrow in disbelief. "I promise!" Arizona nods as she lets her dimples on display.

"Mmm, okay."

"So picture this…" Arizona starts, finally having gained control over her emotions for the time being. Eliza situates herself more comfortable on the couch as Arizona takes both of her wife's hands. "Tim called to let us know, that um… that we will be four instead of three at family dinner tomorrow," Arizona grins excitedly. Her cheeks are hurting from all the smiling she's doing while at the same time they are boiling red from all the emotions running around her system.

"What?" Eliza's eyes go wide once again. "Are you serious? This is amazing."

"I know. I'm just so, so happy, Eliza. I mean…" Arizona smiles. And here we go again. It's a never-ending story, really. And it frustrates Arizona that she cannot control her own body anymore. Small tears are prickling down her cheeks again as the feeling of utter joy spreads throughout her entire body and soul. Eliza instantly squeezes her hands, wordlessly checking if Arizona is okay. All Arizona can do is smile, feeling how some of her tears take camp in the corners of her mouth. Because she is happy. She is so profoundly happy at this point in her life. She's carrying her and Eliza's child and her big brother has finally let his guards down. It really is fantastic. But at the same time a pricking tears at her heart because someone special is missing. Two very important people should really be here to witness what her and Tim has achieved. Arizona knows it can't ever happen but she's allowed to dream as unrealistic as it is. She's allowed to, nonetheless. Because they should be here, her parents. They should be here. They should meet and love Eliza as much as she herself does. They should be here to introduce themselves as Tim's parents tomorrow at family dinner. And they should be here and watch their first grandchild grow up. In the middle of all this joy and love Arizona is experiencing, she's also feeling that void. The void of her parents. No one will ever be able to change it and that's why Arizona will never be able to shake the feeling off. But what she'll be able to do is work around it, just as she's been doing ever since it happened. She'll have to face those special and emotional moments once and again, because that's just how life works. And she'll have to deal with them. Now is one of those times. And she can only imagine how messed up she will be further along in her pregnancy and when the baby comes and if Tim someday gets married and so on. It'll tear at her heart but it can't be any different. Thankfully she's got Eliza at her side to help her deal with whatever she'll have to face. Luckily Eliza is more than capable of that specific role. More times than not Eliza is actually way better at dealing with Arizona's emotions than Arizona herself. Wife of the year, right? Most certainly yes!

"But you're also sad," Eliza adds gently.

"Yeah," Arizona nods slowly.

"I get it," Eliza offers as she leans in and places a sincere kiss on Arizona's lips. The taste of her own tears are on her taste buds as Arizona takes in all of the perfection that is her wife. She doesn't have to explicate anything where her family is concerned, Eliza just gets it. Untangling her hands from Eliza's, Arizona cups both of her wife's cheeks and pulls her in closer, desperately needing the connection. Feeling how the contentment settles in her stomach again, Arizona's tomgue seeks entrance of Eliza's mouth which she is quickly granted. And it feels so powerful, so magic and so reassuring. It's all Arizona could possible need. Ending the kiss, they both sigh. Arizona quickly crawls into the lap of her wife, giving the brunette a giant smile as she tucks a stray of the newly cut hair behind Eliza's ear. "I love you," Eliza lets out as a whisper, her greenish eyes locking with Arizona's blue pools.

"That's my line," Arizona teases as Eliza's hands come to support her back, slowly rubbing up and down.

"Better rehearse your timing better then, huh, so I don't beat you to it?"

"Mmmaybe," she replies while faking to contemplate the option, tapping her fingers to her chin.

Craning her neck, Eliza smirks. "If you didn't watch so many sad movies you might have time, you know?"

Glancing at the TV behind her, Arizona just shakes her head. "It's not a sad movie."

"Arizona, come on."

"It isn't. It's about a family who overcomes their differences and come to love one another."

"The mother gets cancer and dies, Arizona," Eliza laughs, raising her eyebrow. "You can't call _Stepmom_ a happy movie."

"I know, but in the end they do get along, everyone, you know. And that's, that's…" Arizona tries to argument but she's doomed. Damn those stupid hormones.

"Here…" Eliza hands her the box of tissues.

"Thank you," Arizona sniffles, pulling a tissue from the box and wiping beneath her eyes. "I don't know… what's, what's happening, really."

"Honey, you're pregnant," Eliza smirks.

"Duh!"

"And that's why you should watch How I Met Your Mother or Friends instead of sad movies where mothers die, okay?"

"But then the commercials come on and they are so stupid and p-play on my, my emotions and-and…"

"And then you also cry," Eliza sighs, smiling. "Oh honey, how about reading a book?"

"You know what, I might do that," Arizona nods, lacing her hands behind her wife's neck.

"Not _The Match Girl_ , though, okay?"

"Of course not, I'm not stupid, you know," Arizona scoffs.

"Of course not," Eliza grins.

Leaning in and capturing her wife's lips once again, Arizona feels so immensely grateful for being here. For being born. For being right where she belongs. And even though she seems to not be able to control anything at this moment, she knows one thing for sure. One thing no one will ever be able to spin out of control, not even their unborn child and its activity inside of her stomach. Arizona knows that whatever happens, she won't ever be anything without Eliza and her love. And with the knowledge in the back of her mind, Arizona can take on the world. For ever.

* * *

 **AN2: Once again, thank you for reading. Feel free to review, it sure makes me happy.**


	31. Chapter 31

****AN: Aaaand then another suddenly pop into my mind and into your e-mail alerts, if you're one of those people who actually gets such e-mails. I hope you're still wanting to know what happens with Ariliza in this fic.  
Thank you for reading!****

 ** **AN2: Note that it's still Arizona's point of view.****

* * *

Sitting opposite a dark haired beauty, Arizona tries hawking what it is about that woman. It's not _her_ dark haired beauty because Eliza is sitting beside her, animatedly talking to the woman Arizona is obviously starring at. It's not that Arizona doesn't like the woman, it's more that there's something about her there's a little... different? Arizona can't find the exact word but she just knows that the woman in front of her is different. Very different than the other women Tim used to date. Not that she actually knew them, because Tim always kept them a secret but still. There's something that is just plain different about all of this. The woman is beautiful, sure. Her hair framing her soft face as she lets out a timid laugh. Her eyes sparkle and the lips are perfectly placed. Yeah, Arizona can definitely see why her older brother would fall for the woman. Slim, dark haired and cute. Almost childlike. _A-ha!_ Childlike... innocent. Yup, that's the word. Arizona gives herself an internal high-five figuring out the exact word the woman before her is a perfect definition of. Innocence. She practically oozes innocence what with her perfectly selected words and her fair skin that looks like nothing has ever touched it. Yup. Innocence alright.

"So how did you guys meet?" Eliza asks curiously as she takes a sip of her wine. Since Arizona can't drink she's made sure that her wife will. Eliza rarely drinks due to sympathy of Arizona's pregnancy and because she hates drinking alone, but tonight's different. It's Sunday and it's family dinner, so Arizona had to practically beg her wife to enjoy a glass of wine or two. Not because Arizona wants her wife tipsy or anything like that, but well... Arizona misses it. Drinking, that is. So if she can't drink, her wife sure as hell is going to enjoy a glass on her behalf. And what better occasion than now when her brother has finally introduced them to his new girlfriend? So, Eliza's enjoying the wine for the two of them meanwhile Arizona tries to remember how those sweet grapes taste and nurturing their love child from the inside.

"It's actually a funny story," Tim starts, draping his arm around the shoulders of the innocent woman who's grinning wider than humanly impossible, Arizona's sure. Alright, she's actually very kind and likable, the dark haired woman with the babyface. She's very much and visibly in love with Arizona's brother, so that's actually all that really matters.

"Yeah?" Arizona adds to the conversation just to let everyone know that she's actually partaking in this family dinner and not just her inner monologue. Eliza carefully snakes a hand below the table and between their bodies only to stroke the side of Arizona's stomach. It makes all of her insides carousel and the baby flutter, Arizona's positive. Oh well, she can't be quite sure but it really feels like the baby is moving in some way in there, although it's possibly too soon. But she'll very much like it to be so, even though she's only about four months into her pregnancy. But who's really counting?

"We met when Tim had his annual health check-up," Tim's girlfriend enlightens the Minnick-Robbins women with a big smile.

Tim squeezes his girlfriend's shoulder and nods, smiling as he continues. "And Lexie here came through the doors, tablet in hand and scrubs and all."

"So I take that you're a nurse then?" Arizona addresses Lexie with a smile, intrigued to know what the object of her brother's affection does for a living.

"Actually, no," Lexie shakes her head no while reaching for her glass of wine, bringing it to her lips to take a sip. Arizona raises her eyebrow in anticipation, Eliza's fingertips still stroking the side of her stomach as if they've always been doing so. It calms Arizona's many thoughts and Eliza knows that, thankfully.

"So you're... a doctor then?" Eliza asks a bit unsure of Lexie's hospital occupation. And Arizona's with her wife on that one... Lexie can't be a doctor. Not because Arizona thinks Lexie is dumb or unfit or anything remotely like that. It's the innocence part of it all. It's the childlike and untouched skin, her whole demeanor Arizona can't place upon one who's a doctor or something like that. There's something about Lexie that just screams... _young!_ Yes, that's the word. Definitely. Young.

"Lexie's not a doctor... yet, anyway," Tim reveals, beaming of pride as he scratches the back of Lexie's neck.

"I'm a surgical intern at Grey Sloan to be more exact," Lexie informs. Arizona tries hiding the surprised look on her face. Although she kind of already knew it in some way. The youth of her brother's girlfriend that is. Wow.

"Wow. That sounds very interesting," Eliza nods impressed. "So how far along in your internship are you?"

"I'm very new to it actually," Lexie slightly blushes while a smirk spreads all over the bearded man's face.

"I was actually her first patient," Tim grins. "And _what_ a patient!" he chuckles, earning him a nudge in the side from the young woman next to him.

Coughing a little, Arizona needs to know more. "So that makes you-"

"26," Lexie responds. "I skipped a couple of grades back in the days."

"Lexie's smart, sis. You know, brainy kind of smart and memorizes everything kind of smart," Tim gushes over his girlfriend with such a huge affection, it makes Arizona's heart melt right there. And when Arizona comes to think about it that's all that really matters. The fact that Tim is happy and proud. It doesn't matter if the woman making him feel all of those emotions is ten years younger than he is. It doesn't matter. Lexie being young doesn't matter. Because she's the only woman in so many years Tim's introduced her to. Lexie is the only one important enough for Tim to show off, so Arizona knows that he really means it. That this thing with the young surgeon in training is the real deal. And that's all she really wants for her brother. That's all she's truly been hoping for him to find and claim. He deserves to be happy and complete. He deserves to find that special someone who makes you grin like a fool and brag like a bastard. He deserves to find love. Just like she herself has been lucky enough to find with Eliza. So Arizona's willing to lower her guards and let the younger woman in. She's after all the one who's making her big and altogether brother look like a lovestruck teenager. And Arizona likes that glow around her brother. No, she loves it. So now, all of a sudden, she's actually very fine with having to share family dinners with Lexie in the future. And sensing by her wife's interest in the new addition to the group, everyone seems to be perfectly okay with this whole and new situation. Lexie's still young, though. But, yeah... it doesn't matter, she supposes. Not now, anyway.

The evening turns into early night which often leads to the Minnick-Robbins' bike ride back home to the yellow house with the hugging oak. And this night isn't any different than the others, except from the fact that they were four around the dining table and not just three. It's a welcome change, though. Having said their goodbyes to the new couple, Arizona and Eliza snakes through the city of Seattle like pros. The lights from both of their bikes illuminating the streets as they go.

"Sooo..." Eliza draws as she rides just beside Arizona. "Spill it!"

"What?" Arizona questions her wife as they turn a corner, both signaling with their arms which way they'll turn.

"Spill whatever it is you've been stewing about all night."

Arizona's never able to keep anything from her wife. Not even the silly thoughts or the thoughts she overthinks more times than not. She can't hide anything from her. It's mostly a relief but sometimes Arizona would really wish for her wife not to be so observant and good at reading her like an open book. Now being one of them, though she isn't really stewing. Not anymore, at least.

"There's really nothing to say, honey," she tries casually, signaling yet another turn with a stretched-out arm.

"Arizona..."

"Really, Eliza. I'm good. It's all good."

"You're a terrible liar, you know that right?"

"I know!" Arizona exclaims because she does in fact know that. She's not good at lying and definitely not where her wife is concerned. Ever since the accident she's hated it, the lying and sneaking around. She didn't like it before either but something about the whole being kept in the dark while having amnesia just made the dislike into hate. So yeah, Arizona is terrible at lying. But it doesn't matter. Being good at lying isn't something one should strive to be anyway. And really, there's nothing left to say. She worked it out herself perfectly in her head earlier this evening. The whole young and innocent thing that is. "I got it under control," she finally gives in, giving her wife a little as they both reach the familiar space of their front yard.

"And what exactly did you get under control?" Eliza asks, trying to hide a chuckle. Arizona goes to open the garage for them to park their bikes, Eliza right on her track.

"Lexie."

"Speak," Eliza urges her wife with a smile as they both park their bikes against the nearest wall inside the garage.

"She's nice and sweet," Arizona states matter-of-factly as she nods, shooting her wife a kind smile while Eliza pulls down the door of the garage, her back to Arizona who's waiting a few feet away.

"Sure she is," Eliza replies as she comes into straight position. "What else?" she continues, raising her one eyebrow.

"Nothing..."

"Arizona..."

Okay, she can't hold it back anymore. She needs to get it off of her chest. She's okay with the whole age difference because Lexie clearly makes Tim profoundly happy but still. She needs to voice the words inside of her head otherwise they'll just circle around, making her crazy-sister-like and that definitely can't be good for the baby. "She's a bit young, dontcha think?" she crinkles her nose, knowing very well that she's in no way to judge her brother's girlfriend based entirely on her date of birth. But hey, she's Tim's little sister. She needs to be a little cautious and questionable, right?!

"I knew it!" Eliza shakes her head in amusement, draping an arm around the shoulders of Arizona as they take the few stairs to the porch.

"Don't be smug," Arizona sighs, pushing the key inside the lock. When the lock clicks open, they enter their dark home, Eliza's hand now on the lower back as it guides Arizona inside.

"I'm not. It's just... she's _young_ , Eliza. Don't you think? I mean, she's just begun her internship? She'll be a doctor in what... ten years? I don't know how long it'll take but still... what are Tim supposed to do while she learns things about enemas and c-sections?"

"Whoa... someone's thought a lot about that, huh?" Eliza replies surprised as she turns on the small lamps in the hallway. "Maybe he'll just go about his everyday life, don't you think?"

"But... don't you think she's like very young? Or is it just me... who are being all judgmental and a jerk?" Arizona's shoulders slump as she hangs her jacket on the coat racket.

"You're just being a concerned sister," Eliza smiles, placing a soft kiss on Arizona's lips. "It's cute," Eliza's hands automatically caressing Arizona's stomach, the soft touches relaxing the blonde immediately. It's not because she doesn't like Lexie it's just... it's her brother and what if he gets hurt... _again?_ What if Lexie suddenly decides that she wants a boyfriend at her own age? What if Tim's heart gets broken because they want different things due to the difference in age? What if- "Stop!" Eliza speaks softly, shaking her head no. "Stop overthinking things, honey. Didn't you see Tim tonight? Didn't you see him radiate? He was-"

"Happy!" Arizona smiles. The smile erupting from deep within her. It's a smile reserved only for her big brother. It's the smile of a sister being happy for a brother. It's the Robbins' sibling's smile.

"Exactly!" Eliza smiles, her hands ghosting Arizona's stomach oh so lovely. "And seeing that you're the huge romantic that you are, you should really just let him be and experience whatever it is he is head deep in. You know... it doesn't matter how old she is or he is. You're the one reading novels about love where it's visible for the blind that-"

"Love has no age!" Arizona finishes her wife's sentence, instantly loving her wife that much more for reminding her of that said reason. Because it's true. Love really doesn't know age difference. Love is a feeling, not a number. And if Tim and Lexie are happy, then she'll be happy as well.

"Sappy but true," Eliza snorts playfully, causing Arizona to scoff and shove her wife a bit. Eliza just shrugs it off, leaning in to place a searing kiss on the blonde's pouting ones.

"I don't know why it got to me," Arizona reveals quietly when they break the kiss, finally reaching their living room and placing themselves in both ends of the couch.

"You love him."

"I do. But that can't be it, can it?"

"Honey, it's reason enough."

"Still..." Arizona purses her lips as she starts massaging her sore feet. "I'm not convinced, though."

"It could-"

"And do not say it's some kind of pregnancy-thing!" Arizona warns, pointing a finger at her wife who's about to burst from keeping a laugh within. "Eliza, don't. I mean it!"

"What? I wasn't..."

"Oh, yes, you were," Arizona raises an eyebrow, knowing her wife all that well. It's come to be the brunette's way of thinking these days, explaining everything Arizona says or feels outside the normal with the pregnancy. It started out all cute and funny but now... four months in and it's getting a little tiring, Arizona must say. Nonetheless Eliza keeps it going solely because she knows it drives Arizona crazy. But she makes sure only to take it to the limit. And sensing by the timing of this, Eliza needs to wrap it up right around now, if she knows what's good for her. Arizona's in no mood to play games. Not now. Not when it's been a long day, her feet are hurting her and she can't even come to think of when she needs to get up in the morning to go to work on those said sore feet. The stairs leading to their bedroom seeming so far away. "Make yourself useful instead," Arizona demands, sticking her feet into her wife's lap.

Eliza swallows her bottled up laughter and smirks, grabbing the blonde's feet with a playful sigh. "Okay then. Since you're carrying my baby and all," she shrugs.

"Thank you," Arizona grins cheekily, finally relaxing into the couch cushions, closing her eyes just for a moment.

"But, baby?"

"Mmmh?"

"Wouldn't it be just perfect if your brother's young girlfriend could skip a couple of years and then be the one delivering our baby? Think about it..." Eliza's voice is overly excited, the brunette already knowing the answer.

"Oh, such a joy it would be!" Arizona snarls, lightly kicking her wife in the stomach. "You're so much fun, you know that?"

"Yup. That's one of the many, _many_ reasons you married me," Eliza replies in a bragging tone. Oh, how Arizona loves her wife. Also when she's being a complete idiot like she is now. It's one of the many sides of her wife Arizona needs in her life.

"Yeah, yeah, you just watch out for the many, _many_ _young_ nurses flowing around that delivery ward," Arizona fires back, a crooked smile on her lips as she gives a little shrug. "Rumor says they're quite keen on the whole baby-thing."

"Is that so, huh?" Eliza puffs.

"Mmmh... maybe one of those many, many _young_ nurses would fancy some lesbian lo- **noooo** , I can't even finish that sentence," Arizona shakes her head in disgust.

"And oddly enough I'm very happy about that incompetence of yours," Eliza snorts.

They both stare at each other, knowing very well that there's really no one else. Then they smile wholeheartedly. Arizona knows by heart that Eliza is the only woman for her and the only one she'd want to be the mother of her child. After all, they're still together even though they've been thrown so many obstacles. She can't even think of or pronounce the scenario of them not doing this together. It's all joking, but still... all of Arizona's emotions are so out of tune these days. Placing her hands above her stomach, she pulls her shirt up and carefully strokes the naked skin. It's small, the bump, but it's there. Right where it should be. Eliza's eyes go to Arizona's midsection just as fast, the brunette being very protective of said midsection - and the person who comes with it.

"I guess it's just hormones," Arizona softly speaks as she circles her stomach with the tips of her fingers. It tickles but it's nice and makes her relax, just like Eliza's massaging of her feet.

" _You_ said it, not me," Eliza shrugs playfully as she leans down to place a chaste kiss on Arizona's malleolus.

The grandfather clock sends a loud sound throughout the entire house, making Arizona look at the glass face of the clock. It's way past her bedtime... well, her pregnant bedtime, it's come to be. Being pregnant makes her incredibly tired and therefor she's more times than not in her bed around 10. It's 10:30 and she's fried. Being pregnant has its perks, definitely. But it's also wearing her out. Trying to hide a yawn, Arizona smiles at her wife who's eyes are still on her. "Mmmwhat?"

"Let's get you and those sore feet to bed," Eliza pats Arizona's ankles. "Up you go!"

"But, honey... I'm afraid I can't walk."

"Yes, you can," Eliza chuckles. "Up."

"You'll have to carry me, I guess, if you wanna sleep next to me, that is," Arizona tries pulling off her best lazy voice and smile, dimples and all.

"I'm not gonna carry you, Arizona. You're not a child."

"But! I'm carrying _your_ child, Eliza. Surely that must mean something."

"Sure it does. But I'm not carrying you," Eliza laughs, getting out of the couch which causes Arizona's legs to drop to the cushion where her wife once sat. "Up!"

"Ugh."

"Up!"

"Stop saying that," Arizona sneers annoyingly. Stretching out an arm for her wife to take a hold on and raise her up. Like she just ordered her to.

"Up!" Eliza smirks, catching the blonde's arm and pulling her up on her feet. "See... that wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Seriously, Eliza. Stop!" Arizona pinches her wife in the side, placing a quick kiss on her smirking lips.

"It got me a kiss, so..." Eliza shrugs, guiding her wife by the hips and up the stairs.

"Shut up."

"Up!"

They take the stairs and while doing so, Arizona once again gets reminded of the fact that she's the luckiest woman alive; having Eliza by her side. Both when she's being unreasonable, when she's overthinking minor things and when she feels like she cannot make the next move. She's got Eliza - _right beside her_ \- to make sure that she doesn't lose it. To make sure Arizona gets through whatever's going on. And if that costs Arizona a couple of kisses in the process, she'll gladly be paying that kind of price any day. Really. It's a win/win. As long as Eliza can keep up with her and her maybe sometimes pretty unreasonable demands, she'll be able to do this. They'll be able to do this. And then... all of a sudden those nine months will have gone by; and a tiny human will take up space in their home and in their hearts. The latter already being a case. A very big case. Eliza hugs her wife from behind while entering their bedroom and Arizona quickly intertwines her fingers upon her wife's. Them both being so close to the baby nature will allow them at this point.

* * *

 **AN3: Once again, thank you to those of you who are still reading and interested in this story! Make sure to tell me if you wanna read more :)**


	32. Chapter 32

_Eliza's POV_

"Excuse me, ma'am, could you please help me?"

Eliza's eyes stare at the screen in front of her, her fingers suddenly coming to a hold on the keyboard. Those words _does_ actually still exist in the English language. They haven't been expelled from the dictionary or even the vocabulary. At one point Eliza actually had her doubts. Not because she herself can't pronounce them. Not because she herself needs help and she doesn't get it. Quite frankly it's the complete opposite. Eliza's wife is six months pregnant and she wants no help whatsoever. Something about being a strong, independent woman one minute but then the next she's a complete mess of tears and insecurity. Yeah, Eliza's life has changed. _A lot_. Not in a bad way, just in a different way. And it will continue to change. Life as she knows it has changed forever. It did so many months ago, even years. Arizona's accident, her recovery and all the memories slowly but steady finding their way back to the blonde's mind. It all changed Eliza... Arizona as well. And now they are expecting their child in three months give or take. That's entirely going to change Eliza's life as she knows it now and definitely also how she sees herself. In about three months someone is going to need her more than anyone has ever needed her, even her wife. A tiny version of Arizona is going to depend on her and her love alone. A little person will see her and refer to her as their mother. That is really freaking her out tonight to say the least. And with Arizona not wanting any help from her, how is she supposed to prepare and brush up her helping skills? How can she ever-

"Ma'am?"

"Oh, sorry," Eliza is dragged from her thoughts and into reality by a man's voice. Her eyes land on the firm's carrier, standing in the doorway with a stack of brown, thick envelopes in his hands. Ah, the files she asked of her colleague have finally arrived. "I didn't hear you, sir. Thank you," Eliza stands and accepts the envelopes, shooting the man her best apologizing smile.

"You looked pretty deep in thought, that's for sure, ma'am," he shrugs, smiling.

"Like you wouldn't believe," Eliza sighs, turning to leave the pile on her desk. Giving the man a finale smile, she goes to place herself back in her chair.

"You okay over there?"

That wasn't exactly what she expected to hear... from the carrier of her firm, that is. But there he is, asking if she's okay. Looking at her watch, Eliza gets the confirmation she needs; she shouldn't be here this late. She should be home with her pregnant wife. The wife that won't accept her help... oh well, at least not _every_ time she offers it. But she needs to work these days because when the baby comes, Eliza would rather be at home than at her office. So she works later hours now and not then. It's all about scheduling, really. Suddenly remembering that the carrier actually asked her a friendly question just before, Eliza rolls her shoulders to try and ease the tension. "Yeah, just, you know... got a lot of things going on at the moment," she gives the man a tired smile, not really knowing how come she enlightens an almost stranger to her personal business.

"Haven't we all," he shrugs, his voice containing an amount of humanity and some weird sense of hopelessness Eliza can't figure out where comes from. Well, she doesn't know the man. She doesn't know his business or anything about him, really. Maybe the hopelessness comes from having to work odd hours only to be able to bring home the bacon - to place upon a table. The table where his four kids and wife are impatiently situated. Or maybe he hasn't got anyone to get home to and therefore works on these god forsaken hours. Both scenarios make Eliza miss her wife. Incredibly much. It doesn't matter if Arizona cries over commercials and when she gets a splinter in her finger. It doesn't matter if Arizona tosses and turns due to nightmares and her sore back, only to ask to be cuddled but the minute after demands space. It doesn't matter that Arizona is an emotional mess. She's _her_ mess, nonetheless. Arizona is Eliza's mess... and what a beautiful mess. Deeming this night done for, Eliza saves the document on her computer only to shut it down the next second.

"You know what? Yes, yes we do..." Eliza's eyes search for the man's name on his uniform. "... Theodore. And I'm going home."

"Good for you, ma'am," Theodore smiles. "Take care and... lighten up, you know. Life's good, okay?," the man winks, closing the glass door behind him.

And he's right. Theodore is so accurate in his view of life this night which makes Eliza to hurry her closing-routine. Locking the newly arrived files into the drawer of her desk, Eliza shoulders her bag and grabs her blazer from the coat stand.

* * *

It's late July but it's pitch dark out. Once again glancing at her watch, Eliza registers the digests. 00:24 AM. Yeah, it's late. Arizona texted about three hours ago that she went to bed, so now all Eliza can think about is to snuggle up with her sleeping wife. The mere thought drives her home in record time. And now she's tiptoeing through her home, trying not to wake the sleeping beauty upstairs.

The entire house is muted in a pleasant way. Eliza knows that Arizona's home, sound asleep in their bed whilst their baby is developing safely in her belly. It makes all of Eliza's thoughts from earlier slow down. She can do it... she _is_ actually doing it. Dealing with a pregnant wife and the thoughts and actions that goes with it. And she loves it more times than not. Mostly she adores her wife. Arizona is amazing and awesome and beautiful but... she's also an absurdly emotional mystery. One to be solved in different ways depending on the day, the time, the mood, the soreness and especially the food. Eliza wouldn't want it any other way, though. Most days she even makes a little game out of it. Without Arizona knowing, of course. That would only lead the pregnant woman into overdrive and emotional turbulence, and no one wants that. No one needs that. Especially not Eliza.

Stripping off her clothes and pulling a tank top over her head while brushing her teeth, Eliza gets ready for bed in no time. Tiptoeing towards her bedroom, having gotten ready in the downstairs bathroom, it puzzles Eliza to why the lights are on in the bedroom. The door is closed but the light breaking through beneath the door lets Eliza know. It's 1 AM, Arizona should be sound asleep by now. Gently opening the door leading Eliza to the room with lightblue walls and seashells upon the night stands, the image before her melts her heart. It's just so on point.

Arizona isn't sleeping. She's so very much awake. She's not in bed, though. And she isn't aware of Eliza's presence in the room. It makes for the perfect opportunity to just look. Eliza takes in the picture perfect. There. Just in front of her. The light casted by the street lamp outside hits Arizona just like a halo as she's sitting right in front of the big window in the rocking chair, legs bent and arms draped around them. The soft rocking squeaks the floorboards but the blonde wouldn't know seeing that she's got earbuds in her ears. Eliza watches the calmness live in the body of her wife while the beauty of all wonders of the world have taken up place in the shape of her wife as well. She can't make herself break this image. It's just so pure and divine. Arizona slowly rocking, her eyes focused on the stars above while the music blares through the tiny buds in her ears. She's just so at peace. And that's something Eliza doesn't take lightly these days. But she needs to touch her. Eliza needs to touch the soft goddess before her. Because... _she can!_ It's her prerogative as Arizona's wife. She can touch her whenever she wants. That said, she can touch her whenever Arizona's hormones are in check and allows her to more like. Eliza tries her luck because she needs to be closer to Arizona. Right now.

Being careful not to spook Arizona, Eliza closes the space between them in slow steps, kneeling down beside the rocking chair's side. Awaiting her wife's response to her arrival, Eliza just watches in awe. Watches how the blonde hair glows, how the light hits the skin, how the peacefulness radiates from all over the blonde's figure. Arizona doesn't get spooked, not at all. She just slowly turns her head and smiles through her unshed tears. Eliza immediately grabs her wife's hands, her heart all of a sudden breaking. Why is Arizona crying? What have happened? Nooo... Arizona would've called her if something was wrong with her _or_ the baby. Arizona wouldn't have kept it from her. Eliza can't take the silence anymore, pulling the earbud out of her wife's one ear.

"Arizona, what's wrong?" Eliza questions as her heart beats harder in her chest, a roughness of pricking Eliza had actually forgotten existed. Arizona squeezes Eliza's hand when the tears slowly falls, only to wipe her tearstained cheek with the back of her hand.

"I'm okay," she whispers, her voice raspy due to her not having talked to anyone for hours, Eliza supposes. "Really, I am," Arizona nods gently, pulling out the other earbud, gathering the cord and phone to place in the windowsill before her.

"But..." Eliza squints her eyes, all the insecurity her wife sometimes feels hitting her headstrong.

"Eliza..." Arizona smiles, sniffling as she cups Eliza's cheek. "I'm fine. We're both fine," she clarifies as Eliza was just about to ask about the baby. "I was just... I was thinking, you know."

"What? What were you thinking of? Why are you crying, Arizona?" Eliza's heart hammers beneath her ribcage as her legs soon goes into sleep due to the squatting.

"Please, calm down, honey," Arizona lets out a soft chuckle, leaning in a fraction to place a kiss on Eliza's lips. "Everything is just fine."

"You sure?" Eliza draws, raising one eyebrow; not entirely convinced by her wife's reassurance. "You'd tell me if something was wrong, right?"

"Have I ever lied to you?"

"No, but-"

"No buts, Eliza. You know how I feel about lying. And I'm definitely not lying to you when it concerns your child or me? Okay?" Arizona assures, her eyes the truest Eliza has ever seen. She knows Arizona wouldn't lie. She knows that! But she needed to hear it out loud, anyway. She needed to be completely sure of the state of her baby. And her wife.

Nodding, Eliza straightens out her back, looking down at her wife. Arizona shoots a soft smile her way, the dimples shining gloriously in the night. It makes Eliza's heart flutter. It amazes her, really. How her wife is able to just steady her storms like that with the mere effect of her smile. And her words. It's a security Eliza cannot live without. "What made you cry then? And don't say nothing, Arizona. Picture coming home to find _me_ crying in the middle of the night and not knowing why? You'd go out of your mind," Eliza states, pulling herself up into the windowsill, her legs dangling and hitting the wall beneath her. Arizona snorts. "You would and everyone knows it!" Eliza smirks. "What went on in that head of yours?"

Arizona situates herself in the rocking chair again, legs placed on the floor while her arms come to rest upon Eliza's thighs. "It just hit me," Arizona starts. "Everything is changing. Everything will never be as it is now, you know. We will never be alone again. We will never be able to just up and leave without any warnings."

"When have we ever done that or even wanted to do that?" Eliza asks confusion evident both in her voice and on her face.

"Ssh. Just listen..." Arizona continues as her fingertips dance upon Eliza's thighs, circling ever so gently. Those blue eyes staring right into Eliza's soul. "We can't do any of those things anymore. Heck, we can't just board a plane and see where it takes us. Because we need to make plans. Because we're not alone anymore. We're not just you and me. Well, in a couple of months we aren't. It makes me completely sad," Arizona reveals, her eyes once again filling with tears threatening to fall. "But it also makes me so ridiculously happy, you know. Happy because we'll finally see the little creature who's been making me hopelessly emotional these past months," the blonde looks contently down at her stomach only to fixate her eyes right back on Eliza. "I'm just torn, I guess. Or... I was. I'm fine now. Honestly. It was just one of those moments..."

"Not completely hopeless, though," Eliza adds. "You'll always be able to get a job as a weeping woman, you know, the ones people hire to weep at funerals. It'll be a nice addition to the baby's bank account," she grins, knowing very well how to catch the blonde's humor.

"Don't talk about funerals, Eliza. You know I can't handle it," Arizona shakes her, her eyes playfully wide. Eliza leans down to lock her lips onto the pursed ones before her. The salt she meets sending shivers down her spine. "But sure, if it doesn't work out with the young moms anymore, I'll see what I can do," Arizona sasses as she shrugs masterfully.

"I love you!" Eliza exclaims as love runs through her every vein.

"And I love you."

"And you," Eliza smiles, placing one hand on the bump on Arizona's stomach. It's big and it's beautiful. Eliza loves the fact that it's visibly to every eye that Arizona is with child. It's amazing, really. Arizona matches Eliza's hand and they stroke the surface of Arizona's stomach in soft patterns. It seems like they both calm down instantly.

"And you," Arizona echoes the words just spoken, her eyes shining with affection.

"I thought about something earlier," Eliza softly speaks, eyes still on her wife's midsection as they fixates on the caressing hands. "And it's not why you've suddenly moved the rocking chair into our bedroom..."

"Ha! Be careful about the thinking part, though. It often leads to tears," Arizona jokes causing both women to chuckle. "What did you think about?"

"Theodore."

"Ahhh. Theodore! Of course."

"Stop it," Eliza pokes Arizona's stomach.

"But, honey, I thought about him myself."

"You're a moron, you know that, right?"

"Theodore disagrees, though."

"Will you shut up and let me finish?"

"Okay, okay," Arizona smirks, resting back in the chair. Her hair framing her perfect face just like a painting of colours running down a canvas. Eliza feels how the warmth spreads throughout her entire body.

"Do you like it?"

"What?"

"Theodore."

"I don't know him, I think we just established that, Eliza," she laughs.

"The name, Arizona. You like it?"

"Theodore?" Arizona crinkles her nose. "Really?"

"Yeah. It's cute, don't you think? It kinda holds a wisdom to it, right?"

"Come on," the blonde rebukes, her eyes narrowed. "Have you listened to yourself, honey? Or the name for that matter?"

"I mean it. And I like it. Think about it... please?" Eliza jumps from the windowsill and kneels between Arizona's legs, gently squeezing herself in between her thighs to better cradle the bump in her hands. "Please..."

"You really like it that much?"

"I do. We can call him Theo for short."

"I'll think about it. Okay?" Arizona smiles, looking down at her wife. "Promise."

"Thank you," Eliza grins. "Then I promise to think about your suggestion."

"Hey... Elisabeth is a beautiful name!"

"My name is Eliza," the brunette screws up her face. "Wouldn't it be confusing?"

"If you think about Elisabeth, I think about Theodore. Okay?"

"Jeez, right now it sounds like you're giving birth to an old royalty, doesn't it?" Eliza furrows her brows.

"Surely we are tired," Arizona chuckles. "Shall we?" she gestures towards the bed, stretching out her arm for Eliza to grab.

"Your highness," Eliza pulls her wife up by the hand and smashes her lips right onto the blonde's giggling mouth.

"You're too much," Arizona drapes her arms around Eliza's neck, keeping her in place as she drops light kisses to every spot on the brunette's face.

Eliza is going to become a mother in three months. She's going to be up late nights and early mornings. She's going to be ruined and wrecked. She's going to lose control and forget things. She's going to be responsible of a child and not just during a custody case or something like that. This is forever. This thing she's doing is forever. And luckily enough, she's not doing it on her own. She's got her entire heart full of Arizona, the woman who's soon going to make Eliza a mother. And Eliza wouldn't trade places with anyone. Not even a person who's not expected at work in about six hours. Nope, not a chance. Eliza is right where she needs to be. And she's genuinely thankful for whoever's up there. The one that almost took her wife away many months ago. The one that almost cost her her marriage. The one that dragged her through hell. But that one person also pulled her out through again. That one person also made sure Arizona got better and even pregnant. Sure, she wanted to blow him a piece of her mind more times than not. But not today, not tonight. Not anymore.

* * *

 **AN: Thank you for reading and for still wanting to know what happens :)**


	33. Chapter 33

AN: So here's a little tiny update about the two ladies, I for one, am missing very much. I hope you're still intrigued to find out what happens in this story. With no further ado… enjoy!

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

She's always been bad at saying goodbye. She's always been too emotional when it comes to things or people she's affected by. And this moment isn't any different. It's her last day at work and all the young moms, April and her other colleagues have decorated the large session room with streamers, kiwi-cakes and balloons. It's not a baby-shower, it's _not_ … because Arizona doesn't like those kind of things, so of course April haven't arranged for such party to take place the day she goes on maternity leave. Surely her best friend knows better than to pamper her with such nonsense. So it's just a 'see you on the other side of your maternity leave'-party. Those streamers and silly cupcakes are extreme, though. But everyone is smiling, and hugging her every minute, so Arizona just takes in all the love. It's really amazing how people are able to show love and affection when you come to think about it. It hasn't really occurred to Arizona before but you can say a lot just by blowing up a balloon and baking a cupcake shaped like a stroller. Love comes in all shapes and sizes really, and Arizona can't say she hates that fact. Actually, she loves it. Not the baby-shower thing but the love.

Resting her hands atop her huge belly, Arizona leans back in her seat while she takes in the scene before her. Her best friend is animatedly talking to the newest member of the group, 14-year-old Fanny who's expecting a baby in five months. The red hair is bouncing as April is explaining the difference between a sippy-cup and a regular cup. The pot of tea circles the table while some of Arizona's other co-workers chitchat amongst themselves. Meanwhile a couple of the young moms are trying to scribble down their suggestions for baby names, listing pros and cons below each suggestion. It's rather entertaining if one were to ask Arizona this exact moment.

"How about Ella?" the 18-year-old Gemma suggests, smiling at Arizona.

"Or Catherine?"

"Or Jenny?"

"Joe? It works for a boy _and_ a girl. It's cool," another girl interjects.

"I like Luke… it's both cute and hot."

"So many suggestions," Arizona chuckles as she rests her elbows atop the table. "Actually, we decided to wait on the baby naming, you know, we'd like to meet the baby before we decide."

"That's just crap," April rebukes, her big eyes rolling which causes the entire room to laugh. "Arizona and Eliza can't decide on a name they both like, that's why they haven't found one yet."

"Oh, that's _so_ not the case," Arizona shakes her head while she tries to situate herself better in the chair. It's like she doesn't fit anywhere anymore. It's like every chair in the entire world has shrunk or gotten harder or softer. It's like each and every chair is haunting her. Adding a pillow or a blanket or any other cosy and soft subject just doesn't do it for long. It's a curse; one Arizona would like to have abolished any minute now. "We _have_ a couple of names chosen. Eliza is just so picky," she crinkles her nose while faking a sigh.

"If you replace Eliza's name with Arizona's, then I'm sure you've got the right story," April smirks to the group, causing yet another roll of laughter to erupt in the room.

" _You're_ the picky one?" Fanny asks with a smile.

"Yes!" - "No!"

"Yes!" April repeats herself, shrugging her shoulder while Arizona just shakes her head amused.

"You cannot name your baby _Theodore_! You simply cannot. Or Victoria… Eliza seems to think I'm giving birth to some kind of royal baby," Arizona rebukes. "And she's way out of the playing field on that one."

"Theodore is cute," another one of Arizona's colleagues add. "You can call him Theo for short-"

"Nooo. Not you, too!" Arizona points at the woman with a warning finger, although her smile reveals how she truly feels. And Arizona is feeling oh so many good feelings at this moment. "That argument is wearing thin at this point."

"Let's just hope you'll be able to select a name when the baby comes popping out," April smirks. "You can always go with Mary or Joseph, if you-"

"All those good, _good_ recommendations!" Arizona interrupts laughing theatrically as she places both hands on her chest. "Thank you, you guys! Thank you."

Arizona might not know what her future baby is going to be named but at this moment it doesn't matter because she's got these people. She's got these silly, caring and loving people by her side - ones that make her work doable and interesting and amazing. Ones that make Arizona feel like she's got everything she could possible need. She's got a job that makes sense in every department and she's got a wife who's being everything Arizona needs her to be and then some. Eliza has truly been the wife send from above during this pregnancy and that when Arizona hasn't always been the easiest wife to be around, she's positive. But Eliza has just been perfect and forbearing the entire time. Going on maternity leave shall be good, Arizona is sure, although she'll miss working. On the other hand, not working will give Arizona more time to nest. Really, this maternity leave is good. All the time she can spend arranging knickknacks, baby clothes, re-arranging children's books by age and colour and so on. It'll be a blast, to be honest. And another benefit of not working; being home with Eliza every day. Or as much as Eliza's attorney schedule will allow. Arizona surely ain't picky when it comes to spending time with her wife; she takes every minute she can get. And now she's going on maternity leave… leaving lots of time to prepare for the baby and enjoying the last weeks before two turns into three. Arizona is more than ready… she thinks.

* * *

"How was the not-baby-shower?" Eliza smirks, resting her chin on Arizona's shoulder as the blonde prepare dinner, the dark haired woman's arms hugging her tight.

"Wonderful!" she reminisces, her cheerful voice resonating below the extractor hood. "Clara made kiwi-cakes!"

"Awww, that's amazing," Eliza hums, kissing the side of Arizona's neck. It makes a cascade of shivers run down the blonde's spin, causing butterflies to surface in her stomach. The baby must feel it as well because everything inside of Arizona suddenly feels more alive than she's felt before.

"Mmmmh," Arizona whispers as she stirs the soup, leaning back against her wife's front. "Every time you do _that_ …the baby spins… and splashes around."

"This?" Eliza leaves feather-light kisses all over Arizona's neck, making it hard for the blonde to concentrate on the stirring. "You mean this? Really?"

Each and every one of Arizona's hair stand on end while goosebumps erupt on her entire body. It makes her hazy and dizzy but at the same time it's so, so amazing. The big movement inside of her signals that their baby feels it too… the things Eliza does to Arizona. The baby feels it and gets a round of entertainment out of it, so it seems. If it means their baby will thrive on the love its parents hold for each other, Arizona surely cannot complain. It's absolutely perfect.

"Y-y-yesss," Arizona talks behind closed lips, her eyes already having given up. "That!"

Eliza's hands come to caress the entire belly of Arizona as she continues to tenderly kiss the soft spot of the blonde's neck. Arizona can't make out what her stirring-hand is doing right this instant. She can't for the life of her explain what any of her body parts do now. She's lost. She's lost in a world where Eliza is the queen and she's the handmaid. She's lost in every feeling Eliza is spurring in her - and she's not even sorry she's about to ruin dinner. To be fair they are two in this little party. Eliza can surely take some of the blame as well. It doesn't matter, though. Right now her wife's hands are taking care of their unborn child while her lips are taking care of the blonde's neck. Dinner is dinner, ruined or not. They can live on love alone, if it comes to that. No problem. They've got all they need right here - the two of them and their baby. And in a short amount of time their baby will actually be right here… with them… in the flesh and not just beneath Arizona's own flesh. It's surreal but it's sensational.

"Weren't you making dinner, honey?" Eliza smirks against the blonde's neck.

"Yes! But then someone came home and-"

"All those interruptions and bad excuses," Eliza chuckles, hugging her wife close to her. Arizona relaxes into her wife's holding and opens her eyes, a big smile adorned to her face.

"Dinner's ready, I guess," Arizona giggles, shrugging her shoulder lightly. "At your own risk, though."

They both look into the large pot, a lumpy mass of brownish green brewing. "What exactly is it again?" Eliza asks as confusion covers her voice.

"It's vegetable soup, Eliza. With broccoli and potatoes to name a few…"

"Why don't you just concentrate on naming our child?"

"Shut up!..." Arizona laughs as she hands the wooden spoon to her wife. "…and stir!"

"But…"

"No buts, I'll just add some more broccoli and-" Arizona catches her wife's shaking head, the blue eyes sparkling with joy and suspicion. "No?"

"No, honey. Just no. It's ruined."

"But…"

"No buts, Arizona. Your words," Eliza grins.

"But dinner…"

" _A-ah_. Still no buts."

"I'm starving, though," Arizona pouts as her shoulders slump.

Leaving the wooden spoon in the ruined soup, Eliza kisses her wife's cheek. "Already dialling."

Arizona knows what that means. Eliza's been a master at reading Arizona these past few months, knowing exactly which take-out food Arizona craves and when she craves them and more importantly when she needs them. It's really marvellous to have such excellent wife around when hormones are raging inside and when you're not always able to express yourself to the fullest. Eliza just knows. Sometimes even before Arizona knows herself. It makes Arizona feel so at ease and relaxed, so taken care of and safe, and just so incredibly loved. She can't think of better feelings to be experiencing. Although so many, many feelings are running through her mind every second of the day.

December is just around the corner which means one thing; Arizona's pregnant days are soon to be over and then the baby will come. It's actually happening. The baby is coming, December is coming, the expanding of their family is happening in just a few weeks. Can she handle it? Will she be able to get the birthing part right? Will their baby suffer or be perfectly okay? Will complications arise or will she just swim right through it with grace? Will she be a good mother? _Can_ she be a good mother? Can she live up to Eliza's expectations of her as a mother as well? And can she finally figure out what to name the tiny human who's been growing inside of her for the last nine months? All those questions, fears and thoughts running through her mind like trains and lightning bolts. So many questions and the time is running out. Not that it's a race or anything. Not that this baby is something to get over with. Not that she wishes time would stand still. In reality she can't wait to meet their baby, she can't wait to experience everything and that all at once. It's just that… is she ready? Will she every be _truly_ ready? It depends, Arizona guesses. Time will show. At least she's not alone. She's got Eliza just beside her. It's just them - Eliza, Arizona and… the unnamed human being. _Their_ unnamed tiny human being. She can so do this!

* * *

 **AN2: Thanks for reading. You know what to do!**


	34. Chapter 34

**AN: Long time no update but here it is. The next installment. Thank you so much for all your kind messages and reviews asking when another chapter will be done, and fear not. I promise to finish this story.**

* * *

 _Eliza's POV_

Eliza is head-deep in her work and it's only 9 a.m. She got in around 7 a.m. and started working on yet another closure. Seems like it's the time of year where custody cases are being closed and/or finalized. Thank God, even though it may mean that some households are left inconsolable or just broken. Eliza tries her best to let justice triumph, it's just not always it goes the way she plans or wants it to. More times than not her clients celebrate the victory of a long and emotionally hard road because of her but there's also the ones Eliza simply cannot victoriously help. The cases that pretty much are deemed from the beginning, though it doesn't stop Eliza from doing her best and hardest effort. She's known for her thrive, her drive and especially her way of combining truth, emotions and a cool view. And those things surely helps her in court and at work but also in her personal life. She's always been a driven person which could possibly be one of

reasons she chose to attend law school. She's always wanted to help and stand up for people and especially the ones with no voices of their own. She's always fought for what she believed in and what she wanted which then came automatically with her choice of carreer and the last couple of years with her wife's accident. Eliza wanted Arizona's love and affection, she believed in her wife's ability to regain her memory - most days - and she never doubted her own love for Arizona. It was what held her together more days than it tore her apart. Eliza's love and devotion made her pull through and thank God for that. Because now she's about to be a mother. Arizona is making her into a parent in two weeks give or take. It's surreal but Eliza wouldn't want it any other way. Arizona is making another dream of hers come true. That alone is a miracle. Arizona is a miracle. Coming back from such a severe accident and now giving birth to their love child. Eliza can't pin down which enormous kind of powers her wife holds but they are in fact that... enormous. And admirable.

The pregnancy has brought a lot of crazy situations, emotions and disagreements along but it hasn't scared any of them. One thing Eliza hadn't expected to already be a problem is the not sleeping part. The baby isn't even here but Eliza can't seem to get a descent sleep these days which is why she's been here since 7 a.m. Eliza loves her wife, she really does, but she really wishes that Arizona wouldn't kick as much as she does. Eliza knows that the bigger the baby gets inside the womb, the more it kicks. But what she didn't know was that the woman carrying the baby would kick as well. And a lot. The blonde is kicking hard and fast in her sleep like some kind of a mirror-kicking from the child. Arizona cannot control it and is so heartbroken from the fact that she keeps her wife awake all night. And yup, it's really heartbroken. Arizona weeps and weeps and nothing seems to help matters. It doesn't irritate Eliza, it's rather cute actually, but it's the non-sleeping thing that makes her a little edgy. But she's come to think about it as a rehearsal for when the baby comes. And days like today, she just gets a lot - a lot - out of and make it count behind her desk. It's actually okay but she would lie if she said that she didn't want to sleep to at least 8 o'clock some days. Or just one day. Never mind, though. She's here and cases doesn't solve themselves anyway.

As Eliza taps away on the keyboard of her computer, her phone vibrates. Reaching for the device, Eliza clicks open the screen and a large smile erupts her face. Arizona has sent her a video and judging by the still picture it's of her belly. Pressing play on the screen, the video starts.

The soft sound of Christmas music is playing in the background as Arizona pokes one of her fingers into her stomach. It sends a whirlwind of happiness through Eliza. It makes her head spin. The way Arizona's fingers take turns cautiously poking the large bump which causes the shape of a small foot or a tiny fist to show beneath the surface of her wife's skin... it's just miraculous. It's beautiful. It's pure joy. And most importantly... it's her baby. Eliza feels the happiness spread into a humongous grin, one that would make her wife weak in the knees and maybe even make her eyes pool. Nah, not maybe. Definitely. Arizona would definitely cry if she saw the grin adoring Eliza's face right now.

Suddenly Arizona's hand leaves the screen only to return into view with something hidden in the palm. Eliza pictures how her wife is balancing with recording this video while doing what she's doing now - and it makes her chuckle out loud. The hidden object in Arizona's hand is apparently a lipstick - and a red one. Eliza's red lipstick. Carefully and meticulously Arizona draws a red heart upon the area around her bellybutton, the heart being upside down to make it the right shape for her to record and for Eliza to witness. It's beautiful and cute... and it's her life. A tiny fist appears once again, this time where the lipstick heart ends. It makes Arizona giggle and it's one of those giggles that makes Eliza swoon. Sadly the video stops, making the blonde's giggle resonate in the silent office and in Eliza's heart. Reading the message below the video, Eliza finds herself wanting to call it a day and head home. She can't do that, though. It's only a little after 9 a.m.

 **A: Joy to the world. The lord is almost here ;)**

 **Sending lots of love and fist-bumps to our favorite attorney!**

Quickly sending her wife a reply, Eliza's fingers tap the screen of her iPhone like a pro.

 **E: That might be the cutest fist-bump I've ever seen! Let's go celebrate :)**

A few seconds go by and Arizona replies, confusion written all over her text.

 **A: Celebrate? The fist-bump? You're crazy!**

 **E: Why not? :) It's the little things in life we need to celebrate. Small victories, Arizona. Little wins!**

 **A: And fist-bumps are a victory becaaaause?**

 **E: Our kid is awesome, Arizona. Let's just celebrate that! Fist-bumps are just a bonus ;)**

 **A: Ha, you ARE crazy and I love you! I'll celebrate with you. How?**

 **E: Dinner. 6 p.m.? My treat!**

 **A: Smooth... we've got joint bank accounts, remember?**

 **E: Humor me for a minute here, woman!**

 **A: Ask me again then :)**

 **E: Do you wanna go out with me? Dinner, tonight, 6 p.m.?**

 **A: I'd love to!**

 **E: I'll pick you up :)**

 **A: Great because I can't seem to move without getting exhausted or really hungry! :-***

 **E: Ha ha. I'll see you tonight, honey.**

 **A: I can't wait!**

Deciding it's time to take a closer look at her closure for the Jensen's family feud, Eliza places her iPhone next to the framed picture of Arizona, sending her wife a soft smile in the process. Eliza can't wait to go out with Arizona tonight, to celebrate the bundle of joy who's been growing inside the blonde for the biggest part of the year. It's 9:30 a.m. and Eliza needs to work and help a broken family reach the best solution for all parts. It's a hard journey but she thinks she's finally found a road everyone included can get on terms with. Mentally crossing her fingers, Eliza hopes the early Christmas spirit has settled inside the ex-husband and the ex-wife. Tapping away on her keyboard yet again, Eliza pours all of her energy into writing and presenting her advice and solution for the Jensen's while setting aside her own excitement about spending a night out with her pregnant wife.

* * *

Hours has gone by one by one and without even noticing it, the morning has turned into early evening. Casting a look upon her colleague opposite her, Eliza notices the small lip-bite Penny is doing. Finding it a bit funny, she can't stop the soft snort from escaping her nose. It makes Penny look up and lose the biting-lock on her lower lip.

"Sorry," Eliza tries covering up her snort with a forced cough. Penny doesn't respond, though, her eyes quickly glancing out of the window to the Seattle autumn sky. Eliza mirrors the red head and finds the street lights hit her in the face through the window. The moon already in place. It's a welcoming light like some kind of safe awareness because it means that her baby is soon going to be here in flesh and blood, and not just beneath the skin of her wife. The street lights glowing at this time of the day is a clear signal that winter and Christmas is coming which means... the Minnick-Robbins household is upgrading. The mere thought makes Eliza's insides vibrate due to pure love and excitement.

"When is the due date?" Penny asks out of the blue dragging Eliza out of her daydreaming.

"December the 12th," Eliza proudly states, feeling yet another round of excitement skate through her entire body.

"Wow," Penny smiles. "It's pretty soon. How are you doing?"

"To be honest... I can't wait."

"I can only imagine. Have you picked a name yet or are you the type of people who decides when the baby gets here?"

"We... we can't decide on a name because, frankly... we can't decide on a name we both like," Eliza chuckles.

The unbearable tension between Eliza and Penny has finally disappeared and it makes Eliza incredibly happy. Penny finally got over the crush and started acting normal around Eliza, and also Arizona when she's visiting the office. Suspiciously Eliza thinks Penny has found someone because to be honest, the red head is particularly happy and shiny these days. Eliza just haven't wanted to pry or anything like that because she didn't want to push the colleague-relationship they've finally established. But there's something different about Penny Blake and Eliza really likes working with this new version.

"Can I give you an advice?" Penny smiles which makes Eliza nod in return. "My father always explained to me that if your partner is happy it makes you even more happy. He of course meant that if my mom wanted something he didn't always want, he just went along with it because whenever he saw the joy in my mother's eyes he got unmeasurably happy himself," Penny explains with a softness to her voice Eliza haven't heard before. The softness and the words hold such wisdom and it makes Eliza feel warm inside. Because it's the truth. It's what she really wants. To see Arizona's eyes fill with joy and happiness... and if it means her child is going to be named Elisabeth or something from one of Arizona's favorite stories, it doesn't really matter. What matters is the joy in her wife's eyes and the health and life of her baby. "It wasn't really an advice, I guess, but still..." Penny chuckles, her ponytail bouncing.

"Thank you!" Eliza smiles to the woman behind the desk opposite herself. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome, I guess," Penny shrugs offhandedly, waving with one hand. "It was just a thought."

"I appreciate it," Eliza nods friendly. "Can I ask you something... something personally?"

"Shoot," Penny grins.

"Are you... are you happy?"

The red head is a little thrown by the question but quickly shaking it off, she smiles. "I am."

"I'm really glad to hear that," Eliza adds because she really is. She really wants for Penny to be profoundly happy, to have found someone to make her as indescribably happy as Arizona makes her and judging by the look of the red head and the change in demeanor, Eliza thinks Penny has found that said happiness.

"Me too," Penny agrees with a soft nod, the ghost of a blush spreading across her face. Eliza doesn't need to know what makes Penny happy or even blush, it's just nice to know that Penny has something or someone that makes her react like that. Eliza knows what it means... those reactions are something she herself still experiences. And it's marvelous to be alive and happy like that.

"Speaking of happiness," Eliza presses save on her document, turning off her screen. "I'm out."

"Dinner with the wife?" Penny asks interested as she herself does the same, her screen going black.

"Exactly. You got any plans for the last night of November?" Eliza chuckles as she grabs her coat from the coat-hanger.

"Nah, not besides watching reruns of medical shows and eating ice-cream from a jar."

"Alone?" Eliza tries, smirking.

"Not exactly," Penny smiles, the blush finally setting on her cheeks as she grabs her bag.

"That's ni-" Eliza's sentence is cut short by the piercing of her phone. "Oh. Sorry. I need to get that," she smiles apologetically which makes Penny nod in return as she zips her coat. Grabbing the device, the face of Arizona meets Eliza's eyes. Feeling a bubbly love-storm build inside, Eliza slides her finger across the screen and placing the phone to her ear. "Hey honey, how's-"

"No time. Eliza, you need to come to the hospital!"

Eliza's heart stops. The voice reaching her ears wasn't the voice she excepted to hear when accepting the call. And the information surely wasn't one she wanted to hear at this point and in such frantic delivering.

"W-what?" Eliza stammers. All the memories and heartache from when Arizona was hospitalized and the time with the accident, the time apart and the intolerable amount of pain comes back and makes Eliza freeze in spot. What has happened? Why is April calling? And where is Arizona? Is she okay... is the baby? Oh God! Eliza feels the all too familiar pricking deep inside of her. It tears at her lungs and unfortunate at her heart as well.

"What's wrong, Eliza?" Penny interrupts, rushing to her aid and placing a hand on her arm. "Are you okay?"

Eliza feels how her lungs collapse, the pricking tearing at her every organ and the tears running hot down her cheeks. It can't be. Not again. No more hospitals. Not again. She cannot do it. She needs her family. Both of them. She needs for her wife and her child to be okay, and now April calls and demands for her to be at the hospital. What's going on? Eliza can't get a single word over her lips as she finds herself tearing apart, holding her free hand to her chest. She never thought she would be in need of one but where is a brown paper bag when she needs one? She can't do this. Not again. She can't get her heart broken again. She's not strong enough. But she needs to get to Arizona. She needs to see her. She needs to know what's happening. But at the same time, she's afraid of the circumstances and the answers she'll get if she asks. She can't take any more pain. She just can't.

Penny takes the phone from Eliza's hand and holds it to her own ear. Eliza can't make out what the red heads are talking about, she just needs something to balance herself against. Placing both hands at the edge of her desk, she pushes herself up as her arms straightens. Time stand still but at the same time it rushes through her. Eliza can't control anything... anymore. Feeling an arm around her shoulders, Eliza finally looks up. Penny stares at her with a soft stare, some kind of emotion lingering in the corner of the mouth.

"You need to get to the hospital, Eliza. Arizona needs you. I'll drive."

Then that's what Eliza needs to do. Setting aside her own misery, Eliza steps up and puts a brave face on. Her wife needs her, so be it. The pricking feeling needs to disappear now, so that's what Eliza needs to make sure of. Casting aside the speculations of bad outcomes and sad scenarios, Eliza shakes her shoulders and straightens her back. Arizona needs her and that's the only thing that matters right now. The other things can be dealt with later on. The shadow from the moon reaches the darkened room, sending a thrill down Eliza's spine. She needs to get to the hospital!

* * *

 **AN2: Thank you for tuning in on this story. Hit review if you're still reading :)**


	35. Chapter 35

**AN: How lovely it is to know that you're still reading! Thank you for your continued interest in this story :)**

 ** **Ps. Have in mind that I'm no doctor nor have I any knowledge in medical situations besides what I've been watching on Grey's!****

* * *

 _Arizona's POV_

What Arizona sees it not what she expected and is definitely not what she asked for. All Arizona wanted was for her wife to be here. She didn't tell her best friend to go call everyone who's ever known her. Standing outside in the hallway is not one person, not two persons, not three persons who's been an important factor in Arizona's life the last couple of years, no. Arizona counts a handful of people who's pacing back and forth. But the only person she truly needs is nowhere to be seen. Glaring out the pane of the patient's room, Arizona sees how April has invited a bunch of people to witness her struggle and pain. Sitting in a chair with his fingers drumming upon the armrest is her brother - and when you say Tim you also say Lexie. She's sitting next to him, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Pacing around is April as she's animatedly talking to someone on the phone - Arizona really, _really_ hopes it's Eliza, if April knows what's best for her. Talking to a nurse is Dr. Shorty Pants who surprisingly enough isn't wearing shorts but a pair of slim, black jeans. Next to Arizona's therapist is Dr. Jo Wilson who helped Arizona when she was hospitalized during her memory loss. And like that wasn't enough people, April's new sidekick who looks exactly like Arizona's young shrink and oh yeah, was the one to help with the insemination-situation, yeah he is also present and resting his back against a wall a little away from the buzzing crowd. The face Arizona desperately needs to see and the comforting sound of her wife's voice are somewhere far, far away. But Arizona needs Eliza to show up like half an hour ago. Arizona feels abandoned and alone even though she's got so many people out there. But the person she really needs isn't here and she doesn't know why. Where _is_ Eliza? April called Eliza as the first person, of course. But she isn't here. Sensing another round of piercing to her stomach, Arizona cries out in pain, grasping her stomach. She can't do this, not alone, not without Eliza. She can't. It's not the 12th yet, it's too soon. It's not even December yet. And Eliza still isn't here. She can't do it and she won't. Not without her wife. Not without her love. Not without her lifeguard.

The pain runs through Arizona's body, almost hypnotizing her mind and soul. Another but unknown red haired woman enters Arizona's room with a gang following her every move.

"Listen, Arizona," the woman places her hand upon Arizona's two hands covering her stomach. "I'm Dr. Montgomery. We need to get your baby out of there," the red head gestures towards Arizona's stomach with a confident smile.

"W-why? It's too soon," Arizona can't keep her voice from breaking, it's inevitable at this point. She can't control anything anymore. She can't even have her wife at her side.

"Your baby wants to see you," Dr. Montgomery informs Arizona. "And judging by the scans we had made earlier, we need to do a c-section because your baby has moved and changed position. Do you know what that means, Arizona?"

"Y-yeah, I think-think so," Arizona stammers as another hurtful vibration courses through her entire being. Grasping the armrest of the bed, Arizona grinds her teeth. "The. Baby's. Head is. Upside. Down. Orrr, I. Mean..." the pain hits Arizona yet again.

"I know what you mean and you're completely right, Arizona," Dr. Montgomery nods friendly while squeezing Arizona's shoulder. "Try breathing through your nose."

"Mmmh."

"Better?"

"I, I. I don't. Know," Arizona closes her eyes as she breathes through the pain. Where is Eliza? She needs her. She promised that she wouldn't be doing this alone. Opening her eyes, Arizona starts sniffling. "W-when?"

"As soon as possible. We can't risk the baby moving around again, getting stuck in the cord. So let's get your baby out, huh?"

"But..." Arizona sighs, her eyes pooling.

"Your husband isn't here, right?" Dr. Montgomery shoots an apologetic smile.

"Wife," Arizona strokes her stomach. "She'll be here. Soon."

"I'm sure she will," the red head smiles. "Dr. Karev and Dr. Stevens will come get you in a little while, okay? It gives your wife time to show up, sounds good?"

"Yeah, o-okay."

"I'll see you then. And remember your breathing, Arizona. Your baby will be here - safe and sound - in a short while. I'll make sure of it," finishing her sentence with a confident nod, Dr. Montgomery exits the room with her subjects just behind her.

Once again Arizona feels alone, her tears now completely escaping her tear-docks. She's crying and there's not a damn thing she can do about it. Her baby is about to be born but she can't make out why Eliza isn't here. Has something happened to her since she isn't here? A knock on the doorframe pulls Arizona out of her thoughts. Looking into piercing blue eyes, Arizona surrenders and gives her shrink a confused smile. She doesn't know why but it seems like she can't do anything like she used to anymore. The young man quickly closes the gab between the door and Arizona's bed, giving her a confident nod.

"How are you doing, Arizona?"

"Besides me being in weird labor which causes my baby to be born during a c-section, and the no-show of my wife, I'm doing juuust peechy," Arizona breathes through her clenched teeth as another contraction hits. Grasping the cool armrest again, Arizona tosses and turns in the bed.

"Do you need anything? I can get you-"

" **Why** are you **here**?" Arizona sneers in pain.

"April called," Dr. Shorty Pants calmly clarifies as he strokes Arizona's arm.

"But _why?_ It isn't normal for a shrink to be present when his client is having a baby. It's. It's weird."

"I know. But-

" _But what?_ " Arizona can't control her word-attack as another contraction builds within her. Oh, how she wishes that c-section was about to happen.

"I was with my brother when April called Jackson and-"

"I don't know who Jackson is!"

"Yes, you do," a woman voice interferes from behind Arizona's shrink. "He's my boyfriend or well, we haven't really established that yet but-"

"Okay, April. I can't real-ly keep up with y-your dating life right nowww. I'm in pain and you've been so k-kind to invite every one to see my vagina explode! So t-thanks, for that, I-I suppose," Arizona explains roughly as she once again feels how every organ in her body expand or whatever it is they are doing. Arizona isn't here anymore. She just knows that it hurts like hell. And Eliza isn't here to calm her down. She isn't even here to get the toddler of af shrink to leave her room!

"You're in pain so I don't take it personally," April shrugs, coming to Arizona's aid. "Thank you, Jesse," the red head gestures towards the blue-eyed youngster standing beside her bed. Jesse, _a-ha!_ Arizona has never thought about Dr. Toddler's first name but of course he's got one.

Jesse nods to Arizona, giving her a soft smile. "You can do this."

"Thank you, Dr. Tod- I mean, um, Jesse," Arizona crinkles her nose, an awkward chuckle leaving her throat.

"Don't mention it, just take care of yourself and your baby."

Dr. Shorty Pants leaves the two women to themselves, Arizona's eyes instantly seeking out April's. She can't take it anymore. Her best friend needs to tell her that Eliza is on her way or that she has an extremely good reason to not be here. Sending April a pleading stare, the red head sighs.

"She's on her way. I promise."

"But _where_ is she?"

"Penny said she had a minor breakdown, but they're on their way."

Another contraction hits Arizona which causes the blonde to cry out loud. " **UGH!** W-why is P-Penny coming?"

"Easy!" April places both hands around Arizona's shoulder. "Hold tight!... you see, Eliza was at work and suddenly went silent while I was speaking with her on the phone so Penny took over. She's driving Eliza to you as we speak. She's on her way. You hear me, Arizona? She's on her way."

" **WHO?** " Arizona snarls as she launches forward. "God, I hope this baby is _cute!_ "

"Of course it is!" a new voice breaks through Arizona's pain. But it's not a random voice, it's _the_ voice. It's the voice of salvation and home. It's the sound of love. It's Arizona's wife. Eliza is here. At last.

Snapping her head in the direction of the door, Arizona lets out a huge breath. "Get over here!"

"I'm here, I'm here," Eliza rushes to her wife's bed and kisses her forehead. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Never mind, you're, you're here," Arizona finally lets go of all of her emotions, cascades of tears streaming down her cheeks. "It, it hurts so much," she whimpers, resting her head against Eliza's chest.

"I know, honey, I know," Eliza shushes as she strokes the top of Arizona's hair.

"You're wife made it just in time," Dr. Stevens enters the room, making all three women turn their heads in her direction. "It's time for the c-section."

"You ready?" Dr. Karev asks coolly with a soft look in his eyes.

"I think so, y-yes," Arizona nods feeling like a small child about to be taken away from its safe space. But at the same time she feels ready. Ready to get out of this pain. Ready to meet her child. Her baby trumps everything. Pain and all. Arizona is ready. Bring on the c-section, the sedation and whatever comes afterwards. All that matters is that Elisa is finally here and therefor their child can be born. Casting a look up at her wife, Arizona is hit by the force of Eliza's love. The palpable love that runs from Eliza's eyes is so powerful, so powerful it makes Arizona feel like she can do whatever it takes.

"You can do this, love," Eliza whispers as she leans down to place a lingering kiss to Arizona's lips. "I know you can!"

"I love you," Arizona responds in a whisper as well. Opening her eyes, Eliza's sincere and beautiful smile reaches something deep within her soul. Arizona can do anything, indeed.

"I love you," Eliza echoes Arizona's words and affection as the doctors ready the bed for being rolled out of the patient's room and down to the OR. When the young doctors push the bed a little to the left, the beam from the moon lands upon Eliza's face through the window. The sudden perfection hits Arizona in solar plexus and twirls her world upside down. Again. And now she knows. Now Arizona knows. But there's no time to tell. She'll just let Eliza in on her revelation when she wakes up from the anaesthesia and their baby is finally resting safely in their arms.

Eliza follows the rolling bed to the operation ward. Leaning in one more time before the doctors pushes the bed through the swing doors, Eliza's lips graze Arizona's in a loving kiss. "I'll be right here... waiting for you."

"I know. You always do!" Arizona sends her wife one last smile, dimples popping and heart fluttering. It all makes sense now. Arizona just knows.

As their hands disconnect, Arizona is rolled through the doors. She can't look back. She won't. It'll make her cry even more than she already is. She knows Eliza will be there when she wakes up and returns to her room. She knows Eliza is with her in the OR because Eliza is always with her. It's one of the safest feelings Arizona knows. And right now she needs to feel safe. Accepting the mask from the nurse, Arizona is slowly but firmly entering another, quiet world.

* * *

Arizona feels exhausted on a level she hasn't ever felt before and that says a lot coming from a woman who's suffered amnesia and dysfunctional legs. Even her eyelids are exhausted, making it hard for Arizona to open her eyes. Maybe she doesn't need to anyway. Maybe she can just sleep. Sleep until the exhaustion wears off. Yeah, that's the plan. As Arizona tries relocating the unawareness of the Slumberworld, a soft sound reaches her ears. It makes every nerve aware. It makes every hair on Arizona's arms stand on end. And most importantly, it makes Arizona's heart beat hard which awakes her brains. Arizona knows what that sound means. She knows who made it and she knows what the person causing the sound means. She's had a baby. She's a mom. She's not pregnant anymore. She's a mom and oh God, Eliza's a mom, too. But where is Eliza? If only Arizona could find the strength to open her eyes.

Another coo reaches Arizona's auditory canals and sends a lightning bolt through her entire system. Like on cue Arizona's eyes open, exhaustion all forgotten. Trying to make out her whereabouts, Arizona goes straight to the chair just beside her hospital bed; all of her instincts told her to look right and they weren't wrong. There they are. There it is. Her family. Eliza is sitting in the chair, neck bend forward and glistening eyes. In her arms is a wrapped up little burrito, one that most likely could be a little version of herself. Arizona can't get herself to interrupt the beautiful bonding between mother and child taking place just in front of her. But she needs to. She needs to see her child and she needs to see her wife's face properly.

"H-hi," Arizona croaks out, her voice raspy from the anesthesia she's been under.

Eliza slowly turns her eyes towards Arizona. When they lock stares, Arizona's insides rollerskate. Her entire foundation quakes a bit but it's a welcomed quake. It's a shake of love and Arizona loves it so profoundly. "There you are," Eliza beams with a soft voice. "Look, little lady, mommy's finally awake."

"It's a girl?" Arizona's heart beats harder and harder. Can it really be? Did she give birth to a baby girl? Does she have daughter? She feels her entire body shake while a deep warmth spread within her.

"Yup!"

"We have a daughter?"

"We have a daughter, Arizona." Eliza's free hand intertwines itself with one of Arizona's, giving Arizona an opportunity to anchor herself once and for all to this world. This world where her daughter is alive and breathing. "Someone wants to meet you," Eliza whispers as she stands, slowly placing the bundle of life in Arizona's arms. "See those eyes... they're all you. _Thank god!_ "

Arizona can't form any words. She can't even breathe. Because right there in here arms is the most beautiful baby in the entire universe resting. And she's hers. This tiny human being is hers and Eliza's. She's a miracle and she's perfect. "Hi there, baby. I'm your mom, too," Arizona whispers to her daughter. The baby's eyes are wide awake, looking Arizona straight into her soul. It's an overwhelming feeling but it's a good kind of overwhelming. It's just as it should be, Arizona supposes. But it's something she hasn't ever experienced before. She's heard of it and witnessed it at work, but she's never felt this strong connection on her own hand. That doesn't make it any less amazing, though, if anything it makes it that more amazing.

"We already had that talk," Eliza chuckles lightly as she too looks at the baby, both mothers being captivated by the new life brought into their lives by faith, hope and love. Kissing the top of the baby's head, Eliza places another kiss at the top of Arizona's head as well. "She's been very patient while you were asleep."

"So you've already been corrupting her with your wisdom, I see?!" Arizona plays, rolling her eyes at her wife only to find her daughter's blue eyes again. "Don't listen to her silliness, she's crazy. You'll get used to it, though."

"Speaking of crazy..." Eliza starts, carefully dragging the chair closer to the bed. Placing herself in the it, Eliza keeps her hand stroking the baby's head.

"Yeah?"

"What are we gonna name her?"

"I already know, Eliza," Arizona reveals, a huge smile on her face. Catching the confusion written all over her wife's face, she giggles. "Well, I've got an idea, that is."

"Actually, I've wanted to talk to you about that but then you all of a sudden went into labor and had to be cut open..."

"Hey, I didn't plan any of this," Arizona crinkles her nose all the while her lips turn into a sincere smile. "But see what we got in return, honey."

"I'm definitely not complaining," Eliza grins, slowly stroking her daughter's cheek with a finger. "But what I wanted to say is that if you want to name her Elisabeth or Match Girl or any other name from one of your stories, I'm completely fine with it. I just want you to be happy. I got a daughter, I couldn't ask for more."

"Match Girl? Really?" Arizona snorts.

"Yeah, okay, we need to work on that one if that's the one you choose, but still... I love you and I love our daughter. The name is not that important."

"God, I love you so tremendously, you know that right?" Arizona gushes as she finds the arm not holding her child snake around to lace her fingers with Eliza's. "Match Girl was not on my list, but it's nice to have options, I guess," Arizona chuckles. "But I thought about something a little out there, so just humor me for a second, okay?"

"Okay."

"Excuse me," a soft voice interrupts the married couple's conversation. "I'm just dropping in to see if everything is all right in here? My shift is over but I wanted to make sure that both you and the baby were okay," Dr. Montgomery smiles as she enters the room.

"Everything is just perfect," Arizona radiates. "We are all okay. All three of us."

"Congratulations," the red head shakes Eliza's hand as they share a joint joy, all three women in the room.

"Thank you," Eliza responds. "Thank you so much, Dr. Montgomery, for helping... both of my girls."

"My pleasure, Eliza," Dr. Montgomery kindly nods. "So, have this little beauty gotten a name yet?" carefully stroking a finger against the baby's jaw, Dr. Montgomery awaits the parents' reply. Arizona grins at her wife, silently asking for permission to let her suggestion roll off her tongue. Eliza just smiles, giving Arizona all the permission that she needs. If Eliza doesn't like the name, it isn't permanent after all. They can always discuss it afterwards. Arizona gives it a go, though. Eliza might love the idea after all.

"We are not completely sure but something about the night sky, the moon and all the things we've overcome to be here today... tonight," Arizona starts as she slowly rocks her now sleeping daughter in her arms. She can feel Eliza's eyes on her as Arizona explains the history of their daughter's name to Dr. Montgomery. "All of that combined led to this little girl being born."

"And on the first day of December as well," the doctor adds with a friendly smile.

"So... we came to the conclusion that the best name for this child would be..." now looking at her wife, Arizona holds her breath just the slightest. "Luna Hope Minnick-Robbins."

Eliza's face explodes in love and devotion and right there Arizona knows that she's gotten her wife onboard. Right there she knows that their daughter has finally gotten a name.

"The moon **is** particularly beautiful this night, indeed," Dr. Montgomery squeezes Arizona's shoulder. "Congratulations again, Eliza, Arizona... _and_ Luna."

"Thank you, Dr. Montgomery," Arizona smiles gratefully at the doctor exiting the room, only to turn her head and smile at her radiating wife. "Sooo... you're good with it?"

"Good?" Eliza's eyes widen. "I'm more than good with it, Arizona. It's... it's perfect, honey."

"Really?"

Eliza leans in to place a lingering kiss on her wife's soft lips, making sure Arizona knows just how much she's okay with the name and everything in between and afterwards. And Arizona feels it alright. She feels it in her bones and in her heart. "Luna... the moon. I get it," Eliza grins, kissing Arizona one more time.

"You do?"

"Yeah. Just like a guideline. The moon will always rise and guide you through the dark..."

"See... that's why I love you, Eliza Minnick-Robbins," Arizona grins infatuated. "You can see beauty and affection in every thing."

"Mostly where you are concerned, though."

"Mmmh. And now this little one, too," Arizona carefully pushes one finger inside the small baby fist. Luna quickly adds a little strength to her grip which causes Arizona's heart to flutter once again.

"And now her, too," Eliza happily agrees with a comfortable sigh.

* * *

 **AN2: Aaaand then the baby appeared! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
Now, you know what to do! :)**


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